The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

rubbish mindset

with d lesson wey i don learn i av to be fuly responsible for my sef hubby money goes to d kids no spend on me dats just it av learnt my lesson

Change that mindset of hers ok

How can u have money in d bank nd let ur family drink garri?? oga she is joking

Hmmm. I would not want to move on with that kind of a lady. My opinion

Bro try talk to her,that mindset is archaic&absurd!pls have a deep a discussion with her!myself I hate things like this I swear!

U don enta one chance(just like nigerians enta 1 in d hands of APC) if u marry her without her changing her mindset abt wife been supportive.
Without the NECK, where will the head be? Husband & wife ought to be supportive in one way or the other

this yho fiancee isn't even worth calling building material o

Its not late for you yet, God has just used her friend to expose the type of wife she will be. Read the handwriting on the wall!

Drop her and make her friend your latest fiancee since she's also a new catch.
Tell her you need a helpmate not a liability, if she queries your decision.

adepeter26:
U don enta one chance(just like nigerians enta 1 in d hands of APC) if u marry her without her changing her mindset abt wife been supportive.
Without the NECK, where will the head be? Husband & wife ought to be supportive in one way or the other

She will not change! Its better for him to leave her now. Before he opens another complain thread after marriage.

If she would not support you financially and yet expect you to cuddle una child to sleep, bro biko, endeavour to leave her tiny bom.bom

That is not your work bro. Her mum was supose to put her through in stuff like dat.

Hmmm.... Test her by bringing up a story that a normal human being will wanna help you solve, financially, wen she hears..... If she doesn't help, quit..... She might not change.... I know of a woman whose children are sometimes chased out of school because of their fees, and she's rich enough to build houses... Once her hubby can't pay all bills..... All of them will suffer while she goes about buying all aso ebi and attending all functions....

If i ask you to dump her it will be irrational of me because i have no better replacement in my neighbourhood.

halfricanadian:
rubbish mindset

with d lesson wey i don learn i av to be fuly responsible for my sef hubby money goes to d kids no spend on me dats just it av learnt my lesson

Change that mindset of hers ok

How can u have money in d bank nd let ur family drink garri?? oga she is joking

I hope so, I'm actually hearing such for the first time in my life

adepeter26:
U don enta one chance(just like nigerians enta 1 in d hands of APC) if u marry her without her changing her mindset abt wife been supportive.
Without the NECK, where will the head be? Husband & wife ought to be supportive in one way or the other

Thanks for the NECK comparison, I will use it in my next discussion with her, she just might not know!

1trillionlikes:
Hmmm.... Test her by bringing up a story that a normal human being will wanna help you solve, financially, wen she hears..... If she doesn't help, quit..... She might not change.... I know of a woman whose children are sometimes chased out of school because of their fees, and she's rich enough to build houses... Once her hubby can't pay all bills..... All of them will suffer while she goes about buying all aso ebi and attending all functions....

Honestly this is similar to what I envisage and it is very scary!

falconey:
If i ask you to dump her it will be irrational of me because i have no better replacement in my neighbourhood.

lmao! u r damn funny falconey.

She go old pass Metuselah

just tell me she is joking especially the garri part,which kind woman in her right senses will do that.abeg make I hear

What!!! In this kind of economy we are right now you don't n will not want to support? When even me, a student,I'm supporting my parents and my benefactor. hmmm.na wa sha.

Girls like her don't change, believe me. That belief has been ingrained in her probably by her mother or a very close friend, so you'd be wasting ur time.

She is the type that would not like to see u help ur relatives, just focus on only her and the children.

cruzita:
just tell me she is joking especially the garri part,which kind woman in her right senses will do that.abeg make I hear

She is not joking o! I still wish it was an expensive joke sef

maybe that's why her parents are auctioning her on the matchmakers market.

ladygudhead:
What!!! In this kind of economy we are right now you don't n will not want to support? When even me, a student,I'm supporting my parents and my benefactor. hmmm.na wa sha.

I wonder what happens if God forbid the husband loses his job

.

deyemia:

I wonder what happens if God forbid the husband loses his job

I'm telling bro.

deyemia:


Honestly this is similar to what I envisage and it is very scary!

Bro, I would have said dump her but having grown wiser, it is not the best to end a relationship on the basis of one's imperfection, hence the need to mould someone into a better being. That is the reason for our co-existence as humans, leaving them better than you met them.

There is no complete package anywhere.

You need to sit her down and talk to her at length. Let her know where you stand and what you feel about her words. She may not likely change but your conscience would be clear that you tried.

deyemia:

Dear Nairalanders,
I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"
So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.
On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.
Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.
I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.
At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!
She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.
Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.
My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

op if you know you can tolerate the shit, stay but my advice for you is to run for your life.
she no be wife material.
Remember out of the abundance of the heart the mouth dey yarn rubbish.

Bro, if you know that she is very serious about what she said, I'd advice you to look for a replacement.

This is a very bad mindset. At some point you will take on expensive projects that will make you spend less on the home front. This disposition of hers means you can not count on her assistance at this time. If you need to pay for quality aluminium roofing for your building project, and you have just enough fund for that, you would have to settle for less quality slates because you know there is no backup from your wife. How far can such a husband go?

How can a husband progress when he cannot afford to invest heavily in the future just because his wife wouldn't support him? It is a hindrance.

If you still want her, please settle it in your mind that you are on your own, financially. However, this is not how a family should be.

2sexycom:
Bro, I would have said dump her but having grown wiser, it is not the best to end a relationship on the basis of one's imperfection, hence the need to mould someone into a better being. That is the reason for our co-existence as humans, leaving them better than you met them.

There is no complete package anywhere.

You need to sit her down and talk to her at length. Let her know where you stand and what you feel about her words. She may not likely change but your conscience would be clear that you tried.

Thanks much bro, will try this as well to be fair!

Besides, those saying she would change should consider this. It is "sweeter" for her to withhold her support. This means more money for her to spend on her whims.

We are human beings. Once someone is determined to enjoy herself like that, you really cannot expect that person to make a u-turn and deny herself just to be a noble wife.

She won't change because she is already looking forward to enjoying her money by herself and even demanding from her husband. This one too will be a mother one day. Perhaps she will wait until her husband brings money before buying pants and sanitary pads for her daughters. What a woman.