Tough situation but the man in question needs to be more considerate. The world doesn't revolve around him alone.

sleekdot:
OP.

Ask the wife if she would return the green card and move to owerri where she started

Dont be deceived, this is a well planned scheme. Why she no complain when dem dey Naija or when she no get Green card and was on H4

She dey wait to get the thing she needed

Abeg give her the dicorce and revoke the green card before she becomes a citizen. The kids are US citizens they can always come in anytime

Bros, it's VERY difficult to revoke a spouse's green card...it would be impossible for him to prove that his wife married him for permanent residency status since they've been married for more than two years! check below:

https://www.us-immigration.com/us-immigration-news/us-green-card/can-my-us-green-card-be-revoked/

What is wrong with Nigeria women with getting to America and divorcing their husbands. What makes her not divorce him in Nigeria why in the State? Make she go relax, for her mind she don reach her last bus stop. May God help us all...

There's more to LIFE than just MONEY..

Ofcuz I Agree..


MORE MONEY!!!!![color=#006600][/color][b][/b][center][/center]

Big grammer, write it in your native language. and if you must know oh yes I moved around quite a lot growing up because my father had to serve the nation. Guess what it gave me a good first hand knowledge of all parts of the country and more friend and associate than you can count and not to forget my mother wasn't stupid enough to even think such stupid thought, that only comes from a foolish minds

eyinjuege:


With your very irresponsible unaggravated abusive response to a discussion, I can just see that your primary care givers as a child failed woefully in their responsibility of instilling social skills, etiquette towards you.

Was it possible you moved about a lot as a child? Difficult period for you forming friendships and forming appropriate social skills?

It's such a pity, but all hope shouldn't be lost on you just yet. It's never too late.

That is a whole lot of moving. They have been living an almost like nomads, and that can be unsettling for some people. Knowing that there is an end in sight, may make all the difference.

He should speak to her nicely, toast her into moving. No need for ghara ghara.

What are her fears? Is she worried that she won't be able to get a job or might end up with a lower paying job at the new location? All he has to do is loosen the purse strings that way she doesn't feel she has to beg for every little thing she wants to purchase.
Is she worried about moving the kids so much? He can convince her that this sacrifice will be beneficial to the whole family in the long run.

Everything is about manner of approach. Ghara ghara and ultimatums never got anyone, anywhere

Also like someone pointed out earlier, the DMV area is very expensive. If his salary increment is $15,000 and their cost of living goes up by $20,000, then the move may not be worth it. All of the pros and cons should be discussed with his wife

The two of them are One. Anything the man achieves should be seen as joint achievements. If I were the wife, I would move to Washington for a higher job and start putting down roots there and achieve what I feel I should there. Hopefully, they would grow stronger and older together. If she divorces now, of what good woud that be to her? The man would bring in another lady that would reap what the wife sowed. Why?!
If she does not want to move, she can stay back and start a long distance marriage. If she divorces or prevents the husband from going for a higher job, she may regret it.

igbobuigbo:
A friend is in the situation described below:

Lived in Lagos until 2006
Got married in 2005 in Owerri.
Moved wife from Owerri (she was working there) to Lagos in 2005.
Moved wife from Lagos to Holland (2006-2008). He was studying for MSc; she could not work
Moved wife from Holland to UK (2008 - 2012). Obtained his PhD while wife did some okay paying, although not so great jobs.
Moved wife from UK to Minnesota, USA (he got a job with a sponsored H1 Visa) in 2012; but wife could not work with her H4 visa
Became a Green Card holder with wife in 2014. Wife started working and settling down in Minnesota.
Then he goes for a bigger job in Pennsylvania; moves wife along to Pittsburgh in 2015. Wife took several months to get a job because she is not as educationally advanced as hubby.
Now he wants to move to Washington, DC, for even a much bigger job. Wife says ''no way. This is becoming crazy. I have a life too''. I'd rather divorce than move this time''.

What do you think he should do?

Hilarious...

The woman should chill. They aint separating.

At least, money no be their problem. The man is over ambitious. He should chill too.

Follow ur husband o, d devil is trying to enter u o.cus hunger dey outside o. D man is nt complaining dt he can feed u n ur kids. Release itss for better for wore.

einsteino:
This is one of the reasons why I have been single for a while. If you are ambitious, you would know how much of a stumbling block marriage and serious relationships can be. I cherish the freedom of being able to leave for space the very next second, if thats the next goal to conquer.

I have no advice for this couple cos either ways one person would get hurt.. If the husby compromises he would see his wife as "his enemy of progress", if the wife does she would see the husby as the reason why she never amounted to anything more than his wife.

My advice is rather to young men like myself and ladies. Love is a great feeling but hey it isnt as important as compatibility. Know your partner well, be sure you fit into each others plans well. To yall accusing the husby of being selfish, there is nothing wrong with what the husby is doing, the prob is his kind of wife is equally ambitious. some ladies I know would give an arm and a foot to shuttle from city to city with a husby that is successful, some wouldnt mind being full time housewives so long as the money is rolling in. His only sin is not choosing a wife that fits into his plans... The wife also has every right to be ambitious, I love ambitious women... But she too never reached any agreement on what next after wedding.

For guys especially, make sure u achieve the fundamental goals first before talking about marriage. If at all you are in a hurry to wed a gal cos u love her too much to risk losing her, endeavour to point out to her your plans. I have fallen in love countless times but when I look at my plans and see the person wouldnt fit in or the love of my life came prematurely, my brain overrules my heart. Fear not, the heart would always find someone else to love, that is its specialty.

I agree with you totally. Am finding it hard to see an ambitious woman ,so I 've to wait till I find one?

The guy is broke, he should learn to settle down in one place, he wouldn't achieve anything great from jumping around at his age. as one can see the guy lacks real job experience which can fetch him real good and stable job, it's only in Nigeria one can fool employer with a PhD degree not in the Yankee. here is PRODUCE AND RESULTS. How the guy is planning to climb the ladder without investing time on acquiring job experience.

He will still move to New York, so the wife should brace up

This is what I call sophisticated issue- the kind I want to be having. Not d wetin man go chop or I dey find work kinda problems

You better think twice and follow your husband to wherever he is going. Don't take decision you would regret later in life.

einsteino:
This is one of the reasons why I have been single for a while. If you are ambitious, you would know how much of a stumbling block marriage and serious relationships can be. I cherish the freedom of being able to leave for space the very next second, if thats the next goal to conquer.

I have no advice for this couple cos either ways one person would get hurt.. If the husby compromises he would see his wife as "his enemy of progress", if the wife does she would see the husby as the reason why she never amounted to anything more than his wife.

My advice is rather to young men like myself and ladies. Love is a great feeling but hey it isnt as important as compatibility. Know your partner well, be sure you fit into each others plans well. To yall accusing the husby of being selfish, there is nothing wrong with what the husby is doing, the prob is his kind of wife is equally ambitious. some ladies I know would give an arm and a foot to shuttle from city to city with a husby that is successful, some wouldnt mind being full time housewives so long as the money is rolling in. His only sin is not choosing a wife that fits into his plans... The wife also has every right to be ambitious, I love ambitious women... But she too never reached any agreement on what next after wedding.

For guys especially, make sure u achieve the fundamental goals first before talking about marriage. If at all you are in a hurry to wed a gal cos u love her too much to risk losing her, endeavour to point out to her your plans. I have fallen in love countless times but when I look at my plans and see the person wouldnt fit in or the love of my life came prematurely, my brain overrules my heart. Fear not, the heart would always find someone else to love, that is its specialty.

As foolishly, selfishly and overly ambitious as this guy sounds, the last part of his opinion is unbelievably hilarious and....well, maybe true (another pointer to how wonderfully crazy he is)

Nobody has mentioned any concrete reason why the wife wouldnt move.
That he moves too much is not an excuse.
if the man stays back and get broke the woman will show him pepper.
Reason: he exposed you to the world, made sure that you did not starve yet your complain is as flimsy as a kindergarten's; if the money dries up, this kind of woman will leave.

my advice to you sir is that you are already in it. Be your most romantic self and with plenty love explain to her what the family seems to gain over staying back. make sure that the money you make that she eats a good amount of it. love her more than you have ever done before and continue in it. Jesus will help you to overcome if it is God's will for you to move. But if it is not please stay back.
the question will be "how would i know God's will", good, read your bible with devotion, slowly, repeatedly and make his word an integral part of you.

igbobuigbo:
A friend is in the situation described below:

Lived in Lagos until 2006
Got married in 2005 in Owerri.
Moved wife from Owerri (she was working there) to Lagos in 2005.
Moved wife from Lagos to Holland (2006-2008). He was studying for MSc; she could not work
Moved wife from Holland to UK (2008 - 2012). Obtained his PhD while wife did some okay paying, although not so great jobs.
Moved wife from UK to Minnesota, USA (he got a job with a sponsored H1 Visa) in 2012; but wife could not work with her H4 visa
Became a Green Card holder with wife in 2014. Wife started working and settling down in Minnesota.
Then he goes for a bigger job in Pennsylvania; moves wife along to Pittsburgh in 2015. Wife took several months to get a job because she is not as educationally advanced as hubby.
Now he wants to move to Washington, DC, for even a much bigger job. Wife says ''no way. This is becoming crazy. I have a life too''. I'd rather divorce than move this time''.

What do you think he should do?

hahaha please tell him to divorce his wife, Iam applying straight up, traveling here I come.

rabol:




As foolishly, selfishly and overly ambitious as this guy sounds, the last part of his opinion is unbelievably hilarious and....well, maybe true (another pointer to how wonderfully crazy he is)

I have no problem with the following words u used on me; foolishly, selfishly... They give an insight on how you arrive at conclusions and are a test on the rationality of your perception. However the last one, "over ambitious" made me wonder if you realise that everything we take for granted today was once seen as an over ambitious step. Over ambitious only exist in dictionaries of folks who are grand patrons of conformity. I believe I live a very normal life(maybe just a bit more rational), at least when compared to my circle of fwends and those I aspire to surpass. If indeed am crazy, am at least 100% genuinely me.. I wouldnt be able to return to my maker in peace if I let conformity adulterate me.

Anyways thanks for the mention, "wonderfully crazy" even with pun intended feels like a compliment and I appreciate it.

henryhemon:



I agree with you totally. Am finding it hard to see an ambitious woman ,so I 've to wait till I find one?

Hmmm. Let me start by saying the views I express are nothing more but views. Informed by my own thoughts, experience and observations.. Meaning it is possible I am wrong even though I doubt it.

Now I dont think one needs an ambitious partner so to say. Inshort many folks wrongly classify people as unambitious simply cos the folks ambition seem like an easy ride and not worth considering. I would get back to this.

As much as I love ambitious women, my focus has been on how well a partner fits. Ambitious people would understand the sacrifices you have to make and why you make them, they may not necessarily be willing to make any for you. This is why I said be sure to discuss your plans and the possibilities of the future, check to see your plans dont conflict, if they do try and reach agreements.

Mrs hillary clinton and mitchelle obama are both ambitious but to varying degrees and in different aspects. mitchelle obama is ambitious but the state of her family seems to top the list of her goals. Family is an unfairly and grossly under rated ambition, a poor father who sets out to ensure his kids have the best education is ambitious, a mother who tries to raise disciplined kids in this morally bankrupt world is overly ambitious, so ambition is just a matter of perspective. So ambitious women like mitchelle obama are called the supportive folks, their partner and kids are their prime, though it doesnt mean they havent interest for their career. If you switch mitchelle for what some of you call a more ambitious woman, barack obama may never have acheived his ambition of becoming president.

Now hillary on the other hand, radiates ambition! The type of ambition with world recognition. She is what some low esteemed men may call over ambitious. Herself and bill are a perfect fit. The advantage of an ambitious partner is you sort of cross pollinate each others goals. E.g if a lecturer who never aspired to go beyond a masters marries a lady with an ambition to even become a prof, chances are the guy would find himself applying for a phd programme soon. If not for hillary's ambition, bill clinton would have been runned to the ground during his messy adultery case. Rememeber one of the advantage of ambitious folks is they understand what needs to be done, they tame their emotions better. Hillary obviously wasnt happy about her husband banging his secretary and I bet she made him pay for it in another form, but she was wise enough not to play to the gallery of the opposition... She knew the situation was bigger than her feelings, I doubt if an average american lady would have handled that situation as smartly as hillary. Hillary made sacrifices for bill not only for love but for her own ambition sake! Bill becoming president and not losing his respect were the catalyst she needed.

Now I doubt if a hillary clinton maried to an albert einstein wouldnt be a recipe for disaster(i guess u know einsteins story and nature). Note these are two ambitious folks. So u see the problem isnt ambition or the lack of it, it is compatibility.

One thing you can do to help your case is to quickly attain the goals that maybe difficult to when marriage complicates your life while you search for your fit. To be fair to marriage, It is a nice institution and could better someone if he/she has a great partner but there are some things that are easier done when one is single.

einsteino:


I have no problem with the following words u used on me; foolishly, selfishly... They give an insight on how you arrive at conclusions and are a test on the rationality of your perception. However the last one, "over ambitious" made me wonder if you realise that everything we take for granted today was once seen as an over ambitious step. Over ambitious only exist in dictionaries of folks who are grand patrons of conformity. I believe I live a very normal life(maybe just a bit more rational), at least when compared to my circle of fwends and those I aspire to surpass. If indeed am crazy, am at least 100% genuinely me.. I wouldnt be able to return to my maker in peace if I let conformity adulterate me.

Anyways thanks for the mention, "wonderfully crazy" even with pun intended feels like a compliment and I appreciate it.

C'mon buddy, everything I said up there was meant to be a compliment. Yes, plus even the "foolishly" and "selfishly" part too. "Foolish" is an adjacent I normally use to address some of my "crazy" friends (and myself too sometimes). Cos for real, in this era where folks prefer to comfortably comform to societal norms, who wouldn't think someone who is crazy enough to dare the odds is "foolish"? All those adjectives are what most regular people use to qualify any "crazy" individual that chooses to thread their own path rather than bend to what the society says.
Read deeper into my statements and see what my actuall points are.

Cheers!

igbobuigbo:
A friend is in the situation described below:

Lived in Lagos until 2006
Got married in 2005 in Owerri.
Moved wife from Owerri (she was working there) to Lagos in 2005.
Moved wife from Lagos to Holland (2006-2008). He was studying for MSc; she could not work
Moved wife from Holland to UK (2008 - 2012). Obtained his PhD while wife did some okay paying, although not so great jobs.
Moved wife from UK to Minnesota, USA (he got a job with a sponsored H1 Visa) in 2012; but wife could not work with her H4 visa
Became a Green Card holder with wife in 2014. Wife started working and settling down in Minnesota.
Then he goes for a bigger job in Pennsylvania; moves wife along to Pittsburgh in 2015. Wife took several months to get a job because she is not as educationally advanced as hubby.
Now he wants to move to Washington, DC, for even a much bigger job. Wife says ''no way. This is becoming crazy. I have a life too''. I'd rather divorce than move this time''.

What do you think he should do?

Since he is a mover, he should move for a divorce too.

tiwiex:
Who can satisfieth a woman? Job no dey, na lazy man. The man dey move up, na relocation man. You have your papers now and well grounded in the US, you can make mouth na. Seems u had this planned a long time ago. Let her make her choice. Her reason is not due to the relocation IMO. Just an excuse. I smeel a rat.

I concur

einsteino:



Hmmm. Let me start by saying the views I express are nothing more but views. Informed by my own thoughts, experience and observations.. Meaning it is possible I am wrong even though I doubt it.

Now I dont think one needs an ambitious partner so to say. Inshort many folks wrongly classify people as unambitious simply cos the folks ambition seem like an easy ride and not worth considering. I would get back to this.

As much as I love ambitious women, my focus has been on how well a partner fits. Ambitious people would understand the sacrifices you have to make and why you make them, they may not necessarily be willing to make any for you. This is why I said be sure to discuss your plans and the possibilities of the future, check to see your plans dont conflict, if they do try and reach agreements.

Mrs hillary clinton and mitchelle obama are both ambitious but to varying degrees and in different aspects. mitchelle obama is ambitious but the state of her family seems to top the list of her goals. Family is an unfairly and grossly under rated ambition, a poor father who sets out to ensure his kids have the best education is ambitious, a mother who tries to raise disciplined kids in this morally bankrupt world is overly ambitious, so ambition is just a matter of perspective. So ambitious women like mitchelle obama are called the supportive folks, their partner and kids are their prime, though it doesnt mean they havent interest for their career. If you switch mitchelle for what some of you call a more ambitious woman, barack obama may never have acheived his ambition of becoming president.

Now hillary on the other hand, radiates ambition! The type of ambition with world recognition. She is what some low esteemed men may call over ambitious. Herself and bill are a perfect fit. The advantage of an ambitious partner is you sort of cross pollinate each others goals. E.g if a lecturer who never aspired to go beyond a masters marries a lady with an ambition to even become a prof, chances are the guy would find himself applying for a phd programme soon. If not for hillary's ambition, bill clinton would have been runned to the ground during his messy adultery case. Rememeber one of the advantage of ambitious folks is they understand what needs to be done, they tame their emotions better. Hillary obviously wasnt happy about her husband banging his secretary and I bet she made him pay for it in another form, but she was wise enough not to play to the gallery of the opposition... She knew the situation was bigger than her feelings, I doubt if an average american lady would have handled that situation as smartly as hillary. Hillary made sacrifices for bill not only for love but for her own ambition sake! Bill becoming president and not losing his respect were the catalyst she needed.

Now I doubt if a hillary clinton maried to an albert einstein wouldnt be a recipe for disaster(i guess u know einsteins story and nature). Note these are two ambitious folks. So u see the problem isnt ambition or the lack of it, it is compatibility.

One thing you can do to help your case is to quickly attain the goals that maybe difficult to when marriage complicates your life while you search for your fit. To be fair to marriage, It is a nice institution and could better someone if he/she has a great partner but there are some things that are easier done when one is single.

Thanks for the Education. You 're indeed smart and intelligent.

Let's assume that the wife is the wakajugbe one here. I am sure many of you will still attack her and ask why she doesn't want stability for her family. Which husband will even move around this much for the sake of his wife's professional development? A sense of stability and security is a human need abeg. Let Oga cool down small.

Big grammer little sense,point is clear,go and work and stop looking for one man to suck out his life.

eyinjuege:


With your very irresponsible unaggravated abusive response to a discussion, I can just see that your primary care givers as a child failed woefully in their responsibility of instilling social skills, etiquette towards you.

Was it possible you moved about a lot as a child? Difficult period for you forming friendships and forming appropriate social skills?

It's such a pity, but all hope shouldn't be lost on you just yet. It's never too late.

Someone has been shining this woman's Congo and she can't abandon it. The guy would do well to move on. Such threats as the wife's should not bother him.