ladyF:
So many reasons why some of us are not eager to get married!!!

Is marriage really necessary sef?

cionon:


I am christain. I wasn't discussing marital issues with her. I was trying to conceive then. So I met her for advice on her she conceived her after 5years of marriage. That's how it went. He is really serious with the divorce. I don't want the divorce. I have begged him for another chance to change where I wronged him. But he has bluntly refused.

ceaser:
Now this problem is multifactorial. I don't know for how long you both have been married that you have issues with conception.


Rom your post history, it is apparent that this man does not love you deeply as you love him. For him to try to call off the engagement 4 years into your relationship speaks volume of his "love" for you. But perhaps pleas from several sources including those he wouldn't say no to made him to reluctantly go ahead with the union (remember his heart and mind were already not with yours ever since he threatened to bail out on the engagement). Perhaps he had even met his mistress ever since then. That mistress may be diabolical, she may not be.

Fast forward to now. Some decisions he may have taken, and definitely with the connivance or advice of his mistress is as follows:

*Even if forced into the marriage because he couldn't refuse pleas from some people he held in high esteem, he can however FRUSTRATE you outta the marriage.

*When it became apparent that that may not work because you kept entertaining his excesses and misdeeds without complain (you admitted that you "fight" a lot), the next plan is to bring up trumped up charges and then hinge a divorce on that reason.

You did not err by telling your better half your secrets, but I think he simply needed the flimsiest of excuses to justify his plan to bail out on you so as to have his mistress move in as full housewife.

Please note that your poor chances at conception may not exactly be due to an anatomic or physiologic problem with you. It may actually be due to the frequency of your sexual exposure to your husband. Medically, a couple is said to have the problem of infertility (primary or secondary) if there is no conception after a year of ADEQUATE sexual exposure; adequate in this instance means on the average 3 times in a week.

But what manner of sexual intimacy and exposure do you think you can get from a husband who apparently has no love for you and whose sexual energy is channelled to his mistress outside instead?

The last but not the least. Have you ever conceived before in which case yours will be secondary infertility? Was the conception your husband's and then you had to tell him and he suggested the choice of a voluntary TOP (termination of pregnancy) to you and which you obliged? If this happened while you were dating him or anyone else, being privy to such information may have given him the erroneous conviction that your inability to conceive was due to the procedure that may have "destroyed the womb".

A made up mind like your husband's may be a difficult thing to change. You need to get your medicals to confirm the problem of infertility isn't yours (actually men are responsible for a sizeable percentage of infertility amongst couple but traditionally, the blame is always on the woman). And while you are at the medicals, equally endeavour to get screened for Lenteviral, Hepatitis and other STIs. Your husband has been unfaithful. You need to know your status.

cionon:
I confided in my husband when he accused me of listening to people. I then opened up and gave him an instance that if i listen to people i would ne doing what they asked me to do.I told him the advice a former neigbhour of his gave me. Of which I told her I can't do such. Now he uses it against me. I feel bad because he didn't even say what I told him exactly. He changed the story. He lied about it.


All you need is prayers, my sister

My husband goes about telling everyone i am diabolic because I jokingly told him that he should be grateful I don't have a wicked heart if not I will use magun to catch him and his mistress. Which he even replied that he knows i dont have that mind. That i am still a child.
this was said around march of 2015

Fastward to November he started asking for a divorce because he of his mistress he met online. Telling both his colleagues and family members that I am diabolic which is not true. I feel bad because this same man have also confided in me telling me things about his boss and others. We are currently separated

I just regret everything. I regret confinding in him and opening up to him. With pleas from everywhere, he is still insisting on divorce.

kittykat1:

Unfortunately you are getting a lot of bad advise here. Please I will talk to you personally.

cionon:
I confided in my husband when he accused me of listening to people. I then opened up and gave him an instance that if i listen to people i would ne doing what they asked me to do.I told him the advice a former neigbhour of his gave me. Of which I told her I can't do such. Now he uses it against me. I feel bad because he didn't even say what I told him exactly. He changed the story. He lied about it.


My husband goes about telling everyone i am diabolic because I jokingly told him that he should be grateful I don't have a wicked heart[b] if not I will use magun to catch him and his mistress.[/b] Which he even replied that he knows i dont have that mind. That i am still a child.
this was said around march of 2015

Fastward to November he started asking for a divorce because he of his mistress he met online. Telling both his colleagues and family members that I am diabolic which is not true. I feel bad because this same man have also confided in me telling me things about his boss and others. We are currently separated

I just regret everything. I regret confinding in him and opening up to him. With pleas from everywhere, he is still insisting on divorce.

Wowzer:
Op. There is more to your one sided story. In Feb.2015, you threatened to divorce your husband, leave his house. He gave you tfare to leave the next day and you refused to follow through your threat.

Now he is telling you to follow it through. You claim to love him so much, yet because of heated argument. You decided to threaten him with divorce. Now that divorce is staring at you...why not follow it through. That's the implication of braggadocio.

MIPNIG:


Your gossip landed you here. What kind of conversation were you having discussing native doctor with your Neigbour if you were not interested tying the poor man down.

jmichlins:
He does not deserve you. You are worth more much to be cheated on so let him go

edpunter:



Nigeria men sha, they always get away with so many things. Anyways, not everything you gossip with your neighbor/family/friends you share with your husband, men always capitalize or give reference to them @ the long-run, no matter how nice your man maybe don't share such cos they will smile over it and later crucify you. Some stuffs/secret are better be kept rather than shared. In Nigeria women control their home, hence always watch what you do or say as a woman.

Keep to yourself and don't be worried about him threatening to divorce you, if you have kids with him focus on them for now and give him whatever he wants then try to make him happy, whenever he brings same topic always keep quiet and don't say a word but always feel remorse, he will come to his senses someday. Above all pray about your marriage like always.

cionon:
I confided in my husband when he accused me of listening to people. I then opened up and gave him an instance that if i listen to people i would ne doing what they asked me to do.I told him the advice a former neigbhour of his gave me. Of which I told her I can't do such. Now he uses it against me. I feel bad because he didn't even say what I told him exactly. He changed the story. He lied about it.


My husband goes about telling everyone i am diabolic because I jokingly told him that he should be grateful I don't have a wicked heart if not I will use magun to catch him and his mistress. Which he even replied that he knows i dont have that mind. That i am still a child.
this was said around march of 2015

Fastward to November he started asking for a divorce because he of his mistress he met online. Telling both his colleagues and family members that I am diabolic which is not true. I feel bad because this same man have also confided in me telling me things about his boss and others. We are currently separated

I just regret everything. I regret confinding in him and opening up to him. With pleas from everywhere, he is still insisting on divorce.

ceaser:
Now this problem is multifactorial. I don't know for how long you both have been married that you have issues with conception.


Rom your post history, it is apparent that this man does not love you deeply as you love him. For him to try to call off the engagement 4 years into your relationship speaks volume of his "love" for you. But perhaps pleas from several sources including those he wouldn't say no to made him to reluctantly go ahead with the union (remember his heart and mind were already not with yours ever since he threatened to bail out on the engagement). Perhaps he had even met his mistress ever since then. That mistress may be diabolical, she may not be.

Fast forward to now. Some decisions he may have taken, and definitely with the connivance or advice of his mistress is as follows:

*Even if forced into the marriage because he couldn't refuse pleas from some people he held in high esteem, he can however FRUSTRATE you outta the marriage.

*When it became apparent that that may not work because you kept entertaining his excesses and misdeeds without complain (you admitted that you "fight" a lot), the next plan is to bring up trumped up charges and then hinge a divorce on that reason.

You did not err by telling your better half your secrets, but I think he simply needed the flimsiest of excuses to justify his plan to bail out on you so as to have his mistress move in as full housewife.

Please note that your poor chances at conception may not exactly be due to an anatomic or physiologic problem with you. It may actually be due to the frequency of your sexual exposure to your husband. Medically, a couple is said to have the problem of infertility (primary or secondary) if there is no conception after a year of ADEQUATE sexual exposure; adequate in this instance means on the average 3 times in a week.

But what manner of sexual intimacy and exposure do you think you can get from a husband who apparently has no love for you and whose sexual energy is channelled to his mistress outside instead?

The last but not the least. Have you ever conceived before in which case yours will be secondary infertility? Was the conception your husband's and then you had to tell him and he suggested the choice of a voluntary TOP (termination of pregnancy) to you and which you obliged? If this happened while you were dating him or anyone else, being privy to such information may have given him the erroneous conviction that your inability to conceive was due to the procedure that may have "destroyed the womb".

A made up mind like your husband's may be a difficult thing to change. You need to get your medicals to confirm the problem of infertility isn't yours (actually men are responsible for a sizeable percentage of infertility amongst couple but traditionally, the blame is always on the woman). And while you are at the medicals, equally endeavour to get screened for Lenteviral, Hepatitis and other STIs. Your husband has been unfaithful. You need to know your status.

edpunter:


You should understand the neighbor is fearless and knows the husband cheats on her, a good husband will tell her not to get close to such people again with authority rather than telling her she's a baby. Let me ask you a question, if you are told by your neighbor or friend that your mom is a witch @ the age of 18-24 yrs, what will you do?

cionon:
I confided in my husband when he accused me of listening to people. I then opened up and gave him an instance that if i listen to people i would ne doing what they asked me to do.I told him the advice a former neigbhour of his gave me. Of which I told her I can't do such. Now he uses it against me. I feel bad because he didn't even say what I told him exactly. He changed the story. He lied about it.


My husband goes about telling everyone i am diabolic because I jokingly told him that he should be grateful I don't have a wicked heart if not I will use magun to catch him and his mistress. Which he even replied that he knows i dont have that mind. That i am still a child.
this was said around march of 2015

Fastward to November he started asking for a divorce because he of his mistress he met online. Telling both his colleagues and family members that I am diabolic which is not true. I feel bad because this same man have also confided in me telling me things about his boss and others. We are currently separated

I just regret everything. I regret confinding in him and opening up to him. With pleas from everywhere, he is still insisting on divorce.

cionon:


I think you are not married. If you are, you would understand. People have packs their things and returned. Leave the past behind. February to November is a long way so why go back to February. You acting like a saint now. Like you have no past . I m talking of the present.

onoja12:
let me ask you,and try to be honest with yourself,what would be your reaction if your husband had jokingly told you just as you said that his friend advised that he put some charm in your food??please be honest

cionon:


I come hear cos it's a faceless forum instead of going to friends who will broadcast my issue. I come for advice. And for all. I didn't marry my boyfriend whom I wrote about before. My husband was a friend before he asked me to marry him

Joavid:


take your own advice, Mrs clueless and get something doing.

lastpage:


You see!

There are certain things you dont do in marriage.
Threatening to divorce is one of them, if you dont intend to do it or are not ready to do it.

It will always be on the mind of the other spouse and they will always feel INSECURE!
How some interpret that "state of insecurity" depends on the individual.

*Some would result to fetish things
*Some would result to have affairs
*Some would immediately put "Plan B" into operation because they dont want to be caught unawares (which might be your own case).
*Some would actually just marry another wife/husband .....and call your bluff.

Its a sad way to learn a big lesson!

It is actually the PAST .....that shapes the FUTURE!


And l am married for like two decades now, so l know what l am talking about

I pray both of you can resolve it.



Lastpage!

BTW: Juju is same as "diabolical" and same as "Magun". I wonder why you are trying to sound like such thing was not discussed with your neighbour?

ceaser:
Now this problem is multifactorial. I don't know for how long you both have been married that you have issues with conception.


.

sonya4all:
@cionon you probably saw a lot of african magic movies a well as took most things you read on nairaland too serious and tried to experiment them in your marriage,which sadly resulted to this,judging by your previous threads over the years. so sorry.learn your lesson now

fabulousmann:
op I understand marriage n I understand how u feel but I will tell u this u shld not HV married him in the first PLC. I read ur threads n it doesn't look like this guy cares abt ur feeling. he did not appreciate u for the sacrifices u made for him very serious sacrifices he didn't want u in the first PLC its sounds lk u are the only one who want the marriage n for marriage to work 2 have to become 1. move on n don't repeat the same mistakes u deserve better

PinketteDawn:


Excuse me dear. You don't know me from Adam. How can you be so sure I grew up with both of my parents? Did you grow up in a home where your father was constantly degrading your mother? Ask people who have been in that situation and compaRe. Issues are only sorted out when both parties want to. It is not right for a woman to be constantly begging her husband to marry her. Is he doing her a favour? You can never beg anybody to marry you that is reality! If his heart is somewhere else, then let him go.You can beg someone to forgive you if you have wronged him but if he chooses not to forgive, you cannot beg him to love you. True love should not be begged for. How long will you keep begging? For the rest of your life?

jmichlins:
He does not deserve you. You are worth more much to be cheated on so let him go

cionon:


Tnx with all these that happened it thought me to speak wisely and Keep quiet on things. I will be a better person in my next marriage.