I am using a new account for privacy reason.I have been married for three years with a daughter, and I found out last year that my husband is cheating though I have been suspecting for a long time. He apologised and promised that it won’t happen again but the whole cheating thing killed me emotionally. We have this emotional disconnect, there is no more affection between us. Even when I seek his opinion about some projects am handling in the office, he will be nonchalant about it though he gives me good advise in the past. He will go to work and won’t even call to check on me at work like he used to and when I do check he will say am monitoring him. Though I don’t trust him anymore but I know I can’t keep tabs on him because that will keep destroying me emotionally. My birthday comes and goes without a gift, even on mother’s day he just woke up and said happy mother’s day without no affection. On my birthday and mother’s day in the past he makes sure that he buys gift and shows me affection. My emotions towards him have been on roller coaster. I have forgiven but I have not really moved on and I guess it has to do with how he changed. I recently connected emotionally with my ex and he wants us to start seeing each other, though I have told him no in the past but after the cheating incident I have been entertaining his calls and chats. I informed one of my best friend about him, she told me I should have the affair since I still care about him that is the only way I will get myself together since my husband doesn’t care. This bestie have been cheated on, by her husband and she told me that she couldn’t move past that until she started dating her hot big boss though they are not working at the same branch. She told me the guy attends to her emotional and physical needs. She gets raise, promotion and the guy helped her bought a land. She told me she doesn’t care if the husband is cheating or not because she is getting her groove on. She said she and her husband doesn’t make love often, when they do, is just to ease tension because there is no emotion and affection. I asked her if she has regrets and when she intends to end the affair but she said as long as it can last and she ready to move to another man that catches her attention. She told me she is emotionally stable and also good things are coming out from the relationship. Now she is cheering me to start the affair though I have started developing strong feelings for my ex and the psychologist I have been speaking with is saying I shouldn’t have an affair. The psychologist think is a revenge affair but is not because I really like the guy in question. I am supposed to meet up with my ex this weekend after work.
I am stuck between my bestie and my desire and the psychologist and my conscience. I am somehow confused so I need advice, has anyone been in this type of dilemma.

Whatever helps you sleep better.

pls listen to your psychologist and forget about ur friend's advice. she only wants u to do Wat she is doing, but I'm very sure u know it's wrong to cheat, if not u won't be in a dilemma and be asking for advice. I repeat, pls don't cheat.

Pls don't o, don't do wat u wld later regret pleeease.

Sit ur husband down and have a heart to heart discussion wit him. Let him see d kind of hole he had dug in ur heart and where he is leading u to.

The moment you start an affair, you can sure as a hell kiss your marriage goodbye, cos that would be the end of it. Do not listen to the advice of your friend. Will your friend be there when things get really bad? Think about it.
I think you should open up to your hubby, talk things through, make him understand.

My dear its easy to know that you are in a heck... and your friend is somehow blind. I don't know if she has a baby also.. But think of how this will affect the pyschological and mental status of your child...

When a man cheats it almost normal and forgivable but when a woman cheats it unforgivable.. this is how the society is... and what your friend is doing is pulling you into a trap...

I suggest you give your husband an ultimatum (be the stronger woman) Tell him to stop cheating on you or you are going to seek a divorce... When you are divorced you can have time to find a better man.... Build a better life for you child....

Don't hurt yourself more by dating your ex( I mean there was a reason why you broke up with him right?)

Stay Healthy, Stay Wise

OP, let me draw your attention to something. Here in Africa when you say a married man is having an affair outside his marriage, it will sound normal to everybody but when cheating involves married woman then it becomes an abomination. However I'm not saying men should cheat in their marriages.
Trust me the day he discover you are cheating on him, that's the same day he will send you out of your home. Will you now tell people that you are cheating on him because he does the same?

The reason why you and your husband don't connect any longer is because of the way you treat him, believe me, you also must have changed a lot and you still give him that "cheating husband" look and that is even breaking him the more.

You and your husband should have a heart to heart discussion, tell him you have forgiven him and forgotten the issue let him come back to himself at the end of the discussion you will have your man back completely.

Please don't follow your friend to cheat on your husband, it won't take you anywhere neither will it make you to forget what he did.

I wont go with that friends advice...
Maybe the day you start cheating not even heaven will salvage the relationship

Listen to your psychologist

you know its wrong but you still want to do it that's why you came here to solicit support for your evil plan. but all you need is willpower to do right instead of wrong. embrace wisdom my dear

seek for divorce - its so glaring that u guys are already divorced.

dont cheat while u r still in his house.


after your separation then you can go have your flings. after having various men, you may discover then that your husband whom you divorced was actually way better than you can ever imagine.

i hope then both of you can still rebuild your relationship.


fuknig tired of all this marriage complains allover the place! i think its times government really consider making marriages renewable after a term of 5 years!

You will never rest until you cheat, sooner than later you gonna cheat..
.so you better chop and clean mouth or desist entirely. It is up to you.
Do not allow anybody., your horseband.. Ex etc to live rent free in your head.

Separate or divorce...another viable option.
In my book, cheating is an unforgivable sin.

Two wrongs never make a right, just have that at the back of your mind. You have a conscience and i guess you have a God too so let them guide your decisions.

obongtunji:
OP, let me draw your attention to something. Here in Africa when you say a married man is having an affair outside his marriage, it will sound normal to everybody but when cheating involves married woman then it becomes an abomination. However I'm not saying men should cheat in their marriages.
Trust me the day he discover you are cheating on him, that's the same day he will send you out of your home. Will you now tell people that you are cheating on him because he does the same?

The reason why you and your husband don't connect any longer is because of the way you treat him, believe me, you also must have changed a lot and you still give him that "cheating husband" look and that is even breaking him the more.

You and your husband should have a heart to heart discussion, tell him you have forgiven him and forgotten the issue let him come back to himself at the end of the discussion you will have your man back completely.

Please don't follow your friend to cheat on your husband, it won't take you anywhere neither will it make you to forget what he did.

op see food here...how can you even correct a cheating man by cheating..your hubby no more cheats,but yyou r making him feel guilty.

I understand why you find it difficult to forgive, you feel betrayed, but instead of you cheating on him as a form of revenge, why don't you seek for divorce? If he really love you, he will realise that he has really hurt you and plead with you genuinely and then, totally change for better. On the other hand, if he too is already tired of the marriage, he will accept the divorce and you both can continue living your life happily, without feeling revengeful of anything


But it's that your child that I'm thinking about in all this.

This is however my opinion, you're free to do that which makes you happy.

Goodluck.

jollymolly:
I am using a new account for privacy reason.I have been married for three years with a daughter, and I found out last year that my husband is cheating though I have been suspecting for a long time. He apologised and promised that it won’t happen again but the whole cheating thing killed me emotionally. We have this emotional disconnect, there is no more affection between us. Even when I seek his opinion about some projects am handling in the office, he will be nonchalant about it though he gives me good advise in the past. He will go to work and won’t even call to check on me at work like he used to and when I do check he will say am monitoring him. Though I don’t trust him anymore but I know I can’t keep tabs on him because that will keep destroying me emotionally. My birthday comes and goes without a gift, even on mother’s day he just woke up and said happy mother’s day without no affection. On my birthday and mother’s day in the past he makes sure that he buys gift and shows me affection. My emotions towards him have been on roller coaster. I have forgiven but I have not really moved on and I guess it has to do with how he changed. I recently connected emotionally with my ex and he wants us to start seeing each other, though I have told him no in the past but after the cheating incident I have been entertaining his calls and chats. I informed one of my best friend about him, she told me I should have the affair since I still care about him that is the only way I will get myself together since my husband doesn’t care. This bestie have been cheated on, by her husband and she told me that she couldn’t move past that until she started dating her hot big boss though they are not working at the same branch. She told me the guy attends to her emotional and physical needs. She gets raise, promotion and the guy helped her bought a land. She told me she doesn’t care if the husband is cheating or not because she is getting her groove on. She said she and her husband doesn’t make love often, when they do, is just to ease tension because there is no emotion and affection. I asked her if she has regrets and when she intends to end the affair but she said as long as it can last and she ready to move to another man that catches her attention. She told me she is emotionally stable and also good things are coming out from the relationship. Now she is cheering me to start the affair though I have started developing strong feelings for my ex and the psychologist I have been speaking with is saying I shouldn’t have an affair. The psychologist think is a revenge affair but is not because I really like the guy in question. I am supposed to meet up with my ex this weekend after work.
I am stuck between my bestie and my desire and the psychologist and my conscience. I am somehow confused so I need advice, has anyone been in this type of dilemma.

Let me start by asking you what you think or feel made hubby to start cheating on you? Your friend is busy encouraging you to cheat whereas she won't be there when the sky starts falling. A rat that joined the Lizard running in the rain will still remain wet long after the Lizard must have dried up.

Solution; why not talk to hubby about your feelings and how it has made you disconnect emotionally. Make him understand how is pushing the very woman he swore to stand by away, make him feel your pains. Explain to him what his actions is making you go through. Tell him how you would love to restore the first love you guys shared and how you miss the sound and caring advices he always gave you. Make him understand you are going through pains because of the neglect and lack of attention from his part. Let him know how he has always been your champion and warrior in all things.
If you can't get his attention to pour out all you have up your sleeves, then put them in writing and turk it in in any of his suits or shoes. Trust me, he will return from work broken and eager to make things straight.

As for his lack of affection by getting you gifts during celebrations. Let me ask, when was the last time you got him gifts maybe on his birthday or father's day celebrations?

Often, women tend to be selfish and self centred. All they think about is what benefits them alone. Believe me, hubby did not just stop buying gifts for you all of a sudden. Something is wrong somewhere. Look for the loopholes in your home/marriage and patch them. Only then will peace, love and unity start prevailing again.

cococandy:
Whatever helps you sleep better.

Thank you!!

byvan03:



Thank you!!

As long as both them are still in the relationship by fire by force. Lol

At first it will feel good but at a time,you will have regrets.

You are a good woman that's why.

You will regret it.
Think left;think right.

Would you advise your daughter to do same?

Two wrongs have never made a right.

Your peace and moving on will come from you.

Make peace with this situation.

You will be a better person.
Cheers.

I dont know why he started,I asked he said he it is devil, that what started as an innocent chat led him to that. I dont wait for occassions to buy him gift, the way I buy for my daughter is the way I buy things for him so far I can afford it.After I caught him, his birthday came first but I bought gift for him and invited family and friends over.My emotions keep going back and forth but I still put up a brave face but he is not helping matters.I have never thought about cheating on him but his attitude still suggest that the affair is still on. I still will have another talk with him hoping it will end up in an argument.

richyblink1:


Let me start by asking you what you think or feel made hubby to start cheating on you? Your friend is busy encouraging you to cheat whereas she won't be there when the sky starts falling. A rat that joined the Lizard running in the rain will still remain wet long after the Lizard must have dried up.

Solution; why not talk to hubby about your feelings and how it has made you disconnect emotionally. Make him understand how is pushing the very woman he swore to stand by away, make him feel your pains. Explain to him what his actions is making you go through. Tell him how you would love to restore the first love you guys shared and how you miss the sound and caring advices he always gave you. Make him understand you are going through pains because of the neglect and lack of attention from his part. Let him know how he has always been your champion and warrior in all things.
If you can't get his attention to pour out all you have up your sleeves, then put them in writing and turk it in in any of his suits or shoes. Trust me, he will return from work broken and eager to make things straight.

As for his lack of affection by getting you gifts during celebrations. Let me ask, when was the last time you got him gifts maybe on his birthday or father's day celebrations?

Often, women tend to be selfish and self centred. All they think about is what benefits them alone. Believe me, hubby did not just stop buying gifts for you all of a sudden. Something is wrong somewhere. Look for the loopholes in your home/marriage and patch them. Only then will peace, love and unity start prevailing again.

cococandy:

As long as both them are still in the relationship by fire by force. Lol

True.

Madam, fight for your marriage, Pray to God to help you restore your home. Pay no heed to that friend of yours who knows she is on the path of destruction and she wants a partner, cut all ties with your ex. He is your past and he should remain in the past, you broke up with him for a reason remember? and that's why you're not married to him. Think about it this way, a man who wouldn't think twice to keep having sex with a married woman(cos that's obviously the only reason he wants you for) is he ever gonna be faithful? what if he is not clean healthwise? and also think of your daughter, give her the happiness of being with both her parents. And your friend is obviously something I wouldn't wanna mention, can you imagine her saying she would hop unto the next man if the boss ends up dumping her. Be careful of friends who would turn against you when you land into trouble.

A true friend would want you to come out of this happy. Cheating would only make you feel guilty and then would come the urge to confess and ask forgiveness from him. Try to find out if he is still cheating on you. They say communication is the best form of resolving conflicts, we mostly take that as talking, but your attitude and body language are part of communicating. Try to always be happy and jovial. Do those things you used to do in the first two years of your relationship. If he doesn't reciprocate, pretend you didn't notice and do more. Like I always tell me sister, would you rather be happy or right.

There is no happily ever after with a cheating man, as for change, hardly. Does it ever happen? Only you can decide how to live through your pain. Adultery can be quite messy, use your head. In cases like this there is always a choice to make. If this ex of yours is married, am begging you not to ruin another woman's marriage.

Since the marriage is soo important to you, how about paying no attention to him and his Philandering?

Just live your life and do other things that make you happy, try to be confident and radiant again. I can't believe I'm about to say this but live for your kid.

On the side, this marriage thing now sounds like those scary winch movies nollywood was known for...

Please do not cheat on your husband. Your friend is a home wrecker. She gave you that advice because she's been miserable in her own marriage and trust me, misery loves company.
Fast forward, if your daughter were in your shoes and came to you for advice, what will you tell her? You have to move past your hurt and learn to work your marriage.
Best of luck!

You are not wise,you keep a bad company in your friend and the result of lending her your ears is a disaster about to unfold.

I think I'm old enough to advise you. 90% of men cheat on their wife except those that doesn't have money to play around with. Sleeping with women outside matrimonial home is somehow expensive. That's why some abstained from that. Then , others, their religious believe.
On your own subject matter, please don't cheat on him. Call him and talk to him. Reason , as you said , just one child and three years marriage. To me it's very young marriage. You may likely have problem if you start having such relationship. Ok , if the EX of the wife of your ex, start dating her , would your ex be happy?

Most women , many matured ones engaged themselves with toys instead of messing up. Your marriage is too young , and I bet you if start so early I can assured you it would last long.
Finally, sleeping outside by married women has many disastrous outcome. Actually it brings bad luck for their men. Unprogressive in their life. Never , never. I'm 62. Do you can why I send my advise.

Regards

#FACT about marriage.

If you didn't marry a "born again Christian", or a very disciplined man with firm principles, he will will cheat on you. There's no two way about it.

The same ex you're running to meet this weekend is cheating on his spouse. Is he single?

So what makes you think he is better than your man? The same ill feeling you have towards your husband is the same treat you're about giving to another woman.

Think about your decision thoroughly. Your ex is not better than your husband, he's in fact worse!

If you can't amend your marriage, return the dowry, and go back to your father's house.

richyblink1:


Let me start by asking you what you think or feel made hubby to start cheating on you? Your friend is busy encouraging you to cheat whereas she won't be there when the sky starts falling. A rat that joined the Lizard running in the rain will still remain wet long after the Lizard must have dried up.

Solution; why not talk to hubby about your feelings and how it has made you disconnect emotionally. Make him understand how is pushing the very woman he swore to stand by away, make him feel your pains. Explain to him what his actions is making you go through. Tell him how you would love to restore the first love you guys shared and how you miss the sound and caring advices he always gave you. Make him understand you are going through pains because of the neglect and lack of attention from his part. Let him know how he has always been your champion and warrior in all things.
If you can't get his attention to pour out all you have up your sleeves, then put them in writing and turk it in in any of his suits or shoes. Trust me, he will return from work broken and eager to make things straight.

As for his lack of affection by getting you gifts during celebrations. Let me ask, when was the last time you got him gifts maybe on his birthday or father's day celebrations?

Often, women tend to be selfish and self centred. All they think about is what benefits them alone. Believe me, hubby did not just stop buying gifts for you all of a sudden. Something is wrong somewhere. Look for the loopholes in your home/marriage and patch them. Only then will peace, love and unity start prevailing again.

okay so the husband was thinking about his wife and their marriage when he cheated since women are so selfish and self-centred?

If cheating will make you feel better, go ahead! I personally would have either left the marriage or been cheating as well if I were in your shoes. I can't stand a disloyal partner! I honestly don't know how many people do. Everyone is saying manage, why is it okay to manage but the man is out there doing whatever he wants. When it's time to advice a man, you will see everyone telling him to throw the woman out or get a divorce. So much societal bias going on!

diva90:
If cheating will make you feel better, go ahead! I personally would have either left the marriage or been cheating as well if I were in your shoes. I can't stand a disloyal partner! I honestly don't know how many people do. Everyone is saying manage, why is it okay to manage but the man is out there doing whatever he wants. When it's time to advice a man, you will see everyone telling him to throw the woman out or get a divorce. So much societal bias going on!

hmmm diva90,Is that so ? Quite an over-size ego you have there for a woman.You are encouraging a tit for tat in marriage huh ? You excuse yourself throwing self moral away just to trail the misdeeds of man for validation on equality. I'm sure you are one of the many misguided and deformed souls who think man and woman share equality in all absoluteness. Do you need an excuse to cheat on your man already? Man cheats so you too must cheat abi ? lol

Your hat is with a feather of damnation, you are very wise.

PreciousBro:


hmmm diva90,Is that so ? Quite an over-size ego you have there for a woman.You are encouraging a tit for tat in marriage huh ? You excuse yourself throwing self moral away just to trail the misdeeds of man for validation on equality. I'm sure you are one of the many misguided and deformed souls who think man and woman share equality in all absoluteness. Do you need an excuse to cheat on your man already? Man cheats so you too must cheat abi ? lol



Your hat is with a feather of damnation, you are very wise.

You are entitled to your opinion. As for me, that my opinion and I stick to it! In the eyes of God, men and woman are equal and no one has an upper hand when it comes to adultery. If a man can willingly do it, a woman can too. In her case, can't completely blame her