Hi, been following nl for quite a while now, decided to register a week back. Please, I need serious and mature advice this section is known for.

Here is my story.

Am 25yrs old, the First of 3, I have a sister and brother.I have been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember. say since I was 16 years old. Well, My Dad happens to be a Pastor, the extra holy type, so the token from the church is his only source of income( he gives most of this out to people) and my mom is extra hard working, bless her. so she is been the one taking care of the house(rent, food etc). I have been working and making small money myself since I was 16, so I help out when I can. When I was uni, I send monthly upkeep to my sis and brother from the little I make from doing odd jobs here and there.This is not the point of this thread, just want you guys to have a peak into my background to understand where am coming from.


I finished service last year and I decided to stay back in the city I served, and I was able to start a business from my savings and allawee(It wasn't easy saving, starving and all. but I did). So my brother just finished his ND program and decided he wants to cross over to uni. He was home waiting for JAMB and DE exams. While he was home, himself and my dad were always having issues(going to church, house chores etc) and each time this happens, They report him to me, am an introvert so most times I just call him and advice. February he decided to come stay with me, so he has been with me since then.

The issue is my brother is somehow, He doesn't help out 1 bit at home nor at my business. All he do ever do is, Eat, sleep, watch movies. I can't even send him on errands, most times he wouldn't even answer, He will pretend like he didn't hear me, then maybe 30 minutes later he will sluggishly attend to whatever the errand was. Sometimes he will categorically say it to my face he can't do anything cos he is tired, tired from what??(so I end up doing myself) It not like this errands are actually for me alone, Errands like to going to market to buy foodstuffs etc, buy pure water and stuffs for the house, sweep and clean the house.

I leave in an apartment where the gate is always locked, and I stay closest to the gate, anytime am home from work or outing, I will knock till almost eternity, With my brother in the house, he wouldn't come open the gate, till neighbours whose apartment is far away from the gate opens, I have talked and talk no change.

I don't eat out, I go to work all day and come back with my brother not even doing the dishes we use for the last meal, he actually can cook, but he will cook noodles for himself and that is it. I will come from work tired and start cooking again. I was very sick last 2 weeks from stress, and was taking pills and my brother didn't even ask me what was wrong, yet I was still running up and down, cooking and all. Most times it feels am leaving with a stranger.

I work my as.s off for my family, most of the money I make, It either am sending to my sis or my Dad is "borrowing" it and no one seems to even give a shit about me. Really don't know what to do anymore, am thinking of asking my brother to go back to his father's house at least it will save my a lot of expenses,(I sub data for him, and he eats like a dragon). What do y'all think, Advice me please, am getting overwhelmed from all this responsibility, btw my brother is 19.

Something must be wrong with him. Why don't you have your girlfriend come help you out once a while..

Just ignore him and live in your house like he doesn't exist. With time he will come to his senses

If you're sure you've spoken to him directly on the issues and he's still not pulling his weight please ask him to immediately leave your residence.

Ignore the backlash that may arise from that but there's no point expending your hard earned resources on someone who can't show appreciation by chipping in his own little bit.

Mark my words even if you shed blood to make him comfy he still won't change!

Sometimes people listen better when they are embarrassed in public.


Next time he does that nonsense, you raise your voice to the whole neighborhood and reprimand him.. And make him know that the next time he does such, he would have to leave your house...


A young boy can't be as lazy as this..

Please talk some sense to him. He thinks we are joking here. if he doesn't change, involve your folks and if no change after that send him to his parents Abeg... Awon omode sha

Are you sure he's your blood brother


I mean your younger brother


And you have the nerves to say this thrash


You want to send your brother out of your house


Bro, you should be Glad and grateful you have a brother, cherish him, no matter what. I mean, he's your brother!

NAwa o wch kain Brother be this UbokAbasi? Sit him down and talk to him preferably late at night. If he doesn't turn a new leaf, send him back. He should be appreciative Haba

And I thought I was lazy

Lay the rules down in your house.
It's either you let him understand no work, no food or you send him back to his father's house with immediate effect.
Let him start coming to your business place with you. If you can, place him on a salary. If he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid and he doesn't eat.
To be honest, you're not responsible for him, so if he decides to continue misbehaving, send him back to his papa.
No need to encourage bad behaviour. At his age, you were already trying to fend for yourself.

Your father failed in his responsibility by giving out what is supposed to be used to care for his family... Family comes first... Give the extra out later afterall pastors are also humans with families... Let ur papa face his own forget all this holy holy wey he dey claim and do... 2.). Send that little bugger back to ur dad and let them all sort out their issues themselves... You are too young for this shit and ur business is in its growing stage... Stop subscibing for him and feeding him like a fool... Send him back or u will regret. Give ur mom what u can to support her and tell ur sister to stop borrowing ur dad her upkeep money... U wan die b4 ur time ? ... Anyways u hold the key... Over and out

Something is wrong somewhere, Have you tried using the brain restoration slap? If no just give it a try and if he still refuses to change send him back to your parents

Smart41:
Something must be wrong with him. Why don't you have your girlfriend come help you out once a while..

Just ignore him and live in your house like he doesn't exist. With time he will come to his senses

Girlfriend ke?

Does he have a girlfriend? Is he even thinking of settling down with all the attache responsibility already on his head?
Even if any girl comes around, she will get irritated with the brother, and another round of war will start between the girlfriend and the brother, and the OP will be put in the middle.
The brother is just suffering from the Nigerian "self entitlement" mentality, and that's so hard to get rid of in anyone.

Smart41:
Something must be wrong with him. Why don't you have your girlfriend come help you out once a while..

Just ignore him and live in your house like he doesn't exist. With time he will come to his senses

I really don't have time, so no gf for now. Thanks for the advice

Send him back home. Full stop!

He's really not your son, let the people that begot him handle his wahala. As per supporting the family, do only what you can afford to do. Do not kill yourself! Whew!

Davash222:
Are you sure he's your blood brother


I mean your younger brother


And you have the nerves to say this thrash


You want to send your brother out of your house


Bro, you should be Glad and grateful you have a brother, cherish him, no matter what. I mean, he's your brother!

Alright sir, thanks

Davash222:
Are you sure he's your blood brother


I mean your younger brother


And you have the nerves to say this thrash


You want to send your brother out of your house


Bro, you should be Glad and grateful you have a brother, cherish him, no matter what. I mean, he's your brother!

. Wee yhu kip kwayet? What's that supposed to mean ? So cause na brother, person no fit talk again... If na me, he will be long gone by now ... Haba

sisisioge:
Send him back home. Full stop!

He's really not your son, let the people that begot him handle his wahala. As per supporting the family, do only what you can afford to do. Do not kill yourself! Whew!

my bro to b sincer to you u cant grow if u try to carry all the burden of the family at dis young age,sumtimz just overlook and try to ignore all the demands they throw on you,,,for ur broda he is a man now,he should go bck to ur dad and avoid any biz,wit him until he changes

this kind of people need to be taught lesson of their life. when the food stuff finish don't bother to buy and see is reaction

Such wickedness ...please send him back home, at the end of the day if anything happens to you ,they wi
ll all be fine.

What's with your dad and giving out when he doesn't have enough?

0110x:
Alright sir, thanks

It's obvious your brother takes after your father and will likely end up like him. You are an industrious hard worker like your mother. The best thing you can do for your brother is to set some rules for living with you. Tell him that if he can't follow the rules, then he will have to provide for himself. He may report you to your mom, but you have to be firm. You are not doing him any favors by taking care of him without him contributing to his well being. If he can't take care of himself, he can't take care of a family in the future and he will end up stressing some poor woman like your father does to your mother.

If it was not your blood, i would have asked you to throw him out asap but since he's your brother, i'll advise you sit him down one day and tell him your mind, i mean everything. His reaction will determine whether you should throw him out or now. If he continues with his foolery then send him back home. Don't mind what people or your parents will say, cos it's normal. Don't also forget to report him to your parents too so that when you eventually kick out his behind. they'll know he caused it.

Method 1- Use tactics to get him to change or leave. When you come back late and find he didn't cook any food for himself or for you..., prepare small food just enough for yourself. Eat, empty the pot and go and sleep. Some days, if you are too tired, you can eat out...come back home and sleep. Let him cook and eat or starve. Do your errands yourself too. When he is tired, he will advise himself.
You are 6years older than him and working to feed you both and others, so what's with his attitude? If he can't respect himself, treat him like someone you don't respect too.
He has to help out or show himself the door. But don't show him the door yourself... let him go by himself so tomorrow they won't say you threw your brother out if you're the type that minds.

Method 2- directly talk to or with him to change if you had only been throwing hints on it before now. Let him know you are fed up point blank. Change or leave my house method.

0110x:
Hi, been following nl for quite a while now, decided to register a week back. Please, I need serious and mature advice this section is known for.

Here is my story.

Am 25yrs old, the First of 3, I have a sister and brother.I have been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember. say since I was 16 years old. Well, My Dad happens to be a Pastor, the extra holy type, so the token from the church is his only source of income( he gives most of this out to people) and my mom is extra hard working, bless her. so she is been the one taking care of the house(rent, food etc). I have been working and making small money myself since I was 16, so I help out when I can. When I was uni, I send monthly upkeep to my sis and brother from the little I make from doing odd jobs here and there.This is not the point of this thread, just want you guys to have a peak into my background to understand where am coming from.


I finished service last year and I decided to stay back in the city I served, and I was able to start a business from my savings and allawee(It wasn't easy saving, starving and all. but I did). So my brother just finished his ND program and decided he wants to cross over to uni. He was home waiting for JAMB and DE exams. While he was home, himself and my dad were always having issues(going to church, house chores etc) and each time this happens, They report him to me, am an introvert so most times I just call him and advice. February he decided to come stay with me, so he has been with me since then.

The issue is my brother is somehow, He doesn't help out 1 bit at home nor at my business. All he do ever do is, Eat, sleep, watch movies. I can't even send him on errands, most times he wouldn't even answer, He will pretend like he didn't hear me, then maybe 30 minutes later he will sluggishly attend to whatever the errand was. Sometimes he will categorically say it to my face he can't do anything cos he is tired, tired from what??(so I end up doing myself) It not like this errands are actually for me alone, Errands like to going to market to buy foodstuffs etc, buy pure water and stuffs for the house, sweep and clean the house.

I leave in an apartment where the gate is always locked, and I stay closest to the gate, anytime am home from work or outing, I will knock till almost eternity, With my brother in the house, he wouldn't come open the gate, till neighbours whose apartment is far away from the gate opens, I have talked and talk no change.

I don't eat out, I go to work all day and come back with my brother not even doing the dishes we use for the last meal, he actually can cook, but he will cook noodles for himself and that is it. I will come from work tired and start cooking again. I was very sick last 2 weeks from stress, and was taking pills and my brother didn't even ask me what was wrong, yet I was still running up and down, cooking and all. Most times it feels am leaving with a stranger.

I work my as.s off for my family, most of the money I make, It either am sending to my sis or my Dad is "borrowing" it and no one seems to even give a shit about me. Really don't know what to do anymore, am thinking of asking my brother to go back to his father's house at least it will save my a lot of expenses,(I sub data for him, and he eats like a dragon). What do y'all think, Advice me please, am getting overwhelmed from all this responsibility, btw my brother is 19.

Send that boy home, He is Lazy man period!!

Why not send him away? Let him go.

@0110x

The problem is not with your brother but you because you permitted him to disrespect you in your own house.

Don't send him home, as the elder brother, you have a moral responsibility to help him build life skills either by force or with ease depending on what he chooses.

Moving forward, sit him down in a meeting to define boundaries for him. Come up with a routine he must adhere to if he still wants to be living in your house.

The first thing that you should have done when he moved in was to define boundaries and give him rules to follow to live with you. It is not too late, draw up rules he needs to abide by as a condition of living under your roof.

Each of the rule must have a consequence to follow if any is violated. Be sure that you follow through with the consequences.

He cannot be sleeping all day while you work your butts off and still be feeding him. It is not done. He is 19 and he should start learning how to survive now.

Get a carpenter to make you a locker where you can lock all the foodstuffs. If he doesn't do house chores, then there should be no food for him.

If he wants data subscription, he must help you with your business. Stop giving him free food, free data etc. Let him earn whatever he wants. You should put your foot/feet, if you want to be really hard, on the ground.

It is either he plays the game by your rules or he leaves on his own accord.

In other news, why don't you guys have key to the gate? Why must you always wait for someone to open before you enter? It is not good for personal security, standing too long outside in the dark poses a risk to you.
Your gate should have a small side that uses "jam-lock".

Op. just send him home. or better still make him follow you hustle.

Smart41:
Something must be wrong with him. Why don't you have your girlfriend come help you out once a while..

Just ignore him and live in your house like he doesn't exist. With time he will come to his senses

I am 100% sure this is the OP's brother responding like this.

Make him leave home with you as you go out for the day's hustle, he is not an infant that only eats and sleeps. He needs to assist you at work to know what it means to earn what you use to support him and the family, hopefully he will begin to appreciate things.

If he refuses, ship him back home as it is your father's responsibility to straighten him as he allowed him to become who your brother is now.

Davash222:
Are you sure he's your blood brother


I mean your younger brother


And you have the nerves to say this thrash


You want to send your brother out of your house


Bro, you should be Glad and grateful you have a brother, cherish him, no matter what. I mean, he's your brother!

What are you trying to say? So he should die because he has a brother. Do you have a solution to the OP's grave concerns. Who should take care of his brother when his both parents are alive? The younger brother staying with him is a huge privilege and he should show every appreciation for it

You are far too young to harbour a non-understanding brother living with you. He is either he is in school or he goes live with your parents. Why would your parents leave their responsibility to you. They are in better position to straighten out your younger brother. He seems out of your control. You don't even have to control a sensible person. He is old enough to know what is right. He ought to naturally respect you for a 6-year difference.

I have two younger ones. I have never insulted them once in my life but none have ever disrespected me just as I have never disrespected my elder brother who less than two years older than me. This guy doesn't care about you nor about your effort. To him, you are probably a machine as I found no reason to explain the sort of insensitivity.

No. Don't discuss his leaving or staying with you. Tell your pastor dad and mum to come pick him up. Once he gets home he would realise his mistake and would be well behave once he ever finds a chance to come to your house. Or is your parents' home a torture? Even if, he deserves that torture that enables you to succeed to this level. Letting him stay with you will ruin him. He is already lazying around. He probably brings in ladies while you at work. He has ND, he should go get teaching job. You are ruining him

poshestmina:
Such wickedness ...please send him back home, at the end of the day if anything happens to you ,they wi
ll all be fine.

What's with your dad and giving out when he doesn't have enough?

I just love you for this. The man is facing bible, passing his responsiblity while his son is beyond control. He borrow money from his hard working son and give to others. He can't afford rent. Is that how to practice the bible? mtchewwwww. Is he too hard for him to train his son?

There is just no way this young 25 year old can handle the situation. He is easily seen he is soft-hearted. The younger brother knows it and he is taking full advantage of it. It is going to get worse!

Mayflowa:


I just love you for this. The man is facing bible, passing his responsiblity while his son is beyond control. He borrow money from his hard working son and give to others. He can't afford rent. Is that how to practice the bible? mtchewwwww. Is he too hard for him to train his son?

There is just no way this young 25 year old can handle the situation. He is easily seen he is soft-hearted. The younger brother knows it and he is taking full advantage of it. It is going to get worse!

That's obviously why they are taking advantage of him, send the boy home, stop borrowing the dad money he'll never pay back... Everybody will buckle up, imagine the dad giving out the little he should be contributing to the family like his son is Dangote or Otedola .Op, give only when you have to, use this time to plan YOUR life because even if you kill yourself, they'll never be satisfied.