Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy

5yrs Wow. That's a long time to throw away.

The age old tribal differences in Nigeria. *deep sigh*

If both of you are convinced and determined to make it work, I don't think it matters. If their son is man enough to stand by his decision, they will grow to accept it with time

What's your man's position in all this?He has to be strong and supportive and know what he wants.
If both of you are determined to make it work,then take it to the Lord Who knows the end of all things.

legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy

Love isn't enough in marriage

Move on

What if your son disobey you in future


He isn't the only man ....there are tons of Yoruba men that will marry you


Take this advice

I was once in your shoes so I get where you are coming from.Tribalism will never stop being an issue, some folks refuse to thread the enlightened path. I'll advice you guys to discuss with his parents so that you can find your way if they are adamant because trust me eventually he will cave.

My ex swore heaven and earth that he would stand his ground yet he chose the cowardly way out, got a girl from his side pregnant and left me hanging. Don't underestimate Parental influence . They say it is better to retrace your steps on a lost path...

Tribal difference in 21st century.......nawa o

Make him discuss with his parents ASAP and you can then decide on the way forward thereafter.

Move on.

[quote author=legalspices post=45964154]

The approval of the parents should not matter more that of your boyfriend's sibling.
They are the people you will be dealing with when the elderly ones pass on.
Maybe his parents are worried you may not be able to adapt to the culture differences, which isn't much.

What matters most is the opinion of your boyfriend.
If his mind is made up to marry you, please go ahead. Yours won't be the first or last inter-tribal marriage.
But you will have to work hard to prove his parents wrong by being a good wife.

Parents have a way of coming up with flimsy excuses when their children are about to marry.
Sometimes they say the distance is far (in the same state) or their people don't make good wives or husbands.
We know they mean well but at times they are wrong.

Good luck.

P/S: I read here some say love is not enough in marriage.
If love does not count, what does? I will not marry a lady I do not love, no matter what.

My advice to ladies of marriageable age: if you are dating that guy for more than 1 year (and you see a future with him), you need to start discussing the future. If he sees you as overbearing or pushy (etc.), he might not be that into you. You need to start talking to your legs to waka o (also be prayerful to meet your best friend/soul mate.

The talk is just to table any obstacle that might be in the way...to know the road map...in order to avoid stories that touch after 5+ years of dating.

@ legalspice, how is your man handling the whole ish? Have you picked a date, or is he stalling. If he's stalling, don't be surprised if he breaks up with you and marries that igbo girl after only 2 months of the breakup.

Advice is when we know the truth in our heart yet we want to be told something else


Madam,marrying him is one thing and fighting the war that will come is another


In Igbo land ....you don't just marry a man you marry the family. Can you stand the hit...what if trouble comes in the marriage ..who do you run to? We know that trouble comes in the marriage. How will you feel if your mother in-law isn't talking to your mother


Get ready for the war
Left for me stay away and don't marry that dude

Love isn't enough in marriage ....the main thing is compatibility and it seems culturally and psychologically you guys lack it


This is to avoid had i known



Will you be able to join umuada
Will you be able to identify ogiri isi for his mother
Will you be able to tuo nja
Will you be able to re ure for umunna



Think well don't let prick do the thinking for u



That's all

CruellaDeville:
I was once in your shoes so I get where you are coming from.Tribalism will never stop being an issue, some folks refuse to thread the enlightened path. I'll advice you guys to discuss with his parents so that you can find your way if they are adamant because trust me eventually he will cave.

My ex swore heaven and earth that he would stand his ground yet he chose the cowardly way out, got a girl from his side pregnant and left me hanging. Don't underestimate Parental influence . They say it is better to retrace your steps on a lost path...

But God told isreal to marry from isreal ...is God not enlightened?


Give the young lady a realistic advice

When an individual cooks for the public....the public will eat it comfortable
When the public cooks you can't eat....

It's always better to have the support of both families but I wouldn't throw away a good relationship with a loving partner because of this.
There will always be some challenges, this is yours, can you handle it? Will he support you?

If your fiance's parents are learned, they may eventually come around... but if they're typical traditional Igbo people, no 'Jupiter' can move their stance, they are even ready to disown their son.... My dear, you may just have to move on if his parents are so adamant except you won't be coming to the village after marriage. .then, God forbid if anything happens to the man after marriage, hmmmmm

Then, what's your fiance's stand thus far? Is he shaky?

Whatever decision you make, I will advise he gets his parent's approval before proceeding to marry you. . Forget about his siblings who are indifferent about the whole thingy, they'll take their parent's side eventually if all of you don't come together to agree. ...
All d best...

IkpuMmadu:
Advice is when we know the truth in our heart yet we want to be told something else


Madam,marrying him is one thing and fighting the war that will come is another


In Igbo land ....you don't just marry a man you marry the family. Can you stand the hit...what if trouble comes in the marriage ..who do you run to? We know that trouble comes in the marriage. How will you feel if your mother in-law isn't talking to your mother


Get ready for the war
Left for me stay away and don't marry that dude

Love isn't enough in marriage ....the main thing is compatibility and it seems culturally and psychologically you guys lack it


This is to avoid had i known



Will you be able to join umuada
Will you be able to identify ogiri isi for his mother
Will you be able to tuo nja
Will you be able to re ure for umunna



Think well don't let prick do the thinking for u



That's all

Oga, you make it seem like marrying an Igbo man is world war 3. The point you listed there are all meaningless if the man have balls and stand his grounds.

I am igbo while my better half is Akwa Ibom. Yet the sky isn't cracking . The man in question should be able to talk to his parents and make them understand where his happiness lies.

Let's stop encouraging tribalism and encourage one another to resist it gently till it's corrected

richyblink1:


Oga, you make it seem like marrying an Igbo man is world war 3. The point you listed there are all meaningless if the man have balls and stand his grounds.

I am igbo while my better half is Akwa Ibom. Yet the sky isn't cracking . The man in question should be able to talk to this parents and make them understand where his happiness lies.

Let's stop encouraging tribalism and encourage one another to resist it gently till it's corrected

Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady for that matter ...we know husbands are scarce but there should be dignity NAA


A man should be the one doing the chasing .....

CruellaDeville:
I was once in your shoes so I get where you are coming from.Tribalism will never stop being an issue, some folks refuse to thread the enlightened path. I'll advice you guys to discuss with his parents so that you can find your way if they are adamant because trust me eventually he will cave.

My ex swore heaven and earth that he would stand his ground yet he chose the cowardly way out, got a girl from his side pregnant and left me hanging. Don't underestimate Parental influence . They say it is better to retrace your steps on a lost path...

U really do get my point...he can be easily manipulated even by others talk less his parents and thats my fear...wat got me more scared is he can just call me,sit me down and start telling me how he is scared of me not being accepted, how I night end up lonely....hmmmm

IkpuMmadu:
I am getting bored of another Yoruba crying over igbo not marrying them


This is becoming a daily occurrence and it shameful....i rarely see Igbo open up thread lamenting that other tribes are not marrying them


We should at least respect ourselves .....this is shameful


Woman go and sort yourself out and stop disgracing yourself anf tribe here



Outta here

Well....maybe I felt it isn't a barrier....maybe I felt really comfy with him than a Yoruba guy... why should being Igbo or Yoruba matter?? Are we not all humans?? My is getting married to an Edo babe....mylate mom frowned against it at first...he said she was his choice and she supported him....maybe why I stayed this long was cos I thought his mum could rethink it tru like my mum did

jashar:
hmmmm... babe.

Speechless??

lovingT:
5yrs Wow. That's a long time to throw away.

Thought of it too.....had I known

Atk1nson:
If both of you are convinced and determined to make it work, I don't think it matters. If their son is man enough to stand by his decision, they will grow to accept it with time

On minute "I want what I want" the other he doesn't want to drag me into the war....kinda confused

Hi legalspices,I am an Igbo girl married to a very very wonderful yoruba guy. We dated for 5years+ before tying the knot. I would give you advice as a Sister,I will never have gone into this marriage without both parents blessing. People tell you shebi it is the guy you are getting married to not his parents/his people but that is a big lie. You are married to every single member of his family. His mum or dad shouldn't even hear of it that he offended me,they are so protective of me like I am their daughter and that is the way it should be. Love is not enough,when he misbehaves it is his family that will talk to him and he will listen.

NB: I don't speak yoruba at all,I hear a little.

thorpido:
What's your man's position in all this?He has to be strong and supportive and know what he wants.
If both of you are determined to make it work,then take it to the Lord Who knows the end of all things.

I raally do want to make it work....but this Igbo FAM has a way of turning things around and thats my fear

legalspices:


Well....maybe I felt it isn't a barrier....maybe I felt really comfy with him than a Yoruba guy... why should being Igbo or Yoruba matter?? Are we not all humans?? My is getting married to an Edo babe....mylate mom frowned against it at first...he said she was his choice and she supported him....maybe why I stayed this long was cos I thought his mum could rethink it tru like my mum did

Women are chased not the other way round ..there is what is called dignity .. this has nothing to do with comfy or not

Take a walk and maintain your dignity...it seems you are throwing yourself on him....but why are you not comfy with Yoruba man ?

Just asking maybe I can ascertain why Yoruba women wants to marry igbo men

Jaygrl:
Hi legalspices,I am an Igbo girl married to a very very wonderful yoruba guy. We dated for 5years+ before tying the knot. I would give you advice as a Sister,I will never have gone into this marriage without both parents blessing. People tell you shebi it is the guy you are getting married to not his parents/his people but that is a big lie. You are married to every single member of his family. His mum or dad shouldn't even hear of it that he offended me,they are so protective of me like I am their daughter and that is the way it should be. Love is not enough,when he misbehaves it is his family that will talk to him and he will listen.

NB: I don't speak yoruba at all,I hear a little.

Tell am....i am...i have shouted and she won't hear

I am married for over 6 yrs now

She still won't hear

You have no dignity and you are shameless.

IkpuMmadu:


Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady for that matter ...we know husbands are scarce but there should be dignity NAA


A man should be the one doing the chasing .....

daretodiffer:
You have no dignity and you are shameless.

Truth hurts

IkpuMmadu:


Love isn't enough in marriage

Move on

What if your son disobey you in future


He isn't the only man ....there are tons of Yoruba men that will marry you


Take this advice

You are just a tribalist