From you post, she earns, if she's really planning a better future with you give her no penny. For God's sake u are responsible for the upkeep. Nigeria woman habba! This is not Love at all. And joint account issue, no try am at all. Don't because of your Love for her and behave like a fool, I bet you will regret it sooner or later. 20k she dey even reject am, hmmm! its a pity in this country.

rman:


Really? So she is just entitled to his money even if what she makes is enough.

Marriage is a partnership.
This is not about what each party earns, but what they both earn and how it is managed.
.
This is her family too. Whatever money you give your wife still goes into running the home.

Onegai:
It's okay.

Sit her down and tell her the money she's getting is a token of love, meant to be spent on frivolous things for herself. And that the amount will increase as things get better. Also get a joint account in which both of you will be paying savings into and make her a co-signatory. It will cure her of her fears about you.

The more i read ur posts, the more impressed i am with your maturity.

I advise you stop buying foodstuff and household items, instead add the money to 20k and let her take care of the house upkeep.
If you start too high, you will be maxed out in a short while especially when the kids start coming. At this point you may have little or nothing to achieve your goals, and guess who will be blamed 10 years later, You.

Pls where is my future wife? If u r here, pls note this.

My money is my money. I will rather setup a business for u than u depend on me for every little token u need. Will surely give u money for upkeep and other stuffs buh when u wanto buy aso-ebi for some crazy amount and unnecessary things, you rather buy with your own money.

The truth is most women only know how to spend. I have heard of a woman that told her husband after so many years of marriage "when ur mates were buying land and builing houses where were you". She forgot that he was busy lashing money on her. Paying outrageous school fees on their children, throwing parties for the smallest events.

Dont entrust money with women.


Again, my money is my money

Women are very sublime creatures, am actually not married, dating a lady now, and with the way she acts I suspect she might change when we get married, due to her obsessions about the future and how we are going to get married and it's kinda putting me in a tight corner, but I soak it and explain .
I say all this to say, I feel if you sit her down, and explain how you want to start a business and all that, she should understand, and from the picture you painted, I see a responsible man trying to cater for his home, and make his wife comfortable, and his wife is having bad friends too that she is behaving like.. My advice sit her down ND explain, open a joint account, you contribute your quota to the family if she says 75k fine, but that means she will contribute 50k from her 150k so the family can be smooth, marriage is not a fund raising thing, is a fun raising thing

byvan03:



Sometimes a name that fits is needed for maximum impact, she is a very greedy woman. I can't even trust her type with money matters. I hope OP realises this and put his foot down now the marriage is early. The man pay all bills yet hers still isn't enough ? Should there be any stipend apart from being nice to ones wife every now and then? The thing annoy me pass her husband sef .

SERIOUSLY IT IS WIVES LIKE THIS THAT COLLECTS YOUR MONEY, ADD TO HER SAVINGS AND BUILD A HOUSE WITHOUT THE HUSBAND'S KNOWLEDGE.

chiwetel:
now that's the word..GREEDY.

I sincerely see no reason why she should ask for the 20k at all,talk more of anything more if she is working,when its not like the money is in abundance.For heaven's sake that's why she's working to supplement the family's finances and not to drain from the little available.Op its good you have lofty plans for the future, try discussing it with her once again, she needs to see reasons to completely support you in those plans,you both should be patners working together to secure a better future.

I wonder why she is working. Greed keeps people like that perpetually poor because there is no end to their money thirst.

piagetskinner:
Nairaland has become a forumn where peple ask unecessary questions....as a married man, I think the use of ur discretion is enough to to know how much u shold be giving to your wife...people don't need to tell u how to run ya narriage oga

In Nairaland, he is anonymous. Asking for advice in a marriage forum in church or anywhere else isn't much different as you may find people online who will give sound advice online as well .

Bollinger:


Good point. This is why it further confuses me when women talk about equality. How can you be equal to someone who feeds and take care of you? Anyone see the irony in that? I'm all for equality but there must be eqaul responsibilities as well.

I really don't concern myself with all these ideologies , all I know is that both genders must learn to treat each other with respect while they perform their distinct roles in a home . No gender is inferior to the other, one is leading as a punishment to the other for her disobedience in the garden of Eden. This means that from inception none was actually created to lead the other until they incurred their curse. It's better to let go of these ideologies that yields only confusion and just respect each other for our differences, appreciating both strength and weakness. Let the man be the man and the woman a woman. Their roles are complimentary, this should ideally yield perfection and not rancour.

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 bedroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

You should ask her that. I believe you married her and not nairalanders right? You both should discuss and agree
. Keep dragging until she becomes reasonable

U don enta one chance!

"Money" bringing pple's real nature since d days of samson & Delilah......personally I dunt even support a particular amount as monthly allocation to wives for up kip, itz best I'm bin notified wen a nid arise.....wat happens wen ur financial supply goes tru a shake?

sorry for your troubles Buh this and many more reasons are why marriages of today crash like a pack of cards. How on earth did you marry a lady without issues like these been trashed out during courtship. What was the dating and courtship for ? was it for swimming and going on vacs? How do u expect that while u were wooing her and begging her to marry you that you were giving her 50k monthly and now you have married her you are proposing 20 k. Why did you think Niger Delta Avengers are blowing oil installations(govt no dey give dem surveillance contracts again).

why didn't you notice this while u were courting her, Thank God say now self wey I never marry, I no dey follow babes wey no fit spend on me no matter how little, it makes the relationship healthy. Op you need to stamp your feet to the ground and renegotiate your marriage.

20k is too small going by your income, endeavour to make it a round figure of 50k. Remember, she is your wife except you want some1 else to complete the gap . Good luck.

byvan03:




I really don't concern myself with all these ideologies , all I know is that both genders must learn to treat each other with respect while they perform their distinct roles in a home . No gender is inferior to the other, one is leading as a punishment to the other for her disobedience in the garden of Eden. This means that from inception none was actually created to lead the other until they incurred their curse. It's better to let go of these ideologies that yields only confusion and just respect each other for our differences, appreciating both strength and weakness. Let the man be the man and the woman a woman. Their roles are complimentary, this should ideally yield perfection and not rancour.

hope you are not married? maybe you need to source for your wife in Yankee, a whole lot of Nigerian ladies don't share the idea that relationship should be complimentary, Nah they will never think like that, the stupid idea of taxing and keeping multiple guys during spinsterhood and fleecing them of cash as unkeep (I.e someone on nairaland called it bar business) has somehow creeped into marriages where wives tax and fleece their husbands at will even tho sometimes they earn more than the husband is really shameful.

Naija Ladies I Hail ooo

Onegai:
It's okay.

Sit her down and tell her the money she's getting is a token of love, meant to be spent on frivolous things for herself. And that the amount will increase as things get better. Also get a joint account in which both of you will be paying savings into and make her a co-signatory. It will cure her of her fears about you.

this will do no magic like the opp have stated here. Don't give her any stipend, the money should be chanel to your own private savings, remember there is no amount of effort you will make in life that will please a women not even the joint account this will also cause a big fight in futures by the time things turn around which I don't pray for. As for the business make your personal business, because after you investe on it she will still don't want you to come close to it, then you will start hearing things like my shop my money, a woman that can start all this at stage of marriage is is not a help mate as for me I will not give her anything, I will even demand she contribute to the business savings. Take wise decision now that the money is coming

chukwudi06:
20k is too small going by your income, endeavour to make it a round figure of 50k. Remember, she is your wife except you want some1 else to complete the gap . Good luck.

difference of 20k from 50k is 30 k and 30k spent in 10 months is a wooping 300k. Do you know how much 300k can do for a family. Even if you don't decide to spend it on infrastructure, the family can use that amount for a sweet vac anywhere in Nigeria.

So you see that your reasoning is ackward, on the reason that someone might fill in the blankspace, We are taking about someone earning 150k per month and with the way OP stated the story, they don't have kids. Then what does she use the funds for.

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 bedroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

Lol may God save us from bad, self centered and foolish women that's all I can say.

But why should you pay her monthly stipend in the first place when she's working and your wife.


Bro wait Ooooo, is She doing you a favour

Just give her money for food stuffs and all that.

You guys Still have a long way to go and you two have to prepare for tomorrow.


Don't waste the limited resources bro, unless She did you a favour by marrying you.

Hmm na wa o!

Like play like play, na like dis e dey take start o!

Before you know it, pesin go begin tell pesin say im dey manage am like one mumu girl tell im boyfriend for nairaland some days ago.

I been dey hear say so many girls out there consider marriage/relationship as a job opportunity buh I no believe

Bet now, e be like say my eyes don dey clear o

Okay na

Baby oku, Make I jus dey one corner dey watch you na. Make I see as you go take come dey demand your 'salary' from me

Na dat time you go tell me which kain work you dey do for me

Your Fada!

If I wan give you money, I go give you buh no jus tell me say na your right to dey collect your monthly salary from me because na dat time you go show me where im dey for federal constitution say na so im suppose be.

If you no wan do abi stay again, abeg jus pack and go joor!

Woman come; woman go.

No woman; no cry!

Na wa for some advice ooo

Wow! Then I got a rear breed for a wife to be man! My advice is this , sit he down and talk to her.

I can understand that working in a bank can make one have lots of financial comittment that even the 75k might not just be enough cos she has to look her best at all time. Sit her down, carry her along.

Discuss future financial plans, projections , spendings with her and make her the chief financial adviser and see if her advice will change things. Most time women feel threatened if you don't carry them along especially when she knows the kinda family you come from and how you relate with them.
Open a joint account, think of investment both of you can put money into, make her see reasons why all you need at this point is asset and not liabilities. Cos when the kids start coming liabilities will rise.

Create senerios wherein either or both of you might lose your job tomorrow and make her see why you should control spending. Lastly a joint account for investment but bro , use your head . I will advise you keep a seperate stash somewhere , if a woman knows your true net worth, her taste in material things will naturally jump no matter how prodent she is.
Lastly find out off she has an indebtness she services and ensure she is not getting advice from out side and using her home as a lab rat. If this does not work, give her more money with more responsibilities. E.g act as if you have debt you pay since she already knows your salary and stash that deductions somewhere safe for investment if she nor like investment ideal. Give her 50% , 60 or 70% of the rest depending on the responsibility you wanna give her and you are no longer responsible for house rent, feeding, bills payment and investment .
But bro ensure that money is in a joint account . Her spending will drop and she will have a clear understanding things her self because at times you only fully appreciate things when you are giving that responsibility. So let her do the maths and make all the bill payment. Simple.

Azinganga:
Endure this crazy demand of hers and pray to have children first.When children comes, she will start to see herself then as a stakeholder and must contribute financially even for your domestic needs.Women are supposed to be helpmeets and not extortionists.A helper should really help.

u b correct guy abeg,what are dis female bankers turning into
. Women r funny. When she gives u moni even her last kobo it means she loves u wholeheartedly, but wen she is fond of taking frm u it means she has gigolo.start monitoring her.

One chance marriage
End-time marriage

After going through the comments, I realized how hypocritical we all are.

How come no body said anything in line with Proverbs 31:10-31, is it outdated?

If a woman is truly a help meet (mate?), why is she not living up to her role to her husband?

I am beginning to think the one we now call "Man" is actually the "woman", the real help meet.

And they want Gender Equality?

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 bedroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

Why don't u do things in another way? Instead of u being the sole provider share responsibilities. She can't have a whole 75 thousand to herself and be demanding money.from u. Thats slavery. So sit her down and table out what needs to be done in the house and amount to be spent. The u insist everyone brings money to take care of the costs. No sensible woman will after seeing her her own accounts dwindle to nothing come and be asking u for money later. Though some women are die hard but if she still insists after siting with her tell her e go beta. Then ignore duch rubbish cos its unreasonable.

Good to see the discussions on this topic.

I think we all struggle with how much is enough and to be honest it varies for different people.

I have a wife and a child (honey doesn't work at the moment), I try my best to buy all that is needed in the house (basics) including baby food, diapers, clothes, toiletries. I pay all utility bills except money for fuel which I have told her she will have to take out of her allowance. I have a power solution including inverter and solar which serves our needs. Turning on the gen happens only when she needs to use the ac or pump water if there hasn't been power for a long time. I hardly eat in the house, wish I could eat more but I have been like this for a long time...am okay with garri most times. We don't own a car (my choice) so if she needs to go out to meet needs that are pertinent to our upkeep, I provide taxi fare, this includes trips to hospital, families. I am very generous with taxi fares.

I give my wife 100k monthly allowance but I can afford much more if only I can see some commitment to healthy spending. How she spends it is none of my business. I however, request receipts for hospitals bills and other expenses outside her allowance.

Now that I have provided you with the above information. Let me explain why I decided to go this route. My wife used to work before she had the baby and will return to work soon. However, she cannot simply account for money she has made in those years (except "gbese" that I had to clear). While we were dating, she was also on an allowance. This was my way of teaching her how to manage money. Unfortunately, I have come to the sad realization that she simply cannot manage money or account for it hence taking the route above. She is a lovely person, but I am accountant at heart...and simply cannot have money spent without some form of accountability.

I made one thing clear though, my money is my money. There is no such thing as our money till I see some accountability. No joint accounts!
She knows how much I make for transparency sake but that is where it stops.

Why am I writing all these, how much you give depends on several factors such as how much you make, what u can afford to give, your personality, her personality, mouths to feed, where you stay...the list goes on. How you arrive at a final figure is by being fair and logical in your approach. The sane thing would be to keep talking about it and adjusting the band as you grow together.

***Addition***

I just got a salary reduction but madam got a raise on allowance, prices of things have gone up and I understand. I called it COLA (Cost of Living Allowance) adjustment.

Onegai:
It's okay.

Sit her down and tell her the money she's getting is a token of love, meant to be spent on frivolous things for herself. And that the amount will increase as things get better. Also get a joint account in which both of you will be paying savings into and make her a co-signatory. It will cure her of her fears about you.

Nice one, may your home be ever blessed too IJN

drizzymadbet:


difference of 20k from 50k is 30 k and 30k spent in 10 months is a wooping 300k. Do you know how much 300k can do for a family. Even if you don't decide to spend it on infrastructure, the family can use that amount for a sweet vac anywhere in Nigeria.

So you see that your reasoning is ackward, on the reason that someone might fill in the blankspace, We are taking about someone earning 150k per month and with the way OP stated the story, they don't have kids. Then what does she use the funds for.

I read the guy you quoted comment and the first thought that came to my mind is that "some men wouldn't live long on this planet...with thinking like this". These type of men, their wives can push them to steal

You could be telling the truth or not. Your side of story could be how you saw things but not ow things are in your home. Either way, you are given advice based on your side of the story.If it happens to be the half-truth, blame yourself for whatever happens afterwards.

banjolek:


Absolutely on point, apart from saving half of her salary,she doesn't even have to spend a lot of money on transportation as her office is very close to our house. Really baffling.