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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently (62797 Views)
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GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 9:40am On Jun 24, 2016 |
I have not spoken to anyone about my ordeal but I sincerely hope your advice will go a long way towards healing me and restoring back my sanity. I started dating this lady whom I still love so much February 2013, few months before I lost my mummy. I was so cautious of the affair at first, knowing that it was the first time I am getting so emotionally entangled to a lady, but after I lost my mum, I was so hurt and the fact that she was the only person very close to me then, I threw caution to the wind and fell helplessly in love with her, hoping that it would help alleviate the pains of losing My mum and praying deep inside my heart that the relationship will lead to marriage. It did to a reasonable extent alleviated the pains of losing my mum. Even while I was in school, I gave her everything that I somehow lived in deprivation. Her friends were complaining to me that I spend a lot on her and it might backfire one day. I ignored their advice. I buy her handouts, clothes, Mobile gadgets and even give her certain amount of money on monthly basis to add up to her feeding money, I made sure she lived above her peers in school . The whole problem started late 2014, when I was about leaving for my NYSC. she started acting quite strange, I respected her privacy that I don't even touch her phones, even though I give her the freedom to handle my phones and answer my calls. I noticed she wouldn't pick up her calls while with me. Like I said, I respected her privacy that I never gave so much thoughts into her actions, I loved and gave her my all believing that she will never cheat on me. Then on her birthday, I had got lots of surprising gifts for her and even arranged a little get together without her knowledge. To my greatest surprise, she surfaced at the venue of the party with the excuse that she was going on an errand for her parents. I handed over to her the gifts I got for her, she collected them and left the venue. Little did I know she had gone to see her erstwhile lover. Depression had started creeping in and I was losing my sanity apparently. To cut the whole story short, when her girlfriend opened up to me that my girl was having affairs elsewhere, I never believed her at first, but after I confronted her, then I was looking so sick and pale, completely lost in thoughts and pains. She eventually opened up and was really sorry to the best of my knowledge . I couldn't help the pains, I. Started taking anti depressants, I have already vowed never to cheat in my life, knowing that prosperity has a way of rewarding Fidelity. After I was mobilized for NYSC, I left for my Camp, but the ghost of a failed relationship was already hunting me, I had lost interest in living. Shortly after I returned back from my Orientation camp, everyone knew something was wrong with me, I only told them that it was the stress from Camp. Well, I was battered emotionally, that on 31st December 2014, I hit the rock button and decided to end my life and end the pains, I took insecticides and collection of anti depressants in over dose and battery acid, I cheated on death as I was in Coma for 4 days, I was referred to a psychologist for rehabilitation after I was discharged on the 12th of January 2015. I spent 6 months in rehabilitation Center here in Lagos State, where I was also serving then. After the whole incident, I made up my mind to forgive her and give her a second chance since she was really sorry. The whole scenario started replaying itself, that she started acting strange again, already my friend had told me that she was seeing someone else. My family knew I was slipping into depression again and had wanted to fly me out of the country, but I was denied Visa when I least expected it. I had to leave Enugu for Lagos so as to keep away from her and the environment. but she still calls me on phone, saying that she still loves me, I truly love her so much. Am totally lost of words, lost of ideas. Am terrified to say the least. Am losing my sanity again. Please friends, depression is getting better of me at the moment.. I need a sincere advise 40 Likes 19 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by ErnieSmallzz(f): 9:44am On Jun 24, 2016 |
hmmm this is why its not good to love wid all ur heart ![]() op, just like what our Oga smellymouth said "BE STRONG" the right woman for you would surely come. Dnt eva try to kill urself cos of her again, she doesn't worth ur death! 127 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Smellymouth: 9:45am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Realize that everything happens for a reason and the outcome is always good. It's a battle with yourself. You would have to be okay, somewhere in your mind.(I wouldn't say your heart simply because I do know it is hard). Memories are dear, and you don't want to lose them. Alas, you need to know the bounderies of keeping memories dear, and clinging to them. Take the good from the past relationships, reflect on it. Take the bad from the past relationships, reflect on it. Then make the perfect relationship with your past ones as your building blocks. 50 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Fadman4real(m): 9:46am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Ehya, i feel your pain. You should try to find something else to take your mind off her. Try a new hobby, something you really like and fall in love with it. Spend more time with friends and loved ones that understand what you are going through. Try to forgive and forget her, change your number so you dont recieve her calls again. Go out, watch movies do anything that pleases u Try to get something doing like a small job that would keep you busy. 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by LadyAimy: 9:46am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Get closer to God/Allah 52 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 9:48am On Jun 24, 2016 |
[quote author=Fadman4real post=46877987]Ehya, i feel your pain. You should try to find something else to take your mind off her. Try a new hobby, something you really like and fall in love with it. Spend more time with friends and loved ones that understand what you are going through. Try to forgive and forget her, change your number so you dont recieve her calls again. Go out, watch movies do anything that pleases u Try to get something doing like a small job that would keep you busy. [/quote 5 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by LadyAimy: 9:52am On Jun 24, 2016 |
amaraedec:Some ladies are truly lucky 22 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 9:56am On Jun 24, 2016 |
LadyAimy:How do you mean dear? 2 Likes |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by ebbybest(f): 9:56am On Jun 24, 2016 |
My first advice to you is Never kill your self for something that will never make you make heaven at last. I was inside a keke nepep reading your story and when i read you drank insecticide i shouted Jesus!, and every one in the keke looked at me. Guy am a lady and i knw wat it takes for a lady to hurt a guy that loves her so much. The same way a lady feels when a guy she loves so much hurts her. Move on with your life, life is too beautifull to be cut short that way. Many have died without expecting it, some died in accident, some died in a bomb balst and God gave you the previllage of been counted amoung the living you should be greatfull to God. Your family expect so much from you in future. Know this: " when the wrong people leave your life the right things start happening". I knw its hard, but please move on and you will be glad you did. Thank you. 328 Likes 23 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by SirAweezy(m): 9:58am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Change your Phone Number Move closer to God Concentrate on your vision for life Impacting lives is the best legacy you can live for and not some lover's issues. Note when you die... she will still live and you will just be a tale.(that if she will even remember you for 1week) Finally: Never love with your heart... Love with your head. You will be Good again... don't allow that girl to destroy your existence, there is more to love. 69 Likes |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nasri100(m): 10:00am On Jun 24, 2016 |
I stopped reading when you wanted to kill yourself? For what? A woman? Blood, ass and legs? Are you s tupid? 242 Likes 17 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nasri100(m): 10:02am On Jun 24, 2016 |
You have a job to make your mum proud and you want to waste that duty over a v a g i n a? 78 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by rummeh: 10:03am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Am here to read comments by relationship experts 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:07am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Smellymouth:thanks, thanks a lot. I appreciate. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:09am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Nasri100:forgive my nativity brother, we all learn each day 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:11am On Jun 24, 2016 |
SirAweezy:thanks brother.. GOD bless you real good 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:13am On Jun 24, 2016 |
ebbybest:Thanks dear, thanks for your encouragement and advice, I appreciate 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Smellymouth: 10:14am On Jun 24, 2016 |
ErnieSmallzz: Babaly, na me greet you pass oo ![]() 9 Likes 1 Share
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Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by cruzita(f): 10:16am On Jun 24, 2016 |
what is wrong with some girls these days ? oga LEAVE before u run mad for someone that isn't worth it . Occupy yourself with something u love doing and concentrate on your future more she will later come crying when she realises she left a gold for bronze 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by ErnieSmallzz(f): 10:19am On Jun 24, 2016 |
lol, babaly ke? Me is a girl na ![]() ![]() Smellymouth: 5 Likes |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:22am On Jun 24, 2016 |
cruzita:Thanks a lot, your advice is priceless 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Smellymouth: 10:24am On Jun 24, 2016 |
50 Likes 1 Share
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Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by iPopAlomo(m): 10:26am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Depression is real, depression is a dark place... Sank into one last month for 0.01 second and vowed never to return... I now understand depression better... Be strong OP... Live life and be hopeful... Optimism has its perks... They keep you afloat... Keep your chin up and don't drink as alcohol is a temporary fix... Yeah i pop alomo but i haven't popped one in six months... All in all... Stay safe... Yeah... Shag a few girls... You spread your emotions everywhere and become a Yoruba Demon... Like me... ![]() 31 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by dobys(f): 10:26am On Jun 24, 2016 |
amaraedec: PLEASE DONT EVER TRY DIS SHIT OF KILLING YOURSLF 4 SOME1. I KNW LOSSING SOME1 IS VERY HARD NOT TO TLK MORE OF A MOTHER.I PRAY GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGHT TO BEAR THIS HUGE LOSS. PLS FORGET ABT DT GIRL CUS ACCORDING TO UR STORY U DID NOTHING WRONG TO HER SOO SHES EVIL AND WICKED. U DID ALL A HUSBAND IS 2 DOO ESPECIALLY D PRIVACY STUFFS MEN DISREGARD DAT AND U GUYS ARE JST DATING. I KNW GOD WULD GIUE U SOME1 BETTER. TRY FOCUS ON GOD, BE WITH TRUE FRIENDS AND FAMILY DAT LOVE U, FOCUS ON UR JOB, BE CAREFUL DNT THINK ANY GIRL U CEE CAN REPLACE UR MUMS SPACE IN UR HEART. 12 Likes |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Mixty: 10:26am On Jun 24, 2016 |
@amaraedec You are a rookie. Only a rookie will fall "helplessly" in love with a girl and give her everything she asks or requests for. You became desperate When you give a lady all she requests for without noticing corresponding loyalty from her, her interest in you will naturally wane. As a guy, you have to learn the art of making a lady yearn for you. Becoming too available by always being there at a beck and call will make her lose interest. You should have maintained a balance. You became a conquered territory. It's only natural for her to lose interest. Now my advice... Maintain a distance from her for a while till you regain control of your emotions. It's for your own good. It might be for weeks or even months. Stay away till you take charge of your emotions. I understand you love her. But extremities are not good. You almost killed yourself because you became hopelessly and helplessly attached to her. It's very important as a man to think with both your head and heart in matters of love. For now, you think only with your heart. Your brain is currently in the cooler. Once you regain emotional control, you will think clearly and make the right decisions for your future, whether to stay or not. Of course, I know what I am asking you to do is hard. You will most likely take the easy way out - flowing with your current emotional attachments to her. But you will only subject yourself to more hurt in the future. In the meantime, relate with other ladies to spread the emotions. Occupy yourself with other activities you love. Spend time with friends and family too. That will take your mind off the pain gradually. 82 Likes 16 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by ebbybest(f): 10:28am On Jun 24, 2016 |
amaraedec:Any time.. Thanks for listening. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by foolinlove(f): 10:30am On Jun 24, 2016 |
You only have two choices. 1. Stay with her. On the knowledge that she's a cheater and will do it again and again. 2. Move on. Knowing that you will sleep easy as no one is cheating on you. It is not an easy choice. She is your true love. No on can make that choice for you. Unfortunately, sometimes your true love doesn't love you back. I am testament to that. I have also tried to end my life over mu true love. But if you choose option 2, you need to cut her off. The longer you have no contact with her the stronger you will be. Otherwise, she will be like a drug to you. You will crave her attention, when you get it you'll be high. So the best way is to cut off the "drug supply". Over time without her, the cravings will fade. You will move on. Also, be honest in yout next relationship if you have one. Let the lady know that your ex is your true love. You need to be honest in everything, so that you don't pass on the hurt that has been done to you. Bless and good luck. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:32am On Jun 24, 2016 |
iPopAlomo:lolz.. really funny. Thanks 3 Likes |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by kennylizzy(f): 10:34am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Yoruba adage say "if a man kills himsef cos of a woman, thousand of women will work on his grave" same wit a woman. I would say u stop picking her calls if u can't change ur line n focus on tinz dat will mak u greater n beta than the way she left u. May God heal ur broken heart. IT'S WELL 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by ErnieSmallzz(f): 10:35am On Jun 24, 2016 |
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Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by andysnoopy(m): 10:37am On Jun 24, 2016 |
All these people advising you to change your phone number reareally need to shove it! Men are naturally made to be strong emotionally and if you happen not to be strong, changing your number as a quick fix to your emotional problem will be nothing but a short term solution. The girl in question is cheating and is a serial cheater.. The advice for you on situation like this is to move on to the next girl... No matter what you have invested in the relationship, it still doesn't change the fact that she is not your wife! So stop acting like you have no choice! You are lucky that you discovered this before marrying her.. A cheat is a cheat, killing yourself won't change her!! She even brag to her children that a man once died for her in the future so quit being a mugu and man up!! The joy of her calling you while you are in a relationship is enough punishment for her.. so quit acting like you have no choice man... You do!! And the fact that there are more beautiful girls with values should be the encouragement you will need to put your life in order man!! Man up!! 53 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: GOING THROUGH A DEVASTATING BREAK UP. Please Help Me Friends!! Am Dying Silently by Nobody: 10:38am On Jun 24, 2016 |
dobys:I truly appreciate, may you find peace and happiness 4 Likes 1 Share |
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