A very close friend of mine just lost her virginity and she came asking me if she had made a mistake and when i asked her how she felt about it, she started to pour out her concerns to me. She had been dating this guy for a little over three years and although there was no direct pressure on her from the guy to give it up and she didn't want to loose him, knowingly fully well that he has always been sexually active with his past girlfriends. In the beginning of their relationship, there was little pressure from the guy, but later on he just accepted and loved her that way, even if she knew he was dying inside.

My friend told me that the main reason why she said she had to have sex with him was because she loved him and was scared of loosing him, but wasn't sure whether that was the right time. Now, she is scared that he might leave her for giving in (after 3 yrs). Please note that the lady is 24<27 yrs old and although he had been talking about marrying her, it wasn't going to happen until 3 years time. She doesn't know what to think again

I've told her that even if she thinks she made a mistake, she doesn't have the power to erase the past and no amount of advice that i gave her was able to sooth her, so I've come here for advice from fellow nairalanders and probably those who have experience as well. Right now, as i speak she is ashamed to talk to the guy nor even see him cos she thinks he might not respect her anymore.

Just because a woman looses her virginity to a man DOES NOT mean that he will marry her.


Correlation is NOT causation.

Loosing your virginity to a man does not mean that he will keep you. In fact, he can dump her after phucking her toto well, well DUMP HER to marry a beautiful, young virgin with a tight kitten.

So is Life ALL WOMEN HAVE TO BE SMART.

Kia Posa you are harsh now.

@Poster.

It seems this young lady was pressured indirectly to give up the goodies. I think she should talk to him about how she feels. As poskosa so eloquently put it, "Just because a woman looses her virginity to a man DOES NOT mean that he will marry her".

What she said was the friend was scared of losing the bf dats y she got down so u should modify your posts

Caspery:

A very close friend of mine just lost her virginity and she came asking me if she had made a mistake and when i asked her how she felt about it, she started to pour out her concerns to me. She had been dating this guy for a little over two years and although there was no direct pressure on her from the guy to give it up and she didn't want to loose him, knowingly fully well that he has always been sexually active with his past girlfriends. In the beginning of their relationship, there was little pressure from the guy, but later on he just accepted and loved her that way, even if she knew he was dying inside.

My friend told me that the main reason why she said she had to have sex with him was because she loved him and was scared of loosing him, but wasn't sure whether that was the right time. Now, she is scared that he might leave her for giving in (after 2 yrs). Please note that the lady is 24<27 yrs old and although he had been talking about marrying her, it wasn't going to happen until 2 years time. She doesn't know what to think again

I've told her that even if she thinks she made a mistake, she doesn't have the power to erase the past and no amount of advice that i gave her was able to sooth her, so I've come here for advice from fellow nairalanders and probably those who have experience as well. Right now, as i speak she is ashamed to talk to the guy nor even see him cos she thinks he might not respect her anymore.

^^^^^^ @ Ebony I don't mean to be harsh but its the UNFAIR truth. That men who go lurking for women to disvirgin whom they know they WILL NOT marry are sometimes BLESSED with young beautiful virgins. It bothers me, I wish they rot in hell and DIE. But its the unfair truth, I pray MEN DO WORSE to their daughters when they have ones.

1. Right I agree that she was indirectly pressured.

2. Communication is key and she should definitely talk to him

3. Unless he marries her, she should be prepared for the worst and get close to her family and friends in case a heartbreak happens.

Kunbee:

What she said was the friend was scared of losing the bf dats y she got down so u sholud modify your posts

I don't think that I would modify my posts because the truth remains, the mere fact that she lost her virginity doesn't mean that it will work out and even if the relationship does work out, DOES NOT mean that he will marry her.

Personally, I feel that men should NOT disvirgin women whom they know they dont' plan to marry. Go seek out a prostitute/another women who is already NOT a virgin. There are plenty of them around.

Her friend just have to live with her decision.

@@Posa

Im shocked literally. Some men here would be defending this man . Anyhoo I agree with you. I believe men shouldnt put pressure on girls who are not ready. Men will definitely do it to their daughters its a cycle that will continue unfortunately.

^^^^^^^^ why the face ?

posakosa:

Actually, why I believe that she was indirectly pressured is that I believe that HE must be doing something to make her feel that she was going to LOSE him.

_{Hence making her feel insecure.}

Yep I believe he was making "throw away" comments here and there. Probably flirting excessively with other girls in her face. _{He probably already cheated on her before she agreed to sleep with him because apparently he was sexually active before they met}

posakosa:

^^^^^^^^ why the face ?

it just pisses me off when some babes present themselves as fools to their partner all in the name of love

Ebonyeyes:

Yep I believe he was making "throw away" comments here and there. Probably flirting excessively with other girls in her face. _{He probably already cheated on her before she agreed to sleep with him because apparently he was sexually active before they met}

I concur. Even with the sex, Im sure he made her feel that she was not good enough, hence the current state of shame that she is feeling, 

@OP my advice to her is that she should keep her legs closed after the do and see how he reacts/accepts her for choosing to close her legs even though she has already "opened it." She can choose [b]not [/b]to continue.

y me:

it just pisses me off when some babes present themselves as fools to their partner all in the name of love

I see. Like the popular saying goes "There is no difference between love and madness" In fact, love IS a state of madness. You tend to do things/make decisions you normally wouldn't do/make. Scary I say!

posakosa:

I concur. Even with the sex, Im sure he made her feel that she was not good enough,[b][i] hence the current state of shame that she is feeling,  
[/b][/i]
@OP my advice to her is that she should keep her legs closed after the do and see how he reacts/accepts her for choosing to close her legs even though she has already "opened it." She can choose not to continue.

I agree with the bolded sentence. Its a sticky situation now (no pun intended ) If she closes her legs he might start mouthing off and make her feel even worse

I think she should not worry too much. If the relationship was meant to be, it will be regardless of she lost her virginity to him or not. I agree with most people on the indirect pressure on her. It may also be her just reflecting on her being disvirgined, it will not be easy to accept the first time especially since she valued her virginity a lot. She will get over the worries, Tell your friend not to be worried or ashamed, she can talk to the man about her feelings, if he is a good man he would reassure her that he still respects her regardless.

The decision lyes on the guy if his feelings and emotions for her are True , that is why great communication is required in a relationship before intimacy , she should be able to talk to him about how she feels and she only needs to be reasured that he still loves her and everything is fine ,

This sort of sounds like me and the relationship I just got out off, only I didnt sleep with him and Im happy I didnt. He would say all kinds of things like " what if i gave you a ring" would we have sex? I said abosoultely NOT, that is not marriage, and thats not commitment thats just u in lust, fool.
Any way i feel for ur friend because she really feels used and alone. She needs good friends like u, family and God at this time to help her pull thru. I wish she was smarter and left the fool immediately as soon as he started pressuring her, u know the sad but HARSH truth is guys will go to as many girls as possible to see what they can get and once they get it they are done and lose respect, so basically females cant win if they are virgins or not, its either these men are pressuring us to lose it or dont want us because we arent pure, they wanna run around and sleep with everything in a skirt and marry virgins at the end of the day but too bad because u cant eat ur cake and have it, hope all those kind of men go hell, that sounds bad but it really pisses me off!

and I still DONT understand why men dont treat other girls out there the way they would want their sisters or future daughters to be treated!!

Janeesa:

[b]This sort of sounds like me and the relationship I just got out off, only I didnt sleep with him and Im happy I didnt. He would say all kinds of things like " what if i gave you a ring" would we have sex? I said abosoultely NOT, that is not marriage, and thats not commitment thats just u in lust, fool.
Any way i feel for your friend because she really feels used and alone. She needs good friends like u, family and God at this time to help her pull thru. I wish she was smarter and left the fool immediately as soon as he started pressuring her, u know the sad but HARSH truth is guys will go to as many girls as possible to see what they can get and once they get it they are done and lose respect, so basically females cant win if they are virgins or not, its either these men are pressuring us to lose it or dont want us because we arent pure, they wanna run around and sleep with everything in a skirt and marry virgins at the end of the day but too bad because u cant eat your cake and have it, hope all those kind of men go hell, that sounds bad but it really pisses me off!

and I still DONT understand why men dont treat other girls out there the way they would want their sisters or future daughters to be treated!!

[/b]

I agree with everything you have written. It seems girls are damned if they do and damned if they dont. Have you seen threads here ridiculing virgins and acting like as if they are diseased, ugly creatures a man will not touch with a strangers d,,k? Ridi-fecking-culous. Best believe horrible goons will be doing the same to their sisters/nieces/cousins. These are usually the goons who beat up their sisters boyfriends because he messed up their sisters

Janeesa:


and I still DONT understand why men dont treat other girls out there the way they would want their sisters or future daughters to be treated!!

Well said. Its quite pathetic because the cycle of pain and sorrow will continue when the sins of fathers are visited on generations.

the guy in question was not at all wallowing in pain,i mean when the girl told him is not time yet,ofcorse he would be doing other girls secretly cos sex is something hes used to

@ Ebony eyes,

U know I dont understand it, virgins arent from another planet, and theres nothing wrong with being one, I'm one and I can say that it just makes it easier to pick from the dumb ass guys who want sex from the ones who are cool with out it,

I hv a cousin who holds that dumb ass double standard, hes had sex with over 30 girls yet he wants to marry a virgin, I just DONT understand. I told him one time if u want other guys to treat ur sisters right then u need to stop, but it sometimes seems like he doesnt care how guys treat his sisters bc deep down he knows he doesnt treat other people's sisters the right way, guys need to be REAL with themselves if the girl is a virgin leave her the HELL alone and stop trying to pressure her because at the end of the day u will say " ohhh i want a virgin oo!" man guys are so fkkin stupid sometimes it seriously PISSES ME OFF. if u want sex go to someone else whos willing and ready


@ posakosa,
I dont understand it ooo please help me out here, and u know the funniest part about the guy i was with was he acted like he really didnt even want a virgin to marry as if being a virgin was a bad thing, that stupid idiot,

Another virgin thread.Next

@Janeesa, right on point.

When i asked her why she had to stoop so low for the guy, she told me that he made her feel that virgins are not humans, worthless and inexperienced people who are incapable of satisfying their partners and so she didn't want to feel like such loser and just did it anyways.

Thankfully, She said she's planning on leaving him because she can't bear the shame of loosing it to him and wouldn't be able to bear the pain if he eventually leaves her, so it's better she leaves jejely on her own. I feel sorry for her though. I bet the guy is probably telling himself that he has scored "another" jackpot and would have started to see her as "the other loose girls in town". Well for me, i know that even if she has defiled her body which is the temple of God, it's not the end of the world for her. God is merciful and i believe would give her a happy fresh start. Anyway thats why i'll be there for her through it all. I just hope she gets over it fast. Na wa for MEN oo and their pressure(indirect or direct)

So this is one of the threads that got Amaka all hot and bothered.

He didn't press you for the sex even though he was sexually active. That surprises me a little, considering that there are only a few sexually active guys who can stay that strong for that long, without doing the deed. Are you sure he wasn't servicing another broad on the side?

Anyways, back to what I was saying. . . he wasn't pressing you for the sex, so why did you give it up? Were you Hot and did you want the sex really bad too? You claim that your love for the dude is what caused you to give it up, now you are here saying it was a mistake. You should have been sure of your decision before you decided to spread your loophole wide open.

If he leaves you because of that, he's just another bad apple that wasn't meant for you. You made a dumb decision that you gotta live with. You became part of an ever-growing statistic of girls who spread their pusssy for the wrong reason. You still got one life to live.

Girls are funny!!! How is he to blame? He made disparaging comments about virgins - Big deal. So if he said you should stick your hand in fire, you would.

Your friend needs to mature and look at herself. She is solely to blame. She was scared to lose him so she slept with him and now she is feeling bad. It is called her conscience. She knows she has done wrong and done it for the wrong reason. That is why she is making up excuses and bad behaviour reports to leave him.

I mean -

Thankfully, She said she's planning on leaving him because she can't bear the shame of loosing it to him and wouldn't be able to bear the pain if he eventually leaves her, so it's better she leaves jejely on her own. I feel sorry for her though.

I hope my gf never thinks like this!!

@janessa,that boyfriend of urs was only using a bait on u,if you would gulk it,simply cos he wants you to see no reason in virginity as something precious in ur sight and GOD'S sight,and deep down in him he would want to have one untouched by anyman later to marry, i just hope other girls can wisen up like you

For me i do blame the girl,like Janeesa,if he puts you down cuz you are virgin then he is not worth her,i guess she realized her mistake and she feeling bad,if you love a woman,you respect her opinion especially on sex and all that and the worst part is that,this sex thing is overrated,Men should be happy there girlfrens aren't indulged in sex.it will help you too at least have peace of mind.

Druss:

Girls are funny!!! How is he to blame? He made disparaging comments about virgins - Big deal. So if he said you should stick your hand in fire, you would.

Your friend needs to mature and look at herself. She is solely to blame. She was scared to lose him so she slept with him and now she is feeling bad. It is called her conscience. She knows she has done wrong and done it for the wrong reason. That is why she is making up excuses and bad behaviour reports to leave him.

I mean -

I hope my gf never thinks like this!!

So it is completely her fault abi? Some guys can pressure a girl to the point where she starts feelin guilty and horrible abt herself, some girls js have low self esteem thats the way it is, ANYWAY it is SOOOOOO SAD that guys can say they are strong because they can pump 70 pounds at the effing gym but CANT EVEN RESIST ONE LITTLE TEMPTATION, NA WA o

after two years of dating, the guy deserves it. the guy must really like her to have stuck around that long, therefore i dont think sex will make him loose interest.


Q.E.D