Hello everyone, i had to create a new profile to write this story in order to get your mature and genuine advise on this issue which will be appreciated. I will try to answer your questions while also making the narration short.

Husband- I'm married to a nice and pleasant man who up to two years ago was my friend and anchor but today he's a different person in many ways but this story is not about him.

Me-I'm an average person who tries to live life the best way I can. My MAJOR flaws according to my husband is that I like things being done right as much as possible. For examples,; if we have plan to do anything-savings, paying school fees, keeping secrets, etc. I expect us to live up to our word on such matters except we both agree to change things. My husband feels I am difficult and impossible because I won't condone wrong doing and i like things being done appropriately.(i understand mistakes but not persistent wrong doing).

My family-we are generally independent and so for example since I got married, my people has not requested any form of monetary assistance from my husband and they don't visit much except they come to assist or see my mum who stays with us to care for our child...

My husband's family-he is the youngest of the family. They are all older and in their up bringing older onse are ALWAYS right no matter what.

Issue-since I got married and put to bed twice, my husband's family has NEVER called my parents (before or after the wedding) to acknowledge this or thank them. When I was wondering what the issue is "my husband said his parents almost had an accident when they travelled back home after our wedding and that my parents did not call them (none of us me or my family members was aware of this until about two years ago). Right now, unfortunately, I lost my Dad who came to see us and the grandchild I just had...My husband dropped him at a bus stop he's suppose to take a bus home from-he died in an accident on his way home. Now, my in-laws have still not called mum and my husband expect me to have a good relationship with his family or else he will be worse than he is. It is so bad that his elder brother came to the house and did not greet my mum, this is not the first time and my husband said he spoken with him about it.


Please advise how you will handle this situation as a man or woman.

Also, is marriage about becoming a slave to one's husband's family?
How do you have a good relationship with a family who does not acknowledge your family?

By the way, my husband suggested burying my Dad in a vault (leaving his body for the cemetery people to do whatever they like after the burial)because he felt we had a week to bury my father and this caused a major issue with my brothers who felt hurt by his statement in view of how my Dad died. Since then, he said my brothers has been direspecting him-one of them has never even been to my house since I got married.

Forgive the typos.

Seun and co please move this to front page.

I'm cc chaircover and co

Is that all?

Maybe me sha

But your hubby seem nonchalant
Yes he might be the best man ever but nonchalant attitude kills relationship faster
He's not concerned about your feelings

Shrugs


I dunno what you can do sha

Which kind of mean family did you marry into, bikonu? Ha, God forbid these kind of in-laws. Tufia!

Tearoses, thorpido, TV01 and other experienced married people, your input is needed.

A sad story here. sorry, ma. waiting for the wise ones to come offer their advice

Apologies ma, I think you are too petty.

hmm, this is normal family pro,not that complicated. it is not compulsory for his family visit you, and u can never change an adult by force. Try to endure him, concentrate on the positive side. u have a great family

There's always two sides to every story. OP i'm sure if your husband narrated his story, we will all sympathize with him. There has to be more to this story but of course you will portray yourself as the angel and your husband as the devil... You may not like this, but the most active demographic of nairaland users these days are 13 -19yrs old, what kind of advice do you really expect them to give you? Some of them will soon use your story as a meme; don't be surprised if one of them post something like "Your inlaws & satan are like 5 and 6" with the picture of president zuma joining both fingers and smiling sheepishly. I would advice you sit with your husband and tell him how you feel about his family's behavior towards your family. Communication is key in every relationship. If that doesn't work, then seek the services of a professional marriage counselor.
I wish you luck in your marriage.

Hello,I think this is a normal routine happening in most homes, but the fact that you came to look for a solution shows that you are not altogether a difficult person
But the truth is that from the tone of your write up, I can see somebody who has not understood the difference between family and business associates. When you realise that your husband is your family and not some body you are in business with, some of these complains you see will naturally go away.

Marriage is based on the system. A FALSE sense of power that enables the woman gets a man locked down. Be it via religion or the constitution.

Monogamy is a selfish based union not meant for men or women who cherish their freedom

Marriage has no method ...

Face whatever that comes out of ur marriage with prayers and patient

Make l read am

Life is full of ups and downs. So to succeed in any aspect of life be it marriage or any other union, one needs to focus more on the positive side of it no matter how small it appears.

Develop strong mindset and assure yourself that all is well. Talk to your husband about your feeling, but don't make it look as if you're blaming him or his family. Rather your observation and opinion on way forward.

Such is life - no perfect person or perfect condition

Woow

Damn...this aint good.

@poster

Before I comment...
Is the issue ur husband or his family or both?

You married your husband, not your in-laws...

Be happy they don't poke nose sef

Hmm!


Mindfulness

okay

From where Im standing you are a control freak and you display over domineering tendencies.

Your husband married you, you didnt marry him. He married you, and not your father and mother.
By African traditions, your family should respect him and his family and not the other way around.

From where i am standing he may be igbo whie you are yoruba, so cultural differences are expected. Every marriage is full of odd controversies here n there.

You all need to make peace.You should try and reach out to your in-laws.
First talk to your husband on the need to be at peace with each other.Get your husband to also talk to his family members.
Make a call to your in-laws to greet them and since your mum is there,let her talk too when you make the call.
Find time to talk to visit your in-laws,you should do that at least once a year.

Sorry about your dad's passing.Your siblings and your mum(with other relatives) should determine how your dad should be buried.Your husband doesn't determine that.

Women and husband people

ifenes:
Marriage is based on the system. A FALSE sense of power that enables the woman gets a man locked down. Be it via religion or the constitution.

Monogamy is a selfish based union not meant for men or women who cherish their freedom

Monogamy is slavery

Twinkleme:
Hello everyone, i had to create a new profile to write this story in order to get your mature and genuine advise on this issue which will be appreciated. I will try to answer your questions while also making the narration short.

Husband- I'm married to a nice and pleasant man who up to two years ago was my friend and anchor but today he's a different person in many ways but this story is not about him. ease move this to front page.

I'm cc chaircover and co

Sorry for ur lost!
I think ur too attached to ur family (am sorry) dou most women are.
Focus on ur immediate family and block ur ear from any other angle.

Men don't like rigid women especially though men (Leos) they have ego and if u want to see their monster, challenge them. But they are the best in love.

He still love you. Just cool down, don't be hard to him, he will give you the world.

My advise:
Slow down
Respect and don't challenge him.
Only give your suggestion, don't impose it on him or force him, allow him to be the head.
Let him make decision and if he fails on his plan, don't blame him, just support him to move on, next time he will listen to u.

You really need patience, take away that mindset of seeing things between your family and his as a point for competition or show of superiority. Marriage is meant to bring two families as one and you are the key character in this case. You seem not to get that, instead you are being one sided, at least in the first instance (his family had accident after leaving your marriage and you didn't know) didn't you and your hubby call to know about their return trip? They were your guest remember. Leave your husband to work on his family.
Anyway be more concerned about building your immediate family else all this will cause ga/seperation between you and your husband.