danbrowndmf:
lol. Goodmorning...are u back?

Toks2008:


May GOD bless you..you just nailed it....WE FALL IN LOVE BECAUSE OF WHAT WE CAN GET and not because we are carried away by true love

A guy dating a typical naija babe should be ready to let go of the lady if she sees an American sweet guy ready to marry her..

But in the case of a rich lady who is not freaked about materialism then she can be with a man for another reason like his cuteness or maybe sexual ability or caring nature and the day she stops seeing those reasons, the love starts fading.

Omoge please just forget this thing called love..na wash.

fixedhollies:
Will ur class be on d net?

kenex4ever:
U are smart! Send me your accnt no

ogorwyne:

You just defined love using God. And yeah I agree. You mentioned commitment also and I concur. Love can never stand on its own. Come to think of it, I think other things are more important than love in relationships. Love dies, those other things make marriages Work. God, Commitment, Trust, and a host of others. Only God can love u till the end. Talk to couples.

And how about we talk about love from a differnt angle, how about those that don't believe in God? Does it mean Love isn't for them? Since you said its the presence of God between two people.

I could still learn from u if am wrong.
Ur name sounds like a friends name, his is Udiomuno Samuel. Good morning

TheRealestGuy:
Ok, lemme see if I can make sense to you.

Firstly, when comparing kinds of live I don't think anyone should use the love of God as comparism. We are mere humans.

That said, I need you to tell me something, do you believe that unconditional love exists or can exist in a family unit, between father and children, mother and children and so on? Cos you keep saying love is about what one can get from the relationship as if the only relationships on earth are romantic ones.

Second question - if your answer to the first is yes, dont you think the same kind of love (unconditional) found in a family unit can be extended to someone outside the unit who due to years of friendship and memories comes to become your "blood"?

The mistake you keep making is having a parochial view of the word love hence your gross misinterpretation.

Funny thing is so many people also have the same parochial view about love and it's annoying.

Lastly, you say you're a realist but how come you're seeking for perfection where it can never be found (humans)?

If I have the capacity to love my dad even till old age then why will you conclude that same kind of unconditional love cannot be extended to someone else (maybe a girl) who has come to matter in my life as much as my dad?

Hope I made sense?

montezz:

Yes! There was this guy I loved so much that even till now I can't say this is why I love him. He wasn't worth it but I truly loved him without reason. I believe in love (because what I do for someone, it's not for him /her but for me).But few people find those commitments useless.Finding love is not that easy, but giving love is under your control so u can give it to others.

Toks2008:
Can you love without a reason and unconditionally? What is the true definition of love?

I strongly believe that real and unconditional love only exist from God to man but anyone who believes in human love is a big dummy.

Toks2008:


Yeah you did.

The truth remains that we just might find 1 in a million instance of true love but in the real sense, love between a man and woman in a romantic affair is a facade.

So shall we say we wil not marry and raise a family? NO..we just have to look for a condition that pleases us to be with another and then try to keep that condition alive.

Toks2008:


You keep impressing me.

Those who i can say are capable of loving are the teenagers who mostly have pure hearts and that is why you see a girl of 17 ready to elope with a lover who can't even feed himself but then if you ask her why she "loves" the guy she will still lame things like.."he is fine, tall, has teddy and 6packs" ...

As long as there is a reason for loving then forget those 4 letter words.

This is why I pity ladies who think a man truly loves them because they propose marriage to them

Its either he loves your curves, your outward beauty, your manners, your cooking ability or sexual prowess..but take that thing away from him and watch him change or worse still as soon as he has gotten enough of whatever endeared him to you he will start hunting for a new one.

TheRealestGuy:
The bolded is that parochial view I mentioned earlier.

It is a very wrong thing to classify and group different kinds of love if it's the real one - agape. Agape love cannot be classified by who the relationship is with, whether father-children and brother-sister.

The "real love" which I presume is what you're talking about is agape love and it is not a facade.

Agape love can exist between a man and a woman in a romantic relationship and this is a fact.

And your one in a million theory is just an opinion cos I know you did not do any research or survey in that regard to come up with such figures.

Open up your mind and begin to see 'love' in the real, true and agape sense of it.

That kind of love you spoke about in your original post is not true or agape love.

Synonyms of that kind of "love" you've been trying so hard to debunk include - lust, infatuation, obsession, etc. It is far from the real deal.

Also please don't ever think that it is possible to love even in the real sense without any reason cos even God loves us because He created us.

Our parents love us because they brought us to the world. Love We love them right back cos they cared for us and nurtured us.

My problem with your view is saying that love between a man and a woman is for what both parties can gain or benefit, it is a very distorted view. Such "love" is not the real thing and can be classified into one of the kinds of "love" I mentioned earlier.

Funny thing is that you're right in a sense that such selfish kinds of love is just for benefits and pleasure. Where you may just be very wrong is that you didn't take out time to explain that those kinds of love are not the real deal.

Here's the definition of the real kind of love I've been talking about:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Oahray:
I like your train of thoughts... However it's still rigged with hiccups which I find odd coming from someone supposedly objective.

First you assume that love is meant to be unconditional. I wonder why you think so. Where have you seen unconditional love in the universe? Nobody loves unconditionally. Even God doesn't love unconditionally.

Then because you rightly observed that human love cannot be unconditional, you proceed to call it a selfish scam. That's also an odd conclusion, seeing that people make sacrifices for others everyday, at times even at the risk of major discomfort or even the possibility of death. Self-sacrifice is what marks love for others as true or selfless, not the presence of conditions.

What I think is, your assumption that every condition is selfish is the reason you believe love is supposed to be unconditional, and your belief in the latter is why you believe love doesn't exist between humans.

So, yes... I believe in love; even romantic love between a man and a woman. It is very much conditional but it can be selfless and enduring. Depends on alot of things.

slim49z:


Love ko love ni! My first girlfriend left me when I was a broke ass student for a working class dude. And my second girlfriend left me after my NYSC cos I got no job.

Now the second girlfriend wants to come back cos I have hustled and made my dough and professing to me she has never stopped loving me. Who is fooling who! I told her to look for another car park, period.

For every love, there's a reason - believe that!!

Toks2008:


I never said I don't believe in love.

I believe in self centered love, conditional love and that to me is fair enough.

I marry you for a reason and you do same..we keep those reasons alive we remain together and if I bleep up you either forgive me, tolerate or leave and vis-a-vis. That's how the cookie crumbles.

Owliver:
sorry to disappoint you. even the religious God don't love unconditionally. he doesn't love sinners. he has a lake of fire for them. He only loves those who worship him and it is said he will give them mansions in heaven.

so even the religious God loves for a purpose.

Toks2008:


You just explained a theoretic side of love but practically Agape love only exists from God to man and any other type of love is wash.

Let's be frank..a lady loves me cos I care..I stop caring..she stops loving and maybe starts tolerating

I love a lady cos she is pleasing to my eyes, cooks well and fears God but the day she stops cooking for me for no justifiable reasons and she starts rebelling and showing signs of Godlessness I may remain with her cos of tolerance but not love.

Tolerance is what makes many marriages stand today and not love cos no human is able to love without a reason.

Oahray:
I like your train of thoughts... However it's still rigged with hiccups which I find odd coming from someone supposedly objective.

First you assume that love is meant to be unconditional. I wonder why you think so. Where have you seen unconditional love in the universe? Nobody loves unconditionally. Even God doesn't love unconditionally.

Then because you rightly observed that human love cannot be unconditional, you proceed to call it a selfish scam. That's also an odd conclusion, seeing that people make sacrifices for others everyday, at times even at the risk of major discomfort or even the possibility of death. Self-sacrifice is what marks love for others as true or selfless, not the presence of conditions.

What I think is, your assumption that every condition is selfish is the reason you believe love is supposed to be unconditional, and your belief in the latter is why you believe love doesn't exist between humans.

So, yes... I believe in love; even romantic love between a man and a woman. It is very much conditional but it can be selfless and enduring. Depends on alot of things.

TheRealestGuy:
The bolded is that parochial view I mentioned earlier.

It is a very wrong thing to classify and group different kinds of love if it's the real one - agape. Agape love cannot be classified by who the relationship is with, whether father-children and brother-sister.

The "real love" which I presume is what you're talking about is agape love and it is not a facade.

Agape love can exist between a man and a woman in a romantic relationship and this is a fact.

And your one in a million theory is just an opinion cos I know you did not do any research or survey in that regard to come up with such figures.

Open up your mind and begin to see 'love' in the real, true and agape sense of it.

That kind of love you spoke about in your original post is not true or agape love.

Synonyms of that kind of "love" you've been trying so hard to debunk include - lust, infatuation, obsession, etc. It is far from the real deal.

Also please don't ever think that it is possible to love even in the real sense without any reason cos even God loves us because He created us.

Our parents love us because they brought us to the world. Love We love them right back cos they cared for us and nurtured us.

My problem with your view is saying that love between a man and a woman is for what both parties can gain or benefit, it is a very distorted view. Such "love" is not the real thing and can be classified into one of the kinds of "love" I mentioned earlier.

Funny thing is that you're right in a sense that such selfish kinds of love is just for benefits and pleasure. Where you may just be very wrong is that you didn't take out time to explain that those kinds of love are not the real deal.

Here's the definition of the real kind of love I've been talking about:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

villareal15:


Well said!! Op. Always on point

iykenathan162:



thanx bro, I love yr level of reasoning and presentation of points

nma24:
But the menfolk can love unconditionally? Was there a reason to your loving these girls or you never loved them

TheRealestGuy:
Please answer these two questions below.

Are you saying that agape love cannot exist in the family unit?

If you know that agape love can and does exist within the family unit, why do you not accept that the same agape love can be extended to people other than those in one's family unit (gf or wife inclusive)?

I have you the definition of real love and you say it is theoretical?

Anyway, my kind of love (even for my gf) is the agape type and not because of what I can gain or benefit from the relationship, after all no matter what it is she has to offer, there are a thousand and one girls out there who have same and even better. It's the fact that she has come to be more than just a gf, she's like family to me.

You still see love from a parochial and selfish point of view and it's your undoing.


By the way, those attributes of love as outlined in the holy bible are not theoretical but things we should endeavour to put into practise in our daily lives so as to become better humans and better "lovers" in the real sense of the word.

Don't you dare say they are not achievable or feasible or practical cos you are unwilling practise true and real love but prefer to continue to see love from a very stunted and selfish point of view.

If you don't change this mentality of yours you may find yourself forever unfulfilled in your relationships in life.

Toks2008:


Why write up is focused on romantic love and not within family unit so I prefer to stick with that.

Even in the family unit love is mostly selfish and self centered but that is a topic for another day.

tosyne2much:
Na wife I find come this thread ooooo

TheRealestGuy:
That means I've been wasting time with you cos all I've been trying to make you understand is that if you're talking about true and real love, then it is one and the same whether in the family unit or between a man and woman.

You need to be more open minded and admit being wrong at times, this is the only way to reconfigure our brains to learn new things and discard long held notions which may be very erroneous and even injurious to one's mental, emotional and physical well being.

No need trying to convince you any further, you're probably beyond help at this point.

Last Bullet: Please make sure you begin to practise and live by the true definition of love as outlined in the holy bible cos that is the only way to achieve a fulfilled love life.

Ciao bro...

Toks2008:


OK sir, I definitely will. Thanks.