OLAADEGBU:
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?

OLAADEGBU:
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?

TV01:


A Christian can by all means separate if they feels they are in real danger, but it is not grounds for divorce. Not to mention that "abuse" covers an almost interminable spectrum these days.


TV

OLAADEGBU:
Why is physical abuse not grounds for divorce?

TV01:

Because;
1. Physical abuse could be mild
2. it could be a one-off, situationally driven event
3. It could be dealt with effectively - healing and reconciliation should always be the first recourse
4. It's not given as grounds for divorce
5. There are no grounds for divorce in a consummated marriage

Further, even if you separate (you cannot remarry) unless your spouse dies - I am not counselling murder 0! - even if you call that separation "divorce". That's Christianity - I didn't write the rules


TV

OLAADEGBU:


Take Muafrika2's case scenario as an example. What would you have counselled the husband to do in that situation (before he ended up dead).

TV01:


I don't know of the case which you refer too, or if they are/were a Christian couple. However if he felt he was in danger, he could, as I said in my initial post, have separated, with a view to forgiveness, healing and reconciliation.

I always smile when people shout divorce as a response to abuse - divorce that can take ages to process . And it's always a case of extreme physical abuse to the point of death when they give an example, but plain abuse of any description, almost abstract, when looking for cause .

What I've written is the Christian way, take it or leave it, it's not by force. You can even keep the label .


TV

OLAADEGBU:
There is emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and so on. If the abusive spouse refuses that the abused be separated what should they do, remain?

TV01:


Let me laugh first .

TV01:


Unless one or both spouses are perfect, technically at least one is suffering abuse to some degree. A wife that is poor with money is essentially abusive by your reckoning. Does her husband seek a separation, or help her towards perfection as part of the "sanctification" of wives calling the bible places on husbands. Or a husband with an incipient alcohol problem. Is seperation the first recourse for a godly wife ?

TV01:


Your presumptions, and whole thrust are from a worldly mindset, and don't even bare the light of milky Christianity . Like I said, any level, degree, or type of abuse to establish cause, then extreme to the point of death abuse as examples.

TV01:


Perhaps my presumption of discussing with a Christian is wrong?


TV

thesicilian:


No one who abuses his wife deserves to be married to her. If your husband abuses you, especially physically, you have 2 options: Either to stay and pray it gets better, with the possibility of you one day becoming severely brutalized or ending up dead, or you file for divorce and live your life alone or with someone else who appreciates you.

OLAADEGBU:
It is not funny to those at the extreme end of an abusive relationship.

OLAADEGBU:
I am not looking for grounds for divorce on the first recourse. I am looking at when it comes to the point of death or psychological damage.

OLAADEGBU:
Are you only addressing Christian marriages? Even if they are Christians why should a spouse remain in an abusive marriage to the point of death?

OLAADEGBU:
Is your counsel only reasonable to Christian couples?

crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible.

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor.

OLAADEGBU:
Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'?

TV01:

I laugh some more .

Your opener simply stated "abuse". You later classified several types. Presumably they all have degrees, or are they all prima-facie reason for instant divorce? "Laughs some more"

TV01:


As above you didn't state that in opening, you "artfully disguised it. And then again when you listed several other types of "abuse".

You are trying it again here when you state "psychological damage" - ones wifes cooking gives him headache - is that an out

TV01:


I appreciate that not everyone subscribes to Christian doctrine or commandments - even if they leverage the label - so I think it good practice to disclaim.

You are still flailing about trying to make sense of this. Firstly, a Christian marriage built on the right foundations will not have such serious issues. Non-Christian marriages sef. Secondly, no one wakes up one day at the point of death. There is always a trajectory and a timeline as things deteriorate. Action should be taken early, before harm, serious harm, or death are in view.

And the first recourse at any point is not divorce. It's always, forgiveness, healing and reconciliation - for Christians. And whatever you do, it does not presuppose re-marriage, if your spouse is still alive. So call it abeyance, hiatus, separation, time apart, divorcement, whatever.

TV01:


I reckon any mature person will get it, even if they don't hold to Christian doctrine.

How old, and what religion are you


TV

Mindfulness:


Amen.

I thought Christians also swear to love, cherish, protect and respect each other.

...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible.

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor.

crackhaus:

My dear, trust me...I don't know how to deceive myself, which is why I'm not a regular church goer so I can't really qualify as an effective believer.

Which is why I stand by this:

[size=16pt]It isn't by force to have a Christian (church) marriage when you believe in divorce.[/size]

I've said my own.

OLAADEGBU:
Abuse is abuse there is no use embellishing it.

OLAADEGBU:
All types of abuse is wrong and should not be condoned. It is against the law of the land, especially in developed countries.

OLAADEGBU:
No one should remain in an abusive relationship. It's either they do something about it or separate for good.

OLAADEGBU:
Whatever age or religion you belong to there is no excuse for an abusive relationship. The fact that it is allowed in your religion or culture does not make it right. It is against the law of the land which makes it a civil offence and this should be reported to the necessary authorities wherever it occurs before it becomes too late.

OLAADEGBU:


Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'?

Mindfulness:


I know.



That's exactly the reason why I wouldn't want to do it but if we consistently apply this logic, then 99% of all Christians would be excluded from church because we would also have to say this:

If you lie, you shouldn't go to church.
If you have premarital s.ex, you shouldn't call yourself a Christian.
If you hate on people, you are not a Christian.

The list is looooooooonger.

But the beauty of this religion is that Jesus taught forgiveness - even for the worst of sins.

So all a Christian has to do, is to go and confess and repent.
And the cycle closes and continues.

crackhaus:

Well, I can't say people who do those things shouldn't go to church, but they definitely shouldn't call themselves Christians.
And don't get it twisted, a lot of people DO NOT pray for forgiveness. They just assume their presence in church automatically cleanses sins.

Did you know that part of the reason Nigeria is the way it is, has a little something to do with our false sense of religion?
- Politicians do what they want with our collective wealth, but because they go to church on Sundays to give million-naira tithes and donations, they believe all is forgiven.

- The average Nigerian who hates on his/her neighbour, speaks ill of him/her, cheats, envies, fornicates, and basically breaks at least one of the 10 commandments every single day, still assumes Sunday service is enough to cleanse it all.

This is the only reason people can confidently swear an oath that should only be broken by death, and then use all sorts of sentiments to explain why they can't keep the oath—well, news flash: If you can't keep it, don't take it.
The courts and most traditional practices recognize abuse as a very good reason for divorce...so peeps best stick with marrying ONLY within the confines of the law and not the scriptures.

I do not judge though, I just think Christians ought to pick a side.
You are either for God or for the devil, no such thing as one leg in one leg out.

Mindfulness:


I agree and yet think that it's impossible to love yourself and accept abuse in the name of marriage. And for me it is not the one who divorces who broke the covenant but the abuser who promised to love and cherish and what not in the first place. The moment you disrepect your spouse, is the moment when the covenant is broken. Simple logic.

You are either sticking to the vows or you aren't and the vows contain more than just sticking around for the sake of sticking around.

TV01:

I laugh some more .

Your opener simply stated "abuse". You later classified several types. Presumably they all have degrees, or are they all prima-facie reason for instant divorce? "Laughs some more"


As above you didn't state that in opening, you "artfully disguised it. And then again when you listed several other types of "abuse".

You are trying it again here when you state "psychological damage" - ones wifes cooking gives him headache - is that an out


I appreciate that not everyone subscribes to Christian doctrine or commandments - even if they leverage the label - so I think it good practice to disclaim.

You are still flailing about trying to make sense of this. Firstly, a Christian marriage built on the right foundations will not have such serious issues. Non-Christian marriages sef. Secondly, no one wakes up one day at the point of death. There is always a trajectory and a timeline as things deteriorate. Action should be taken early, before harm, serious harm, or death are in view.

And the first recourse at any point is not divorce. It's always, forgiveness, healing and reconciliation - for Christians. And whatever you do, it does not presuppose re-marriage, if your spouse is still alive. So call it abeyance, hiatus, separation, time apart, divorcement, whatever.


I reckon any mature person will get it, even if they don't hold to Christian doctrine.

How old, and what religion are you


TV

crackhaus:

You're right, both people broke the covenant at the end of the day.

To avoid all that, people should not take the Christian oath—saves each other from arguing about who first broke it.

crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible.

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor.

Once I read the topic, my spidey senses told me you would be here.