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My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by EngrWanted: 7:20am On Sep 24, 2016 |
With the torrent of support advices I received in the last thread, I am compelled to put up this one and sincerely need your contributions to take the best decision. I dated a lady for three years while she was in the medical school in a private University and at the time I was taking care of her tuition and other sundry elements not forgetting we were live in lovers during school recession and when she finally graduated. I've even visited her parents for a light introduction on her insistence cos according to her 2 other gentlemen living in US and UK are equally coming for her hand in marriage. I discovered that her mother is favourably disposed to the American guy because he's a referral from his younger brother who also live in USA. But the lady in question loves me and didn't want to yield to her parents advice particularly her mother who I believe is doing so for material benefits. The problem is we fixed a date to carry out a light traditional ceremony where both families were fully present including her kinsmen, call it a mini traditional marriage and when the ceremony was coming to an end, my woman dad stood up and start giving me "conditions" in the presence of everyone. The conditions includes : 1. I'll allow their daughter continue her education in USA which expenses will be sponsored by her uncle staying in Lagos. 2. They'll never attend any marriage ceremony held in any church except Catholic Church 3. I must never lay hand on my wife. After he made the pronunciation, the most elder man in their family stood up and reprimand him. Caution him and indeed it was really a warning as the old man told him he cannot decide for another man how to run his family. After the episode I decided to put further marriage arrangements on hold and months past I asked her to look for another man. The fact is I am not comfortable marrying into her family again but this girl has been calling giving unending excuses for her parent. Should I continue facing front or I should give the marriage a shot? Thanks |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by rvpbae: 10:16am On Sep 24, 2016 |
Give the marriage a shot?? You talk as if it's a game, as per trial and error. I believe that doesn't happen in marriages. Honestly, I can't tell yoy what to do but if you go ahead with it, you are stuck with it and you will live your life fighting the family. 3 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by sisisioge: 10:33am On Sep 24, 2016 |
Hmmmm, this doesn't look like an issue o. FIL was too forward, his uncle called him to order...issue resolved! Marry your wife if you love her enough, marry her in her parents catholic church pls. Most parents would rather see their children married in their churches...no biigy. And ofcourse, you dont need anyone to advise you against hitting her abi? Where is the issue? Pls stop being a chronic bachelor oga, marry her if shes worth living with. 26 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Dyt(f): 10:51am On Sep 24, 2016 |
Is number 3 an issue to you? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 11 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by EfemenaXY: 11:20am On Sep 24, 2016 |
I honestly don't get what the issue is. EngrWanted: Your lady / fiancée is a medical graduate and it's only normal that she'll want to further her studies in her field, albeit in the U.S.A. Her uncle will be footing the bill so that eases the pressure off you. So what's your problem with that? Pride? Can you afford to shoulder that responsibility 100% or is it that you don't want her to further her studies at all, because what? You're insecure? Is that what the real issue is? If it is, then I'm sorry, you're what we call a dream killer husband. Re: wedding in the Catholic Church, her parents do have a point. One of the seven sacraments undertaken by Catholics is a promise and comittment to wed in the Catholic Church and bring up their kids as Catholics. Additionally, for a marriage between a catholic and non-catholic to take place in the Catholic Church, you the non-Catholic will be expected to 'convert'. i.e get baptised, receive holy communion, and be confirmed in the Catholic Church. You may not like this, and you certainly don't have to do any of these, but that's just the way it is. If you love her enough, it's a sacrifice you'll just have to make unless of course she's open to switching over, and from what you've written, that seems unlikely given her family background of staunch Catholics. But either way, it's a good thing you bring this up now and thrash out your differences because this issue will certainly rear it's head again when you start having kids, and decisions will have to be made on where they'll worship. So it's better you have those uncomfortable discussions now, rather than later. Re: your third point, is that an issue with you? Really? 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Ishilove: 11:25am On Sep 24, 2016 |
EfemenaXY, it's like Aunty Spam Butt has arrested you ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by EfemenaXY: 11:40am On Sep 24, 2016 |
^^ Tut-tut Ishi ![]() |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 11:44am On Sep 24, 2016 |
The two things a man must worry about when thinking about marriage: in laws and landlord. OP. I'll have you know sometimes, the truth is staring right at you, you can choose to see it, or you can choose to ignore it. What kind of a man openly state that another man is going to sponsor his daughter's education abroad? OP, since you paid this girl's tuition fee, I'm sure the man who is going to pay her tuition abroad is the one recommended by her brother. It's no news some parents use their daughters as a means of getting material things from men. The girl's father is a shameless he-goat! First allowing another man pay his daughter's tuition fee, then openly saying you should allow 'her uncle' pay her tuition fee when she school abroad. I tell you, if you marry this girl, her father is going to leech on you and he'll milk you dry as his demands will never seize. Any man who can't take responsibility for his daughters education is a bad father in law in waiting. So my advice to you is to follow your heart and do what you feel/think is best, because only you have seen the negative and positive side of this people. 7 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by PresVA: 11:48am On Sep 24, 2016 |
Giving you conditions infront of everyone was disrespectful. These are stuffs he should have simply discussed with you amicably.. Is your fiancee currently studying in the US? If yes, then it's understandable why his dad gave the first condition . He wouldn't want you to terminate his daughter's career. .even though it's not in his place to decide that anymore. What church do you attend op? You should have no issue with condition 3 ![]() It's like the family is way richer than yours hence all these 'bruohaha' ..I can imagine what your fiancee is going through trying to convince her family. . it's up to you to decide whether to go ahead or not, you should know whether the love/happiness you share with your fiance is worth it... Then nothing like giving marriage a 'shot', marriage no be trial and error. .it's either you're in or out! Wish you the best.. 3 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by EngrWanted: 11:52am On Sep 24, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: The conditions were really an issue at the time. Putting clause to a marriage and you can understand when an over 90+ old man made his reservation. My people were just hissing and conversing in low tone when the provocative statement were made by my ex father. The notion of putting me down just to pass judgment is entirely inconsistent with my reservation as regards her education. Read where I stated I was instrumental to her education at some point. My problem is she never discussed anything furthering education over sea and why should I hear from her father? It's supposed to be she and I making that decision and not I being teleguided by her family. On the religious ground, I've no qualms but inserting it as a condition makes it demeaning. He could've discuss it with me on the sideline and not giving commandments. The last issue is understandable but putting it up as a warning wasn't entertaining to say the least. 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 11:53am On Sep 24, 2016 |
EfemenaXY:No Sane man should allow another man foot the bill of his woman. Knowing that the lady's brother is in the U.s and he's recommending another man who lives in the U.S for her to marry is a no no. Re: wedding in the Catholic Church, her parents do have a point. One of the seven sacraments undertaken by Catholics is a promise and comittment to wed in the Catholic Church and bring up their kids as Catholics. Additionally, for a marriage between a catholic and non-catholic to take place in the Catholic Church, you the non-Catholic will be expected to 'convert'. i.e get baptised, receive holy communion, and be confirmed in the Catholic Church.Seven sacrament? Now that sounds very cultish, don't you think so? At the emboldened, any man or woman who believes his or her partner must sacrifice what he or she can't sacrifice is somebody anybody who knows what he or she is doing shouldn't even consider getting married to. 7 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by thorpido(m): 12:00pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
There's no issue here oga. You knew she's a catholic from the beginning.Catholics prefer to wed in their churches and you need to go through the marriage requiremens too in the church.You should have been prepared for that. I don't see any issue with an uncle sponsoring your fiance's education after marriage as long as he's not a sugar daddy. The issue of not laying your hands on her should not even be a point. Go ahead as long as you are sure of your fiancee's love and commitment. 2 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 12:03pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
thorpido:If you don't see any issue in an uncle sponsoring a man's wife in her education, then you shouldn't see any issue if that uncle start fucking_ her. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Onegai(f): 12:17pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
Hmm, her father could have handled it better. Him telling you not to beat his child, I'm good with that. Church issue is common, let it slide, at least you should enjoy your marital classes. The schooling issue, well, people have seen how a woman makes plans, get married and the plans get derailed by her husband horribly with disastrous effect. You don't know if they have personally seen a competent well-trained lady end up selling tomatoes in the market because of an overbearing husband (it has happened). If I were supporting a lady with schoolfees and she was living with me and telling me she has 2 other suitors so I should man up, I'd give her a tender kiss on her forehead and send her own her way to the other guys. If I'm acting committed to you and you're brandishing other people to my face, I will freaking take your bluff. I'm a betting girl. I think you should call your woman and ask her what she wants. Her mum has a candidate, she seems not to have discussed her future plans with you (nothing wrong with a relative paying for her schooling but shouldn't you have known about her plans to continue her studies beforehand, since you're marrying her?) And her father is generally treating you as if you're being "managed", not as a good choice. You're being treated like they can sense something "off" about you. Or maybe they have seen things they cannot really discuss right now with their daughter. I dunno... Dude, tell your woman to make her plans known to you and both of you plan together. 7 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 12:19pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:Nnaaa eh ![]() 8 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 12:26pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
TheArchangel:Ya ne, You lack the ability to think critically, I hope you know "uncle" doesn't necessarily mean, uncle sometimes? 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 12:31pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:You do also lack critical thinking abilities. Uncle means uncle unless otherwise stated. 9 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 12:35pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
TheArchangel:This is why you lack depth and critical thinking ability. Believing there's always one side of a coin. 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by nnamdibig(m): 12:46pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
You have seen it all, it's left for you to decide, but you should've asked the man the conditions given to him by his in laws when he was getting married to his wife. Better leave that girl for her parents and look for your wife. 3 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 1:47pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:What are we even discussing here cos I fail to understand your disses. 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 2:03pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
TheArchangel:Shouldn't you have thought of that before you show you're a slave to your emotion? 7 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Cutehector(m): 2:38pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
Total bullshitt. Pls she should find another catholic to get married. Engrwanted pls look for another girl to marry. Her family cannot come and dictate to you. As if her mum's parents dictated to her father on how to marry her mum. 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by thorpido(m): 3:08pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:How many uncles sleep with their nieces guy? 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Nobody: 3:24pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
Cutehector: 1 Like |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by Cutehector(m): 3:33pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
[quote author=Aderola15 post=49636547][/quote]it's very much clear she isn't ready to get married. She wants to further her education, den she should travel out and do Dat. She can't have two of them at the same time. 2 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 3:35pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:you must be in your andropause or something 2 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 3:51pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
thorpido:You'd be amazed. TheArchangel:Like you're in menopause, right? Marvellous. 5 Likes |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 3:52pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
joseph1832:yeah right? Awesome |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 3:55pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
TheArchangel: ![]() 1 Like |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by TheArchangel(f): 4:17pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by donbuchi1(m): 4:49pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
What I think is that it is all up to you. But because she has been calling you means she is not Part of the ploy. Have a heart to heart talk with her and Reach a compromise on the first and second commandments and then present same to her family in her presence and perhaps your father and brother or best friend or uncle. State clearly the love shared by both of you. That you will work hard to give her the best. Don't mind some inlaws... Never do any inlaws bidding else you will will continue till the end. 1 Like |
Re: My Inlaws Giving Conditions. by joseph1832(m): 4:50pm On Sep 24, 2016 |
TheArchangel:Alright, how much? ![]() |
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