Oma307:
Haba, you are a lady why would a man say she shouldn't add salt, stop the mocking he needs your suggestions

lol

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.


You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.


Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

You can imagine if the husband sublimely taunted the wife about the neighbors delicious unripe plantain and vegetables?

Chubhie:

You can imagine if the husband sublimely taunted the wife about the neighbors delicious unripe plantain and vegetables?

I am waiting for the wife sha.
Imagine me collecting money from my neighbor and taunting by husband with it.

TheArchangel:
I am waiting for the wife sha.
Imagine me collecting money from my neighbor and taunting by husband with it.

A village meeting of Umu Nna must be summoned on your behalf.

The wife should hold her peace if she be on nairaland.They already have good things going for them. They need to bond more as husband wife and learn to work as a team.

OP,
Just be careful the way you handle this. Your wife is thinking that you are seeing her as a small girl. That's the root of the problem. She loves you but thinks she should do her own thing once in a while or may be thinks you are being more controlling. More discussion & prayers is the key. Like someone said, be careful the advice you read here.
.
.
As far as I know, you & your wife don't have any problems, just trying to deal with little individual differences.

Onegai:
You guys are having these issues because you're still in the "We Just Got married" phase. You seem more angry about the fact she disobeyed you rather than what she actually did. The unripe plantain with vegetables, c'mon dude, what were you expecting? If she comes to tell you "this is how the neighbour's husband plans his finances and I really like it and you should do it too", won't a little part of your mind go "are you comparing us or trying to tell me you're not happy with what I'm doing??". Be honest.

So you guys need to learn how to say things properly. Byvan03 is right, this will eventually change. She is refusing to apologise because she grew up in our society with her eyes open. And truly, it would scare even a submissive girl to read NL's general misogyny and not be afraid that you expressing your honest feelings and demanding she do the right thing becomes her apprehensively apologising for your cheating one day. If you think it's a lie, I'm sure you're using the words "she's disobedient" because you also grew up in our society with your eyes open and you think every minor feminine infraction needs to be nipped in the bud swiftly or she will become a Princess and a Feminist (which...is really hard ti be, if one truly understands feminism, but I won't digress).

Next time she cooks with ingredients you don't like, simply don't eat. Don't make a fuss, just say you're not hungry and go make yourself something else. When she eventually comes to ask what's wrong (and if she's reading this), tell her:

"I'm not one of those guys. I'm not going to turn your life into a living hell and force you to smile through it. I love you, but when you refuse to listen to me or don't apologise, it hurts and it makes me think maybe I should start messing you up like those guys. It makes me feel unvalued, don't use your hand to spoil anything because you are afraid of the unknown. So from here on, we are going to work on things: we will not let the sun rise on our anger, we will apologise once we are calm. Don't sweep it under the carpet until it comes as a fire to burn our lives down. As for that unripe plantain dish, why not we check on Food section and see if we can learn it there?".

Does this sound good?

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate. However on the bolded, I'm not trying to compare us with our neighbour. We are quite better off than they in many aspects (financially and health of our relationship), so there won't be any basis of comparison and we are not the type though. I got the idea of vegetables from an online health journal but decided to make it the way our neighbour did because I had previously also learnt of some health benefits of unripe plantain which however I never used to enjoy right from childhood until the one I got from our neighbour.

mrjojo:
Is this all about the ingredient she has refused to stop adding to your meal or something else?? What about if she loves the said ingredient in her meals?
See, marriage is about compromise, so I think you guys should come both come to a compromise.
I don't like fish or any meal cooked with fish for instance, but that shouldn't make me force my preference on people who love it.
I can't really see an issue here, you wife should be your friend, joke about it with her and you can help out in the kitchen too sometimes

I had suggested her having the said ingredient as an additive when eating.

Chubhie:
You married a good woman.

She wants you to lead her.

You don't demand for respect,you command it by earning it.

You need to up your leadership qualities cos it's getting obsolete and if care is not taken,you shall have a greater rebellion to handle from her.

Also learn how to penetrate her soul and crumble all walls of pride and stubbornness in her.

You MUST be quick about all these before the kids starts popping out.

Thanks

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.

You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.

Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

I don't get where you draw your conclusions from. I've not shared this issue with any neighbour so I don't get how I got to be listening to neighbours. The said neighbour is a childhood friend with home we have been exchanging meals time to time. They just happened to have given that when my wife was away for her MSc programme.

Chubhie:

You can imagine if the husband sublimely taunted the wife about the neighbors delicious unripe plantain and vegetables?

Well I didn't do that. My wife cooks quite well and I didn't say my neighbour does better. They only happened to have prepared something that was new to us.

Chubhie:

A village meeting of Umu Nna must be summoned on your behalf.

The wife should hold her peace if she be on nairaland.They already have good things going for them. They need to bond more as husband wife and learn to work as a team.

Thanks for your kind words.

mrk74:

I had suggested her having the said ingredient as an additive when eating.

what is this mysterious ingredient sef

Learn to get over what you ate outside and not torment anyone with it, she can't cook it, prepare it yourself if you can't be healthy without it . Limit this your neighbour neighbour thing, you are not so perfect after all. If your wife traveled and you can't handle the kitchen, go buy food.

mrk74:

Thank you very much for this input. Even though she is not really arrogant she does have a bit of ego and seems to hold a view that apology should not be necessary. This is something I want her to change. And I'm hoping that when she see's other people's opinion on this she will be more inclined to adjust.

She's gone past that stage of working on her ego,trust me. Like I said before, train yourself not to expect apologies from her. The more you expect it, the more you get disappointed.

nnamdibig:
OP,
Just be careful the way you handle this. Your wife is thinking that you are seeing her as a small girl. That's the root of the problem. She loves you but thinks she should do her own thing once in a while or may be thinks you are being more controlling. More discussion & prayers is the key. Like someone said, be careful the advice you read here.
.
.
As far as I know, you & your wife don't have any problems, just trying to deal with little individual differences.

Thanks. I do let her make her decisions. But I do wish she can share her objections where I make suggestions that she is not comfortable with. When I asked her to get registered for her MSc I had asked her to do so in the Federal University that is about 3mins drive from our house. But that is where she had a BSc and she was not comfortable going there for her MSc. But instead of opening up on her reservation she was just lazy about getting the form and was making enquiry about it from wrong sources till I lost my patience and insisted she go by herself. The school is very close but she didn't even need to trek down. When she got there it was already late entry but I didn't mind. It was when she should have gone to pay that she now raised her reservation but initially hanged it on someone else opinion. I didn't insist. I even tried to assisted her in finding an alternative. But by this time it was only one school that still sold forms for MSc and that is where she is schooling now.

missjo:

She's gone past that stage of working on her ego,trust me. Like I said before, train yourself not to expect apologies from her. The more you expect it, the more you get disappointed.

Thanks

mrk74:

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate. However on the bolded, I'm not trying to compare us with our neighbour. We are quite better off than they in many aspects (financially and health of our relationship), so there won't be any basis of comparison and we are not the type though. I got the idea of vegetables from an online health journal but decided to make it the way our neighbour did because I had previously also learnt of some health benefits of unripe plantain which however I never used to enjoy right from childhood until the one I got from our neighbour.

Don't think or say things like this

cococandy:
'Obey' 'disobey'.

your wife is not a child to demand obedience from. I have a hunch her attitude is a last ditch effort to retain some dignity since you are already treating her like a child.

Change. Engage her like an adult. Talk to her like your mate not your subordinate. I believe you will see some compromise from her.

Wow,what if the ingredient is dangerous to his health?
I don't think it's too much to tell a spouse not to use an ingredient one doesn't like in cooking.

byvan03:
Learn to get over what you ate outside and not torment anyone with it, she can't cook it, prepare it yourself if you can't be healthy without it . Limit this your neighbour neighbour thing, you are not so perfect after all. If your wife traveled and you can't handle the kitchen, go buy food.

It's not really about food. It's more about her not speaking up when she has reservation about something and not being willing to apologize when she finally agrees that she didn't do well.

missjo:

Don't think or say things like this

Ok. It's the suggestion that I'm comparing us with them that made me express that. I've never said this to anyone before and won't say it to the hearing of anyone that knows us. I don't look down on anyone. We are good friends for a very long time.

"Apology is for the weak and wrong"
-King Julie


So, maybe your wife is weak but not wrong, or maybe she's wrong but not weak.

WHOcarex:
"Apology is for the weak and wrong"
-King Julie

Hmm.
Your post made me google the phrase and I came across this poll which has a contrary result.
http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/random/picks/results/1560100/believe-apology-weak-wrong
It seems no one else shares the view/opinion.

mrk74:

Ok.
Noted.

Guy, make I personally tell you something. Forget apology. She don agree say she dey wrong that one don do. She take you like her paddy paddy, so, if Una get misunderstanding Una go talk about am like pals, agree on who is wrong and move on. She believe say apology Na for subordinate. and as pals, no need to apologise. Na the way she dey reason am be that.

That said and done. My brother, fowl dey sleep , yangan dey wake am. So as you say Una nor get issue since, e be like say you nor like am like that. Now apology wan dey bring issue. Now neighbour unripe plantain and vegetables don dey enter. The matter don dey grow from one level to another. Now e don dey enter bigger one. If your wife con dey reason that matter now say Na your neighbour wife come dey cook for you, e go become another thing. E be like say the issue Wey nor dey your marriage don dey come up small small. You better use your tongue count your teeth.

mrk74:

Thanks for your kind words.

Your marriage is still very young and alot of compromise is needed from both parties .I appreciate your love for your wife ,however it is absolutely wrong to ask another woman to cook food for you when your wife is around .If you desire this plaintain and vegetable food you can follow online instructions and both of you prepare it and eat together in love .Better still go restaurant and eat if the meal is a must. Things like these are hurtful and insult to women talkless of a wonderful wife like yours .How will your friend and wife look at your wife ? Respect or disrespect ? Please drop the ego that " my wife disobeys me " Your wife is your partner not subordinate .Women are naturally submissive but when you want to enforce submission you will hit the rock .

Oma307:
Did u read the instruction?

What instruction please?

samuelUMOH:
Your marriage is still very young and alot of compromise is needed from both parties .I appreciate your love for your wife ,however it is absolutely wrong to ask another woman to cook food for you when your wife is around .If you desire this plaintain and vegetable food you can follow online instructions and both of you prepare it and eat together in love .Better still go restaurant and eat if the meal is a must. Things like these are hurtful and insult to women talkless of a wonderful wife like yours .How will your friend and wife look at your wife ? Respect or disrespect ? Please drop the ego that " my wife disobeys me " Your wife is your partner not subordinate .Women are naturally submissive but when you want to enforce submission you will hit the rock .

Thanks. However it's not that she is not capable of cooking it, but I'm just yet to understand why she is not doing it.

WHOcarex:
Guy, make I personally tell you something. Forget apology. She don agree say she dey wrong that one don do. She take you like her paddy paddy, so, if Una get misunderstanding Una go talk about am like pals, agree on who is wrong and move on. She believe say apology Na for subordinate. and as pals, no need to apologise. Na the way she dey reason am be that.

That said and done. My brother, fowl dey sleep , yangan dey wake am. So as you say Una nor get issue since, e be like say you nor like am like that. Now apology wan dey bring issue. Now neighbour unripe plantain and vegetables don dey enter. The matter don dey grow from one level to another. Now e don dey enter bigger one. If your wife con dey reason that matter now say Na your neighbour wife come dey cook for you, e go become another thing. E be like say the issue Wey nor dey your marriage don dey come up small small. You better use your tongue count your teeth.

Noted. Thanks.

mrk74:

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate. However on the bolded, I'm not trying to compare us with our neighbour. We are quite better off than they in many aspects (financially and health of our relationship), so there won't be any basis of comparison and we are not the type though. I got the idea of vegetables from an online health journal but decided to make it the way our neighbour did because I had previously also learnt of some health benefits of unripe plantain which however I never used to enjoy right from childhood until the one I got from our neighbour.

It's not about the food or the neighbours, it is about you amd her and how the request was made, especially with yor history admitting you nag her a lot about cooking issues. There no way that wouldn't have come out hurtful and felt like you were comparing her unfavourably to the neighbour's wife and her cooking skills. That is the problem with nags, their words come out hurtful even when they mean well. And the one way people react to nags is by deliberately ignoring their commands. Which is what your wife is doing. So you really have to work on it so she reacts better. She is at fault for not apologising but so are you.

WHOcarex:
Guy, make I personally tell you something. Forget apology. She don agree say she dey wrong that one don do. She take you like her paddy paddy, so, if Una get misunderstanding Una go talk about am like pals, agree on who is wrong and move on. She believe say apology Na for subordinate. and as pals, no need to apologise. Na the way she dey reason am be that.

That said and done. My brother, fowl dey sleep , yangan dey wake am. So as you say Una nor get issue since, e be like say you nor like am like that. Now apology wan dey bring issue. Now neighbour unripe plantain and vegetables don dey enter. The matter don dey grow from one level to another. Now e don dey enter bigger one. If your wife con dey reason that matter now say Na your neighbour wife come dey cook for you, e go become another thing. E be like say the issue Wey nor dey your marriage don dey come up small small. You better use your tongue count your teeth.

1000 likes

mrk74:

Thanks. However it's not that she is not capable of cooking it, but I'm just yet to understand why she is not doing it.

Don't force her eat What she prepares with time she will prepares it .please don't ask anyone to prepare your food o when you have beautiful wife at home

Onegai:


It's not about the food or the neighbours, it is about you amd her and how the request was made, especially with yor history admitting you nag her a lot about cooking issues. There no way that wouldn't have come out hurtful and felt like you were comparing her unfavourably to the neighbour's wife and her cooking skills. That is the problem with nags, their words come out hurtful even when they mean well. And the one way people react to nags is by deliberately ignoring their commands. Which is what your wife is doing. So you really have to work on it so she reacts better. She is at fault for not apologising but so are you.

Thanks but please the issue has not always been about food. It's just these last issues that have been about food.
There had been an issue with her using bleaching creams, one about her refusing to apply for a sponsorship of her project by an International organization which I pushed for mainly because of the exposure she could get. There had been one about applying for her MSc in a nearby University. Except for the bleaching that she just didn't seem to believe the level of risk involved with the bleaching creams the others she simply won't express her reservation or make objections but just won't act till it becomes annoying then you will know she was not comfortable with it. Meanwhile she had given the impression that she is act or was acting on it. Till date she still regrets where she is having her about to be concluded MSc which could have been avoided if she had opened up on time about her reservation on where I had initially suggested.

samuelUMOH:
Don't force her eat What she prepares with time she will prepares it .please don't ask anyone to prepare your food o when you have beautiful wife at home

Noted.