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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise (47556 Views)
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Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by johnson232: 9:46pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
funny thread i must say.... lol 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by elektra(f): 10:00pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
mrk74 You alone are in your situation so you alone knows where it pinches but I feel you are making a hill out of a mole. Na because of say she no gree reduce salt for food you wan call meeting ontop her head? You said it yourself that she is perfect except for this one flaw, it may be better to allow her have her flaw as she is only human. You have talked and it is not changing. So let it go and enjoy your marriage. You seem to have taken note that you and your wife communicate things differently and your wife seems to show displeasure by body language\actions rather than words. I commend you for taking to time to study this and even though it is not a trait you like, you can accept it. Your post about the unripe plantain was very funny, guy you married a good woman who does not like fight. So while she was away, you ate your neighbor's food and now you want her to go and learn how to cook the meal from your neighbor, a fellow woman like her? Oga, your wife is ignoring your request for a reason, it is her way of telling you she is not going to do it. Most women would have been seriously offended by your request. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 10:05pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Go back and re-read abimbawealth: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by raumdeuter: 10:06pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
mrk74: Does your wife know about this health challenge? Still deliberately doing it 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by TheArchangel(f): 10:15pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
mrk74:You are obviously trying to live your life through her. You want her to see and do things the way you do. After dating and managing for three years, just 9 months of married life we don dey hear story. E be like say na the name change from courtship to marriage dey effect most marriages this days. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 10:49pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
raumdeuter:She does and actually sympathizes with me when I go through the pains. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 11:02pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
elektra: Thanks for your kind words. We are both quite simple people and very free with each other. Concerning the meal from my neighbours, that was quite long ago, not a recent thing, then I had only told her how I enjoyed it but I didn't have special interest in it. I usually don't like unripe plantain right from youth and she has even been encouraging me for the health benefit. There is a particular porridge delicacy made with unripe plantain that she learnt to prepare and I got to appreciate especially for the health benefits. The idea of the request did not really stem from what my neighbour had given me. And by the way this was a common thing we do. We often dish out food to this our neighbours or invite them over and they often dish food for us too. It wasn't a new thing that should offend my wife. When I made the request, it was initially about vegetable only the idea of the plantain actually came from my cousin who was around the day I went to buy the vegetable myself. It was then that I recalled what my neighbours had prepared with that combination and the fact that I had liked it. And we had unripe plantain in the house that day. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Ifakiland(m): 11:45pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Sometimes I see marriage as a waste of time....u marry an idiot and she keeps making ur life a living hell. Any gal dat suggest marriage to me I'll so slap teeth off ur mouth....females are demons....see wat one is putting d op tru now! Just forking wrong....op get ur own camp gas and pot and forking cook ur own meal....don't come and go and die of HBP....d idiot will remarry wen ure gone! 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Onegai(f): 4:21am On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74: Because you will nag and argue till you're proven right. Which is what you're doing now. Even though everyone has said she's wrong about this and she needs to change her behaviour, they have also said you need to work on this but instead of listening to that, you keep harping on smaller matters "it's the food, it's the School, it's the neighbours standing or lack of it". So let me tell you what you want to hear: You're right as always! She's a bad wife, you deserve better! Useless woman! Infact make sure you give her some brain-resetting slaps! Beat her! Be a man, get a gf outside to be cooking the way you like it. She doesn't deserve a man like you, infact get ready for divorce. I'm sure she used to be an olosho and is now showing you her true colours. You deserve a submissive virgin who is sexier than Beyonce and harder-working than all the women in the bible combined with a sweet temperament. How dare she! At least thank me for that. Those who will say that more subtly to poison your mind better have not not come (but they will soon be on their way). I've saved them data and typed their answer. You're welcome If you continue nagging and arguing with her, she will continue saying "yes" to your face and "no" behind your back. And she will keep taking everyone else's advice than yours and never asking for your counsel. You don't have an issue yet, but you soon will. Summary: she's wrong, she needs to change and learn how to apologise, you need to not nag her. 11 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by misspicy(f): 5:36am On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74:Oga you have pushed your wife into accepting her fate that you nag,because whether she likes it or not,you will nag,but you don't want to accept her own flaws I do exactly what your wife do to my man,I don't argue with him anymore,I don't just react,because I dislike nagging it makes me uncomfortable,so I try to avoid it by agreeing with his demand when he is around and find a way around the issue without his knowledge. Its just human adjustment pattern,you just have to accept your wife and adjust. sorry,no one is perfect. 7 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by misspicy(f): 5:42am On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74:This is selfish,you want your wife to add raw ingredient to her meal because you don't like the ingredient in your own meal? Do you know how raw ingredients like salt,maggi or is it curry and thyme,taste in meals? Marriage is just slavery,kuku kill me 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by rosalieene(f): 7:27am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Ifakiland:How old are you? You sound like a kid. Op comman see this kidult calling your wife an idiot. But a woman gave birth to you and she married abi. since females are demons, I guess its including all your female family members. Tomorrow now, when you marry and people refer you back to this statement, you will shylishly say you don't know how it happened. Be careful of what you say...... My onecent advice tho 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 8:54am On Oct 05, 2016 |
misspicy:It's non of those sha. People do take it raw and it's not something that affects the taste of food. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 8:55am On Oct 05, 2016 |
misspicy:Ok |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 8:57am On Oct 05, 2016 |
rosalieene:I've responded on reasonable comments but deliberately ignored his. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by marbee(f): 10:27am On Oct 05, 2016 |
At OP, you probably think you are "Mr Right" While your wife is always wrong. even when you think you might be a nag,you will not try and change your ways. Abi have you not heard the word " Change begins with me"? 6 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Ifakiland(m): 10:34am On Oct 05, 2016 |
rosalieene:Wats ur point exactly |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Ifakiland(m): 10:37am On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74:Lolzzz fool...u so deserve d stubborn bbitch u married nigger....weakling!!! 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 10:54am On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74: It's worrisome that a woman will know that something affects her husband's health and still do it. I think this issue is deeper than it looks. Or maybe she doesn't believe that the 'ingredient' is the real cause of your pains. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by queenesthr(f): 11:30am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Men always complaining about their wives. Can't men ever grow up? 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 12:03pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
queenesthr:so complaining is bad? |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by BuddhaPalm(m): 2:36pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74: You'll learn a lot from the married folks here: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill Start from the sidebar. Sort by "Top > All Time" as well, and check out the top posts. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by ogeflavour(f): 3:05pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
cococandy:I share your opinion too. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by BuddhaPalm(m): 4:40pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74: Imagine if every time someone arrives late to work, the boss ONLY says some words (with no implied consequence behind them), and asks for an apology ...order will break down... Productivity will suffer as people will get to work, everyday, by 3:59 PM - or not all. If your wife's boss tells her, once, never to smoke in the office again, he will only need to say it that one time, and she would never repeat it. Why? Because there would be a swift and unforgiving consequence... Consequences keep civilization in orbit. Remove it and people will behead their neighbours, torch others properties and loot markets... Although both relationships are different, the dynamic behind why your wife will comply with her boss' Motivation 101: People take action that moves them towards pleasure or away from pain. If all you'd do is whine, with there being no repercussion, then there is no motivation for her to stop. If she adds the offending ingredient in the food, don't whine, don't complain. Simply don't eat it...because it genuinely upsets your stomach. The same way you wouldn't drink a glass of laxative, if she serves you that in place of coffee. You might ask, "so how is not eating the food a potent consequence?" Oh it is! But not by itself... You see, it is your sacred duty, as a man, to "escalate her escalation". If she gives your peace of mind, feminine sunshine and compliance, you take these up a notch and reward her accordingly. On the other hand, if she gives you unpleasantness and discomfort... You don't play chicken. You escalate this too and reward her accordingly. "To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace", said George Washington. See, whenever she puts that stuff in your food, she's essentially not giving you food. And if she's not feeding you, she isn't being wifely. And if she isn't being wifely, you stop being husbandly. You can appeal to people's sense of duty, responsibility and fairness, until the cows come home, and they will still take you for granted and do as it pleases them. But add one ounce of repercussion to the equation and their behaviour lines up nicely. "Speak softly, but carry a big stick" ------ Teddy Roosevelt 19 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by general111(m): 4:47pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74:op I had an ex who behaved exactly like your wife. Full of ego and pride. I had to teach her how to say sorry. Each time she offended me, I knew she would want to say sorry at a point but just could not voice it. So I would go close to her, hold her waist or her lips and jokingly ask her to say sorry. Sometimes, she will want to play hard to get in it too, but I will keep insisting till she spills it out. Gradually she began to lsay sorry. Op, she is your wife and your other half, you should complement her ,sir. if she can't say sorry then teach her how to say it in a loving way. Blv me it works, and she will love you more. Till today my ex still misses me.. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 5:17pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
Ujoan:Well it has mostly been that she often does not take some things serious until there is a serious problem or reaction to it. I'm doubtful it's much deeper than that. I don't think she will deliberately want to hurt me but has been trying to use as much as shouldn't be a problem instead of using as little as should be reasonably ok. With her kind of target it's very easy to overshoot and I think that is what has been happening. That's why I asked her to stop outright which she agreed but didn't. I didn't really mean to have her stop completely but I wanted to see her persuade me to accept her continue from which case I would have extracted a better commitment to be moderate. Unfortunately she choose to continue without my knowledge by hiding it. When I found it initially I quietly took then and gave them out to someone else without complaining. I was hoping it will register my displeasure and she'll do the right thing, but she instead began to hide it. Maybe she had now made up her mind to be more careful but as she didn't share that commitment with me I couldn't rely on it. What was really annoying was her reaction when I confronted her with it. I had threatened that I may stop eating her food and she reminded me that those ones I'll eat outside will still have it. For which I asked her if she implies I should endure it at home too since I can manage the one outside. Few months ago when I had to be away for over a week I had to be on drugs each day because of the food I had to eat where I was. She has now promised to stop completely but I've been distraught from the statement she made about being the vulnerable one in the relationship. Claiming she has always been the one to apologize whenever we have misunderstandings which was a shock to me. I asked her if she expects me to apologize when she does something I don't like. I also asked her if she had even ever apologized and she wouldn't answer any. Instead she just said she will stop. Only time I can remember her apologize was after I gave her serious lecture on how we can handle issues better where emphasis was made on opening up on any reservation she has on any matter and also about apologizing. I've forgotten about the matter and I've told her she can continue with the ingredient. I'm apologizing instead for asking her stop. I'm even going to get the stuff for her. I don't think the item can kill me. It simply causes serious discomfort. Since I work from home I will manage it the few instances she will mistakenly add too much of it. I believe she will be more mindful now. ---Edited--- Or perhaps as earlier advised, I will simply not eat it when I notice it's plenty. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 5:30pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
general111:Thanks very much. I'm already making efforts on this though not by the same approach. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Ranchhoddas: 5:36pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
BuddhaPalm:Perfect. I don't think anybody can do better than this. 7 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by general111(m): 7:56pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74:just try your best so that there can be peace in your marriage. And please forget about some silly things people say on this forum oh. If you follow nairalanders, you will kill not just your wife, but yourself. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by d33types: 8:30pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mrk74: Oga, my fiance is exactly this as well.we are perfect except for this same attitude . I hope to learn from you |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 9:24pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
d33types:Well that makes 2 of us. I believe there will be light at the end of the tunnel. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 10:46pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
I really appreciate the useful inputs and comments made. She has viewed the thread, but unfortunately she has reacted negatively to it. She feels I said too much and also thinks I shouldn't have brought it here in the 1st place. I don't see why I shouldn't share and possibly get other people's opinion/suggestions since we are not making headway on this issue. It's unfortunate she feels bad about this, and unfortunate that some comments pushed me to say too much. But at least no one really knows us. Moving forward I'm going to try my best to give her more space. Thanks all for your comments. I've been able to filter the ones I need and ignore where necessary. |
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