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Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:16am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Naturalle:Yes its really a bit of a minor thing but quite annoying. We are both simple people and we can achieve the 100%. I just needed us to have other peoples opinion and both of us will filter out useful ideas and either of us will adjust and we get better. We have already adjusted in the past to get where we are now. For the bolded, the sad thing is that she doesn't express the objection by silence. She accepts and makes it look like all is okay but just won't act or acts contrary. When I asked her to get an MSc form in the nearby University and when I asked her to apply for her MSc sponsorship she accepted and gave the impression that she will act. Initially I thought she was just being lazy about it only for me to realize after so much pestering (or nagging) that she wasn't really interested. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:17am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Richy4:Thanks. But wrong guess though. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by sambisa5: 1:22am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Don't you think you are expecting so much from her? We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet.... And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you.... . What is killing marriages now is over expectation,,,spouses expecting too much from each other.,,some wives expect that their husbands musn't cheat on them,,,,so when they realize he is cheating, they feel the world should come to an end. . I know a family whose dad, mom and the first child of the family are diebetic,,,,,you know what that means?,,,,,,they started having a pattern of cooking and eating in the house,,,,now these patterns weren't going well with those without the illness. Eating wheat with a particular kind of soup for a whole month became boring to some people and i tell you, it wasn't easy at all for them to adapt.,,,, . it is really difficult to start adapting to something you were never used to. . For that aspect of food, your wife could get many pots as possible,it means she will be cooking yours separately,becos it's obvious, she can't do away with that item, if it was, she wouldn't av bought it and then hid it............. . To avoid hiding things as such, tell her to get a separate pot for you and another pot for herself and she is free to use the item in her pot only. . For the apology aspect,,, i know it hurts especially when you are waiting for someone to tell you sorry and the sorry isn't coming...but then if it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, the earlier you accept it the better, otherwise, ur marriage will be in riun if care is not taken. She may even be someone who doesn't see anything wrong with apologizing-there are people like that, it doesn't matter if you guys dated for 8yrs before marriage- the truth is you can never finish knowing someone. . For example, i have this habit of not greeting people becos of the way i was brought up.i see only mum and dad when i wake up, i greet the two of them and will have to greet again till i get to school, and greeting a teacher was a collective thing.,,,,so i was not used to greeting so many people in the morning, like someone who comes from a large family or live in a family house. And i grew with it . Now when i grew up, and left home, i started having problems with it, people complain i don't greet. If i wake up in the morning and i see 20 people i have to greet, it is like the ground should open let me enter.- it bores me. . AND OVER THE YEARS I GROW UP EVEN WITH A MENTALITY THAT GREETING IS NOT A BIG DEAL. I WILL NEVER BE UPSET IF 100 PEOPLE PASS BY ME WITHOUT GREETING ME, AND SO I EXPECT THEY SHOULDN'T GET UPSET TOO IF I DON'T GREET THEM. . now many people interpreted this as pride, ego etc. . When i got married it became a very big issue. My husband love greeting people, cos he grow up in a large family where you greet about 40 to 50 people when you wake up in the morning. . He started forcing me to greet anybody i see, i started forcing myself to greet really, but even in my trying, i still fail most times,,,i could just pass you and not notice you,,,,maybe after walking abit far, it then occurs to me i didn't greet that fellow and i will start feeling so sorry again. . But when my husbands realizes i wasn't doing it out of pride or ego, he learnt to live with it.,,,,,he doesn't both his greetings and mine together,,,,when people are complaining, he will be the one to explain things to them. . So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature. mrk74: 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:23am On Oct 07, 2016 |
shogotermies:No one knows us. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by edimolu(m): 1:32am On Oct 07, 2016 |
out |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by taryur(m): 1:35am On Oct 07, 2016 |
BuddhaPalm:honestly,you have said it all. infact,i don learn somtin from ur comment. chaiiiiii....guy,ur head dey der. dis one go dey my left hand so that I wont take am chop. 1million likes. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by sambisa5: 1:37am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Don't you think you are expecting so much from her? We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet.... And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you.... . What is killing marriages now is over expectation,,,spouses expecting too much from each other.,,some wives expect that their husbands musn't cheat on them,,,,so when they realize he is cheating, they feel the world should come to an end. . I know a family whose dad, mom and the first child of the family are diebetic,,,,,you know what that means?,,,,,,they started having a pattern of cooking and eating in the house,,,,now these patterns weren't going well with those without the illness. Eating wheat with a particular kind of soup for a whole month became boring to some people and i tell you, it wasn't easy at all for them to adapt.,,,, . it is really difficult to start adapting to something you were never used to. . For that aspect of food, your wife could get many pots as possible,it means she will be cooking yours separately,becos it's obvious, she can't do away with that item, if it was, she wouldn't av bought it and then hid it............. . To avoid hiding things as such, tell her to get a separate pot for you and another pot for herself and she is free to use the item in her pot only. . For the apology aspect,,, i know it hurts especially when you are waiting for someone to tell you sorry and the sorry isn't coming...but then if it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, the earlier you accept it the better, otherwise, ur marriage will be in riun if care is not taken. She may even be someone who doesn't see anything wrong with apologizing-there are people like that, it doesn't matter if you guys dated for 8yrs before marriage- the truth is you can never finish knowing someone. . For example, i have this habit of not greeting people becos of the way i was brought up.i see only mum and dad when i wake up, i greet the two of them and will have to greet again when i get to school, and greeting a teacher was a collective thing.,,,,so i was not used to greeting so many people in the morning, like someone who comes from a large family or live in a family house. And i grew with it . Now when i grew up, and left home, i started having problems with it, people complain i don't greet. If i wake up in the morning and i see 20 people i have to greet, it is like the ground should open let me enter.- it bores me. . AND OVER THE YEARS I GROW UP EVEN WITH A MENTALITY THAT GREETING IS NOT A BIG DEAL. I WILL NEVER BE UPSET IF 100 PEOPLE PASS BY ME WITHOUT GREETING ME, AND SO I EXPECT THEY SHOULDN'T GET UPSET TOO IF I DON'T GREET THEM. . now many people interpreted this as pride, ego etc. . When i got married it became a very big issue. My husband loves greeting people, cos he grow up in a large family where you greet about 40 to 50 people when you wake up in the morning. . He started forcing me to greet anybody i see, i started forcing myself to greet really, but even in my trying, i still fail most times,,,i could just pass you and not notice you,,,,maybe after walking abit far, it then occurs to me i didn't greet that fellow and i will start feeling so sorry again. . But when my husband realizes i wasn't doing it out of pride or ego, he learnt to live with it.,,,,,he does both his greetings and mine together,,,,and when people are complaining, he will be the one to explain things to them. . So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature. mrk74: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:38am On Oct 07, 2016 |
repogirl: Thanks. We won't break apart. An concerning the nagging it's not what I can expect of me. My kind of nag has been that I've said I don't like this, she acknowledges and in some cases promises to adjust but doesn't. So I remind her when she does it again. At the 4th time, she may get a lecture. Lol. But I don't like it. I think that 1 or 2 times should be enough for someone to make adjustment. Or if you have a problem adjusting then say it and we have a discussion and arrive at a compromise. I believe we will get there sha. I've already made up my mind not to make a complain more than once. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:42am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Burgerlomo:Apology is as simple as ABC for me. But ultimately I am very mindful of hurting. She has not had much to complain about me in the 1st place. I can only remember one serious one which I had apologized and adjusted. The rest had been minor complains that just needed adjustment which I did adjust. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by ABEngine(m): 1:43am On Oct 07, 2016 |
cococandy: Coming from a lady, this is utterly abysmal, especially one whom is intended to give the teeming readers a soft landing as to the reasons why a lady might be out rightly adamant to a plea. However nnamdi said it all, and I have just one point to add to his. One more thing most men do is create a sort of communication barrier in an instantaneous feat of disappointment, disapproval or rage thereby leaving no options for the lady to get to us with an apology. Oftentimes she may want to apologize but will be met by the heavy ambience of this sort of energy exuded and like I have noticed, the longer the duration of this energy; the farther away an apology gets. I think if this is the case, being outspoken with selectively mild words and affectionate contacts will result in a quicker apologies. Timing is also of essence. 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:46am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Mayflowa:I don't know what you mean by apology by unspoken word, so I can't really answer but I think the best form of apology is making necessary adjustment. However she does claim that she apologizes which is by telling me to stop being angry with her. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 1:58am On Oct 07, 2016 |
sambisa5:I've really learnt from your post. Thanks. But do you have something to say about someone not acting as expected even when they had promised to. Especially where they have not cared to air their reservation/objection. The issue here actually stemmed from not acting as expected. Some of the other instances had even not doing things I suggested which were for her own good because she had reservations but didn't care to bring up her reservations. --Modified-- For the bolded. I hope you realize that our identities are protected. No one knows us here. I won't share this on Facebook and I'm not even using my regular NL account. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 2:01am On Oct 07, 2016 |
kingphilip:Thanks. I've boarded from Nursery through secondary but not at University level since the University was just a walking distance from home. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by KingRex1(m): 2:18am On Oct 07, 2016 |
(She thinks) you nag n complain alot, so when she does something wrong or makes a mistake, she keeps it from you cus shes afraid of being judged or shouted upon.. You prolly think you don't but you do. Love ur wife more n try not to overeact, you will see u gona get a better heart to heart talk n understand why she doesn't apologise. It could be her way of curbing conflicts n avoiding misunderstanding. She is urs to protect, you can't be against her 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 2:26am On Oct 07, 2016 |
ABEngine: Good point, but that is not the case with me. I'm a very simple person and I don't shout even when I'm angry. It's only my countenance & tone that would let you know I'm angry. But I don't just get angry instantly. In the last instance I just brought out the item to where I was working in the room. She came back and laughed when she saw it before me. I asked her what the item is doing in the house when I had asked her to stop buying it and she agreed. She responded that she will be using it moderately. She had made this same assertion before but can't keep to it before I told her to stop out rightly. I asked her if she realized that her action is disrespect to me? She said it's not like that that she has promised to reduce the quantity. In all this I was cool and she had all the time to apologize. I only got angry when I told her that I can stop eating her food because of this and she told me that the food I will eat outside will still have the item. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Tobiloba84: 2:26am On Oct 07, 2016 |
I am in no way close to getting married so I dont know if my opinion is valid here but I will give my piece because I think I am involved with a woman like this, and we have been together for 5years now. To start with sir, the last thing you want to is to involve a third party in your marriage, as a matter of fact never try to do such, no one I mean no single one will understand and get to the root of the situation, they will only blame a party and have the other apologize, thereby leaving the other party weak at heart. On the issue of not putting out her reservation before things get out of hand, sir Its not exactly her fault, she had lived her whole life taking those decisions like that, as a matter of fact people like that only feel pain when its happening, after that time they forget and let go very easily although they cry about it sometime in their closet. Now as her man, all you have to do is be proactive and take those steps for her if you can, believe me she wont be mad at you neither would it mean you bossy like some people who dont understand her person would say. On the issue of apology the main subject sir, holy shit most time she wont even do when she knows its wrong, I threaten my girlfriend before she apologises over some issue, but as we grow together I just overlook it knowing thats her (and sir I believe marriage is taking her for who she is) this also happens when I get her stuffs or get something done for her, I wont be surprised to know she doesnt appreciate or say thank you like every other person does, its just their way, most of these people are of the phlegmatic temperament class, just read on temperament to understand some of her trait. Now to the wife (since your man said you will get to view this thread), dont feel all relaxed thinking you cant be replaced or pushed to do things, you don't have to be selfish or live life like you still single, make your man happy, open apology is what people like him{a dominant choleric) needs, it makes us feel important, loved and appreciated. Just consider his happiness and marriage because I bet [color=#006600][/color]this might get out of hand for him someday if you continue this way. I wish you the best in your marriage. mrk74: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 2:32am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Tobiloba84: Thanks |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Tobiloba84: 2:34am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Bringing to social media does not show immaturity ma, as the identity are hidden, just that phrase put off your idea sambisa5: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by mrk74: 2:48am On Oct 07, 2016 |
KingRex1:That conclusion is so wrong. The only way I've nagged is that I remind her of what I don't like when she does it again. Like pointing out that the substance is still much on the food today and that's it. On a 4th time I may be more elaborate in reminding her why I don't like it just to make sure she appreciates why I don't like it. The complain is never about her person and there is no way I will be judging her by that. I've never shouted on anyone no matter how angry I am. In fact I loose speech fluency when I'm too angry so I often end up being quite at such instances. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by cajet: 2:53am On Oct 07, 2016 |
That na your cross and you must carry it. Most women don't say sorry or apologize when they are wrong or disobey you so the best thing is ignore that and behave as if nothing happens otherwise you make yourself unhappy for nothing. They feel it is their right for men to apologize to them even when they are the ones that really need to apologize. Na so God create them and in trying to change that you end up been frustrated. Love and manage her for what she is. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by nomanicole(f): 2:58am On Oct 07, 2016 |
You seem perfect MR, ur wife may not be complaining because she knows what marriage is about, tolerance, sacrifice and communication, sometimes its good to ket a lot of things slide, every day talkie talkie no dey tire you? U really nag a lot, u are responding more than u should read ehat people are saying, esp hoosing the ones u prefer or you feel are on your side, if ur wife compared the size of ur private part to an ex, im sure she will go home that day, you had the nerve to go to ur friend's house, to ask the wife to cook for you when both or you shouldve lovingly googled and prepared it together. She must really be tolerating so much, you dont demand apology after enforcing your decision, im sure if she comes here to talk about you, we will feel sorry for her. In the end you will ruin a beautiful thing because you have a huge ego, truthfully you need to appreciate your wife, ask her what she wants before you make a decision, its a marriage not temporary contract, you just have to sit down and talk. About the MSc did you even ask her which school she wanted to go before you decided for her cos it was 3mins from your house? Haba mr perfect, like u have made us believe. Tell us ur bad parts and dont come here making people believe you married a stubborn unapologetic woman when all most of us have read is " you are a( i must have it my way) kind of man. You are the one with the issue. I know you wont agree with me cos i did not join to condemn ur wife. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 3:19am On Oct 07, 2016 |
@op such a woman can poison you. She disobeys you and she is proud to apologize, then how can you say you are compatible? Make your observations known to her parents, if it continues, lastly not to sound religious, but put this situation in prayers. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Peppul: 3:21am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Bro you just have to live with it, no human is perfect. my wife also does that, she never apologises for anything even when she is @ fault, instead I end up apologising, but that doesn't mean she is bad, jst a way of showing u that she is no perfect. and I never stop loving her. but the most important thing is both party understanding each other... 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by fr3do(m): 3:29am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Compromise and commuinicate. Where the op said that he was going to show his wife this thread, I read a little into his relationship with his wife, they don't talk, if you feel you need an apology so badly, outrightly demand it. you guys should talk about this spice issue, it is either concluded now or carried over to another quarrel, be ready to compromise by accepting the little amount she is putting, she might 'on her own say phuck it' and abandon the spice. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Tobiloba84: 3:30am On Oct 07, 2016 |
He should let issue regarding his health or emotional well being slide, you try well well. nomanicole: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by fr3do(m): 3:31am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Sacluxpaint: chai! See bad advice oh I'm never ever gonna put my relationship issues online. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Tobiloba84: 3:32am On Oct 07, 2016 |
I dont agree to this, you probably dont understand her kind of person, poison bawo egbon Sacluxpaint: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Tobiloba84: 3:33am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Read the good and ignore the bad, your brain is there to discern which is best for you fr3do: |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by fr3do(m): 3:40am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Tobiloba84: good and bad do not have definite referrences, you skim through too many of these apparently bad advices, you will feel they are too apparently bad. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 3:45am On Oct 07, 2016 |
fr3do: Oga I am only giving my opinion, op says he has health issues with what she uses to cook and u r cool with it? If it is not deliberate wickedness, then I don't know what else it is. If my advice is bad, why not share Yours or better still let him stay off forum. To each his own. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by Nobody: 3:48am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Tobiloba84: Oga, op said he has health issues with the ingredient she is using to cook and she keeps deliberately doing it, is that not wickedness or something? Moreover she keeps hiding it. What is there to understand?? Please let us not use love to blind reality. |
Re: My Wife Is Too Proud To Apologise by samuelchimmy(m): 4:05am On Oct 07, 2016 |
missjo:chai,see correct answer!!!!! kudos joor its crazenaijadude 1 Like |
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