veave:



i'm not saying the op is right, in fact if you ask me i'll say she even needs therapy. There are so many ways one can make another do his/her bidding without imposing. doesn't sound nice at all.

I get your point but she is already showing empathy by being on this thread and providing logical suggestions to the problems

Feedback doesn't always have to a sympathy undertone for it to be tagged as effective

Her selling the tab or at least showing willingness to consider all available options simply means she is ready to get herself out of the mess, No?

Akuko uwa

I have a feeling thorpido will come and fill our ears eyes with tales from Mama Moji which will be remarkably different from what Moji has come to say here.

sisisioge:


Lobatan! I was so expecting this a while ago. Well done! I'm sure if all have eventually contributed to your cause, one day they would be painted in the same light you've been painting your mother!

By the way, let me hint you one secret of this forum...it contains all the tiers of the society strata. There are some people you wouldn't have the liver to open foul mouth on should we all gather in the same room even if your eyes don tear pass kilode!

Good luck with your life dear...may God Himself help you set it right.

You know, you are not very good with sarcasm. I almost thot u were supporting her against onegirl.

5minsmadness:

You know, you are not very good with sarcasm. I almost thot u were supporting her against onegirl.

*exhales* This one is strong.

Onegai, much respect to you.

moji26, the help(change) required in this your situation should begin with you. You should do some introspection without coming up with some conspiracy theory against you. Also, LISTEN more to what those that are out to help you say. Everyone one can't just be against you without a reason.

'SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD'

jaybee3:


I get your point but she is already showing empathy by being on this thread and providing logical suggestions to the problems

Feedback doesn't always have to a sympathy undertone for it to be tagged as effective

Her selling the tab or at least showing willingness to consider all available options simply means she is ready to get herself out of the mess, No?

i didn't even say asking her to sell the tab is right or wrong... no. Trust me when i tell you i do not even know the best method to tackle this issue at hand. Commanding her doesn't feel right to me. Its my opinion. it doesn't even have to make any sense to you

Ishilove:
Akuko uwa

I have a feeling thorpido will come and fill our ears eyes with tales from Mama Moji which will be remarkably different from what Moji has come to say here.

There's something i've been meaning to point out but felt it wasnt necessary cos its not the purpose of this thread.


All these men that abused her, are we really sure she was abused? Sure she showed a mark on her hand to thorpido, are we sure its a mark of abuse and not another injury from something else?

The second man that had 4 ex wives... 4 ex "wives"? In Nigeria? Not ex girlfriends o, wives! I havent seen that level of divorce in this country o, maybe just one or two among our celebrities. I could be wrong.

The second man loved her and took care of her: then she got pregnant for him and all of a sudden he turns abusive? Why? He starts to beat a woman he cared for and catered to previously, because she got pregnant for him? Or is it possible she tried to force a pregnancy on him? Or she became abusive when he could no longer cope with her attitude?

All these abusive relationships she has been in, has anyone considered that SHE MIGHT BE THE ABUSER?

@Op I sure no 1tin abt Nigerians.Its hard 2 find pple dat will tel u d truth.Wot appens wen dey render d assistance 1ce or 2ce?

Pls reflect on everything Onegai as said,she's ur true frd and if I Av somone around me as blunt as dat.I guess my life wnt b like dis


Sorry for typos.

5minsmadness:


There's something i've been meaning to point out but felt it wasnt necessary cos its not the purpose of this thread.


All these men that abused her, are we really sure she was abused? Sure she showed a mark on her hand to thorpido, are we sure its a mark of abuse and not another injury from something else?

The second man that had 4 ex wives... 4 ex "wives"? In Nigeria? Not ex girlfriends o, wives! I havent seen that level of divorce in this country o, maybe just obe ir two among our celebrities. I could be wrong.

The second man loved her and took care of her: then she got pregnant for him and all of a sudden he turns abusive? Why? He starts to beat a woman he cared for and catered to previously, because she got pregnant for him? Or is it possible she tried to force a pregnancy on him? Or she became abusive when he could no longer cope with her attitude?

All these abusive relationships she has been in, has anyone considered that SHE MIGHT BE THE ABUSER?

Well, it's her word we have to work on, but with the kind of victim complex she has you just may have a point.

Na she sabi. She berra wake up seriously and stop looking for the easy way out, bringing innocent children into the world and looking for men to hang her bag and baggage.

phulxpression:
@Op I sure no 1tin abt Nigerians.Its hard 2 find pple dat will tel u d truth.Wot appens wen dey render d assistance 1ce or 2ce?

Pls reflect on everything Onegai as said,she's ur true frd and if I Av somone around me as blunt as dat.I guess my life wnt b like dis


Sorry for typos.

And you just registered 30mins ago.

This thread is getting more and more interesting

Onegai:


You're now the Patron Saint of Lame ducks, lost causes and Entitled twits

(don't worry, we'll all forget soon )

very funny

5minsmadness:

And you just registered 30mins ago.

This thread is getting more and more interesting

My dear,Av bin a silent reader(guest).Is it a taboo 2 register n giv my opinion . Kindly welcom me jare.

phulxpression:
My dear,Av bin a silent reader(guest).Is it a taboo 2 register n giv my opinion . Kindly welcom me jare.

Not at all
Welcome to the Madhouse

5minsmadness:


There's something i've been meaning to point out but felt it wasnt necessary cos its not the purpose of this thread.


All these men that abused her, are we really sure she was abused? Sure she showed a mark on her hand to thorpido, are we sure its a mark of abuse and not another injury from something else?

The second man that had 4 ex wives... 4 ex "wives"? In Nigeria? Not ex girlfriends o, wives! I havent seen that level of divorce in this country o, maybe just one or two among our celebrities. I could be wrong.

The second man loved her and took care of her: then she got pregnant for him and all of a sudden he turns abusive? Why? He starts to beat a woman he cared for and catered to previously, because she got pregnant for him? Or is it possible she tried to force a pregnancy on him? Or she became abusive when he could no longer cope with her attitude?

All these abusive relationships she has been in, has anyone considered that SHE MIGHT BE THE ABUSER?

The men in her life (all of them) were abusive.
Her mother is wicked.
Her co-workers were wicked.

She is innocent.

Need we say more?

But what about her children? The born and unborn ones? They are the innocent ones.

This girl is not mentally fit, it's obvious.

Onegai:


I wish you had not sent her credit. Since yesterday, has she bothered to go locate a bank near her and find out requirenments to open an account? Remember her first couple of posts: she wanted to borrow someone's account to use, still leaning on people to do even the basics. She didn't even say "oya, where is the first bank I said is close by, let me go and find out how to open a bank account".

If you guys are not careful, it is Seun and all of you that will train her kids. I know what my mum has gone through, infact one of my friends almost married a girl like this (complete with her 3 kids from previous relationships). She cheated on him and carried belle no.4 and was crying and acting helpless and expecting him to save her as usual. That was what woke him up.

ITS JUST TO MAKE SOME CALLS THAT EARLY MORNING BECAUSE I ASKED HER TO CALL.

I just had to read the old thread and frankly, Onegai's approach seems to be the best. Onegai today was Aisha2 on that old thread while the nlders whose opinion on this thread is only to criticize others inputs were the Humbledbygrace of yesterday.

Someone on the old thread predicted that if Moji does not listen,pick up her life and take charge we are gonna have a repetition 3 years later. It's just two years after and same 'ole story is starring at us.

How long more do we continue to indulge and pet her?

When will she ever learn to make the right choices, be responsible for her self and her children?

I tire abeg.

Onegai:


So, let's get some things some things straight:

Rule no.1: don't apologise if you don't mean it. YOU ARE 26 YEARS OF AGE AND A MOTHER OF 1. YOUR MATES ARE DANCING AT THE ALTAR EVERY SATURDAY AT THEIR WEDDING AND GOING TO WORK EVERY MONDAY. You have NOT finished school, you have NOT finished your Beautician course, you have NOT held a job down in your life, you could NOT even do Olosho work properly (go to Benin, girls are using ashawo work to build houses, go to VI and Ikeja, babes dey use kitten open store and are paying their parents' bills. You're here).

You need to succeed at something and start turning your "I have NOT" into "I HAVE ACHIEVED".

If you like, please listen to those petting you. I will not pet you, I am hard on you because that means I really think you can change. If I pet you and am gentle on you, that means I assume you are a lost cause and I'm just being kind to you to fulfill my daily dose of Likes and arse-kissing on NL. I owe you nothing, I have not even helped my cousins. Some of them are you, they learned how to born throway from their mothers and now they are doing the same. I could not help them, but I may think of trying with you.

It's upto you to decide what you want yo do now. Rule no.2: you have to start owning your own decisions and accepting their consequences of them.

We cool?

I have so much restrain myself not to comment on this thread ever since i started following it immediately the Op opened the thread day before yesterday but i think its time i aired my own view.

I laughed the first day i started reading this thread not because of anything but because i know people like @moji26 very well, i have been there before with my immediate younger sister, i knew how it started with her just same way like this and i know where she is presently with virtually this same semblance of character. The basic truth is people like @moji26 needs to be tell the hard truth just like as @onegai is doing ( seriously appreciate what you are doing).
To me, helping her with money is not the issue here rather what she needs is total reformatting of her brain and her way of thinking (If i can say that). From my experience, all she need is a quick fix to what is happening now, so what happened afterwards? she said she want to go into business, does she have the capacity to run a business? what happened after he get the financial help and able to feed his baby and be alright? If she abort the present pregnancy, what is the assurance that you wont open your leg to another guy that will flash you love and he will run away once you are pregnant? back to square one i guess.

Common, "who blame other people for the consequence of their actions at this age and time". @moji26, you are the architect of all what is happening to you presently and you need to take responsibility for it. stop blaming everybody around you for your predicament. Your mum is a good mum and what yoruba people call "", you seriously need to seek for her forgiveness, submit yourself to her, amend your ways with her and be a good child she want you to be. I guess you are a muslim and i know you must have read/hear what the prophet said about our mother that "Our making heaven is at the feet of our mothers". in fact when someone asked him that among our parent who should we do good to and he said "your mother", the second time he said "your mother", third time he said "your mother" and not until the fourth time he mentioned "Your father". This shows how important our mothers are in our lives.

Let me tell you a little story, i have a younger sister who acted just same way like you.despite having all the luxury of life and total support from our parent most especially my mum because we are just two, she got pregnant at early stage when she was suppose to face her studies, everybody was devastated and it was agreed at that time that the best option was to terminate the pregnancy even though my dad didn't support, me and my mum followed her to the hospital for abortion. She was given close marking and everybody was strict with her, she started keeping malice with everybody at home but six months down the line, she was pregnant again for another guy. I went to the house of the guy that put her in the family way and i was accused of being a thief and almost lynched, thank God for people that knows me in the area before my mum arrived and saved me. Mum was so furious and had to sent her away from the house to her suppose hubby house, it was all blame game anytime she is narrating her story, my parent didnt like me, they didnt cater for me, this and that.
She was sent back home after she gave birth to a boy, she claimed her in-law was maltreating her, as a mother, my mum accepted her back and started taking care of her and her baby but there was always problem about her laziness, not helping out with chores and in the shop all in the name of having a toddler she was catering for, since she decided not to continue with her education, she was put in somewhere to learn handwork but she will stop going after like 3 months (At least i was aware of four different places, it was always complain about people she met there or her boss was this and that). It got to a point she found herself in this present situation that you are, mum was not contributing anything to her again as she was fed up with who she was, she really suffered then that anytime i visit home and see her, i will always plead on her behalf with mumsy as she was nothing to write home about. At the end of it all, people wade in, beg mum on her behalf and she started supporting again like she always says[b] "omo eni o ki n buru titi ka le fekun paje" (Your child cannot be so stubborn that you will give her to a tiger as food) [/b]
Fastforward to when her baby was over one year, she was okay by now and everything seems normal back, she already forgot about the past. Suddenly mum realized she was pregnant again for her baby father. The question was how did it happen? well it happened already, the guy didnt deny the pregnancy even though his parent denied it. Mum was so furious that this time around, they had to force them to do even if it was small introduction since both of them believe they were ripe for marriage so the best thing was to let them be. (Husband was still a student and doesnt have anything same as wife to be).
To cut the long story short, she came back home again after the second baby as she couldn't cope. Mum establish her in a business, both capital and gain were nowhere to be found after like 3 months. The same mistake happened again as she got pregnant for the third time, mum had to go and drop her at her in-law place and told her never to come back to her house again nor call her number again. She meant it this time around as she never listen to plead of people on her behalf. Even though my mum was not listening to people when we were alone together at home, she always cry about the path she chose for herself and wish she could turn back the hands of time, her question was always if she didnt try enough to raise her well.
After the third child and there was no support from anybody not even the father that is not having tangible work, her brain reset and no one teaches her to brace up for the challenge ahead, the handwork she didn't want to learn before, she had to go and learn it by force going there with her two kids and at the same time looking for part time job to do.
@moji26, nobody will help you except you are ready to help yourself, you need to brace up and pick up your life from where it is now, no matter the amount of money we give you (Either for business or to settle immediate issue), they will all be over in a matter of weeks if not days. You need to stop the blame game and see your mum as your savior. (She is all you got as nothing much those of us here can do).
I will seat by the fence here while continue to see the way i can help one way or the other.

5minsmadness:


There's something i've been meaning to point out but felt it wasnt necessary cos its not the purpose of this thread.


All these men that abused her, are we really sure she was abused? Sure she showed a mark on her hand to thorpido, are we sure its a mark of abuse and not another injury from something else?

The second man that had 4 ex wives... 4 ex "wives"? In Nigeria? Not ex girlfriends o, wives! I havent seen that level of divorce in this country o, maybe just one or two among our celebrities. I could be wrong.

The second man loved her and took care of her: then she got pregnant for him and all of a sudden he turns abusive? Why? He starts to beat a woman he cared for and catered to previously, because she got pregnant for him? Or is it possible she tried to force a pregnancy on him? Or she became abusive when he could no longer cope with her attitude?

All these abusive relationships she has been in, has anyone considered that SHE MIGHT BE THE ABUSER?

Not ex-wives but girlfriends who probably lived with him.
There are men who change the moment pregnancy 'enters' matter.She told me the issue has more to do with the man not being empathic with her first trimester pregnancy illness.

She might not be the abuser,have you considered why four women couldn't stay with the man?

Jumaii:


Exactly. Moji that was rude. See my dear, you feel onegai doesn't love you or want the best for you cos she asked you to sell a tab. She loves you more than you think but the tiny little voice in you head (your ego) has misunderstood her . Nobody has it easy trust me, let me use myself as an example .
I have a baby , I fell out with her dad but my case is different from yours. Long story cut short, I was left alone to take care of her and I have been single Handel doing that! Has it been tough? HELL YES! Has there been days when I almost felt like taking my life cos I never imagined myself in this kinda situation? YES . Did I blame the people around me for my predicaments? NO. You know what I did? I took responsibility for my actions and blamed myself for everything. There have been days when I fall out with my mum too, even when she's seemingly wrong and I am obviously right, I go down on my two kneels and BEG HER. YOU KNOW SOMETHNG, SHE IS NOT EVEN CATERING FOR ME OR MY DAUGHTER,BT SHE CHIPS IN ONCE IN A WHILE AND SHE REMAINS MY MOTHER. MY MAKING HEAVEN LIES AT HER VERY FEET SO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING, I MEAN EVERYTHING TO BE IN HER GOOD BOOKS.

Last week or so, I had a little challenge, I knew who and who to call if I really needed help but you know what I did? I sold my precious phone just to make that end meet as I felt I should not bother anyone since I still have something I could actually convert into cash. Now I am not asking you to sell your phone , I am only telling you the extra miles I go just to put body and soul together.

You need to work on your relationship with your mother regardless of whatever it is you think she might have said or done wrong to you. The fact that she harbors you in her house despite all the snide remarks that people will be passing at her is enough for you to wake up every morning and say thank you mummy. Please throw away that pride as it will only self destroy you. Start from somewhere and I think you need to be st peace with your mum first, then other thing will fall into place by God's grace.

One more thing, you owe onegai a heartfelt apology. Do not push away people that genuinely love you even without meeting you cos of pride. We all care, our ways of portraying it might just be different. Think twice dear, please. Wrk on yourself.

PS.
Someone posted a link and I just glanced through. TO think that you even got good counsel and was warned against looking for a man to shoulder your responsibilities. Dear, you need a guidance counselor l

Apologies for typos...

You love nairaland no be small

thorpido:
Not ex-wives but girlfriends who probably lived with him.
There are men who change the moment pregnancy 'enters' matter.She told me the issue has more to do with the man not being empathic with her first trimester pregnancy illness.
She might not be the abuser,have you considered why four women couldn't stay with the man?

Hello Thorpido, thanks for the follow - up. Have you been able to to meet with the mum?

thorpido:
Not ex-wives but girlfriends who probably lived with him.
There are men who change the moment pregnancy 'enters' matter.She told me the issue has more to do with the man not being empathic with her first trimester pregnancy illness.

She might not be the abuser,have you considered why four women couldn't stay with the man?

My point is, why do you even believe that story in the first place? Has she proven herself worthy of trust? How are you sure she isn't garnishing her stories to garner sympathy?

And please she is an abuser already, if not to anyone but herself.

moji story is a pure local scam .

moji I reside at obadore too just behind kelviz hotel .
we can meet up come with a valid means of identification and i will help you in my own little way with cash ..

all this local scammers self lol

Update.

I paid a visit to her house this morning as promised and met with the mother.

Long story short,it's a mother who is fed up with a daughter who has not learnt to take responsibility for her life in addition to making poor choices in life.She has also become unruly towards her mother which may have been borne out of frustration.
I got her to apologise to the mother and also pleaded with the mother to forgive her.She did and the mother accepted(though I know it's a work in progress).
There's an issue on ground however that will determine how they move forward- mother to daughter.The mom wants her to go back to the man she's pregnant for but she says she doesn't want the relationship anymore saying he's uncaring and abusive.

She didn't finish her period of apprentiship as a beautician because she couldn't complete her payment according to her.
She's not registered at a hospital for antenatal but once saw a traditional birth attendant and she has no money to even go back there now.
She admits she hasn't gotten a grip of her own life(I could see someone having psycological issues) and needs someone to put her right.She needs some form of therapy.

So familylanders,where do we go from here?

Cc:ifyalways,funjosh,Onegai,jaybee3,Mizmycoli.

pickabeau1:


Well that is life
Every decision has a consequence

Sure, and she has made plenty bad decisions whose consequences she now suffers. Need we add more?

Onegai I really want to commend your efforts

I like giving real life experiences o,Moji you think morning sickness should stop you from looking for a job? Really I am faced with that at the moment and I still work. I leave home at 5:25am and get back home by 9pm most of the days and I still prepare the food I will take to work the next day amidst my ill health.

You think you are too young at 26yrs and we should all pity you? I am 26yrs old too,no decision is taken in my father's house if I am not consulted even though I am married. I made myself that relevant....

It isn't too late to pick up the pieces of your life,if we don't love you I am sure nobody will spend time advicing you on this thread. I believe you can be a better person,I believe you can work and be able to cater for yourself,your son and your unborn child.

I hope you have begged your mum as I adviced in my previous post. I am sure she will help provide you with little money you can use to register your son in a school while you go out and hustle... People will laugh at you but it will only be for a while and they will get tired of your gist and look for another one.

Moji,you are the architect of your problem,so don't pour your frustration out on anybody. We are here to help you.

Jaygrl:
Onegai I really want to commend your efforts

I like giving real life experiences o,Moji you think morning sickness should stop you from looking for a job? Really I am faced with that at the moment and I still work. I leave home at 5:25am and get back home by 9pm most of the days and I still prepare the food I will take to work the next day amidst my ill health.

You think you are too young at 26yrs and we should all pity you? I am 26yrs old too,no decision is taken in my father's house if I am not consulted even though I am married. I made myself that relevant....

It isn't too late to pick up the pieces of your life,if we don't love you I am sure nobody will spend time advicing you on this thread. I believe you can be a better person,I believe you can work and be able to cater for yourself,your son and your unborn child.

I hope you have begged your mum as I adviced in my previous post. I am sure she will help provide you with little money you can use to register your son in a school while you go out and hustle... People will laugh at you but it will only be for a while and they will get tired of your gist and look for another one.

Moji,you are the architect of your problem,so don't pour your frustration out on anybody. We are here to help you.

@bolded,pregnancies are different and bodies are too.I'm not absolving her of blame here but just to point out that two people can't compare pregnancies.

Omoh see as parade don change...

moji26:
infact,let onegai continue, let her continue to judge me as if her life is perfect, I never even tell her directly to give me money, it's who really want to help, some people are very good at castigating people even at d point dat they re dying, she has been calling me since, discussing with me about selling my tablet phones, I think she really ve problem with tablet phones, cos she fantasizes about having one, though I asked nairAlanders for help bt I dnt need all dis insult from her, she ve been insulting me since morning calling me on my phone, pls nairalanders, I take dis as a case of harassment, nobody here is perfect, I do everything I did in d past to care for my baby as my mum is not of support, so dnt blame me, and thorpido tanx vry much for d help u render to me, I pray u see someone too as a helper in life, my God will continue to bless u and ur family and never forget u, thorpido, thank u once again

Why did you have to type all this even if you were thinking it?




MizMyColi, please come in here. Have you spoken to this lady yet? Please share with us your findings and perception about her kind of person.

5minsmadness:


My point is, why do you even believe that story in the first place? Has she proven herself worthy of trust? How are you sure she isn't garnishing her stories to garner sympathy?

And please she is an abuser already, if not to anyone but herself.

I have been to her house twice and listened to other people who were present there.
She is a lady who doesn't have a grip on herself and has made bad choices which put her in her current situation.I'm not saying she's innocent but you know the proverb that says when you are down,people trample upon you.

sisisioge:


Lobatan! I was so expecting this a while ago. Well done! I'm sure if all have eventually contributed to your cause, one day they would be painted in the same light you've been painting your mother!

By the way, let me hint you one secret of this forum...it contains all the tiers of the society strata. There are some people you wouldn't have the liver to open foul mouth on should we all gather in the same room even if your eyes don tear pass kilode!

Good luck with your life dear...may God Himself help you set it right.

Only Nigerians are capable of saying things like this,completely unnecessary.

veave:



i didn't even say asking her to sell the tab is right or wrong... no. Trust me when i tell you i do not even the best method to tackle this issue at hand. Commanding her doesn't feel right to me. Its my opinion. it doesn't even have to make any sense to you

It made sense to me.
There are ways to speak to someone reassuringly without sounding uppity.

prettyangel10:


Hello Thorpido, thanks for the follow - up. Have you been able to to meet with the mum?

Yea.