Mindfulness:


Thank you. You are a GREAT man. I respect you a lot.

Thanks for the compliments.

Mindfulness:


Of course NOT, I am addicted to sweet words.

That makes two of us

What nonsense! For real?......i have been following this thread from day one, but with this post from you, won't help you.

moji26:
infact,let onegai continue, let her continue to judge me as if her life is perfect, I never even tell her directly to give me money, it's who really want to help, some people are very good at castigating people even at d point dat they re dying, she has been calling me since, discussing with me about selling my tablet phones, I think she really ve problem with tablet phones, cos she fantasizes about having one, though I asked nairAlanders for help bt I dnt need all dis insult from her, she ve been insulting me since morning calling me on my phone, pls nairalanders, I take dis as a case of harassment, nobody here is perfect, I do everything I did in d past to care for my baby as my mum is not of support, so dnt blame me, and thorpido tanx vry much for d help u render to me, I pray u see someone too as a helper in life, my God will continue to bless u and ur family and never forget u, thorpido, thank u once again

missjo:

God bless you tremendously,i wouldn't want her to go live with that man either, but that's just me, her mum is so fed up with her.
Moji would have to show her mum that she has changed,or at least is on that path otherwise all this intervention here would have been for nothing.

I also feel that some of her financial woes will be curtailed once she can reestablish the trust and bond a mother and daughter is supposed to have. I wouldn't blame anyone here who doesn't want to offer financial assistance going by the way she responds to posters on her last thread,and also by the way she responded to onegia here.
Moji, I hope you're reading this.

Finance is kind of the last thing on my mind.
Like, FINANCE. Yes, she needs money...but it should be for what life's basics.

I told her that we have two main priorities...

Getting her to Settle with her mom. I even shared my life story as per having issues with mom, so she will know she isn't the first, and today we are great buddies...me and mom, I mean. I prayed that it will be her portion too.

Secondly, bank account.

If we can solve these, we will now move to psychological corrections and setting her up....hopefully.

thorpido:
If she actually changes and shows progress,after she births the baby,she will have to cooperate with me to go on a long term family planning method.She has to be on IUD or implant.

Having two kids to manage is not a mean feat for any mother not to talk of a single parent

Is adoption an option if abortion is not palatable

jeffizy:
Moji, tough times don't last, tough people do.
I am not in a position to judge you, but I believe you should not have thought of making another baby with the present situation around you.
And your mum, I think was just upset with you for being a single mum.

All in all, life must go on. For the sake of your kid and the unborn blessing within you.

If any member of your family can assist you to change your environment, it will be a step in the right direction.
Ironu o da nkan kan o, so gbo?
Your light will still shine so bright only if you believe in yourself.

Blessings to you in bundles.

I hope say afta all ds ur tlk, u go drop somtn 4 d woman o because only tlk no fit fill empty Belle (especially dt of woman wt belle).

MizmyColi

Second is not bank account in my opinion

First is settle with mom
Second is have child..helping with antenatal is ok here until child comes
Third is empowerment with work
Fourth is now any help preferably in.kind not cash
Fifth is mentoring though I'm not sure as major attitudinal adjustments are required

pickabeau1:
MizmyColi

Second is not bank account in my opinion

First is settle with mom
Second is have child..helping with antenatal is ok here until child comes
Third is empowerment with work
Fourth is now any help preferably in.kind not cash
Fifth is mentoring though I'm not sure as major attitudinal adjustments are required

It is because of needs like the second that I suggested bank account.

Except it is not a state-wide thing, cost of pre-reg has increased.
Then there is booking day.

I use a GH too.

In the meantime that we are trying to get her right with mom, shebi she will need small money like say 2k to enter transport to the place of antenatal.
And maybe to satisfy some craving as a pregnant woman.

I just figured that Thorpido might not always be chanced to be doing such deliveries.

I like your order of arrangement too.

I'm not sooooo keen on the bank account ish either, for now at least, till people like Onegai and Thorpido confirm that she is ready to handle one...but I just think it a necessity for convenience.

What I am concerned with is mending fences with mom.
If we solve that, just watch how everything else falls into place.

Onegai:


I would like her to know what it feels like to earn, you know that sense of accomplishment when you pay something into your Savings account? Yeah, that's what I want for her to feel. She needs to know she can succeed at something, it will build her so much.

All of us won't be there long-term. That is why I would like her to push herself, so that if any of us are not there, she doesn't slip back into poor choices. And if she does slip back, she can identify where she went wrong and turn back. Which is why I'm pushing hard on her. When this girl gets on her feet by herself, no-one will hail her more than me.

Don't give crutches to someone when you know you are not a longterm solution. Who is going to be there calling constantly, talking her out of bad decisions? All this one we are talking here on NL, how many of us will remember in one month's time?

Well said!

In other words, learning to depend on yourself is the most empowering and satisfying feeling ever.

pickabeau1:


Having two kids to manage is not a mean feat for any mother not to talk of a single parent

Is adoption an option if abortion is not palatable

I'm not sure adoption might work here.Even if the man is not responsible now,chances are that he might want his child later.

Ok..no problem

Let's hope and see a plan is mapped out

MizMyColi:


It is because of needs like the second that I suggested bank account.

Except it is not a state-wide thing, cost of pre-reg has increased.
Then there is booking day.

I use a GH too.

In the meantime that we are trying to get her right with mom, shebi she will need small money like say 2k to enter transport to the place of antenatal.
And maybe to satisfy some craving as a pregnant woman.

I just figured that Thorpido might not always be chanced to be doing such deliveries.

I like your order of arrangement too.

I'm not sooooo keen on the bank account ish either, for now at least, till people like Onegai and Thorpido confirm that she is ready to handle one...but I just think it a necessity for convenience.

What I am concerned with is mending fences with mom.
If we solve that, just watch how everything else falls into place.

thorpido:
I'm not sure adoption might work here.Even if the man is not responsible now,chances are that he might want his child later.

Nothing like that

No drop child for future acceptance when you feel like it
Who says the woman can cope till then..if you want the child..take it as It comes now or sorry..lose the chance



Without any plan for this lady she will be in a worse position

Even if you pay for beauty school or catering school, she can't go until the new child is old enough which means her life is still on hold for another year at least.


Coupled with the fact that education of these two kids will be coming in ...

As unpalatable as it sounds ..I think this new child should be raised elsewhere

If the father wants the new child
Let him take just after birth

This girl will not lift off at this rate if something drastic is not done

pickabeau1:


Nothing like that

No drop child for future acceptance when you feel like it
Who says the woman can cope till then..if you want the child..take it as It comes now or sorry..lose the chance



Without any plan for this lady she will be in a worse position

Even if you pay for beauty school or catering school, she can't go until the new child is old enough which means her life is still on hold for another year at least.


Coupled with the fact that education of these two kids will be coming in ...

As unpalatable as it sounds ..I think this new child should be raised elsewhere

If the father wants the new child
Let him take just after birth

This girl will not lift off at this rate if something drastic is not done

I understand your position.
Can she just go ahead with the process of adoption without the consent of the babyfather?I'm not sure her mother too would like her to give up the child for adoption.

when i get to talk to her on phone,i'll mention it.

Young03:
GOD THANK U OO,...I DON READ FROM GENESIS REACH MALAKAI,...BUT IAM SUPRISED NO ONE HAS ASKED ABOUT HER FATHER OR OTHER MEMBER OF HER FAMILY. FROM WHAT I CAN SEE ,SHE HAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM AND HER MAIN POINT HERE IS MONEY TO START UP A BUSINESS.


EVEN IF AFTER REGISTERING HER FOR ANTE-NATAL, SHE GIVES BIRTH AND NO INCOME...SHE WILL STILL GALIVANT AROUND


I DON MAKR MY POINT

Eager to finish reading too o, no be small thing.

My own is that, there should be one family member that will still stand by her.

Her problem is that she is used to luxury life. As her name implies, let her wake up to her own responsibilities, she didn't call anybody when she dey enjoy her life. period.

ur first sentence make me lol.

thorpido:
I understand your position.
Can she just go ahead with the process of adoption without the consent of the babyfather?I'm not sure her mother too would like her to give up the child for adoption.

when i get to talk to her on phone,i'll mention it.

Which consent does a man who chased a pregnant woman out

You can't dictate over a woman u chased out

What if she had a major issue due to the traditional medicine homes.she is going to

Is the man ready to.pay for delivery
What if she needs a caesarian


I understand where mummy is coming from
However the best decision at Times is painful

I agree with pickabeau steps but I also agree with Thorpido's assertion that she can work. She is determined to keep the baby, let us not force her to give it up. If thorpido can be assured of her mother's support and assistance in rehabilitating her, both ideas can effectively work. The good thing is that her mother has a shop business. The kids can be there while she goes for her job training. Also from now till she gives birth she must assist her mother in the shop, for free. Especially that the mother is housing and feeding her and her kid. Or go and learn the skill. Even if she is sick, she must get up like most of us and go out to either make a living or assist the mother. I see heavily pregnant women work as loaf carriers. I don't even want to hear every pregnancy is different please. If you are hungry and on your own in this world, no matter how sick, you will get up and find a job.

baby124:
I agree with pickabeau steps but I also agree with Thorpido's assertion that she can work. She is determined to keep the baby, let us not force her to give it up. If thorpido can be assured of her mother's support and assistance in rehabilitating her, both ideas can effectively work. The good thing is that her mother has a shop business. The kids can be there while she goes for her job training. Also from now till she gives birth she must assist her mother in the shop, for free. Especially that the mother is housing and feeding her and her kid. Or go and learn the skill. Even if she is sick, she must get up like most of us and go out to either make a living or assist the mother. I see heavily pregnant women work as loaf carriers. I don't even want to hear every pregnancy is different please. If you are hungry and on your own in this world, no matter how sick, you will get up and find a job.

No problem..it's also.her choice to.make

May God help her and us

This girl does not need money nor assistance from anybody, her Mom can provide for her
What she needs is to humble herself, reconcile with her Mom, start to listen to the woman and commit to changing her ways
Despite everything, she is still living in her Mom's house - that says a lot about her Mom's kindness and generosity
All the talk about hunger and dying is most probably because she refuses to listen to her Mom yet lives in her house
I am a parent and I was once a child - the golden rule is when you live under your parents, you adjust your way of life (no matter your proclivities) and do as they say
Her problems include pride, stubbornness, feeling of entitlement, an easy lay, and really bad judgements - traits she continues to exhibit. How in the world would giving her money raid her of these things?
Giving her money tells her she has an alternative so that she does not have to listen to her Mom
2 babies out of wedlock? A girl that was sent to school abroad? I pity her poor Mom - colossal embarrassment plus disgrace
From what I have read, her Mom is not hard up for money to take care of her. All she wants is for her to behave
Her Mom that put her in beautician school is obviously able to fund any training she needs if she would just focus for a change
If she changes for the better, I doubt her Mom would insist she goes back to her abuser. She might be asking her to go back so that her home is not perceived as a brothel. She probably suspects that once she births the baby, it would only be a matter of time before another baby daddy enters the picture.
She has younger siblings, imagine the embarrassment those ones feel with their baby mama sister. Nobody from a decent home wants that experience.

U guys that have been saying she should or must give up her child for adoption are funny. I doubt u are in Nigeria. A poor Nigerian family will never give up their child for adoption. Not even the child of their unmarried daughter soaking garri under their roof.
How much more a mama who is capable of providing at least the basic needs for her daughter- Moji and Moji's children!

Pls stop all these trying to plan her life. Offering her contraceptives is still okay sef. But saying she must give up her kid for adoption, she must do this, she must do that... E get as e be o because this girl is not an orphan o. She has people. She is an adult too. However immature she behaves.

katchycouture:


It didn't look like a suggestion to me though, she kept on hammering on selling the fone, how much wld she has sold d fone, how long wld d money last to feed herself and her child, wld selling the fone be enough to register her for antenatal, wld be pay delivery fee?? Look no one is a saint, I am surprised to see fellow ladies being the ones casting the stone, abeg help me ask them how many abortion most of them don do, all the contraceptives and all of that... My mother will say we are all thieves but only who is caught is stoned to death... The lady has made very very very silly mistakes but she is not the first neither will she be the last... Those God has put in their hearts to help shld plz do so... Even if her fone was brand new sef...

No body is a saint yes, but most of us takes responsibility for our action, we don't go about biting the finger that fed us like our mother who has been there supporting our reckless lifestyle, we also knows when to stand on our feet and do something for ourselves without looking for who to blame for the misfortune that has befallen us. The person that suggested selling the phone did not make a mistake, she said her opinion which should either be considered or not, so you can air ur own opinion without waking sleeping dogs.
The OP should humble herself and beg her mother to take care of her and when she is ok, she can help her mum in her biz cos that is where the money that is used to care for her and her kids comes from.

thorpido:
I'm not sure adoption might work here.Even if the man is not responsible now,chances are that he might want his child later.

is it possible to speak to the man and get his side of the story since her mum wants her to go back to him?

r231:


is it possible to speak to the man and get his side of the story since her mum wants her to go back to him?

You just raised a valid point.I'll speak to her to see if I can talk to or meet the man.

MMotimo:
This girl does not need money nor assistance from anybody, her Mom can provide for her
What she needs is to humble herself, reconcile with her Mom, start to listen to the woman and commit to changing her ways
Despite everything, she is still living in her Mom's house - that says a lot about her Mom's kindness and generosity
All the talk about hunger and dying is most probably because she refuses to listen to her Mom yet lives in her house
I am a parent and I was once a child - the golden rule is when you live under your parents, you adjust your way of life (no matter your proclivities) and do as they say
Her problems include pride, stubbornness, feeling of entitlement, an easy lay, and really bad judgements - traits she continues to exhibit. How in the world would giving her money raid her of these things?
Giving her money tells her she has an alternative so that she does not have to listen to her Mom
2 babies out of wedlock? A girl that was sent to school abroad? I pity her poor Mom - colossal embarrassment plus disgrace
From what I have read, her Mom is not hard up for money to take care of her. All she wants is for her to behave
Her Mom that put her in beautician school is obviously able to fund any training she needs if she would just focus for a change
If she changes for the better, I doubt her Mom would insist she goes back to her abuser. She might be asking her to go back so that her home is not perceived as a brothel. She probably suspects that once she births the baby, it would only be a matter of time before another baby daddy enters the picture.
She has younger siblings, imagine the embarrassment those ones feel with their baby mama sister. Nobody from a decent home wants that experience.

I think you are right, but now that the attention of her condition has been brought to light with many people indicating the need to help (i.e. reconciliation with her mum, settle her ante natal bill, mentoring, etc.), we need to look forward and hope she will change. I appreciate the beauty in Nigerians. I was on this story from day one, page after page (sometimes, seeing myself dropping a tear or two). Well, I find it so lovely that after all, we are all humans. See how Nigerians carry dis girl matter for head like responsibility, irrespective of tribe, religion or class, offering to render whatever advise, opinion and assistance they can.
Thank God for Nairaland. Thank God for Nigerians.
Aunty Onegai, thank you for all your efforts, I know you have forgiven Moji.

Moji. if u mess up dis chance when u get so, e go bad for u o!

Thanks to all.

As you are one of 2 who actually mentione me by name, I will take the time to post a few replies. The others knew to keep thier coo'ings coded, lest I swipe - what's it to be a cat among pigeons

I also have exprience of the West . And I'll tell you something else that occurs. Pet ownership in some countries is quite high. And some people really love their "pets". But it's still ownership - and they are in a sense "gods" to these animals. And, it shows, in the way they speak about, and treat them.

Feral animals will often be "neutered", and you'll hear "owners" talking of "castrating" or "spaying" their pets. But that's to be expected really, they are after all only animals right? But wouldn't you find that kind of language degrading if applied to humans?

Does anyone think that because they may drop something, or even take a genuine long-term interest in this girl, they have the right to make these type of pronouncements;

Onegai:
I don't know about you, but I think we should only support her if she puts up the child for adoption and gets an implant for contraceptive.

Onegai:
I'll give her money after she has the baby and puts it up for adoption and gets fitted with a 5-year Contraceptive.

Along with a number saying she had to terminate the pregnancy?

doveda:
@TV01, in the western world, they will often take kids from these type of women.

Only if they prove totally incapable of looking after them. Further, the West is not determinative for Nigeria - there are local customs and morés. This woman is an adult living in the bosom of her family. You get to decide whether you give or not, they get to decide how they wish to proceed. Rendering assistance doesn't give you "ownership", or even rights as such. Is that overly difficult to comprehend?

doveda:
If they don't, people like her live on child benefits and to keep it coming they give birth to more kids. In Nigeria, ladies like her keep kids coming for one man with N100 after another with N50000. The society will be the one to suffer the consequences of her poor choices.

Nobody beats the drum for the behaviours that leads to flourishing societies on this section more than I do. So please leave that. Where there are negative outcomes from destructive behaviours, we should by all means offer support, and work to breach the gap, but there are limits - and they don't extend to the kind of pronouncement above.

doveda:
Given her antecedent, she cannot make any life changing decisions.

It's not your place to say that. And her antecedents are not necessarily instructive to her future. And even if she cannot, her family - who by the way have been there until now - are next in the hierarchy - not those of us here.

doveda:
She feels like she is one smart babe. I don't know if you noticed , she has changed the title of her thread from help me to have mercy on me I don't want to die. That is the type of person you think should make decisions. Well, I believe she has already given the society the right to decide for her.

And if she has passed responsibility to “society”, that means any random individual, or FamilyLanders - if “society” does not have codified and workable laws?

Believe what you will, she asked for assistance, she didn’t agree to sign away her freewill, or sign up for a new god , and it says more about those who will think, write and justify that, than it does about her.

It's also good that you notice the kind of person "she is", because as I stated in my OP, I personally don’t see this as a charitable case. Her mother and wider family clearly have the means, her core problem is her rebelliousness.

If she would simply humble and apply herself she’d have a decent chance to make a good go of things. The crusading effort here is mostly "gist and preening" and will serve mostly to enable her on her current path.


TV

Jaygrl:
I understand two bodies are different,mine is as severe as my not being able to keep down food. So what do I do? Resign from work? Go on 3 or 4months leave without pay? What of bankers faced with morning sickness? You just keep patching until that phase passes. This is my first pregnancy and everyday I wake up feeling like somebody else.

ndo

TV01:
As you are one of 2 who actually mentione me by name, I will take the time to post a few replies. The others knew to keep thier coo'ings coded, lest I swipe - what's it to be a cat among pigeons

I also have exprience of the West . And I'll tell you something else that occurs. Pet ownership in some countries is quite high. And some people really love their "pets". But it's still ownership - and they are in a sense "gods" to these animals. And, it shows, in the way they speak about, and treat them.

Feral animals will often be "neutered", and you'll hear "owners" talking of "castrating" or "spaying" their pets. But that's to be expected really, they are after all only animals right? But wouldn't you find that kind of language degrading if applied to humans?

Does anyone think that because they may drop something, or even take a genuine long-term interest in this girl, they have the right to make these type of pronouncements;





Along with a number saying she had to terminate the pregnancy?

Only if they prove totally incapable of looking after them. Further, the West is not determinative for Nigeria - there are local customs and morés. This woman is an adult living in the bosom of her family. You get to decide whether you give or not, they get to decide how they wish to proceed. Rendering assistance doesn't give you "ownership", or even rights as such. Is that overly difficult to comprehend?

Nobody beats the drum for the behaviours that leads to flourishing societies on this section more than I do. So please leave that. Where there are negative outcomes from destructive behaviours, we should by all means offer support, and work to breach the gap, but there are limits - and they don't extend to the kind of pronouncement above.

It's not your place to say that. And her antecedents are not necessarily instructive to her future. And even if she cannot, her family - who by the way have been there until now - are next in the hierarchy - not those of us here.

And if she has passed responsibility to “society”, that means any random individual, or FamilyLanders - if “society” does not have codified and workable laws?

Believe what you will, she asked for assistance, she didn’t agree to sign away her freewill, or sign up for a new god , and it says more about those who will think, write and justify that, than it does about her.

It's also good that you notice the kind of person "she is", because as I stated in my OP, I personally don’t see this as a charitable case. Her mother and wider family clearly have the means, her core problem is her rebelliousness.

If she would simply humble and apply herself she’d have a decent chance to make a good go of things. The crusading effort here is mostly "gist and preening" and will serve mostly to enable her on her current path.


TV

hmmmn. Oga ti de...

Loisemm:
U guys that have been saying she should or must give up her child for adoption are funny. I doubt u are in Nigeria. A poor Nigerian family will never give up their child for adoption. Not even the child of their unmarried daughter soaking garri under their roof.
Talk more of a mama who is capable of providing at least the basic needs for her daughter- Moji and Moji's children!

Pls stop all these trying to plan her life. Offering her contraceptives is still okay sef. But saying she must give up her kid for adoption, she must do this, she must do that... E get as e be o because this girl is not an orphan o. She has people. She is an adult too. However immature she behaves.

Thank you.
As if she doesn't have relatives to take care of the kid. Or even her own mom sef. Or they think giving up a child for adoption is easy like that.
Haba.

Loisemm:
U guys that have been saying she should or must give up her child for adoption are funny. I doubt u are in Nigeria. A poor Nigerian family will never give up their child for adoption. Not even the child of their unmarried daughter soaking garri under their roof.
Talk more of a mama who is capable of providing at least the basic needs for her daughter- Moji and Moji's children!

Pls stop all these trying to plan her life. Offering her contraceptives is still okay sef. But saying she must give up her kid for adoption, she must do this, she must do that... E get as e be o because this girl is not an orphan o. She has people. She is an adult too. However immature she behaves.

... word!!!

It seems the adoption option is not palatable to.some of us

Note however it is an option which has its own merits and.demerits like any option or decision in life.

We have to take the consequences of.our actions or inaction if any.

Even the mom we talk about has a finite amount of patience and raising kids who have different fathers is no.mean feat

I wish her the best as I have always said

Cc: tv01, 5minsmadness

baby124:
https://www.nairaland.com/1999911/pls-peepshelp-me-out-bad#28069355

Is this your first cry out thread?

It's actually her second. The first was when she told us of how she was deported from SA and her husband/boyfriend was in jail and messed up her life even though she was sent there to school.

I now remember her very well. Very rude and lazy person then.

TV01:
As you are one of 2 who actually mentione me by name, I will take the time to post a few replies. The others knew to keep thier coo'ings coded, lest I swipe - what's it to be a cat among pigeons

I also have exprience of the West . And I'll tell you something else that occurs. Pet ownership in some countries is quite high. And some people really love their "pets". But it's still ownership - and they are in a sense "gods" to these animals. And, it shows, in the way they speak about, and treat them.

Feral animals will often be "neutered", and you'll hear "owners" talking of "castrating" or "spaying" their pets. But that's to be expected really, they are after all only animals right? But wouldn't you find that kind of language degrading if applied to humans?

Does anyone think that because they may drop something, or even take a genuine long-term interest in this girl, they have the right to make these type of pronouncements;





Along with a number saying she had to terminate the pregnancy?

Only if they prove totally incapable of looking after them. Further, the West is not determinative for Nigeria - there are local customs and morés. This woman is an adult living in the bosom of her family. You get to decide whether you give or not, they get to decide how they wish to proceed. Rendering assistance doesn't give you "ownership", or even rights as such. Is that overly difficult to comprehend?

Nobody beats the drum for the behaviours that leads to flourishing societies on this section more than I do. So please leave that. Where there are negative outcomes from destructive behaviours, we should by all means offer support, and work to breach the gap, but there are limits - and they don't extend to the kind of pronouncement above.

It's not your place to say that. And her antecedents are not necessarily instructive to her future. And even if she cannot, her family - who by the way have been there until now - are next in the hierarchy - not those of us here.

And if she has passed responsibility to “society”, that means any random individual, or FamilyLanders - if “society” does not have codified and workable laws?

Believe what you will, she asked for assistance, she didn’t agree to sign away her freewill, or sign up for a new god , and it says more about those who will think, write and justify that, than it does about her.

It's also good that you notice the kind of person "she is", because as I stated in my OP, I personally don’t see this as a charitable case. Her mother and wider family clearly have the means, her core problem is her rebelliousness.

If she would simply humble and apply herself she’d have a decent chance to make a good go of things. The crusading effort here is mostly "gist and preening" and will serve mostly to enable her on her current path.


TV

I totally get you but I am tempted to call you woman wrapper. But I resisted the temptation sha.

@r231 thanks u just echoed my thoughts.
@ thorpido, I re call moji made reference of her mum not getting her a nanny, that the elderly woman in question is her mum Inlaw.

I believe there's more to the issue why her mother insist on her going back to the man who impregnated her. Why not find out more bout that.
IMO I doubt the mum will push her to an abusive man.

r231:


is it possible to speak to the man and get his side of the story since her mum wants her to go back to him?