moji26:
im sorry pls, I need to come in here, I dnt ve any nanny, there is no nanny with me, d old woman with me is d mother of my ex dat I'm pregnant for

thorpido:
If she actually changes and shows progress,after she births the baby,she will have to cooperate with me to go on a long term family planning method.She has to be on IUD or implant.

treasuredkids:
@r231 thanks u just echoed my thoughts.
@ thorpido, I re call moji made reference of her mum not getting her a nanny, that the elderly woman in question is her mum Inlaw.

I believe there's more to the issue why her mother insist on her going back to the man who impregnated her. Why not find out more bout that.
IMO I doubt the mum will push her to an abusive man.

thorpido:
The woman is the boyfriend's mother,not a nanny.She's just helping to take care of the boy.

From what I saw,the mum wants her to go back to the man for stability.I however see her own side too.Why stay with a man who is not showing seriousness?

I'll talk to her later when I call.

jaybee3:


No problem my sister BUT it's nothing to me so i will leave the door open IF and When you reconsider

Ishilove:

She can also try closing her legs, you know. It works wonderfully well.

Sex is not love

pickabeau1:
It seems the adoption option is not palatable to.some of us

Note however it is an option which has its own merits and.demerits like any option or decision in life.

We have to take the consequences of.our actions or inaction if any.

Even the mom we talk about has a finite amount of patience and raising kids who have different fathers is no.mean feat

I wish her the best as I have always said

Cc: tv01, 5minsmadness

katchycouture:



Adoption shldnt even be an option, have you heard of the light at the end of the turnel?? because she is going tru a tough time she shld labour for nine months, all d pain of childbirth and then give d child out forever?? No no tht is extreme

TV01:



1. You get to decide whether you give or not, they get to decide how they wish to proceed. Rendering assistance doesn't give you "ownership", or even rights as such. Is that overly difficult to comprehend?

2. And her antecedents are not necessarily instructive to her future. And even if she cannot, her family - who by the way have been there until now - are next in the hierarchy - not those of us here.


3.Believe what you will, she asked for assistance, she didn’t agree to sign away her freewill, or sign up for a new god , and it says more about those who will think, write and justify that, than it does about her.


4.If she would simply humble and apply herself she’d have a decent chance to make a good go of things. The crusading effort here is mostly "gist and preening" and will serve mostly to enable her on her current path.


TV

Jaygrl:
Onegai I really want to commend your efforts

I like giving real life experiences o,Moji you think morning sickness should stop you from looking for a job? Really I am faced with that at the moment and I still work. I leave home at 5:25am and get back home by 9pm most of the days and I still prepare the food I will take to work the next day amidst my ill health.

You think you are too young at 26yrs and we should all pity you? I am 26yrs old too,no decision is taken in my father's house if I am not consulted even though I am married. I made myself that relevant....

It isn't too late to pick up the pieces of your life,if we don't love you I am sure nobody will spend time advicing you on this thread. I believe you can be a better person,I believe you can work and be able to cater for yourself,your son and your unborn child.

I hope you have begged your mum as I adviced in my previous post. I am sure she will help provide you with little money you can use to register your son in a school while you go out and hustle... People will laugh at you but it will only be for a while and they will get tired of your gist and look for another one.

Moji,you are the architect of your problem,so don't pour your frustration out on anybody. We are here to help you.

Onegai:


Go and donate. But first donate to me: I can use a smartphone and an andriod device yet I am totally helpless to get myself a bank account. Infact, what is a bank sef, never heard of those things...

princessKF:

I'm sorry to Chip in but sometimes morning sickness during pregnanCy Can be severe, for the first four months I had to leave my job becos I couldn't even come down from my bed unassisted not to talk of having my bath or going to work yes it was that severe. I was so weak that I couldn't stand thank God I have a supporting DH.... it was not easy, I thought of abortion (God save my soul) if not that we've been trying. I was so frustrated becos I couldn't Do basic things for myself not to talk of working. So u never can tell how severe her MS is. Let mr thorpido update the house before we judge her.

amaben2020:
are you a yellowbar

EfemenaXY:


You know, Nairaland is sooooooo dull, I only log on to read the scam threads.

At least they're entertaining.

thorpido:
I hope she can.The problem with a girl like her is that if she meets a man that says he will take care of her,then it's 'visa approved'.

Liftmaster:



Jaybee3, can Tehn help facilitate the payment if I donate through the organization?

Jaygrl:
I understand two bodies are different,mine is as severe as my not being able to keep down food. So what do I do? Resign from work? Go on 3 or 4months leave without pay? What of bankers faced with morning sickness? You just keep patching until that phase passes. This is my first pregnancy and everyday I wake up feeling like somebody else.

Onegai:


Thanks for doing this. Here is my take:

Thorpido, tearoses, cococandy, Aisha2, Ifyalways, Bukatyne and some others from that old thread of hers;

2 years ago, she came here with a similar issue of poor choices. You guys even told her to NOT follow another man until she was sorted. She got sympathy, tough love and more. She argued with all the tough love and then seemingly accepted the good advice. But she didn't follow through.

She is already doing the same thing again. She has lost her cool, apologised and is now seemingly accepting good advice.

I do NOT believe it is that easy to change. I do NOT trust myself to change so easily, talk less of another. So I don't believe this. She's overwhelmed right now. When things stabilise, there is nothing stopping her from finding another guy and latching on. She keeps looking for a Father figure. But she thinks she's strong and has quite some misplaced pride and huge victim complex.

I wouldn't give her money for a business yet. Because she has been unable to manage even her personal finances and prioritise what is important, why will she amazingly run a business successfully?

I think we should come to an agreement with her mum and her place that she's taking her Beauty course. Even if she cannot pay up, she can learn trade on the floor i.e. she can pay for her training by working for the salon. So if she refuses to show up after a while, she gets nothing. That's how Apprentices get paid: working and learning. Same with paying with her upkeep: weekly paying for housekeeping. She doesn't pay, her mum should unscrew the light bulbs in the room, unplug the fan and lock the kitchen.

Because when anyone doesn't pay their rent and doesn't show up to work, the landlord and the employer deal with them. That is not harsh, that is reality.

Anyone who wishes to give her money, do NOT give her directly. Maybe Thorpido or Tehn can hold that money and tell her, in 6 months they will match whatever amount she has saved in her bank account. If all she has is N2000, they give her N2000. If she has N30,000, they add N30,000. Reward good behaviour, no mollycoddling.

She has to have someone to be constantly reporting to. If she was abroad, she would have CPS checking in and monitoring her progress (there is no such thing as "Free Help" ).

If we can get some mum who is doing her antenatal at GH Igando from Pregnancy Thread in Health section to help check that she comes for her antenatal.

You cannot save her. Talking to her sweetly may make you feel good about yourself, but all she is hearing is "this person understands that everyone in my life is evil!" and even if you tell her good advice, she will only listen to the soothing "It's not your fault, we all make mistakes" words.

Abandoning school is a mistake. Shacking up with a criminal guy and getting pregnant for him is a mistake. Coming back to your parents and fighting their decisions concerning your welfare is a mistake. Not taking your life seriously is a mistake. Hooking up with yet another man and getting pregnant for him a mistake. Not getting a steady source of income is a mistake.

Making all those mistakes together, that's an issue.

We can work on the emotional is easier when she stabilises herself. Doing those tasks gets her mind on the right path and receptive to Pyschological help.

That's my take.

Loisemm, I'm considering stepping back. She's a lot of work and she's not willing. Worse, people here are using her to attempt scoring some cheap points to boost their egos.

tearoses:

Please do what you can to effect peace between mother and daughter.
Unfortunately my mum is not around or I would have engaged her. she is retried so has time.
but I will link her and Moji up when she is back in town. You cannot have too many mentors and mothers!

Kimoni:


You mean express visas? No waiting period, no delay?

Caracta:


Just what I wanted to ask you.

Happy New Year ma'am.

tearoses:
I believe in people and I believe that people can change if given the right motivation, mentor and love
I know that moji has been/is a very naughty girl, but I believe that moji can still make something good of her life if she is pointed in the right direction and given the right support and of course if she herself is ready to change.

It seems like a crash right now, but I believe that its possible that she still becomes a pillar of society

Currently she is pregnant and I am not sure how the pregnancy is treating her and how capable she is to work or finish her beauty course.
we are all different and pregnancy treats us differently
I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum and there were times during my pregnancy that I thought I will die before having my baby
and at a point medical abortion was suggested to me by my medical team.
I dont know how moji is feeling so her pregnancy needs to be taken into consideration
If she is strong enough then she needs to get out there and get busy ASAP

Lets also not forget that no father figure has been mentioned in all of this
sometimes single patent families do well
sometimes it affects
I know how close my daughter is to her dad
that relationship suddenly lacking in her life will def affect her.
it seems that moji was equating sex for love and so she needs counselling around this area
she was probably looking for a father figure in her life

deep in her I am sure she already feels bad and disappointed in herself about everything, hence her lashing out
Anger in itself is an emotion of frustration
Onegai please forgive moji

My first kid is an adult, so I know what its like to be a mother to an older kid. You can only advise at that age. You should have done all your looking after and putting them on the straight and narrow much earlier in their lives as that is what they take into adulthood.

Moji was failed and moji has failed herself. but its not over until its over and I believe that she can still make life better for herself and her little ones.
she wont be the first or last to come back from a bad start but the ball is in her court.

Dr Thorpido thank you for everything. God bless you
Please do what you can to effect peace between mother and daughter.
Unfortunately my mum is not around or I would have engaged her. she is retried so has time.
but I will link her and Moji up when she is back in town. You cannot have too many mentors and mothers.

Moji if you are reading this
I am disappointed
I am sure you are disappointed too
however, the ball is in your court
You can play it or drop it
God has given you another chance with all the people he has put on this thread surrounding you wanting to help you
if I were you, I will grab at it if only for the sake of my children
Your mother is your mother
You are a mother too so whatever you do to your mum will come back to you too one day.
do what she says
it is mandatory to honour your mother and father
Get up and go to the shop with her Today
Start being responsible from NOW!

thorpido:
She wants to go and open a bank account this morning.A nairalander wants to help her.
I said she could.I don't think anything is wrong with that abi?

cococandy:
Awww