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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! (17550 Views)
Do intertribal Marriages work? / Intertribal Marriage / Do You Think Intertribal Marriage Should Be Encouraged? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by dontjealousme: 10:37pm On Dec 27, 2016 |
waternogetememy: I never understood wat the big deal about two black people getting married was all about. Many make it a prayer point to marry from a completely different tribe, dont know y. |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Nobody: 10:43pm On Dec 27, 2016 |
Inter-tribal marriage works o but its not everyone that can handle it successfully. It takes love from the foundation of courtship, ongoing commitment and a broad perspective. Success in marriage is not determined by speaking the same language at home. If you can communicate in English or pidgin, its OK. @Op, your wife may also not want to go home with you cause she is embarrassed that children are still on the way. Also, they may have given her revelations to be careful of certain persons or places. Talk with her about her fears. About her abuses, lovingly caution her. If that does not work, warn her sternly to desist from such. And probably attach a sanction that you will carry out if she continues. Not divorce o. You can make ur marriage work if you want. Forget all these negative inter-tribal talk. Yours can be among the positive ones. Nowadays, even the uneducated are inter-marrying. How much more you that sound educated. Broaden your horizon and leave sentiments aside. Its working for me very well. There will be ups and downs but let what drew you guys close, keep you close. All the best 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by waternogetememy: 10:52pm On Dec 27, 2016 |
Loisemm: lmao at bolded! ![]() I think it is better to marry from your culture. Much better! There is no way to market inter-tribal marriage beyond a compromise 4 a difficult situation or circumstances. Many cannot manage that compromise, like the OP. 2 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 12:16am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Loisemm: Thanks dear...this is very encouraging with alot of good insights. Very well appreciated !! 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Olanna45(f): 3:36am On Dec 28, 2016 |
NIGHTMAREOO7:Apart from your uncle, every other person you used to cite an instance were you there to know their yourba wives is the cause of the fallout their marriages? I am not after any cheap like, it doesn't put food on my table. But all am saying us that this your generalization on igbo -yoruba marriages is wrong and not necessary. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by NIGHTMAREOO7: 4:50am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Olanna45: Not generalization majority of them are like dat... What do u know.?. I understand u are trying to defend ur bf's people. BT don't argue blindly. 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 7:10am On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull: Thanks very much for your concern and advices. Truth is divorce will only be the very extreme last option when i am fully satistied i made all efforts to make it work. I married my wife because i love her......and coz i believe with God all things are possible irrespective of the situation and circumstances. I admit i made mistakes not taking adequate actions prior to my marriage but all that is past now. I made a vow before God...for better for worse and i really wana stick by my vow with God. God has been blessed me abundantly frm grass to grace in last few yrs and i am grateful to Him so much. Any advice outside divorcing is very welcomed as i want to make my marriage work irrespective of the circumstances. But all the same, your views are highly appreciated. 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 7:40am On Dec 28, 2016 |
1Alex4u: I told you ab initio that I will not encourage divorce because that's the decision you have to take ...But I will advise you to monitor her. She might be sleeping around. Mind my word... MIGHT is the word. It is better to stay on the roof than staying with a nagging woman...That's Bible Oh ,you are a man...Take decision...I am a married man also ,so I know what is better Intertribal marriage, to me is hellish...You have a lot of things to contend and one mistake people make is that ....They always think that love is enough for marriage. Marriage is more than love . It's compatibility..Cultural, psychological,linguistic and others Let me give you a test Pretend that you are extremely broke, it's a test Pretend that you are extremely broke for let's say four months ...Bring little money and stuffs . Watch her relations , watch the way she respects you and talks to you. That will be a litmus test...If she is a nice woman, she won't pretend for that 4 months ...If she is ghetto fabulous what is called Omo alata in Lagos ...It will display This will show her reactions Do this from now till Easter and the result will show. Can you be a man to show this 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Vanessa88(f): 7:46am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Truth is op, didn't really throw more light on the financial aspect he gains frm this marriage, that is why no matter what the troubles he can't quit the marriage becoz of what he gains from this marriage..frm grass to grace in last few yrs was courtesy of the woman. This marriage is obviously stemmed out of financial gain, and wife knows it and rides on it, albeit she has not yet conceive. Its not all about inter tribal marriage, tho igbo women are more submissive compared to a yoruba woman 4 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 7:49am On Dec 28, 2016 |
NIGHTMAREOO7: Truth is bitter Truth is better And that's what you have done...you said it the way it should be . He who has ears....Let him hear If kids come...I doubt if the man will have the capacity to name them Igbo names not to talk of speaking Igbo My dad will say You can't say you are lucky untill you get married... And the OP has proven this Happy Christmas |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 7:50am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Vanessa88: U am thinking what I thought...I think it's the woman that is paying the bills and the man won't even say it . I just don't get it 2 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 7:52am On Dec 28, 2016 |
1Alex4u: Somebody defined advise as ...When you know the truth and you want to be told something else . It's your cross....Pls carry it |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 7:56am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Vanessa88: Lol...Alright lemme explain. After graduation in 2008, i searched for jobs for 2yrs ....fed frm mouth to hand...did all menial jobs like tailoring, painting to keep body n soul. I later got this job with a multinational company in 2011 here in Nigeria and that was the end of my suffering. i met my wife in 2012. I am currently on an expat assignment in our company headquaters in the USA. My wife was a banker back in Naija and she resigned just before we moved to usa. So maa'm its not what you think. 4 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Vanessa88(f): 7:59am On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull:It was so obvious and he can't let go. That is why the wife had the audacity to do all that..he is dependent on her 4 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 8:01am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Vanessa88: I asked that question , he avoided it...I believe that it is either the woman that made him or that the woman is the one paying the bills I wonder how a man wand Igbo man for that matter can stomach that shit... He should be resetting her brains periodically by sing hot slaps 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 8:05am On Dec 28, 2016 |
1Alex4u: And you are in USA...It's a pity...You can't do much. You can't even slap her, you can't divorce her..There you will pay alimony tire.. she might even want you to divorce her so that you can pay for her upkeep . I think the best thing is to tell her to sign a document if eventually you've divorce Or better, get another woman , don't divorce her but give the woman belle ...She will call for the divorce herself Or are you not satisfying her sexually...Because you haven't said that "When a woman is greasy ,is when a woman is restless " Al Pacino Scent of a woman |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Vanessa88(f): 8:08am On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull:My sis u said it all, that lady made him, and he doesn't want to admit it, this is a one sided story.. Imagine no issue and she is giving u all that poo and you re comfortably taking it and willing to continue taking it.. It doesn't add up 3 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 8:57am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Vanessa88: pls read up my earlier post |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by yetseyi(f): 10:02am On Dec 28, 2016 |
Nawa oo, the way people assume things is alarming and this thread is beginning to stink terribly of extreme tribalism ![]() 1alex4u some stuffs here will ruin your marriage completely. I believe you can sift through since you want your marriage to work. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by NIGHTMAREOO7: 10:47am On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull: Exactly bro |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by kaziblake(f): 11:05am On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull:And you call yourself a married man? Assuming someone wife of sleeping around ![]() Don't go and face your own marital woes,im sure your home is in deep mess now.. 1Alex4u na you cause am,washin your dirty linen in public...some of these people advising you home Are worst o... Don't leave ur wife for any reason,talk to her or probably show her this thread and let her see people reactions. 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 11:52am On Dec 28, 2016 |
kaziblake: Oga...I am not in the position to argue this...I know the decision that I will take and also if it is me. But one thing I insist is that I will never advise the dude to leave his wife...That decision is his and he will take it ...Not me As of my home...Who told you that I am having woes....If I do, I would have told you but I didn't tell you..So bounce I have noticed you now...Get out of my mention....I didn't even mention you Some peeps can be irritants 2 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 11:53am On Dec 28, 2016 |
NIGHTMAREOO7: Some arsehole was quoting me...I know I have hurt many..But that's the essence of truth. It must hurt I have said my own 3 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by Amhappy(f): 12:15pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
Marriage is tough,tougher if it is inter tribal. I'm Igbo,dated Yoruba guy but couldn't marry him because I no get liver for inter tribal wahala. Marriage between people from different Igbo states no be beans. Whatever I do my husband people must ascribe Anambra to it,Whatever he does my people must attach Imo to it. For your wife,she will be called nwanyi onye ofe mmanu,annoying stuff. I also don't like going to my hubby village because i don't know people there and it can be boring and lonely. He will leave me and be grooving and that doesn't help matters. So how you act when you get to the village matters. Make it fun for her. Also the no child yet issue can be a problem. Put your home in order babies will come. Teach her about the Igbo culture because as at today all she knows are assumed. Encourage her to learn the language. One of the reasons why I didn't settle for my Yourba ex was because I tried but couldn't learn the language. It makes one feel like an outcast. Her Acid mouth is a big problem I must confess. Her own is already part of her and only the Holy Spirit can help. You should pray for her. 4 Likes |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by BellaElla(f): 12:16pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
1Alex4u: 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 12:37pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
BellaElla: You have a good point and matured point..You recognise that your husband is authority figure that's a good step and that's how a well trained woman acts Have you ever chastised your husband for speaking Yoruba... My dear it works for Yoruba men marrying Igbo women like yours but it's rare for Igbo men am trying to marry Yoruba How many Igbo men do you see marry Yoruba...It is rare . I am not saying we don't have them..But it is rare and they end up their lives in Lagos and rarely visit home . But you will see Igbo marrying Esan , Efik , Ibibio and other neighbouring towns and their marriage flourish You can say this because you are a woman and you and reasonable and wants to keep your home . But you can't say this for the woman in question I am a man and do you know what it means to have a troublesome wife at home ? It's hellish Nne believe me Finally, your son bearing. Yoruba name isn't a feat because he must bear a Yoruba name. Your son is Yoruba so we don't expect him to bear in obinna or something . It works for women than men...A woman can succeed in inter tribal stuffs because she owns the home but men...Hmmmm odiegwu 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 1:32pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull: Well said but sorry this is not my point of view. I think most of your assumptions are a bit wrong. |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 1:56pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
1Alex4u: If you are that stallion and you pay the bills ....i wonder what will make a woman to have the capacity and authority to give you an ultimatum not to speak your language I don't even want to talk of public disgrace she meets out in you. You are a man...Sir , take decision That's all I can say Pls |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by 1Alex4u: 2:04pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
Amhappy: Thanks for matured view. Very well noted and appreciated. 1 Like |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by kaziblake(f): 2:28pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
ariesbull:Old man,dont go and face your life and family.. |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by ariesbull: 2:30pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
kaziblake: I am facing them small girl...I think you need to settle down instead of meddling into affairs .... #amtaken Word of advice smallie...Go get a degree ND isn't enough and stay away from things that isn't your forte.... I know you wanted me to notice you. I have done that Can we just call it a day. You are not married and you can't be an adviser to this man |
Re: Help Needed...intertribal Marriage! by zaynie(f): 2:53pm On Dec 28, 2016 |
Better late than never. Your wife can change her ways but needs your help. You need to firmly express your feelings about the way she talks to you but first how do you talk to her? If she is a fire for fire kinda girl, don't expect her to keep quiet while you talk down to her. The few times she is soft spoken, praise her a.d let her know that's when you like her best. Or compromise, give up one thing she detests about you for one Its perfectly normal for her to be reluctant to travel to the village. The cultural barrier, language...its wide. Nollywood doesnt help matters with the constant portrayal of the village being ridden with witches and destiny destroyers and Igbo men as professional ritualists. You have to explain your traditions to her ( leave out the gory ones please) and hope it will pique her interest. You also didn't tell us how your people are towards her. I'm sure they weren't jumping over the moon at the news of your marrying an ofe mmanu. Don't expect her to be happy to go to a place where she will be jeered at....I would balk too. Especially as she is going without a child. I shudder at the things she 'might' face over there. Finally, why did you decide to marry her against all odds? I'm sure there was a strong reason. Hold on to that. Goodluck. 4 Likes 1 Share |
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