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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Ex Or My New Man? (36870 Views)
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 9:11pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Magicc:
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Ifecoded(m): 9:12pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
HARDDON:I know this must be coming from a guru. BTTT.... How sure are you that your new man is not gonna be worse? Am sure you wouldn't accept his marriage proposal if you knew he will be this bad. Am not telling you to move on, neither am I telling you to go back... BUT- what is the assurance that your newly found love won't be worse? 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 9:16pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Tenny05:
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Tenny05(m): 9:19pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
1bkaye:see ur mouth like divorce. I know you re not married. Do you think its easy? |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 9:19pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Tenny05:What would you advise she do? |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Okeyson4wisdom(m): 9:20pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
prestigiouslady:God hates putting away, he hates divorce, allow jesus to work in both of ur lives. |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by nbright: 9:22pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
1bkaye:but she's amongst those that have this archaic belief that one should die in an abusive marriage.... |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by shanicemel(f): 9:23pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
keepingmum: You are absolutely correct |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 9:25pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
nbright:Sad mentality |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by enshi(m): 9:28pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
1bkaye: Sexy honestly i thought over the issue... This is a for better for worse case Its good a thing she already knows the bad sides of the hubby this means she can manage him into becoming a better person Alternatively she could just focus on raising her Child and waiting for the man to come to his senses... From the look of things her Major complain is about her being lonely (sex) . There was never a line where she said the guy denies her of it so i suggest she goes to him for it periooically to quench her urge. |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Richy4(m): 9:28pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
enshi:Lol nah |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kassidy90(m): 9:30pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Well I can't advice u to keep waiting coz from u write it's glaring that he has moved even he might have impregnated another woman self but my advice to u is that to fulfil all righteousness make a last move for reconciliation involve his family n your family if from all indications he's not showing remorse or any sign that he's willing to meet half way my sis DIVORCE him and make sure u give urself little time after before going into another relationship my reasons for that are 1) u need to be sure u re totally heal emotionally coz divorce is not as easy as it sounds 2) so that people won't say u chose to opt for divorce ni because u have seen another person I know nobody is perfect but am sure either from my response or other people's u must at least learn one or two stuffs that will help u in ur decision and last Dnt forget to also put everything into God's hand 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by casiello(m): 9:30pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
prestigiouslady: Make it work a last time, I am assuming he is also catholic so I advise you leverage on something you share in common. 1. Visit your husband alongside a priest, family members from his side and your side likewise so they all serve as witness. Declare your intention to make it work then issue him an ultimatum to confirm if he is still interested. Your family and his should agree on how long he is to respond. Push for a month max. Make sure your intention to make it work is genuine, prepare to be loyal to him so your conscience will be clear. 2. If he his no longer interested or fails to respond accordingly, inform the priest, his family and your family that your decision to proceed with divorce is justified and divorce him. Be stubborn about this decision and never look back cos you genuinely created an opportunity to make it work. 3. If he agrees to make it work, you both should get back together, request he promises never to abuse you, you promise never to disrespect him and communicate these promises to the priest, yours and his family members present in the aforementioned meeting. You both must agree to undertake marriage counselling for at least 3 months. You must test yourselves for disease also before intercourse. A priest should also be permitted to counsel and advise you both occasionally for 3 months max. 4. If you are both amiable after 3months, then I wish you a happy marriage. 5. If you are unable to co-exist happily after 3 months then divorce. Move on without looking back. Note: If he is not Catholic, exclude the priest's role so there is no bias on your side. No pastor also so no bias from his side. Do the above with just family members and marriage counsellor. The role of family members from both side is absolute! Ensure so. Finally, do some investigations, if he has impregnated another lady, forget the epistle I wrote and move on!! He has broken the vow and no longer deserves you. I wish you goodluck. 7 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 9:31pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Richy4: Honestly I can't remember I found myself in the middle of the pictures and I felt hmmmm Will be awesome to look for trouble on NL Hehehehe
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 9:32pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
[quote author=prestigiouslady post=53090114]Good afternoon Familanders. I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up. I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker. So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work. Now I have two problems here, 1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too. 2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him. 3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man. I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me. Thank you cc [/quote My dear, my one advice to you is that divorce is not an option. It often comes with much more pain and stigmatization. If you feel that you did not get it right the first time, what is the possibility that the person you would be with next is going to be better? There is no relationship that is perfect because we are all imperfect beings. The greatest key in any relationship is communication.You must build the communication between your husband (I refuse to use the world ex) and yourself. See this as one of your biggest challenges-finding your husband who has lost himself in other vices I mean. You have succeeded in allowing nairalanders feel your pain, have you done this to him too? This is what I think you should do, take that 22 hour trip to him and talk to him face to face(no phone calls because you have to be able to read his body language).Explain to him that you are willing to make things work for both your sakes and the child's. Explain the loneliness you feel and the fact that you have not had anything intimate with any one else all this while. Apologise for any wrongs you have done.Lastly, give him a time frame cheque(maybe 6 months to mend fences) and the opportunity to tell you what he wants changed in your relationship(bearing on mind that you are also imperfect). Remember that the difference between success and failure in any endeavour is trying one last time. As for the family friend, forget him. If you really must have a fresh start, it has to be fresh in all ramifications-no shadows from the past. I know some folks might say you shouldn't bare your feelings and apologise to your husband after all it was he who wronged you. I would like you to remember that this is the other half of you. Maybe not necessarily a better half, but a half nontheless. When dealing with a part of ourselves pride does not come in does it? What do you do to that rebellious other part of you, tame it of course! This should be the same for the man you once made up your mind to be with till death. So what if he does not like being talked back at? Its his nature. You must have seen the signs but chose to marry him nonetheless. Let that still be the same. If he does not want to he talked back at, then don't talk. Let him do all the talking and tire out. One day he would have a rethink on being too much of a talker and having the final say. Before the end of the months you choose, take time in building yourself. Immerse yourself in work and your child.Truth is when you are too busy being successful, you would have no time to cry and be reliant on any man who is willing to play 'substitute'. Try one last time. 2 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Richy4(m): 9:32pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Dyt: I guess it fits into some funny advise ![]() |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by buchai: 9:37pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
please still give that mid year if he really mean it, still give him that second chance the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know you two should also re-register for marriage council maybe he doesn't understand what his responsibilities are. this advice am going to give now is for the women in the do marry some body that's close to your age in doing this whatever a man does to and he didn't apologize the way he suppose to do it endures it and pray that God will give and your husband a longer life so that at the old age the man go see shege like the saying goes "ukwu jie agu mgbada abiaya ugwo". 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 9:39pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Richy4:
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by emerged01(m): 9:46pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
I won't advice you to divorce him. You have made a vow. A vow is not meant to be broken. From your story,your husband still love you that's why he keeps coming back for you. I agree that he has a problem which must be fixed. And the solution to his problem lies in your hands. Bible said " our help is in the name of the Lord our God who made heaven and earth. God still answer prayers. Pray that God should change him to a better man you deserve. I believe with prayer everything will be OK. The prayers of a wife is what always keep a man going. A prayerful woman a blessing to the husband. 2 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nwaoma198(f): 9:47pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
I I think u go for more fervent prayer either xtian or moslem for God to show u d way. |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by verygudbadguy(m): 9:52pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
prestigiouslady: Sis, I love your courage walahi. Just as the saying goes, "A problem shared is half-solved. I believe you are on the path of solution. First, let me say thank you to all of you that have contributed in one way or the other. I never believed Nairalanders could be this nice. The comments alone got me fascinating. Nairalanders! I called my wife attention to the thread straight up. My opinion, which you may not need to take at the end of the day is, stick to hubby. I believe there is always a way round every problem. Most especially, talk to God. He is solution Himself. Do not rush into any relationship. We men are deceits especially when we have a target, "the honeypot"..... God will resolve what seems unresolve-able in your marriage.. I wish you the very best. Shalom! 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by princetom1(m): 9:57pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
thorpido: The more time she spend with him, the more she wount be able to sue for divorce. She is strong enough now to do it. No love deserve being treated like shit, sorry and shit over again |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 9:57pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
enshi: Its never about sex. I'm lonely... that feeling of having a family, a home and now everything is just blank...my daughter is currently with my mum, I'm in my a different place..always having him as a bff, a confidant and now I can't even talk to him, it hurts... |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 10:01pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
DeeTus: Honestly it beats my imagination too.. Only very few men appreciate good women. The rest zero. Op pls divorce the guy and pick the pieces of your life up again.. Take a deep fresh breathe before deciding whether to date your friend who has been there with u or start afresh with someone. U can't be unhappy and live a miserable life cause of a man.. Don't try and go down that route.. Ain't worth it. People will always talk. U can't stop them from talking. Just live your life and give your daughter a new home filled with love and joy. File for the divorce. It's well 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by dinachi(m): 10:02pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
1bkaye:I hope you will be there on lonely nights to suck her puccy and offer words of encouragement Lesbian? |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 10:02pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
dinachi:If she wants 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by dinachi(m): 10:04pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
Amelian:Another jobless lesbians looking for who to suck dry! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 10:06pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
dinachi: Do u think that's all marriage is all about? Sucking of pusssyy and fucvking?? ![]() That's all? Sighs your brain is just too tiny.. Receive brain! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by dinachi(m): 10:07pm On Jan 26, 2017 |
1bkaye:Then come out plainly then, are you afraid of Donald Trump? Just tell her you want to take over the job Kia Kia. Rotten Lesbians! 1 Like |
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