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Husband Or Househelp? - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Should I Leave My Husband Or Not? / Who Comes First - Husband Or Child? / "My Husband Is Molesting Our 12-Year-Old Househelp" - Nigerian Woman (Screenshot (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Husband Or Househelp? by kaboninc(m): 6:59am On Dec 31, 2016
Amelian:


When a man starts saying and believing that shebi she has a job and she shebi she earns more than I do.. No need supporting the home financially.. Trust me that man is lost and he has sold his birthright. No woman respects such man, no matter how massive his dickkkk is.

I wish I could respond to this with a very personal experience. But I won't. For obvious reasons you already know.

You'd know the true nature of a woman when she begins to earn money.
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Nobody: 7:32am On Dec 31, 2016
soonest:


Split which bills? Only when we split domestic chores too. He should also see it as help and definitely not as a duty to spilt bills with him. cool cool
Fair enough
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by MrPresident1: 8:42am On Dec 31, 2016
cococandy:

So what happens if the man is not godly and the woman wants to follow the godly path?
Should she not reject his moral code,practice hers and try to teach same to their kids?
Should she not assume the role of the spiritual leader and guide the man back onto the right path if possible.

Well, I think this is the case of unbelieving spouses. Maybe the man changed from what he used to be during courtship, but still the woman has to submit to him because he is her head. Peter says of the woman -that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

The conduct of a good woman will win her the heart of her husband eventually.

He is her head, she can pray to God for him, and in her conduct she can win him back to God. But she cannot usurp the hierarchy.
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by MrPresident1: 8:48am On Dec 31, 2016
Amelian:




Your words are true from the Bible and I agree God vested the role of a spiritual and physical role to the man and made him the head of the house. But unfortunately some married men have lost or sold their head role vested in them by God Almighty to either their wives or to their mistresses.
And trust me before the neck use t0 be useless without the the head but at this times, the neck has also assumed the role of the head as well. The neck is now assuming both roles sad because of both roles on the wife, she starts becoming more successful than her husband.
It's highly unfortunate but it's the reality on ground.
That's why some wives steps on the heads of their husbands and he can virtualy do nothing about it or he becomes blindly enraged and kill his wife angry
Cause he has lost his role as the head!
So unfortunate but that's the reality.

I can never marry a man who cannot assume his role as the man and as the spiritual and physical leader in the relationship. When a man starts saying and believing that shebi she has a job and she shebi she earns more than I do.. No need supporting the home financially.. Trust me that man is lost and he has sold his birthright. No woman respects such man, no matter how massive his dickkkk is.

Lmao at massive dickkk.
You are right though, the world is now upside down, there are a lot of things that should not be that are nowadays taken for granted, the institution of marriage has been severely affected by the changing times.

When Jesus comes back, everything in the world will be reset, and things will return to their default settings. Until then, we can only pray to God so that our spouses are nit corrupted by the ways of the world

3 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by UIA04(f): 8:52am On Dec 31, 2016
Acidosis:
If I have a brother or an uncle who undergoes the named treatments, I will personally find him a side chick, to cook for him, pamper him and treat him right.


Men call the shot where I come from. No room for perpetually lazy gossips and chewing-gum saloon girls.

Na wa 4 u sometimes I'm impressed by what u say other times u don't make an iota of Sense

So ur wife can contribute money but u can't offer to help with the house chores

Nigga the world is evolving, all this 'were I come from 'nonsense will Scatter ur marriage
In marriage there isn't pure black and white shades of grey (compromise) exist to make marriage work

8 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by cococandy(f): 9:03am On Dec 31, 2016
Very contradictory.
some of these responses aren't well thought out. Like what would happen if 'obeying him' involves going against her godly beliefs? He's still her head and she has to be subject to him?
Before you go saying "didn't she know before marrying him?"
We don't live in a perfect world so that perfect man may change to something else anytime. Even a so called pastor. The sensible thing to do is to step up. Not sit there mumbling prayers and obeying his ungodly dictates like someone without a brain. I believe god gave us common sense for a reason. So it should be applied at all times.

The bible also said to here's no male or female in Christ. That we are all one. Galatians 3:28.
So a woman can assume any role as long as they have an understanding before and during the marriage.

People use the Bible to further their personal mischievous agenda and I'm frankly getting tired of it. See how I used that verse to further my argument? So can any portion of the Bible be used by anyone to propagate their personal feelings. I don't take people who can't argue based on common sense seriously.

I think common sense rules first. Before any social, religious or cultural/traditional do's and dont's. So in a marriage where one partner is lacking in one strength e.g leadership abilities, the other needs to step up and be that for the family. Roles (besides biological) should not be based on physical anatomy but on who's more capable.

You make your lives a lot more harder because of the boxes you try to fit yourselves and others in.

It's fine however you want to run your marriage because variety is the spice of life (right?). We can't all be the same but to pronounce judgment on others because they don't fit the box you think they should be in, is reprehensible in my opinion.

MrPresident1:


Well, I think this is the case of unbelieving spouses. Maybe the man changed from what he used to be during courtship, but still the woman has to submit to him because he is her head. Peter says of the woman -that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

The conduct of a good woman will win her the heart of her husband eventually.

He is her head, she can pray to God for him, and in her conduct she can win him back to God. But she cannot usurp the hierarchy.

3 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Nobody: 9:42am On Dec 31, 2016
cococandy:
Very contradictory.
some of these responses aren't well thought out. Like what would happen if 'obeying him' involves going against her godly beliefs? He's still her head and she has to be subject to him?
Before you go saying "didn't she know before marrying him?"
We don't live in a perfect world so that perfect man may change to something else anytime. Even a so called pastor. The sensible thing to do is to step up. Not sit there mumbling prayers and obeying his ungodly dictates like someone without a brain. I believe god gave us common sense for a reason. So it should be applied at all times.

The bible also said to here's no male or female in Christ. That we are all one. Galatians 3:28.
So a woman can assume any role as long as they have an understanding before and during the marriage.

People use the Bible to further their personal mischievous agenda and I'm frankly getting tired of it. See how I used that verse to further my argument? So can any portion of the Bible be used by anyone to propagate their personal feelings. I don't take people who can't argue based on common sense seriously.

I think common sense rules first. Before any social, religious or cultural/traditional do's and dont's. So in a marriage where one partner is lacking in one strength e.g leadership abilities, the other needs to step up and be that for the family. Roles (besides biological) should not be based on physical anatomy but on who's more capable.

You make your lives a lot more harder because of the boxes you try to fit yourselves and others in.

It's fine however you want to run your marriage because variety is the spice of life (right?). We can't all be the same but to pronounce judgment on others because they don't fit the box you think they should be in, is reprehensible in my opinion.


You expend excess energy on these hypocritical, Bible-thumping fanatics whose ways are already set in stone. Your arguments can never win them over.

Enough with the diplomacy, the truth should be trumpeted unalloyed: these people have no working brains, no mind of their own; they are idiøts who think they are wise, môrons who need a book to think for them, and slaves oblivious of their mental incarceration.
If the Bible instructed that they drink their father's urine every third day of the month, I'd wager my every penny that they'd gladly adhere.

They quote the parts of the scripture that foster social injustice and seem to support the vices in which they are recidivists, but choose to leave out the passages that asperse these vices.


Is it not from the same Bible we learned a woman caught in the act of adultery was to be stoned to death. Nothing in the Bible mentions anything about the man having stones pelted at him, as if the woman committed adultery with herself. Obviously, the system had always been lopsided, and the hierarchical construct in the time our holy books were scripted was largely tilted to the favour of men.

What they don't realize is that the Bible is hardly infallible, and is by and large the brainchild of sexism and male chauvinism inherent in the epochs it was written.

Male chauvinism through the Bible was only branded with the stamp of God to make it appear absolute and divine—a contrivance of the founding fathers of Christendom meant to socially engineer the masses and reinforce patriarchy.

4 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by soonest(f): 10:11am On Dec 31, 2016
kaboninc:


We should not split bills but can split domestic chores..
Did I say this or imply this?

kaboninc:
We should split bills only when we split domestic chores...
Exactly! That's fair play. You see, you are now in my frequency.

kaboninc:
Hmmmm...interesting!
Isn't it? cool

kaboninc:
Am so happy for my momma.. .she taught me how to do all the things you can do. Sadly, she couldn't teach me how to conceive and give birth. And am happy and very excited too that it is just impossible. Lol.
Why now! Seems you weren't paying attention then. You have to go back for complete training.

1 Like

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by PresVA: 10:33am On Dec 31, 2016
Chaiomsy:

You might think the man loves you so much to want to do all the dirty jobs, no, he is only trying so hard to please you because you are obviously calling the shots!
What's dirty about chores? keeping your own house in order?

Ok, supposing it's actually dirty. a man can't do "dirty jobs" but a woman can? undecided

senseless post!

3 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Acidosis(m): 1:10pm On Dec 31, 2016
UIA04:


Na wa 4 u sometimes I'm impressed by what u say other times u don't make an iota of Sense

So ur wife can contribute money but u can't offer to help with the house chores

Nigga the world is evolving, all this 'were I come from 'nonsense will Scatter ur marriage
In marriage there isn't pure black and white shades of grey (compromise) exist to make marriage work

Do not let those noodles your boyfriend make for you fool you. It won't last.

Work or no work, I will not relegate my destiny to the kitchen. Keep your ideas for those who care to listen. I'm simply following the footsteps of my grand parents and parents. As I speak to you, my mom and a maid are currently in the kitchen trying to the feed the family. My dad and I have been to several places "fixing" things for the season. That's how it is done in my world, and I'll certainly pass that to my children. My grandparents marriage didn't scatter, my parents' after 35 years + is still waxing strong, why do you think mine will scatter?

Happy new year in advance.
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by SirVintageCock: 1:20pm On Dec 31, 2016
DarkRebel101:


cheesy

Perhaps it has to do with his upbringing - his mother and sisters might have been treated like skivvies, perhaps that's his own little way of feeling macho, perhaps he's trying to impress, not knowing it's a misguided bravado.

Who knows? And frankly, who cares?




Even my 8 and 10 year old cousins know the story of Daedalus. shocked

Yeah, I study and know a lot of History.
They are supposed to know the stories afterall their school is the creme de la creme primary schools. They don't teach such in community primary school grin. Now do they
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Acidosis(m): 1:41pm On Dec 31, 2016
Those quoting me are missing the point. I started cooking in my primary school days. I boil rice, make eba, etc, after school. So my point isn't about laziness or apathy in the kitchen.

I'm not heartless so I know what it means to assist one's partner. The primary issue here is "assistance", not switching roles because you contribute ordinary money.

If I notice my wife works too much at her workplace, I won't resign from my own business and career to cook. I'm not m.a.d. There are over 10 million Nigerians willing to take up that role for less than N15k monthly.

2 Likes

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Asey(f): 3:00pm On Dec 31, 2016
OP....wich one is ur worry?
u cant expect everyone to handle hhis or her familly the way u think is best.
the man does house chores and so what?
assuming the kind man did not welcome u into his apartment,wld u ve gotten that loose opportunity to sit and compose such a long post?
chop ur hse matter and stop moving about peoples homes looking for stories which concern u in no way.

undecided undecided
Chaiomsy:
This topic is something I really want to talk about, because it is something I see every day, in public places, some homes I visited and so on. It is becoming a norm in today’s marriages where you see a man, a grown man, husband of the house, doing dishes in the kitchen, while the wife goes to make her hair or something!

We tend to like to copy everything the ‘white man’ does wrongly, because not everything that applies to them (over there) that applies here.

I have been to a neighbour’s house in the past (they just moved in), so I decided to say hello properly as a Nigerian, before they will say I didn’t welcome them well or don’t like their presence. so I rang the door bell, and the man, the husband of the house answered the door, he smiled and ushered me in.

I made myself comfortable in their sitting room, while he disappeared into one of the rooms, I sat there thinking he went to inform his wife of my presence, but he came back to the sitting room alone, obviously dressed more appropriate, as I met him in work clothes.
When I didn’t see his wife, who looked almost his age, I asked him; what of madam? he said she had gone to the salon to have her hair done.

I also asked after their 2 year old son, he said he was sleeping. I took a deep breath and smiled, he felt a bit uncomfortable with the look on his face. He offered me a drink which I declined because, as madam nor dey, I nor fit shout!

After a bit of conversation about work, Lagos traffic and all that, he excused himself and said he needed to get back to work, (he still had laundry to do and the bathroom to clean!), I almost froze with shock!

How can a woman leave all the house chores to her man to do? Is it normal for a good marriage? Was it an agreement? These were all the questions running through my mind as I called out to him that I was leaving because I had a meeting to attend.

Leaving your husband/man to do the house chores automatically makes you the boss, yes! and if there is anything that wrecks marriages, it is the woman playing the man while the man plays the woman.

You might think the man loves you so much to want to do all the dirty jobs, no, he is only trying so hard to please you because you are obviously calling the shots!

I know some women hate men who do house chores, I am one of them. A survey reveals that most men who do house chores are lazy men, they would rather do house chores than go out there and fend for their families! it is appalling, unacceptable.

I am not saying a woman should work her ass off because she is a wife, but it shouldn’t be a daily occurrence, something we watch in movies. For my neighbors, it was normal because, he goes as far as washing her underpants as well, yuck!

I don’t understand why some men enjoy being called the ‘nice’ guy? when at the end of the day they end up hurting themselves and the ones they’re trying to please.

know your place as a man, and know your place as a woman, it is a 2 way traffic thingy.

like I always say, I am not a relationship expert, but these are little things I see every day that makes me want to talk about them.

I have seen a husband, shopping in the open market while the wife sits in the car with the kids, not that she is pregnant or something. I don’t know their reason for that but I thought it was kind of weird.

At this point, I remember my maternal uncle, who wanted to play ‘oyinbo’ husband by going straight to the kitchen as soon as he jumps out of the car from work, lol

Then I always wondered if he would maintain it, but no, he didn’t because it wasn’t quite long before his friends started ‘yabbing’ him, he then stopped even his wife didn’t find it funny.

You confine your husband to the kitchen because he doesn’t complain, tomorrow he gets a babe who he goes to her house to 'chillax', and gets pampered and served and bleeped well! shame on you!

For more interesting topics read @ http://www.chichiuncensored.com
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by Nobody: 5:17pm On Dec 31, 2016
SirVintageCock:
They are supposed to know the stories afterall their school is the creme de la creme primary schools. They don't teach such in community primary school grin. Now do they

grin grin
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by cococandy(f): 6:36pm On Dec 31, 2016
@bold, actually they wouldn't. They only pick the verses that favor them to repeatedly teach. All the other verses that tell them to humble themselves, honor their wives etc etc are usually ingnored.
DarkRebel101:


You expend excess energy on these hypocritical, Bible-thumping fanatics whose ways are already set in stone. Your arguments can never win them over.

Enough with the diplomacy, the truth should be trumpeted unalloyed: these people have no working brains, no mind of their own; they are idiøts who think they are wise, môrons who need a book to think for them, and slaves oblivious of their mental incarceration.
If the Bible instructed that they drink their father's urine every third day of the month, I'd wager my every penny that they'd gladly adhere.

They quote the parts of the scripture that foster social injustice and seem to support the vices in which they are recidivists, but choose to leave out the passages that asperse these vices .


Is it not from the same Bible we learned a woman caught in the act of adultery was to be stoned to death. Nothing in the Bible mentions anything about the man having stones pelted at him, as if the woman committed adultery with herself. Obviously, the system had always been lopsided, and the hierarchical construct in the time our holy books were scripted was largely tilted to the favour of men.

What they don't realize is that the Bible is hardly infallible, and is by and large the brainchild of sexism and male chauvinism inherent in the epochs it was written.

Male chauvinism through the Bible was only branded with the stamp of God to make it appear absolute and divine—a contrivance of the founding fathers of Christendom meant to socially engineer the masses and reinforce patriarchy.

1 Like

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by remi144(m): 5:48pm On Feb 04, 2017
mysticgal:

Seriously, jeez ancientie sad
hello mysticgal goodday ma...wanted to get some information urgently about your institution/course please beep me 08115200788 I would call back wud av love to email u but dunno why nairaland E-mail is not sending messages.
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by mysticgal(f): 8:16pm On Feb 05, 2017
remi144:
hello mysticgal goodday ma...wanted to get some information urgently about your institution/course please beep me 08115200788 I would call back wud av love to email u but dunno why nairaland E-mail is not sending messages.
Please your email... Have a good evening
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by remi144(m): 9:42pm On Feb 05, 2017
mysticgal:
Please your email... Have a good evening
Remilekunegwudaa@gmail.com
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by GrowUpBoys: 6:59am On Sep 28, 2018
[quote author=Chaiomsy post=52389507]This topic is something I really want to talk about, because it is something I see every day, in public places, some homes I visited and so on. It is becoming a norm in today’s marriages where you see a man, a grown man, husband of the house, doing dishes in the kitchen, while the wife goes to make her hair or something!

We tend to like to copy everything the ‘white man’ does wrongly, because not everything that applies to them (over there) that applies here.

I have been to a neighbour’s house in the past (they just moved in), so I decided to say hello properly as a Nigerian, before they will say I didn’t welcome them well or don’t like their presence. so I rang the door bell, and the man, the husband of the house answered the door, he smiled and ushered me in.

I made myself comfortable in their sitting room, while he disappeared into one of the rooms, I sat there thinking he went to inform his wife of my presence, but he came back to the sitting room alone, obviously dressed more appropriate, as I met him in work clothes.
When I didn’t see his wife, who looked almost his age, I asked him; what of madam? he said she had gone to the salon to have her hair done.

I also asked after their 2 year old son, he said he was sleeping. I took a deep breath and smiled, he felt a bit uncomfortable with the look on his face. He offered me a drink which I declined because, as madam nor dey, I nor fit shout!

After a bit of conversation about work, Lagos traffic and all that, he excused himself and said he needed to get back to work, (he still had laundry to do and the bathroom to clean!), I almost froze with shock!

How can a woman leave all the house chores to her man to do? Is it normal for a good marriage? Was it an agreement? These were all the questions running through my mind as I called out to him that I was leaving because I had a meeting to attend.

Leaving your husband/man to do the house chores automatically makes you the boss, yes! and if there is anything that wrecks marriages, it is the woman playing the man while the man plays the woman.

You might think the man loves you so much to want to do all the dirty jobs, no, he is only trying so hard to please you because you are obviously calling the shots!

I know some women hate men who do house chores, I am one of them. A survey reveals that most men who do house chores are lazy men, they would rather do house chores than go out there and fend for their families! it is appalling, unacceptable.

I am not saying a woman should work her ass off because she is a wife, but it shouldn’t be a daily occurrence, something we watch in movies. For my neighbors, it was normal because, he goes as far as washing her underpants as well, yuck!

I don’t understand why some men enjoy being called the ‘nice’ guy? when at the end of the day they end up hurting themselves and the ones they’re trying to please.

know your place as a man, and know your place as a woman, it is a 2 way traffic thingy.

like I always say, I am not a relationship expert, but these are little things I see every day that makes me want to talk about them.

I have seen a husband, shopping in the open market while the wife sits in the car with the kids, not that she is pregnant or something. I don’t know their reason for that but I thought it was kind of weird.

At this point, I remember my maternal uncle, who wanted to play ‘oyinbo’ husband by going straight to the kitchen as soon as he jumps out of the car from work, lol

Then I always wondered if he would maintain it, but no, he didn’t because it wasn’t quite long before his friends started ‘yabbing’ him, he then stopped even his wife didn’t find it funny.

You confine your husband to the kitchen because he doesn’t complain, tomorrow he gets a babe who he goes to her house to 'chillax', and gets pampered and served and bleeped well! shame on you!















shocked tongue undecided

Who is this frantic over sabi sabi? How is your own marriage working out for you? Not every man like to take advantage of their wives like your husband does to you. It will do you a lot of good to mind your own business and keep your lipservice restricted to your lazy unromantic husband. That's if a sharp amebo mouth like you are even married cause you don't sound like you are. Not all men are the same and not all women are too. It is fakers like you who hate their man having a good knowledge of the true budget of the household items and upkeep. I know your type a lot. Ole! Trying to comfort your sharp mouth while you manage your unromantic African cave man? Thank God for many more real respected men in Africa loving their wives and families like real men do. So to wash wife pant na crime? Chai you are a professional home wrecker, a shameless busy body. Yours is a very sorry case. Do you know the love and respect that woman has for her sexy romantic husband that you can never give your ATM machine? Admit you are too jealous. True neighbour like you dey hide behind over sabi sabi. Women in your situation don't like men doing such for their wives and get so jealous. If you like no go ask your invisible husband for sexy massages and TLC to quench your pain. Do you know how much more she may be doing around the house more than him still? Lazy amebo, go and reduce your own husband to an outside working machine while you pocket all the hustle paper and sit at home. No go find work do #IdleMind

Re: Husband Or Househelp? by remi1444: 12:09am On Dec 18, 2020
remi144:
hello goodday ma...wanted to get some information urgently about your institution/course please beep me I would call back wud av love to email u but dunno why nairaland E-mail is not sending messages.
Re: Husband Or Househelp? by remi1444: 9:39am On Aug 01, 2023
remi144:
hello mysticgal goodday ma...wanted to get some information urgently about your institution/course please beep me 08 I would call back wud av love to email u but dunno why nairaland E-mail is not sending messages.

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