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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice (3668 Views)
My Wife Was Sexually Battered By Alfas While Seeking For Love Charms; Husband / My Marriage Is Being Tested. I Need Your Advice / I Love My Girlfriend But My Family Don't Want Us To Marry. (2) (3) (4)
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by baby124: 11:31pm On Feb 04, 2017 |
I think you need to have a very very serious conversation with her. She's childish and very selfish. That she doesn't even think to take care of her kids when she is angry is disturbing. She also has an anger problem plus she is very unforgiving. Let her know that you cannot forgive someone who cannot forgive other's. First she needs to go and reconcile and beg all her family members. Then she needs to start making a serious effort to change her behavior. You also need to draw her attention to this thread. Not to comment, but to actually read how her actions is affecting her own life, her future, her children and her home. She's not a kid, she's a mother. At this point she must either grow up, or let you have peace in your life. First talk to her and let her read this thread carefully. Some people act badly but never consider the effects on their actions on their loved ones. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 12:16am On Feb 05, 2017 |
baby124:I am really surprised about everybody's comments. It seems you all have watched this movie of my life. You all say it as if you are there with me.Our life our future everything is being affected. Everything must be about her. I have seen t Her level of anger anywhere. She never forgives, I will keep apologising for everything, even if I cry she is not even touched. At times I just Canty believe... |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Talltom: 12:17am On Feb 05, 2017 |
From what I can gather, there isn't an iota of goodness this woman is bringing to the table, makes me wonder two things, 1.What has kept you going on for a whooping 10 years. 2. Why now, what finally broke the camel's back, these things you talk of, u also stated she has been doing consistently, it's not like she is just starting. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 12:24am On Feb 05, 2017 |
Talltom:I was once adviced that if she start having children she will change, also I draw my strength from the fact that the children rely so much on me. Just thinking of leaving them alone with her is already making me cry as I am typing this. 2 The reason I am speaking out now is that of late all her family members and even the pastor that use to encourage me are all tired, she does not pik any body's call again, Moreover somebody told me of this forum over 6months ago, but I just think it is unfair to talk about my wife's behavior in public. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by sisisioge: 12:27am On Feb 05, 2017 |
Oga, you owe yourself some level of happiness Biko. She might be craving for happiness as well with thoughts of your as the hindrance! Would you just do yourself and her a favour by drawing the curtain on your marriage? It's just something I would advise me if I were you! Life is really too short to court sorrows! It is well. 2 Likes |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Talltom: 12:55am On Feb 05, 2017 |
dusseldorf: Your statements are constantly filled with "advice" from others, quite unfortunately, I am certain it's part of the reason you are here, in this mess, no one REALLY understands your problem or your wife that's why thier advice hasnt helped, usually when we give an account of a problem, we tend to be biased, only a few a able to isolate their view from the truth and give concise information( most times unknowingly). In short you are all the help you are going to get, no one can revive this marriage except you( I believe you have to work on it, for the children sake at least), there is no clear cut solution to this ( don't look forward to one) , no one can give you the perfect answer, even if I had been in this instance before, am sure the individual involved would have been of different behavior or temperance. While this post may not be as relieving, I think I should emphasis that there are some basis you can start off with, why did u fall in love with her in the first place?, I shudder to think you married her because your pastor or immediates urged you to, they probably helped you to see better what you were looking at but none forced your hand. You said she is sidelining members of the family and church folk, humans are social beings so she is taking consolation and advice elsewhere, find out, we are usually the friends we keep afterall. 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Nobody: 2:03am On Feb 05, 2017 |
dusseldorf: So you want those children you love so much to grow up in a toxic environment? Don't you want them to be NORMAL? Don't you know your wife's actions also affects them? I get that you are a weakling (my apologies ) but this is not just about you anymore, there are young children involved now too. How do you want them to turn out after being raised by a father who's incompetent of making reasonable decisions for himself and a mother who's a narcissistic sociopath You need to get them away from your wife ASAP. How you even managed to have 4 kids in such a dire situation is beyond me. Why don't you understand that you have serious responsibilities now, people's lives are now in your hands to mould. . . . . You can't afford to coast through life blaming the people around you anymore. Your wife is not the problem here. . . You are! It's not like she changed or became evil overnight. This is who she has always being. How do you expect such a person to magically become Mother Theresa because her pastors and family said she would? You need to wake up and start being responsible for yourself and your kids. Otherwise I shudder to think what kind of children you will raise in that kind of environment. 2 Likes |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by TheBossLadyK(f): 8:07am On Feb 05, 2017 |
tuscani: Then she is from the pit of hell, anyway you know what to do bros. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by tonyfran: 8:12am On Feb 05, 2017 |
For the sake of your kids sanity,please separate with your wife and see if things will work out between you and her. I know it won't be easy,but it's time to MAN UP. Is she working? |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by uboma(m): 8:19am On Feb 05, 2017 |
I wonder why some people feel that marriage is a 'do or sir's affair. If it isn't working, there is really no need to continue the union. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by ireneblush(f): 8:36am On Feb 05, 2017 |
3years? and your senses are still intact. she might probably be attached to some other man. the main thing that makes a woman act weird is the presence of another man in her life. I just feel for the kids. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:12am On Feb 05, 2017 |
Ujoan:Hmmmmm, harsh but the truth is always bitter. Thanks for the very unbiased response |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by rex444(m): 10:41am On Feb 05, 2017 |
To all the girls on nairaland, no insult intended but I have this impression of our African girls especially Nigerian girls. Once they are earning higher than their man,they tend to use him for a mop stick for toilet purposes,respect and regard dies off but when the vice is versa,u will see how submissive and angelic they can be. Moral of this is, strive to earn higher which ever way,that puts u in control. My dear writer, I am of the opinion that marriage is not a do or die affair,if it ain't working,move on. What matters more is your happiness cos we die alone. Be happy and for the kids,God will watch them grow. Move on |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Atk1nson(m): 1:00pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
dusseldorf: The feminists will probably tell you need to be more romantic, but I think you need to decide who wears the trouser in that house. I will rather stay single than live like that. Life is too short to live so unhappily Your wife rarely cooks, you do most of the house chore, no sex, she tells you where to sleep, she doesn't see you worthy enough to inquire about her itenaries.... I suspect there is something you are not telling us, I find it difficult to understand y a man should puts up with so much rubbish for 10 years (if true). |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by baby124: 2:28pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
dusseldorf:Just talk to here very seriously and show her this thread. She must change her attitude at this point or get help to change if she cannot manage herself. Also please make sure you understand if there is something in her past she is keeping secret, that is making her act this way to her family. See sometimes things happen way back that could make one not have a forgiving spirit towards their family members. That frustration may play out in other areas of her life, which could now be what you are suffering. What ever she confides in you, never bring it up as a way to hurt her or to use for fight. Just help her work through her issues. I suspect something deeper may be going on than she has ever told anyone. Remember her father died when she was young. Girl children are so vulnerable without a father figure in some families and all sorts happen that are swept under the carpet. And these girls are expected to pretend that all is well. Just have a serious, non judgmental conversation with her. 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 6:49pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Talltom:You have said the truth. You do not owe me any apology,you are just trying to help, my story annoys everybidy, our neighbours everybody, I know I am the solution to the problem. And I know it is time to act. I do really appreciate everybody's contributions. I am humbled by the fact that you all spent your precious time and resources to provide comprehensive responses. I really thank you all 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 6:52pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Ujoan:Thanks for your response I am really grateful. I just know I have to put an end to this very terrible situation 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 6:54pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
sisisioge:Hmmmmm, this one perspective I have been looking at. You are really right 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 6:57pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
tonyfran:Presently, no, but she had worked before, things were not different, the separation thing is another good option I have tot off. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you all for spending your time and resources on this issue 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by prettyangel10(f): 7:44pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Op, are you d same person as tuscani? 1 Like |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Missonas(f): 8:35pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Domestic violence She don see u finish and trust me she cares less what u do. I wont and cannot advice that u divorce her. U should find all d joy u need frm those kids. Be happy. As for d no sex thg mehn im mute on that but she seem to have shut u off completely and that masturbation may relieve u for that period but wont help u and it could even make u more agitated or depressed. Shes nt cheating is she? She obviously has somethgs locked up inside her shes just unleashing them now. The problem may nt even be you. Just be happy marriage is for bettr for worse oh but nt at the expense of ur peace of mind. Take care of u! Those babies need u!! |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by CuteCp(m): 8:43pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Are u sure u are alive?..u ain't a man at all...u r d side bf ....u re just waiting 4 d day she'll shoot u in d head...or is she d one feeding n taking care of u n d children ? Wot kind of man r u n wot kind of woman did u get married 2? I just don't understand hw a man canb dis weak...u r lost...d best tin nw is 2 send dat devil parking.... (that's if u hv d mind...because frm wot you stated earlier u r afraid of ur own woman..)...wit dis kind od wife i doubt if u can stay alive for d nxt 10yrs....good luck...I'm certain she's cheating on u...U BE COMPLETE ODE...that's y she's playin u like card |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by CuteCp(m): 8:53pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
chrisifeanyi: Thanks my sister...that was exactly wot i told him....he's less than a man...or was he hyphypnotised?...i feel like beating him to coma....i swear...i hate him already with all my hrt...4 9ja here nai a woman go de do u like rat n being d FOOL that u are...u r there enjoying d suffering for 10yrs...if u r really enjoyin it....4 d sake of ur innocent kids...do something b4 she poisons u....she even kicked u out of ur bedroom....oga sorry but u r not a man...u r even less than a woman...n i dont care if dem ban me....de dia |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by CuteCp(m): 9:16pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
With all these end time new abt 9ja women....i wonder if getting married is d right thing to do...as a man.. I'm scared of getting married ooo.... Is beta4me to stay single n enjoy my life...hv 2 kids outside wedlock... that's the best...chaiiii... U are a 21st Century weakling...sorry..but u deserve it... |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:22pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
prettyangel10:no, tuscani introduced me to nairaland to seek help, but when I couldn't sign in, I have to use his account to respond to the numerous questions. I do not want to keep all you lovely people waiting |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:23pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
CuteCp:Bros I know I will be called names, but i have to tske the courage to join this forum...but we all can act funny at times |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:24pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
CuteCp:Bros I know, but we all can act funny at times |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:29pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
CuteCp:Bro I understand your anger with me, but you are not sayiny all these things because you hate me like you said. But you are actually angry and saying them because you really care for my life and safety. You just want me to wake up. I will wake up, the truth is DAT coming to this forum is one step... Well as for Hypnosis ? anything is possible |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:34pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
Missonas:These are deep thoughts, thanks for finding time to reply.I really appreciate |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by dusseldorf: 9:40pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
CuteCp:Hmmmmm, I think coming to this forum shows I have started taking step to stop this . I do really appreciate your response , I believe the I sults are just from anger on the way I am being treated. Like the saying goes, ' weep a sweeping horse to life ' I believe you all are weeping me to life with your comments |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by Nobody: 9:41pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
prettyangel10:Seems like he is. |
Re: Ashes For Love. My Heart Bleeds Please I Need Your Advice by CuteCp(m): 10:44pm On Feb 05, 2017 |
dusseldorf: Yea I'm so sorry 4 calling u names though...I'm just angry with d way u handled her...u over pampered her...n u 4got 2 read btw d lines...u ignored d red flags all because of luv...u 4got dat love alone isn't enof 2 mk marriage work...4 d sake of ur innocent kids send dat demon outta ur house n outta ur life...one day she can just decide 2 poison u...i swear...like say i knw u wella nw...i 4 don help u pursue that demon frm ur house...i bet u she's cheating already |
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