Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

Phew! I read it all but no comment....maybe d person below me is not as drunk as I am.

Seriously the word MARRIAGE appeared so much that it got me confused in this recession.


Maybe the person below me has something to say because I'm confused

Oh sorry,a summary of the epistle would have been better!

This is long!!!

Babe the fact here is that the guy loves u but He's confused due to the presence of other people in his life and it's also clear that u love him more which is making him scared I will advice u to give him space so he will and appreciate you more

who wan read all dis one naa




cnt you summarize


poster below me... say sumtin reasonable

...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

Which kinda joke be this na? The guy has come for you and you dey form say he hurt you. Abeg Gerarahia mehn.

E be like say you never ready for something serious. You still dey do Telemundo

I think he has developed feelings for you but he is toying with you because he knows he has the upper hand. If another serious prospect appears at this very moment .... the dude will step up, i promise!!

Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

DeepFriedPuff:
wait?? U actually read that?

Babe .. The thing tire me.

I'm just going through comments .. With that I'll know what the OP was actually insinuating ..

Between .. @OP don't ask me for any relationship advice because I'm single and I promote breakups ..

#OyaTakeKiss

DeepFriedPuff:
ha ha ha " u single and u promote breakups"

Yes nau
you wanna ask for a r/ship advice from mhe?
You'll get the perfect reply!

AfterEarth:
Yes nau
you wanna ask for a r/ship advice from mhe?
You'll get the perfect reply!

I read your write-up and can understand your pain. That being said, you are gonna have to put on your big girl panties and have the difficult discussion with him which you are probably dreading & be prepared to walk.

Also... if he wants you, let him fight for you. Men don't often appreciate what's right in front of them till they have to work for it (but form with sense oooo).

All in all, its time for sink or swim moment joor & if it doesn't work out, God will see that you have the opening to receive your own man!!

Blah blah bah

Have you seen his _penis

Both of you are time wasters

I used to fill his shoes. Maybe he was scared of ruining d friendship between u two. What if dating doesn't workout, would u still b his friend etc? He just had to calculate d risks involved. Swallow ur pride and If u still have feelings for him forget d past & d emotional-play ish, cos it's obvious it wasn't intentional. He sounds too sweet for him to do any of such to You...
Pls my sister go with d flow cos I believe love between friends is like love made in Heaven.

You know!!!!
It's pretty simple!!!
I sister zoned a friend for 5 years!!
She came out plain and said Omang I love you!! I would like us to date!!!
We 2 years now and waxing stronger!!!
Trust ur guts!!!

crate:
Babe the fact here is that the guy loves u but He's confused due to the presence of other people in his life and it's also clear that u love him more which is making him scared I will advice u to give him space so he will and appreciate you more

Give him space temporarily or permanently?

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

Lol thanks. Yes, I'm no longer a kid though our friendship started while we were still teenagers.

ikp120:
Which kinda joke be this na? The guy has come for you and you dey form say he hurt you. Abeg Gerarahia mehn.

E be like say you never ready for something serious. You still dey do Telemundo

Has come for me? How?

U will form for him until its too late... Take this from me...

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

I've told him before that I have feelings for him so he is not clueless, and that's why I feel he's toying with my feelings. The friendship is not one-sided if that's what you're thinking by saying is fake. That I'm sure of. Like I said, I have considered unfriending him before but he didn't let me. He knew I was trying to do that and he put a stop to it.

dingbang:
U will form for him until its too late... Take this from me...

But I'm not forming na. He knows I like him. Do you want me to ask him out ni? I can't do that na.

AfterEarth:
Babe .. The thing tire me.

I'm just going through comments .. With that I'll know what the OP was actually insinuating ..

Between .. @OP don't ask me for any relationship advice because I'm single and I promote breakups ..

#OyaTakeKiss

Lol

Izen:


But I'm not forming na. He knows I like him. Do you want me to ask him out ni? I can't do that na.

but why did u put up defensive mode? U ladies should understand that men are not psychic beings... How long will you both continue like this? Or do u want to end up being his chief bride's maid?

magabounce:
You know!!!!
It's pretty simple!!!
I sister zoned a friend for 5 years!!
She came out plain and said Omang I love you!! I would like us to date!!!
We 2 years now and waxing stronger!!!
Trust ur guts!!!

Hmmm......Errmmm....... Can I ask you why you didn't say anything? Did you know she liked you all the while?

What happened to "marry your friend ". I will advice u kip ur distance for sometimes n if u guys can't cope without each other,den give ur selves a try. He could be d angel in disguise u know.......