It is when she is alive, that she can take care of her kids. Would she rather be a physical mother or spiritual mother ?

even me dy think twice about dis marriage mata ooooo.... Na babymama be d sure way now ooooo

In nigeria, bride price =ownership he owns her now and religion says she should sit there and submit.
So, when he kills her, we will be her to type rip and ask why she did not leave. If she leaves we will still abuse her for not fasting and praying enoughm for not submiting enoughm for not keeping quiet while he was lording it over her, for daring to challenge him. Any which way, Nigerians would blame her.

baby124:
No one can make the decision for her. When she has had enough, she will know. For her to be asking if she should leave, she's not ready yet

according to the post,the woman is ready to leave bt can't do that because of her kids....

You call this one a husband? sigh

Solobenny:
Good evening wonderful Nigerians and naira landers.
Please take your time and read cause this might be a long post.
NB: Exclusively for natured and experienced minds, your comments and are expectedly welcomed.


My cousin has complains she's tired of her marriage.

She has been married for 5yrs and have four children (a set of twin girls and another boy and girl).

She has on several/most occasions been a victim of domestic violence, the husband spends most nights outside the home, comes back drunk, easily infuriated and top of it all an egoistic being.

My cousin has been enduring without telling anyone because of her ill mother(don't want her to die of heartbreak) and for the love of her kids, not forsaking the endurance based on Christianity belief.

Now her mum is gone just some days ago, pathetic as it seems the husband didn't show any sign of pity or sympathy, he started making threats of divorce accompanied with abuses calling she and her siblings "useless orphans,your sorrow just begin" and more despite the mourning state.

Now, she is clearly confused on the decision to take.

*To proceed with the divorce , noting the expenses of child rearing on a single mother. ( She's a qualified and educated Nurse)

*To seek or perhaps accept apology if who knows her husband apologizes like he always does. ( bearing in mind the level of threat, high level of domestic violence and mental distress she'll continue to undergo.)

Help her make a decision.

Thanks as you comment wisely and naturedly.

It is when she is alive, that she can take care of her kids. Would she rather be a physical mother or spiritual mother ?

Some stupid people who like been treated like punching bag will say she should stay...Your cousin sound like some one who can stand on her 2 feet without a man...Trust me she will survive a single mum is a human being so to hell with all the stigma...Dont let her die and then you will blame it on devil

She should encourage her husband to let them put their marriage right by visiting a marriage councilor.

If he wants a divorce, there is no.problem provided he must take responsibility for the children. He must be made to sign a document to provide school fees, feeding. Clothing and other allowances for the children. Failure to do this, the court must seize all his properties and give them to the children. If he doesn't have any property, he should be jailed. Don't go around getting married and phucking to produce children you can't take care of.

2kaybiel:
has she called him to discuss why he suddenly change or the wrong she did to deserve the treatment from him and what was his reply?

she should tell you what she has done to make sure things dont get worst by the day and if her efforts did not amount to anything, then she should let her pastor intervene.

Bro, what are you typing? Are you ok in the head?

Solobenny:

You're not actually sane for making this comment.
CAN NEVER? I guess you've not marital stories. Are you a teen?

Hi OP, i think it is best you read and take the best advice you can get from this forum and stop replying to EVERY COMMENT that you are not pleased with.
Remember you choose to bring your issues to the public, so don't cry foul when someone makes an own opinion that is different from what you expect!!

Solobenny. divorce is not d option yet. Let her go and get an apartment to tay alone with d children. I blv d husband is under some kind of internal or external influence and conflict. And i want to blv d wife has a more stable.job and make.more.money than d husband. The woman can just try to stay on her own ( @ least for.now). Her being alive (life) is very important. If she died (God forbid) as a result of d domestic violence, husband will remarry one of his many mistresses within 6 months. Since she has a good job, she shd just concentrate on raising d children.and.forget abt d man.
But, u also shd be careful how u interfere in d afairs, because d issue of husband and wife is very delicate, else they break d proverbial coconut on ur head.

Pidgin2:
Her husband is her cross, tell her to watch 'War Room'

izospindle:
Bro for your safety stay away from married people and their problems you only get burnt by doing so.....experience is the best teacher....

May such fate befall you both. Then, people will stay away from your marriage

If she has done her part and no change, my dear is better she leaves with her body intact ,than to lose some part ,or even her life.

adorablepepple:

Just shut up!!!

Chill Kiddo.... you just allow your emotions get the better of you.
Now read what the individual wrote and you will agree that no issue is judged based on one side of a story such as that of the OP
Be guided lady..

Solobenny:

Admittedly, the wife is a human being, subjected to human errors, however, from I've witnessed, she's very submissive and replies him in a low tone, apologizes when due. That said, after her mum's demise, the husband didn't show any sympathy, this drove her crazy and couldn't bear it anymore.

She is ur cousin is she not? Can u vouch for her character for d past one year? D guy might be a drunk....but most men are driven to drink coz they are not happy.....u ever considered DAT?

Are you new to this world? Rare ko rare ni

2kaybiel:
is she a nag, a disobedient, a disrespective or unsubmissive woman?

The woman might have her own trouble which is not stated in this piece because it is rare for a man to make a threat of divorce without a reason even if he is a drunkard.

willibounce1:
If he wants a divorce, there is no.problem provided he must take responsibility for the children. He must be made to sign a document to provide school fees, feeding. Clothing and other allowances for the children. Failure to do this, the court must seize all his properties and give them to the children. If he doesn't have any property, he should be jailed. Don't go around getting married and phucking to produce children you can't take care of.

God bless you!

I want to commend based on what has happened to my younger sister. My dear before you see a man opt for divorce or separation things must ve happened at the back which your sister is yet to come to terms or know.

My sister's ex hubby did same. This is after my sister had miscarriage of twins (a boy and girl). We d family members pleaded but he still insisted on separation which finally took place. Today he got married to a lady (ordained minister) in their Church which my sister was meeting to plead on her behalf. The TM was this 1st April, 2017, the white wedding will be 9th April, 2017 in the same Church.

In conclusion, I just want your sister to make up her mind for the single motherhood. For him to say dat while she's mourning, it's extreme. Though it isn't easy but is it not beta dan been dead and anoda so called step mum with maltreat her children.

The Bible is against DIVORCE but when ones life is at stake, oh men.....

Wht internal and external conflict? Do you enjoy making cases for beasts?

hotspec:
Solobenny. divorce is not d option yet. Let her go and get an apartment to tay alone with d children. I blv d husband is under some kind of internal or external influence and conflict. And i want to blv d wife has a more stable.job and make.more.money than d husband. The woman can just try to stay on her own ( @ least for.now). Her being alive (life) is very important. If she died (God forbid) as a result of d domestic violence, husband will remarry one of his many mistresses within 6 months. Since she has a good job, she shd just concentrate on raising d children.and.forget abt d man.
But, u also shd be careful how u interfere in d afairs, because d issue of husband and wife is very delicate, else they break d proverbial coconut on ur head.

please tell your cousin to join FIN FAMALE IN NIGERIA,should will get best advice,meet women that has gone through worse,shoulders to lean on and above all no one will jurge her unlike some people naira lander.let her send me her Fb details so i can add her.ayoajayi262@gmail.com. Best regards

Wait oo

Yeah, she is the reason for his irresponsible attitude

luminouz:

She is ur cousin is she not? Can u vouch for her character for d past one year? D guy might be a drunk....but most men are driven to drink coz they are not happy.....u ever considered DAT?

obviously the man is a psychopath all she needs is to get busy with her job and have little or no reason to be hopelessly dependent on him.
God is head over him and she must be able to always take all her pains to him.He will restrain him from going all the way out to hurt her. Let her read Malachi 2 where God said he hates divorce and stand on that verse that way divorce will not be an option for her. God is alive. I know what she is going through. Be strong in the Lord.

adorablepepple:

Just shut up!!!

I support his opinion......d woman could also be guilty u know....I noticed u get sentimental on these issues...y babe... U married or something?

Once I saw the part where you typed that she's a nurse, I shook my head in pity. If only this woman knows how much money she would make when she leaves his violent a.ss. This must be said: NO REASON IS ENOUGH TO STOMACH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! LEAVE BEFORE YOU'RE KILLED!

Be patient and prayerful.

If have doest want a divorce, sh can always leave the house for him with her kids. Na by force to stay married?
Doesnt any she have any regards for her happiness, life and health? If her can't help herself, what about her kids?

I.cant believe she waited for the man to mention divorce

Solobenny:

My brother, these problems didn't start today. If it were possible for angels to come and be visibly present during a settling session believe that would have happened many times. No height of Christian Elder have not been involved at one point or the other.
He ain't really open to other people's opinion.

Definitely, she asked in a mild and sobbing tone, why the divorce issue at this mourning stage her mum's death. The reply was that his decision stands.

daretodiffer:
Yeah, she is the reason for his irresponsible attitude

Now am beginning to think ur a monitoring spirit.... Always tracking me....shuuu
BTW....has anyone even asked d guy what happened? A man does not go crazy n drunk on a whim..... U so believed the wife's version coz ur a woman!!!! Something happened to make him like DAT!!!!!! Just think about that!!!!
Some Women can so play d victim card eh....yet they are d vampires

farous:


U made a point. Any sane man CAN NEVER just wake up and start beating,insulting or divorce the wife.There MUST be an untold story. I suggest she just say the truth and beg the man for forgiveness.

Not true@bolded.Some men are not marriageable.They either grew up in unstable homes or picked up some unsavoury behaviours somewhere.They do not love or have become incapable of loving and they generally do not treat women well.It has nothing to do with what the woman does or does not do.

Anyway,you said sane men.