Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Lalasticlala ........ Please I need wider view so as to gather ideas

Anyone else that knows the mods here should kindly tag them for me please

I wish to measure your stu..... but I won't. Nairaland will find an answer. But how early did you meet her peeps? Why didn't you oversee some of these stuff? Besides seems this is pov ment! Cos

Calm down first.

Don't take any decisions while you are still 'fuming with anger'.

You will know what to do when you calm down.

Nawao.... I feel your pain OP....

Some in-laws are just wicked

daveP:
I wish to measure your stu..... but I won't. Nairaland will find an answer. But how early did you meet her peeps? Why didn't you oversee some of these stuff? Besides seems this is pov ment! Cos

I settled them months before the actual date.

RoyalRoy you are wanted here

BuariCopyPaste:



I settled them months before the actual date.

and you didn't read any signs and body languages or you ignored them? Cos that's a bad way to treat a hubby to be.

daveP:
and you didn't read any signs and body languages or you ignored them? Cos that's a bad way to treat a hubby to be.

No sings really....We have actually lived for two years before officially getting married

If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.


Edited: And once she's back to your house sit her down and talk sense into her while being as diplomatic as possible- keeping your cool. Lay the rules and deal with her family with a long spoon. I believe your wife may not be a bad Person, only she was manipulated by her family.

The first thing I can deduce from this story (if true) is that you married from a very wrong family. There are many families like this in obodo lagos, where there is an absence of a strong & rational male figure as the head of the home (yeah I know, he's late). Families like this have little or no regard for marriage, which explains the reason why the mum is solidly behind her. This explains why the arrangements for your traditional marriage were so shoddy. The money probably went into more important things like Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati. No be today something.

I have no advice for you; most likely you saw the signs but decided that 'true love conquers all.' Thus, I'd like to use your story as a good opportunity to advice people out there (men and women alike) to critically observe the family of the person you intend to marry before taking that crucial life-altering step. In most cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

CALL FOR A MEETING

STATE THE ISSUES AT HAND AND ENSURE YOUR SON'S WELL-BEING IS ALSO BROUGHT UP

DEMAND an APOLOGY/EXPLANATION FROM THE MOTHER N DAUGHTER respectively

FORGIVE THEM EVEN IF THEY DO NOT APOLOGIZE

GET A LAWYER AND START FILING FOR DIVORCE IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST BECAUSE MANY HIDDEN THINGS ARE EXISTING IN THESE ISSUES

TAKE YOUR SON WITH YOU AND DO NOT LOOK BACK, GOD IS ABLE TO PROVIDE SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU BOTH.


Bless you sir

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

What wud anyone expect from someone with ur kinda moniker. Shows how senseless u can b.

Oga simply go to court and demand for your money back and dump her proud useless ass.

Contact your lawyer immediately and proceed on how to get your money back.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Your problem is summed up in one word ANGER , bro , u are quick to it, you have to work on it before it completely consumes you;





On the other hand; if u wanna remain unmarried like us, (that see women as tools meant to be only forked ) please be my guest and take a front row...

from ur statements d reasons u gave dat is leading to ur divorce is:

1. ur in-laws misappropriated ur marriage funds or swindled u

2. ur wife didn't show up after marriage as tradition demanded...

from reason 1... how was ur reaction wen u found out dat funds av not bin utilised? where u harsh in words?

from reason 2... did u ask her why she didn't show up as demanded by tradition? n wat was her response...

Bros even if u are right to des questions, remember u ar d man n d rudder to stir ur ship is in ur hands... I will advice u calm down n administer d silent treatment... its d dreaded weapon n it buys u time to calm down, strategies n conceal ur game plan....

besides dis is a woman hu bore u a son n probably u av co-habited for about 2 years peacefully n d events of abt a week is abt to tumble ur union? bro look beyond ur nose n stir d rudders of ur ship tru d storm n unto favourable waters.......

wish u luck

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then you're wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings are hate being attacked when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, your marriage breaks down after just one week together you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness of wrong. After all, it's your marriage to
keep, not theirs or anyone else's.

That was awesomely put..... thanks

PaulKillerman:

Your problem is summed up in one word ANGER , bro , u are quick to it, you have to work on it before it completely consumes you;





On the other hand; if u wanna remain unmarried like us, (that see women as tools meant to be only forked ) please be my guest and take a front row...

You may not be far from the truth on your first paragraph .....

But the second... lol

Get yourself prepared for a controlling mother inlaw. I seriously pity you!
My friend is in this same mess since 2014 because of her daughter.

My sincere advice is that you work on your temper @OP. From your story, it is obvious you are quick to anger, which is capable of destroying any marriage.

The first problem you raised was entirely the fault of your wife's family. So I wonder why you acted harshly towards your wife.

And with respect to the second issue, the manner in which you confront your spouse determines how she reacts or responds to you. You need to learn how to talk to her calmly with love; not harshly with so much bitterness or venom.

Once again, don't give up on your marriage please. Every marriage has its ups & downs. And no human is perfect. We only strive to be perfect. Peace!

This one just weak me. What are your own people saying about the whole thing? Sometimes, marriage really do mess things, right? Weren't you living well as man, woman and child before? Whew! I think something isn't right about her family, you might need to have a mediator assist you with this. Nobody here will advise you to divorce your wife o.


However, if you really don't mind hearing one undiluted truth here though, that family you married into is wacky! A straight recipe for disaster .Brace yourself, it will happen eventually.

luxy44:
Get yourself prepared for a controlling mother inlaw. I seriously pity you!
My friend is in this same mess since 2014 because of her daughter.

I have always kept her at an arm length....

I just wonder how she managed to pull the string this time around.

Wow. See what poverty can do. Some parents don't even care about respect in the eyes of their children's spouse. So savage and a very hungry family. OP na wa o. I don't know what to say except to tell you to calm down for a few days. You are acting in anger. Your wife needs to also realize her mother can never give her good advice if she can swindle her own child and the husband out of their money. I don't know if I can ever respect my inlaws if they show that they are fraudsters and liars. What a shame o.

baby124:
Wow. See what poverty can do. Some parents don't even care about respect in the eyes of their children's spouse. So savage and a very hungry family. OP na wa o. I don't know what to say except to tell you to calm down for a few days. You are acting in anger. Your wife needs to also realize her mother can never give her good advice if she can swindle her own child and the husband out of their money. I don't know if I can ever respect my inlaws if they show that they are fraudsters and liars. What a shame o.

Could poverty really be the case??

I assist them financially in my own little way.

BuariCopyPaste:



Could poverty really be the case??

I assist them financially in my own little way.

It's poverty mentality my brother. No vex. For the sake of your child just give it time. Like a week and I am sure they will reach out. Let your displeasure about how funds were misappropriated be known after you have resolved things with your wife. Say it in a respectful way. She must also support you too otherwise these people may perform another wonder in the near future. It's best you both put your foot down now and stop making them believe you have a lot of money.

I am sure your wife is ashamed sef.

OP, it seems she and her family weren't interested in the marriage from the get-go.

Hj

Calm down,you can't think properly with all that negative energy.before u get a divorce ask yourself why u got married.sit your wife down and talk,strictly the both of you..You have taken a bold step,don't chicken out..cheers

That lady is cheating on you

OP, I think your anger is justified, but I suggest you make peace with your wives family, but start shining your eyes very well, your MIL could be one of those women that controls her daughters home.

Becareful too and try to find out if your wives father enjoyed his marriage while alive, that way you know what to expect.

Horrible woman to leave from Tuesday to Friday with no explanation. I'm sure you hurt her feelings very well but to leave for 3 nights you must not accept or you lose all power forever. Keep the child until she begs you to forgive her but don't forget to apologize first for hurting her on her wedding day.