since her father is late...her mother is the cause of what is happening in ur marriage she wil want ur wife to live a single mother life like her.

mohaMADbuari:
Nawao.... I feel your pain OP....

Some in-laws are just wicked

Really as wicked as those who ruined this COUNTRY

BuariCopyPaste:
Lalasticlala ........ Please I need wider view so as to gather ideas

I don't know what to say but I think I know what/who killed her father

These people telling the op to apologize bla bla bla are just saying it to get likes, nothing else.


Going back to her to apologize will lead to "If I had known, I would have allowed her to go the first time she left".

Question 1- are you sure the child is yours?
Question 2- u say the father is late, who is the alpha male in the family that makes decision?
Question 3- in the 2years u have lived together, has ur wife ever exhibited this kind of disappearing act?

Associating with a small-minded people is one of the hardest things to do. . . When you disingenuously allowed them to carry out their shenanigans around you, you see them revel and conclude in their erroneous belief that they're truly smarter than you. Resist them from carrying out their shenanigans around you, you see them cry victims. Then, reciprocate their vices in equal measures and see them either plan to kill you or kill themselves.

But na wa for you, your said immediate negative reaction at the traditional wedding ceremony wasn't palatable at all. In fact, the issue between the two of you is a fundamental one.

Well, assuming that she (your wife) had not uttered the separation word, I'd say, initiate a peace move (not begging) with her mother. But as it stands now, you really need to allow your wife to self-willedly come on her senses. Maybe she just achieved self-realization just immediately after tying the knot with you, and then realized that indeed you aren't what she need in a man. . . Never say never. If this happened to be the case in the end, kindly let her leave for good. Never deny anyone freewill, so long as cruz of the matter - her decision - is not intended to enslave you.

One of the worst things that will ever happen to a sane and sound person is, putting up with a disgruntled party. Believe you me, living with a frenemy is dangerous. Loyalty isn't negotiable, because it breeds understanding which itself breeds love.

And for the sake of your child, allow either your separation or reconciliation with your wife not to cause enmity between you too. Yes, two people previously in any form of relationship can separate without necessarily becoming enemies.

The issue between you too isn't really a problem rather it has to do with disparities in your individuals ethical leanings, it's fundamental. You and her/her family aren't of the same ethical leanings.

Op you already have ur job cut out for you as the head of your home and I daresay you didn't handle the situation right but take it as a lesson not the end to your marriage.

When you got to the venue and saw the situation you should haave ignored and at a more appropriate time after the whole ceremony to ask your wife. Did you take care of the whole ceremony with good money or you gave them what you think might be enough? I am not judging you let us try to analyse the situation, not who is wrong or right. Maybe they expected support from extended family members and non came thru for them so the money you gave was overstretched.
All you had to do was ask your wife what happened after the party not to be bring quarrel but to understand what happened.

To her second offence are you from the same locality with the same traditions is truly aware of what was expected of her. And op you did not see ur bride after the wedding, day1 - did you call her? 2 days passed before she came and you guys get into an argument. Hmmmm

Like I said I will not place blames but offer advice : work on your anger, controlling your anger gives you power you cannot imagine, not everything is solved by anger.

Never do money dealings with your MIL, if you can't avoid it have your plan B.

Settle with your wife, apologise to her if she is worth her salt she would already have realised her mistake and will apologise to you too.

You guyd were all tensed from thewhole preparation and you and your wife both choose opposing teams.

kweenkong:
Op you already have ur job cut out for you as the head of your home and I daresay you didn't handle the situation right but take it as a lesson not the end to your marriage.

When you got to the venue and saw the situation you should haave ignored and at a more appropriate time after the whole ceremony to ask your wife. Did you take care of the whole ceremony with good money or you gave them what you think might be enough? I am not judging you let us try to analyse the situation, not who is wrong or right. Maybe they expected support from extended family members and non came thru for them so the money you gave was overstretched.
All you had to do was ask your wife what happened after the party not to be bring quarrel but to understand what happened.

To her second offence are you from the same locality with the same traditions is truly aware of what was expected of her. And op you did not see ur bride after the wedding, day1 - did you call her? 2 days passed before she came and you guys get into an argument. Hmmmm

Like I said I will not place blames but offer advice : work on your anger, controlling your anger gives you power you cannot imagine, not everything is solved by anger.

Never do money dealings with your MIL, if you can't avoid it have your plan B.

Settle with your wife, apologise to her if she is worth her salt she would already have realised her mistake and will apologise to you too.

You guyd were all tensed from thewhole preparation and you and your wife both choose opposing teams.

I asked her to make inquiries of the prices and I promptly sent her the estimated cost.

She's into catering and outdoor decorations so the issue of wrong estimate is out of place.

There is time for everything....
This is a time for peace
The stress of wedding causes a lot of friction between couple and family.
Look for a way to settle things this time

BuariCopyPaste:



I settled them months before the actual date.

Op what state re u both from? Dis is to know ur traditions.

Plus her father not being alive must ve caused them to do mother's bidding

Mrbigman1:



Op what state re u both from? Dis is to know ur traditions.

Plus her father not being alive must ve caused them to do mother's bidding

We are both from Enugu state .

borednhorny:
Question 1- are you sure the child is yours?
Question 2- u say the father is late, who is the alpha male in the family that makes decision?
Question 3- in the 2years u have lived together, has ur wife ever exhibited this kind of disappearing act?

YES to your first question.

There's an uncle who's the surrogate father.

To The last question, she didn't actually disappear because I knew she must be in there house but I wanted her to give a detailed explanation on the whole issue including what brought about the shoddy preparation on the wedding day.

If you ask me, this is too trivial an issue to have a divorce over. I would advice you apologize, yes, they say apologizing doesn't mean you are wrong, but strong enough to let go. Let bygones be bygones. Just explain you felt very bad and allowed emotions take over the best part of you and move on. I wish you a happy married life ahead.

mcdokwe:
If you ask me, this is too trivial an issue to have a divorce over. I would advice you apologize, yes, they say apologizing doesn't mean you are wrong, but strong enough to let go. Let bygones be bygones. Just explain you felt very bad and allowed emotions take over the best part of you and move on. I wish you a happy married life ahead.

If you ask me, her mother is the one making those decisions and influencing her wrongly.
I can talk it over with my wife but I don't want a situation where I will be at the mercy of her mother .

BuariCopyPaste:


If you ask me, her mother is the one making those decisions and influencing her wrongly.
I can talk it over with my wife but I don't want a situation where I will be at the mercy of her mother .

When you saw the shoddy arrangement how did you react? Did you lash out at them infront of your guest?
We're you overtly rude and snaggy all through the ceremony?
Did you bother to ask what happened?
How much exactly are we talking about here? If it is below 150-200K and you are expecting an elaborate decorations and awesome feeding like some mini-celebrities then you need to apologize to them with cartons of henessey , a black male goat with double tail and four hollandais wrappers. Because that amount is abysmal in the current economic situation of this country, just kegs of palmwine and other drinks will gulp 50k what about meat for cooking, a bag of good quality rice is 18.5k x 2=37k, semo or whatever they call it nko.
Your wife probably went back home to sulk with her people and lick their wound in solidarity about the resultant effects of the whole charade. You hurt them big and you know it.
We here, are already demonizing them for being leeches and ungrateful and sh!t but you know that ain't the truth. She stayed even after having a baby outta wedlock and you think her family will intentionally ruin her chances of proper marriage just for a few bucks Naaa, I don't think so.
Get your asS to your inlaws, give them chance to explain what happened, apologize and get your family home.

BuariCopyPaste:


If you ask me, her mother is the one making those decisions and influencing her wrongly.
I can talk it over with my wife but I don't want a situation where I will be at the mercy of her mother .

OP mistake has been made and it is time to make amend. Just apologise to her and her family and take your wife home. As time goes on, she will know the head of the family. Mistakes I notice are

1. It seems you paid the money many months early. That is wrong. You pay two weeks or at most a month before the d day to avoid money being used for other things. Money in the hands of in-law are usually "our own". If you paid two months before the day, make sure you go the your prospective in-laws place 4-3 days before the d-day to know if there is any leaking avenue. The answer is usually yes and you cough out a liitle amount to cover the place.

2. Your anger is too short and expressive. While going for the Igbankwu, please carry some drinks that will be enough for your own people incase things started happening somehow. Serve your people the drinks and then take them home at the end of the day to serve food. You must cook "community food" in your house that day.

3. Expressing your frustration to your wife the same day is no no for me. You would have calmed down and talk to her a week after or simply ignored the whole matter but kept it as a memory on how your mil is not good at keeping money.

Lastly, remember, Igbankwu is for the in-laws whereas the white wedding is yours.

Please for the sake of your marriage, work on your anger and pride. Women hardly fear and respect a shouting man but the ones whose silence and behaviour they cant predict.

SirVintageCock:
When you saw the shoddy arrangement how did you react? Did you lash out at them infront of your guest?
We're you overtly rude and snaggy all through the ceremony?
Did you bother to ask what happened?
How much exactly are we talking about here? If it is below 150-200K and you are expecting an elaborate decorations and awesome feeding like some mini-celebrities then you need to apologize to them with cartons of henessey , a black male goat with double tail and four hollandais wrappers. Because that amount is abysmal in the current economic situation of this country, just kegs of palmwine and other drinks will gulp 50k what about meat for cooking, a bag of good quality rice is 18.5k x 2=37k, semo or whatever they call it nko.
Your wife probably went back home to sulk with her people and lick their wound in solidarity about the resultant effects of the whole charade. You hurt them big and you know it.
We here, are already demonizing them for being leeches and ungrateful and sh!t but you know that ain't the truth. She stayed even after having a baby outta wedlock and you think her family will intentionally ruin her chances of proper marriage just for a few bucks Naaa, I don't think so.
Get your asS to your inlaws, give them chance to explain what happened, apologize and get your family home.

. I concur...

Oga,how much u drop?
Mind u, uve been married for 2yrs not a week!

BuariCopyPaste:



We are both from Enugu state .

Odiegwu. Something is wrong somewhere

SirVintageCock:
When you saw the shoddy arrangement how did you react? Did you lash out at them infront of your guest?
We're you overtly rude and snaggy all through the ceremony?
Did you bother to ask what happened?
How much exactly are we talking about here? If it is below 150-200K and you are expecting an elaborate decorations and awesome feeding like some mini-celebrities then you need to apologize to them with cartons of henessey , a black male goat with double tail and four hollandais wrappers. Because that amount is abysmal in the current economic situation of this country, just kegs of palmwine and other drinks will gulp 50k what about meat for cooking, a bag of good quality rice is 18.5k x 2=37k, semo or whatever they call it nko.
Your wife probably went back home to sulk with her people and lick their wound in solidarity about the resultant effects of the whole charade. You hurt them big and you know it.
We here, are already demonizing them for being leeches and ungrateful and sh!t but you know that ain't the truth. She stayed even after having a baby outta wedlock and you think her family will intentionally ruin her chances of proper marriage just for a few bucks Naaa, I don't think so.
Get your asS to your inlaws, give them chance to explain what happened, apologize and get your family home.

I never intended to go deep down in details of the whole issue but had to rescind for the purpose of clarity.
I bought and delivered a 100kg bag of rice, a bag of cowpea, 5 bags of semovita, 20 pieces of sizable yams , 56 gallons of palm wine, 40 cartons of beer and 4 cartons of malt.
The cash I gave her was for the condiments, 6 pieces of fancy canopies, 300 pieces of chairs and for a DJ.

I am yet to approach her about the shoddy arrangement but only expressed my displeasure to my wife.

Na poverty cause am, you are poor and you are marrying from a poor family. Quite a dangerous mix of anger, frustration, fear, etc. There's gonna be violent explosions from time to time.

BabaCommander:
Na poverty cause am, you are poor and you are marrying from a poor family. Quite a dangerous mix of anger, frustration, fear, etc. There's gonna be violent explosions from time to time.

Thank you Mr rich man .

BuariCopyPaste:



Thank you Mr rich man .

You are welcome, bro.
Now that you have known the root cause of the problem, I hope you can channel your anger into a more productive and rewarding activities.

Truth's is that money makes love sweet and a relationship romantic. If her moma knows she can count on you to meet her reasonable living expenses, she would have sent your wife back to you with an apology since.poverty is a bastard bro.

BabaCommander:


You are welcome, bro.
Now that you have known the root cause of the problem, I hope you can channel your anger into a more productive and rewarding activities.

Truth's is that money makes love sweet and a relationship romantic. If her moma knows she can count on you to meet her reasonable living expenses, she would have sent your wife back to you with an apology since.poverty is a bastard bro.

I am sorry but you are just plainly stup1d.
I am happy and contended that despite being in my mid 20s, I am able to carter for my family and perform the necessary marriage rites.

BuariCopyPaste:



I am sorry but you are just plainly stup1d.
I am happy and contended that despite being in my mid 20s, I am able to carter for my family and perform the necessary marriage rites.

Poor people are always hungry and angry. I understand you are frustrated.
One thing you need to understand though, is that it's not your fault that you were born poor, but it's not your fault to remain poor.
Fortunately, you can change your conditions by changing your attitude. Channel your anger into a MORE productive activity.

BuariCopyPaste:



I am sorry but you are just plainly stup1d.
I am happy and contended that despite being in my mid 20s, I am able to carter for my family and perform the necessary marriage rites.

Bros just ignore that asshole. Poor people coming online to form rich. Ignore him.

Let's see how far Anger will carry you.

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

Sorry to disagree with u sir. What u just suggested is not a solution. How long will he continue to play the full and apologize to the wife when is the one wrong?
I'd suggest that the op takes his time out to really investigate this issue. Something else is involved here and he needs to find out before taking a decision.
If the marriage wont work, it will not no matter the amount of apologies he tender. Well I think he should involve his family, present the matter to them and see their response.

Pidgin2:
Let's see how far Anger will carry you.

So you can be offended and still be prohibited from expressing your anger

How wicked can some of you get.

Lalasticlala why is this true story not on front page.....
If na rubbish twitter super story you will be quick to send it to FP.

Lalasticlala why is this true story not on front page.....
If na rubbish twitter super story you will be quick to send it to FP.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

............... Ok, first I will start by saying that however your in-laws prepare for you and your guest should not be an issue that will make you lash out at your wife like that... Infact I percieve that all hasnt been well even before the traditional marriage ceremony. Theres a lot of tension around your narrative, your dispoosition towards your wife leaves alot to be desired... She is supposed to be your partner and not the other way around. In summary, because theres alot to say, but in all my advise is for you guys to step up maturity, exclude your in-laws from your issues, treat your wife as a partner, draw her close, take responsibility and resolve the issues in your young marriage. I feel the bulk of the problem lies with you. Also, put God first in all your endeavours.... Your marriage will succeed in Jesus name. Amen