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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision (53277 Views)
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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by SirVintageCock: 2:02pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Op, you've ended demonizing your inlaws on the cyberspace. Your marriage will never remain the same again ever and I hope your wife or an in law sees this so they can leave you for good. Look at strangers calling your second family unprintable names on the Internet. If your wife happens to be my sister I will haul her out of your grip faster than lightinng. The dangers of a single story is really innumerable. 3 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:06pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Don't come to naira land looking for advice because all boys giving u advice here are neither in a relationship, or are not even married. And remember there are 2 sides of a story. As you have said yours which sounds very superficial, and I don't believe you are saying the whole truth, am sure there is something you must have done for this woman to disregard you and want to leave you potentially, so be honest here. Marriage is very important and you need to reason with your head not your ego. If you were ready for this marriage in the first place you should have been responsible enough not to impregnate a girl before marrying her, you erred in that aspect, now you are a baby daddy and a baby daddy has no respect in the eyes of any family. If you divorce her then you become a single father and it will be hard for you to raise that child alone without a woman. If you even marry another woman, you run the risk of that child being abused by the second wife, and the child will grow up hating you for life. Listen children will always gravitate to their mother and not towards their father, he will blame you when he grows up for chasing her mother away and may even kill you one day out of anger. You are the head of this family, you need to grow up and man up. Stop acting like a child. Just because she came back late doesn't give u any right to shout at her, hence her leaving the house and causing you public shame. She may not like you that much either. So if you value your happiness you need to act like a leader, play it down , humble yourself , apologise and have a real heart to heart discussion with her, communication is the key. Women can be very easy to please if you tell them what they want to hear. If you let ego come in your way, believe me she will go and marry another man soon, am sure there is someone that satisfies her that much. So put you acts together and prove to her that you are the one. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by ricki: 2:14pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
waywardpikin: I bow to ur wisdom |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by SirVintageCock: 2:15pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
imam07:Not in this case. He insinuated that her family ripped him off of the money he sent to them. What if that's not the case. What if this guy is accusing them wrongly? How was his reaction on the D day? How disrespectful was he to the family? Let him state categorically how much in cash he sent to them for the decor and condiment let's know if really they ripped him off? I wouldn't blame the wife for staying back honestly because obviously there is something the op isn't telling us. He would've opt for divorce or annulment instead of coming to nairaland if his hands are clean but rather he is looking for someone to validate his conscious. Op, what did you do to her and if you didn't do anything to her how come she left her child who is barely two years old with you. 4 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:16pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
waywardpikin:waywardpikin, may you reign long in the land of wisdom. I have benefitted immensely from your contribution to this thread. I keep saying that before one marries, he or she should look into the family he is marrying into. IT MATTERS A LOT! |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by linearity: 2:19pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Fifthcolumnist: I will take the opposite view from the above comment. Any relationship built on mistrust and deceit will eventually fall apart. There is no point forcing it, I always tell people, no matter what you do, you can't shine sh1t. Your Inlaw and most likely conniving with your wife, stole and misappropriated funds earmarked for your wedding. Your wife, instead of standing by your side, ran to be with her mom and you think this is going to change by making peace? You should thank your stars, that you saw their real colors this early. Agreed, it is not good to raise one's child by a single parent, but it is better than raising them in a broken home. It is what it is, swallowed your pride and call it what it is, it is a failed marriage, you are not alone, their are other 50% company out there, so you should not be ashamed of it. Cut her loose and let her go. 2 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:20pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
@ op, just two questions. Haven married her, do you still firmly believe she is the woman you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Will she be loyal, submissive, honest and humble. Will she build your home spiritually? And lastly, what happened between her parents that lead to the death of her father? Like someone said, an Apple fruit does not fall far from the tree. If you don't take time, she might send you to an early grave and well I will say God forbid to that, but it's a real cold fact. If she wasn't actually cut from the same cloth as her mum, she should be fighting her mum for spoiling her day for her and not the other way round. Please before you make further decision, ensure you conduct DNA test for your child. She can't be gone for days and not offer cogent and compelling evidence. Abi she go do send off for one person? I am speaking from what I have experienced as a professional in my line of business and as a married man. Generally, women celebrate marriage more the men at least for the first few months. Some also become emotionally attached towards her family after the big day but not in this case that she lived with you for 2years before marriage. Should you make peace move , she will never be apologetic for Any reason in future and believe me she and her mother will rule your home without you having a say. I believe you don't want that. Now my advice. Stand your ground, inform your parents, seek their advice and demand your bride price back . Send a message to her kins men cos her mother does not have a say in this. If she is still not remorseful, bros collect your bride price back and bounce. Never deny her access to the child and never spoil her before the child . Your son understands much more than you think. I know you are in love and just want a whole family, I know that feeling. But stand your ground as the man of the family. Hope you do provide for your family to the best of your ability? If she is not ready to stay and fight for her marriage , believe me bro, she will never be ready. You can only chew for a child, but you can't swallow for the child. You can only love her enough to beg her to stay in the marriage, but for how long will you beg her to be a friend, and /or take up the responsibility of a wife. If she runs off to her mother any time you scold her , for how long will you continue to beg her and make peace. Give it time, let nature teach her some lessons . Never stop loving her, and don't go for an all over divorce, start by asking that your pride price be returned and see the reaction of her kins men. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by holluphemydavid(m): 2:22pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Wedding is overrated 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by KAYD007(m): 2:23pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:25pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
MasterRahl: As an addition, also study your partner. Cos she ladies don't take after their mother especially when they have come to realise how bad their mother treated their father. Some ladies from broken homes where their mother was a tiger , keep their mum away from her family and she will be determined to make her family work. They often make the best wife. While others see their mother as the victim and takes after her . It all depends on the lady in question. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by delishpot: 2:26pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Op, did you call her when she did not return? My opinion is that you two don't communicate hence you expect A she is doing B, she expects to B, you doing A. Lack of friendship and communication destroys any union not only marriage. So, please both of you should be more open and communicate better 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Carter4luv(m): 2:26pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Don't b quick to make any decision, give urself time, maybe she might b influence by her mother. |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:27pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Freiden: u mean ur fada is dead or that ur moda was raped. Which 1 of those make u a bastard? |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by loschivatos(m): 2:32pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Only kids beg women into marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:34pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
BuariCopyPaste:no wonder |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by koolg: 2:37pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
BuariCopyPaste: Oga be a man and stop behaving like a woman. Concede to all their demands and let your family forge ahead. You will earn more respect from your wife than dragging women issue. Pls. Mchew 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Wolfbrother(m): 2:38pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
BuariCopyPaste: She sounds like a generally bad and dishonest person, dont marry her , move on |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Petroking: 2:41pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
OP i can't demand that you accept/not accept my advice. Marriage issues are as important as a family. There is no one who will not be pissed by the non availabilty of resources on his day when you made payment for it. Also what custom demands custom demands. I will not say you are quick to anger but i will ask you to think and choose rightly, you might as well not want to loose your marriage for the sake of your son. I believe a Man should be firm and strong, that is why we are referred as the head of the house. Your wife actually apologised to you so as not to loose face on thr wedding day, i am very much aware that she knew that her mother never made available the required materials needed. Also i will advice that you bring your lawyer into this. Tell your lawyer that you would want to see your son anytime you hope to. You and the lady should sign an MOU after which you can give your son to the mother. I assure you that with the behaviour of the family their daughter can never apologize to you because the mother is solidly behind her. Don't loose your sanity. I don't know if you have no elders who can talk to the mother on wrong doings and correct the daughter. Stand your ground. Tell the mother to ask her daughter why she decides to brake customs as demanded by your people. To me the mother is as guilty as the daugther and they are working hand in hand. They believe you are already married and would succumb that is the way i see it. Next time run a background check on the family first. This is important. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by upuphim(m): 2:42pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
If you lived for two years peacefully, then you can still leave peacefully for the rest of your life to enable you train your son/children jointly. Your wife is emotionally attached to her mother, hence the siding. Call your wife, apologise and tell her how much you cherished the two years you have been together. Assure her that you wouldn't want traditional marriage (enemies) to rob you of what the future has in stock for both of you. This is not easy but that's the only way to make marriage work. Swallow your pride/ego. One of the couple must be like a fool in most circumstances and in the circumstance it demands your being a fool for this marriage to thrive. This is my candid advice. 2 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by iambakay(m): 2:44pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Bros ,just tell her you are sorry, apologize to her family , and tell her mother you want to help her change the roof of her current house .bros remove the roof and run away !! 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Petroking: 2:44pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
OP i can't demand that you accept/not accept my advice. Marriage issues are as important as a family. There is no one who will not be pissed by the non availabilty of resources on his day when you made payment for it. Also what custom demands custom demands. I will not say you are quick to anger but i will ask you to think and choose rightly, you might as well not want to loose your marriage for the sake of your son. I believe a Man should be firm and strong, that is why we are referred as the head of the house. Your wife actually apologised to you so as not to loose face on thr wedding day, i am very much aware that she knew that her mother never made available the required materials needed. Also i will advice that you bring your lawyer into this. Tell your lawyer that you would want to see your son anytime you hope to. You and the lady should sign an MOU after which you can give your son to the mother. I assure you that with the behaviour of the family their daughter can never apologize to you because the mother is solidly behind her. Don't loose your sanity. I don't know if you have no elders who can talk to the mother on wrong doings and correct the daughter. Stand your ground. Tell the mother to ask her daughter why she decides to brake customs as demanded by your people. To me the mother is as guilty as the daugther and they are working hand in hand. They believe you are already married and would succumb that is the way i see it. Next time run a background check on the family first. This is important. BuariCopyPaste: |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by chikeobi2015: 2:44pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Pls the person in question how much do u luv dis ur wife I need answers before further advices. |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by limamintruth: 2:45pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
frubben: It's true they are suppose to have fully familiarize themselves & adapted to each other's personal traits at this point. However, there's still nothing bad in requesting a partner to do away with a bad trait. They both have every right to be angry with each other's behaviour as a couple. But they need to learn how to always reach a compromise after any disagreement between them. These issues do happen in marriage a lot. What matters is how the spouses handle their misunderstandings with love & wisdom. So @Op needs to work things out with his wife please. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by mizlovette(f): 2:46pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
BuariCopyPaste:hmmmmmmmmm my dear I feel ur pain, am a lady just did my trad last month I'll tell u this, if u ever make d mistake of apologising now then ur finished. How can a woman who did her trad not sleep at her husbands place that same night, look its very obvious that u married mother and daughter, if u don't stand ur ground now and be a man then u will be enslaved in ur own house. If she's stupid enough to not fight for her marriage then she's noth worthy to be called a wife not to talk of mother 2 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by BuariCopyPaste: 2:46pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
SirVintageCock: Go back and reread the post. I asked her to leave the child behind so as not to give visitors the impression that my wife and son are nowhere to be found after marriage. I actually knew she's in her mother's house but I needed her to explain what kept her long. |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by BuariCopyPaste: 2:52pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Her point actually is that I insulted her mother through the way I was reacting and questioning her on the shoddy arrangement. |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 2:56pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
BabaCommander:bro u are just blunt and funny I swear. Kai u wicked. Tiri gbosa for u 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Curvinus(m): 2:57pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
It is more the case that women of nowadays are in constant need of positive emotions. It is what makes them feel happy and wanted in 2017. The days of patriarchal domination where men dished out orders and ultimatums and watched the wives cower in submission is gradually being eroded by feminism and cultural renaissance. More so, as parents continue to reinforce in their their children that they are special and deserve special treatments, society also validates them by placing them on a pedestal especially for their good looks and not necessarily hard work or achievements, which is responsible for the huge sense of entitlement we see among the young generation. They even get confused when you don't treat them nicely because they have been made to believe they deserve it as the barest minimum not something that should be earned through hard work or good conduct. So you cannot now go against the norm and expect an unconditioned response. You cannot scream at your woman in anger and expect her to recoil at a corner in silence. That was in the past. It's all gone now. You have to manage and not try to boss her around. If she is young and hot enough, you must know there is someone out there waiting on the wings to take your rightful place as her husband should you decide to walk and there is no guarantee the next one will be after your heart. The world we live in now entails that you must pander to her whims and work together as partners in progress even when it goes against your manliness. Except you want to go the way of MGTOW or you marry someone far below your class and hope that she would be willing to abdicate a measure of her strength. Na from experience I de talk o. 2 Likes |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Temitope124(m): 3:01pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
well..be slow to anger man and take your time,allow God to lead you .no human is perfect only by his grace..just because of the innocent boy. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by BuariCopyPaste: 3:01pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
mizlovette: She actually slept in my house but left in the morning. |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by bakarekabir: 3:05pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
Sorry o.I'm a Yoruba man and as the saying goes"oro ti omo ba ti wo di okuta" meaning any relationship that has child in it becomes foreclosed. I'll urge you to go and make peace with your in-law considering your last statement.After that sit your wife down and let her see reason why its not everything she should be relating to her mother. Encourage her that now she's married and her going to her house shouldn't be regular.Also permit her to ask you ,politely though, whenever you go wrong. I pray Allah will keep your house for you and many good things will come your way.You too don't be too domineering. We only hear your side of issue what about hers?Anyway stay blessed. 1 Like |
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by manmidtexy(m): 3:06pm On Apr 26, 2017 |
if this your story is real. You are a fool and not a real man to lay the sword to accomplish whatever is right. Even, if she is Dangote or Adenuga or Otedola's daughter, you have every right to know her whereabout even for 3 minutes in the house. Any woman can have a short or quicky within 2 minutes with anyone anywhere. You dont marry a lady out of pity her father or mother is dead. You marry a lady because she has Godly character and pray towards it at the best of your little faith before advancing to her and God who is rich in mercy for every living soul will direct you. We can discuss more, find a solution or straight. I dont fancy divorce or failure of marriage. There are some issues in marrige with no solution. I rest my pen here. manmidtexy@gmail.com BuariCopyPaste: |
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