PaulKillerman:

Your problem is summed up in one word ANGER , bro , u are quick to it, you have to work on it before it completely consumes you;





On the other hand; if u wanna remain unmarried like us, (that see women as tools meant to be only forked ) please be my guest and take a front row...

DeRay98:
When a girl is under the total control of her mother without a sense of her own this happens.
When you marry from a home where the mother is shameless and no other respected male figure like your wife's paternal uncle to handle this misbehaviour wahala dey.
If you say "Love conquers" and take this with kids gloves your authority has been tested and you 'll be powerless in your home. Mother-in-law has signalled her intention to pocket you with the collaboration of his daughter.
Did you find out how her father died from other sources?
The poor man have died from the stress of a troublesome wife.
People you should go and beg her have no idea what they're saying.
Get elders from your family and community to send a delegation to her father's family to
Ask them to call her to explain to them why her mother did what she did
Why against known traditional order, she married and dissappeared for days without neither your consent or your family's.
She has since left your house after scalded her irresponsible behaviour which you absolutely have the power and right to do.
If they won't receive your delegation as culture demands
It's in your power and right to demand for the return of your dowry within a set time frame.
If they don't respond head for the customary court in that village jurisdiction.
If una slack on this matter your misery for many years has been planted.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

BuariCopyPaste:


YES to your first question.

There's an uncle who's the surrogate father.

To The last question, she didn't actually disappear because I knew she must be in there house but I wanted her to give a detailed explanation on the whole issue including what brought about the shoddy preparation on the wedding day.

BuariCopyPaste:



No sings really....We have actually lived for two years before officially getting married

greatnaija01:

CALL FOR A MEETING

STATE THE ISSUES AT HAND AND ENSURE YOUR SON'S WELL-BEING IS ALSO BROUGHT UP

DEMAND an APOLOGY/EXPLANATION FROM THE MOTHER N DAUGHTER respectively

FORGIVE THEM EVEN IF THEY DO NOT APOLOGIZE

GET A LAWYER AND START FILING FOR DIVORCE IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST BECAUSE MANY HIDDEN THINGS ARE EXISTING IN THESE ISSUES

TAKE YOUR SON WITH YOU AND DO NOT LOOK BACK, GOD IS ABLE TO PROVIDE SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU BOTH.


Bless you sir

Curvinus:
It is more the case that women of nowadays are in constant need of positive emotions. It is what makes them feel happy and wanted in 2017. The days of patriarchal domination where men dished out orders and ultimatums and watched the wives cower in submission is gradually being eroded by feminism and cultural renaissance.

More so, as parents continue to reinforce in their their children that they are special and deserve special treatments, society also validates them by placing them on a pedestal especially for their good looks and not necessarily hard work or achievements, which is responsible for the huge sense of entitlement we see among the young generation. They even get confused when you don't treat them nicely because they have been made to believe they deserve it as the barest minimum not something that should be earned through hard work or good conduct.

So you cannot now go against the norm and expect an unconditioned response. You cannot scream at your woman in anger and expect her to recoil at a corner in silence. That was in the past. It's all gone now. You have to manage and not try to boss her around. If she is young and hot enough, you must know there is someone out there waiting on the wings to take your rightful place as her husband should you decide to walk and there is no guarantee the next one will be after your heart.

The world we live in now entails that you must pander to her whims and work together as partners in progress even when it goes against your manliness. Except you want to go the way of MGTOW or you marry someone far below your class and hope that she would be willing to abdicate a measure of her strength. Na from experience I de talk o.

nnaeyes6:
The thing is that you joined yourselves together before God could join you people by having a son. I tell u the truth behind your staying together is ur son. And so both of you were leaving in compromise, selfish satisfaction and lust and these pushed u into marrying her.
Thus, her mother is the engineer of the breakdown of the marriage. Another thing I will have to ask is if u suspect ur wife of seeing another guy. Divorce is possible on that ground but if not, arrange a meeting with your Bible, study it with earnest prayers for the sale of your boy. And don't let the boy trouble, God has already solved his case so concentrate in urs.

Gfish:
First do a DNA and forget divorce. That child might belong to where you told her to return to

PaulKillerman:

Your problem is summed up in one word ANGER , bro , u are quick to it, you have to work on it before it completely consumes you;





On the other hand; if u wanna remain unmarried like us, (that see women as tools meant to be only forked ) please be my guest and take a front row...

luxy44:
Get yourself prepared for a controlling mother inlaw. I seriously pity you!
My friend is in this same mess since 2014 because of her daughter.

waywardpikin:
The first thing I can deduce from this story (if true) is that you married from a very wrong family. There are many families like this in obodo lagos, where there is an absence of a strong & rational male figure as the head of the home (yeah I know, he's late). Families like this have little or no regard for marriage, which explains the reason why the mum is solidly behind her. This explains why the arrangements for your traditional marriage were so shoddy. The money probably went into more important things like Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati. No be today something.

I have no advice for you; most likely you saw the signs but decided that 'true love conquers all.' Thus, I'd like to use your story as a good opportunity to advice people out there (men and women alike) to critically observe the family of the person you intend to marry before taking that crucial life-altering step. In most cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

BuariCopyPaste:


I beg to disagree with you... I love my wife and wanted to marry her from onset.
Infact I had already fixed a marriage date before I encountered a financial problem 2 years ago so I had to call it off.
As per infidelity, no no no .

toogbasky:



There are so many burdens you have to let go as a man,,,,, this is just d first test you got, and you are currently failing,, go to a quiet place, think, re think, and think again, take in fresh air into ur system for atleast 1 to 2 hours,,, think of all d wonderful moments you shared wit her...., dis wud allow u forgive her even without her apology(a simple psychological therapy), call her, do not involve her family, just call her and speak to her privately, remind her of all d good tyms u had wit her, apologise for getting angry, let her know you are only human, let her understand how much it hurts you DAT she wanna give u up just lyk that..., tell her to she shud realise wit you lies her family, and it takes togeda to build DAT family.., den finally tell her how much you care abt her. This wud dig into her conscience, she's surely gonna apologise after dis,,, forgive all my errors oooo

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

BuariCopyPaste:



No sings really....We have actually lived for two years before officially getting married

phillips1959:
Hey, take my advise KEEP COOL, DONT MAKE ANY MOVE,HOLD YOUR SIDE, let your wife and her family make the first move.Then you will know her mind.
You married her for the sake of your son and they know that. Now you must pretend you are not desperate to keep the boy.Let them expose their game plan then you decide what to do.If they come with trouble to take the boy,dont offer any resistance.It will shock them.
If you are desperate to keep a family just for the sake of your son,you will regret the marriage.Dont head for divorse.Remain separated till she starts to reason on her own without external influence.Just wait and see.She will surely seek you and when she does accept her back.But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE,dont initiate reconciliation no matter how long.Dont speak to third parties about it .Just keep cool.It will turn out good al last.Be positive.Good luck.

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.


Edited: And once she's back to your house sit her down and talk sense into her while being as diplomatic as possible- keeping your cool. Lay the rules and deal with her family with a long spoon. I believe your wife may not be a bad Person, only she was manipulated by her family.