;

Classic new wife fear...trust me it's expected but once you and your in-laws understand that both of you are coming from different backgrounds and having different experiences with different approaches to life, these fears will vanish.

Try and be accommodating as well, they may have the same or opposite fear as you.

First things first, we have to be so sure you're not the problem. I hate to sound like this, but I have to.
The way you listed out your qualities, I have a strong feeling you rub your Harvard status in their face. It might not be intentional, but you do it all the same. Check yourself well.

When you're with them, keep your sophistication aside. You know our culture appreciates humble wives? Humility dear!!
Whether real or pseudo-humility, sha tone down your pride.

I can never forget the smile on any MIL's face when I saw her doing akpu and I showed her an easier way. Told her it is my favourite swallow and we produced it for commercial purposes way back _so, I can do it with my eyes closed. She was bamboozled...
We spent the whole day gisting while making akpu for her group. I enjoyed our chat and since then, if we're not processing akpu, it's palm oil . Na that time she dey use teach me family planning and their plenty culture.

By Monday, I wore my heels and continued slaying _everybody is happy.

Okay,you just said you're sure you don't rub it in their face. If you're sure about that,I understand _it happens. Do they openly disrespect you or show their dislike?

What you need now is respect, everybody mustn't like you.
With time they might come around. Talk to your husband, this is where he comes in.

Just from your short opener, I detect some form of pride and superiority complex from you. How do you relate with them? Seems you expect them to kiss your ass and they're having none of it. An entire family just can't decide to gang up against you for no reason. Cut down on your pride and you'll see positive changes in their attitude towards you.

Tune down you are married.

They feel you may be proud and pompous. Simple. Let them see a humble , simple you... then they will be drawn to you.
Pride repels... Not saying you are proud o.
Then again, you shouldn't try to force their love. Some won't love you no matter what you do...let these ones be and maintain your self respect.

it is your type that would be shouting "Divorce his ass" here on Nairaland...

I guess you are getting scared now right??

if you like don't be loyal... they just gonna fling your "Slay" face outta the house!!

Nairaland is now the best place? Lol.
Lots of guys are immature.

ClassicQueen:
As a woman what do you do if almost all the women and wives in a family you married have beef for you simply because you are prettier, more educated, lucky, intelligent, younger and dress better? This is my dilemma

The problem could be in you. The fact that you consider yourself prettier, more educated, luckier, more intelligent, younger and have better dress sense than all the women in the family speak a volume about your personality.

unclezuma:
Classic new wife fear...trust me it's expected but once you and your in-laws understand that both of you are coming from different backgrounds and having different experiences with different approaches to life, these fears will vanish.

Try and be accommodating as well, they may have the same or opposite fear as you.

Thanks for this

To be sincere with you, you sounded like someone who is arrogant, thou I may guess wrong. If u want them to be nice to you. Try and be nice to them, let them feel great and important whenever u talk to them, becoming interest in them, not by trying to get them interested in you and the last but not the least, is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

PaperLace:
First things first, we have to be so sure you're not the problem. I hate to sound like this, but I have to.
The way you listed out your qualities, I have a strong feeling you rub your Harvard status in their face. It might not be intentional, but you do it all the same. Check yourself well.

When you're with them, keep your sophistication aside. You know our culture appreciates humble wives? Humility dear!!
Whether real or pseudo-humility, sha tone down your pride.

I can never forget the smile on any MIL's face when I saw her doing akpu and I showed her an easier way. Told her it is my favourite swallow and we even produced it for commercial purposes way back
We spent the whole day gisting while making akpu for her whole group . I enjoyed our chat and since then, if we're not processing akpu, it's palm oil Na that time she dey use teach me family planning and their plenty culture.

By Monday, I wore my heels and continued slaying _everybody is happy.

Thanks but honestly I can swear it that I don't rub it on their faces.

dominique:
Just from your short opener, I detect some form ad pride and superiority complex from you. How do you relate with them? Seems you expect them to kiss your ass and they're having none of it. An entire family just can decide to gang up against you for no reason. Cut down on your pride and you'll see positive changes in their attitude towards you.

Not an entire family but majority that have been influenced. I am not even proud I just wrote my qualities so ppl will understand my thread.

dandollaz:
Tune down you are married.

How? I should look unkempt cos I'm married?

Loisemm:
They feel you may be proud and pompous. Simple. Let them see a humble , simple you... then they will be drawn to you.
Pride repels... Not saying you are proud o.
Then again, you shouldn't try to force their love. Some won't love you no matter what you do...let these ones be and maintain your self respect.

True thanks.

ogunjyde2004:
To be sincere with you, you sounded like someone who is arrogant, thou I may guess wrong. If u want them to be nice to you. Try and be nice to them, let them feel great and important whenever u talk to them, becoming interest in them, not by trying to get them interested in you and the last but not the least, is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Hmnn

Is like your husband married you into a family house. That's the only explanation to this. You two should get a place outside, that way no one will be envied.

ClassicQueen:
Thanks but honestly I can swear it that I don't rub it on their faces.

Their definition of you rubbing it in their face could be as simple as speaking Queen's English (you can speak local languages if they do, or reduce grammar), it could be your iPhone, it could be the way you combine wears/colours effortlessly...it could be the way you select meals, it can even be the brows you drew with N100 davis eye pencil.

Watch well, or ask one among them that seems attracted to you. Your husband can also access you from a neutral POV.
The idea is to tone it down not look unkempt.

ClassicQueen:
How? I should look unkempt cos I'm married?

Maybe you are still behaving like single girl because ur hobby don't care.u need to dress properly when u r around people n respect ur hobby people to earn there respect too.u might hv or husband backing now but pray for any serious issue to arise in future because u will have non of the siblings to complain to.

ClassicQueen:
As a woman what do you do if almost all the women and wives in a family you married have beef for you simply because you are prettier, more educated, lucky, intelligent, younger and dress better? This is my dilemma

Even some of his brothers are not left out I am afraid they are beginning to have grudges and gossip about me what will happen when I start bringing in kids? Please experienced couples and women I really need your advice on how to deal with this. Thanks

Madam, there's absolutely nothing you can do because this problem will linger as long as you're prettier than them since you think that could be the problem. The only way out would have been to use razor blade to cut your face and make it look uglier, that way they will love you die because they'll know you're beneath them but i doubt you would consider that option.

Asit stands now, you have 3 options:

1. You either keep respecting them while they keep beefing you and eventually go physical at some point.

2. Or you show them that you won't take their disrespect lying low. ive dem double dose of whatever they give. But don't forget that this will make the situation worse but if you're equall to the task and can stand the test of time (till death do you path), then why not.

3. If you think this is a big issue and could get worse, the divorce route is your best bet.

Btw, what has your husband got to say about all this shebang?

Afam4eva:

3. If you think this is a big issue and could get worse, the divorce route is your best bet.

Btw, what has your husband got to say about all this shebang?

Divorce? Na you wan marry am put for house abi after she divorce.

OP you have to reduce yourself to their level when you are with them. Speak pidgin..laugh to their senseless jokes. Eat their smelling food. Wear their cheap ass clothes. Don't start acting like Queen Bey when you are with them.

When you are by yourself, you can continue slaying.

Also make sure you and your husband relocate where they can hardly visit you from time to time. Just to keep your sanity.

If you doubting why you should do all of this. Read the books of proverbs.you will know. To catch a monkey. You gaz behave like monkey.

kimbra:
Is like your husband married you into a family house. That's the only explanation to this. You two should get a place outside, that way no one will be envied.

Not at all it only happen whenever we are together for a family gathering, occassion and festive period.

PaperLace:

Their definition of you rubbing it in their face could be as simple as speaking Queen's English (you can speak local languages if they do, or reduce grammar), it could be your iPhone, it could be the way you combine wears/colours effortlessly...it could be the way you select meals, it can even be the brows you drew with N100 davis eye pencil.

Watch well, or ask one among them that seems attracted to you. Your husband can also access you from a neutral POV.
The idea is to tone it down not look unkempt.

Lol @100 naira Davis pencil. The only one that dosnt feel intimidated among them and is close to me is the one having issues with them. We are close and share problems 2geda @d saame time I don't have friends and enemies among them all I roll with all of tthem even when she try to gossip about them 2me, I pretend not to hear

PaperLace:

Their definition of you rubbing it in their face could be as simple as speaking Queen's English (you can speak local languages if they do, or reduce grammar), it could be your iPhone, it could be the way you combine wears/colours effortlessly...it could be the way you select meals, it can even be the brows you drew with N100 davis eye pencil.

Watch well, or ask one among them that seems attracted to you. Your husband can also access you from a neutral POV.
The idea is to tone it down not look unkempt.

Lol @100 naira Davis pencil. The only one that dosnt feel intimidated among them and is close to me is the one having issues with them. We are close and share problems 2geda @d saame time I don't have friends and enemies among them all I roll with all of tthem even when she try to gossip about them 2me, I pretend not to hear.

dandollaz:

Maybe you are still behaving like single girl because ur hobby don't care.u need to dress properly when u r around people n respect ur hobby people to earn there respect too.u might hv or husband backing now but pray for any serious issue to arise in future because u will have non of the siblings to complain to.

ok

Afam4eva:

Madam, there's absolutely nothing you can do because this problem will linger as long as you're prettier than them since you think that could be the problem. The only way out would have been to use razor blade to cut your face and make it look uglier, that way they will love you die because they'll know you're beneath them but i doubt you would consider that option.

Asit stands now, you have 3 options:

1. You either keep respecting them while they keep beefing you and eventually go physical at some point.

2. Or you show them that you won't take their disrespect lying low. ive dem double dose of whatever they give. But don't forget that this will make the situation worse but if you're equall to the task and can stand the test of time (till death do you path), then why not.

3. If you think this is a big issue and could get worse, the divorce route is your best bet.

Btw, what has your husband got to say about all this shebang?

Lol he knows he said I should just perform my necessary duties whenever I aam with them, respect them and myself, ignore the things not necessary and not aallow anything disturb me. He said I should just be happy dasall

BiafranBushBoy:
it is your type that would be shouting "Divorce his ass" here on Nairaland...

I guess you are getting scared now right??

if you like don't be loyal... they just gonna fling your "Slay" face outta the house!!

Lol

Easy jor

cruchenuti:


Divorce? Na you wan marry am put for house abi after she divorce.

OP you have to reduce yourself to their level when you are with them. Speak pidgin..laugh to their senseless jokes. Eat their smelling food. Wear their cheap ass clothes. Don't start acting like Queen Bey when you are with them.

When you are by yourself, you can continue slaying.

Also make sure you and your husband relocate where they can hardly visit you from time to time. Just to keep your sanity.

If you doubting why you should do all of this. Read the books of proverbs.you will know. To catch a monkey. You gaz behave like monkey.

Hmnn I even do more than all of this whenever I am with them my dear plenty ppl have issues in this life especially women.

PaperLace:
First things first, we have to be so sure you're not the problem. I hate to sound like this, but I have to.
The way you listed out your qualities, I have a strong feeling you rub your Harvard status in their face. It might not be intentional, but you do it all the same. Check yourself well.

When you're with them, keep your sophistication aside. You know our culture appreciates humble wives? Humility dear!!
Whether real or pseudo-humility, sha tone down your pride.

I can never forget the smile on any MIL's face when I saw her doing akpu and I showed her an easier way. Told her it is my favourite swallow and we produced it for commercial purposes way back _so, I can do it with my eyes closed. She was bamboozled...
We spent the whole day gisting while making akpu for her group. I enjoyed our chat and since then, if we're not processing akpu, it's palm oil . Na that time she dey use teach me family planning and their plenty culture.

By Monday, I wore my heels and continued slaying _everybody is happy.

They don't openly disrespect me but show their dislike sometimes say it behind my back and I hear it.

Go and enrol in a Public Relations course.


Your audience should define the way you talk, rapport, even the way you eat. Since you understand your in-laws, then try to relate with them in the right manner, the way they understand. Failure to do that indicates only one thing - pride. That you have Ph.D in Philosophy doesn't mean you can't teach a Nursery 1 pupil. Of what use is your Ph.D when you cannot teach the most elementary class?

Do you eat eba with fork when everyone in the family eats with bare hands? When the family picks aso-ebi, do you reject yours just because it is too cheap?

You may be privileged to have better education, but don't ever look down on anyone. Just understand their approach to life and come down a bit, and everyone is fine. Someone more "posh" than you are will someday also come down to your level.

It is not a competition at all... Its "live and let's live", there is no BEST HUMAN BEING anywhere; only equal human beings with different opportunities.

PaperLace:
First things first, we have to be so sure you're not the problem. I hate to sound like this, but I have to.
The way you listed out your qualities, I have a strong feeling you rub your Harvard status in their face. It might not be intentional, but you do it all the same. Check yourself well.

When you're with them, keep your sophistication aside. You know our culture appreciates humble wives? Humility dear!!
Whether real or pseudo-humility, sha tone down your pride.

I can never forget the smile on any MIL's face when I saw her doing akpu and I showed her an easier way. Told her it is my favourite swallow and we produced it for commercial purposes way back _so, I can do it with my eyes closed. She was bamboozled...
We spent the whole day gisting while making akpu for her group. I enjoyed our chat and since then, if we're not processing akpu, it's palm oil . Na that time she dey use teach me family planning and their plenty culture.

By Monday, I wore my heels and continued slaying _everybody is happy.

Akpu slayer!!

unclezuma:
Classic new wife fear...trust me it's expected but once you and your in-laws understand that both of you are coming from different backgrounds and having different experiences with different approaches to life, these fears will vanish.

Try and be accommodating as well, they may have the same or opposite fear as you.

why do I have this feeling that your arrogance is the reason for the fallout?