Behold, Chief Zebrudaya Okoroigwe Nwogbo - alias 4:30.

Josephamstrong1:
"The palm wine tapper does not reveal all he saw on the palm tree."
I'll start by telling you that "the breast and the chest cannot be enemies". This is someone you've dated, loved and you finally took her to alter. "A man who decides to swallow a whole coconut, has complete faith in his anus".
She is a good woman but exhibiting her opposite traits.
"there is no smoke without fire". Take her on a vacation far from the environment and renew your love... Talk! Be open and talk! "One should not seat at his home and develop hunchback." You're the man, don't let this ship sink... It's a stage and many are facing worse.
Don't mind her threatening to leave you. That's their normal old litany to get your attention, just know that "if one throws away an old basket, on the day of sacrificing to the gods it will be remembered"
Forget about what people are saying... It's your world owk? Cowboy the Bleep up and fix your home not minding people. "If you conspire behind a strong man, be rest assured that the issue must be re-visited"

My people hope I've spoken your minds?
A man's opinion isn't bad to him.

#Takes colanut and gulps my palmwine copiously.

VampireeM:

Is there any Issue?

Inappropriate answer......see ehnn...never mind

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

You are not a marriage material. if you are married, then your husband must be better than job in patience to last more than two years. Boys beware. If you attack this message, I will reduce the viability of your marriage(if you will get married at all) to one year only. If you don't have advice for the OP you keep quiet. Change your ways now OR...

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

Whoever marries you will be so unlucky.

LeanonGOD:
Behold, Chief Zebrudaya Okoroigwe Nwogbo - alias 4:30.

Hahahaha...
Happy I was able to put a smile on someone's face today.

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Bro I didn't want to bother anout ur post or read the long epistles cos i ws in a bad mood yest bt we neva know whos advice may help in such issues and ur topic seemed like a sincere need for help on d issue so i took my time to read and digest.

My advice: ur wife is a major problem and this has nothing to do with u don't hv money. I kmow women who love their husbands and do everything to help him get back on his feet or atleast let him be than causing trouble with neighbors with her unnecessary and unpleasant talkativeness. She also does not listen to her dads advice on d job. How can she leave her job wen she hasn't set up her biz or found another in the state/town u live in. Then now shes no more working and yet wont support u with house chores wen try to make ends meet. She needs proper talking to probably by elders she can actually listen to calmly (maybe her pastor/elders at church or family) if only she will listen tho cos hse seem to thinks she knows better wen she not helping d situation. Not listening to ur credible suggestions and fighting with ur mum is absurd. All this may be caused due to ur financial difficulties and bad planning on both ur parts bt ur wife is making it more difficult. I suggest she changes or goes to her dads place since ahe won't stay with ur mum until things are abit better for u. Bt she has to work on her attitude and sense of responsibility.

Man up, and grow up. Be a father to her, thats what she needs now; you cant fault her if you did not teach her.

Marriage is work, work it

MarieSucre:


I agree with you. There might be some behaviour issues fueling this but the bulk of the problem here is money. He said it himself that she was born with a silver spoon.

That silver spoon thing is also a culprit, I presume. I should take my time as I pray to marry a rich or potentially rich woman. Who no like the verse "It's God's blessing that maketh rich without hard labor"?

May God put u through, marriage is somthing else this days, crashing here and there.

cristianisraeli:


have u heard of something called PRIVACY

True, then keep your issues private

It also applies to you too

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

I slapped her...on reflex. My bad, I apologized and it never happened again and will never.
But I'll rather prefer grown ups or better still married folks to leave their advice or views here. Thank you.

Rtopzy:
Mehn, this ur wife matter na to take am go elders place o.

It will come as a huge embarrassment to her family I know, but she's yet to get the message. I'm bidding my time, because I'll still feel it too.

odeyinugbolahan:
so sorry bro! i know how you feels..

such woman might not turn a new leaf cos it seems devil has lock their sense and brain!

any woman who brags about leaving her home will suchly do in the long run cos as they say it! they follows it up wiv a devil plan. so be prepared. no reasonable woman will threaten her husband with divorce.

whatsapp me on 08038469681 and let reason man to man.

Op run from this man. Dont even contact him, he will advice u to chase ur wife away listen to other matured advice.

blackbeau1:
@ Op, you guys need counselling. But first, is she even willing to make the marriage work ?

I really do not know...I'm out of energy to keep pushing it.

Kobicove:
Be honest...these things didn't just manifest overnight, they have been there all along.

You just chose to ignore them cos she was dropping her salary and you were hoping she would change after marriage.

News flash!!!

People, especially adults who are already set in their ways don't change.

I'm afraid you'll either have to bear her the way she is or walk away from the marriage...it's your call!

You're on the opposite lane. The salary was even peanut and couldnt sustain for a month. My imput was highly needed to argument it. This was never about money.

majekdom2:
Those misgivings will come because you are not doing well. There is something I can point out from you post tho. You are being too critical. Dude, leave the woman's attitude and focus on yourself. If she can't walk as fast as you want, don't go with her. If she dey fight with people, wetin concern you? Just do your thing. That is women for you. @ least she isn't cheating. She knows why she resigned. She has supported you. You want her to go to another state and hustle.... come on man. Let her look for a job in that state. Besides, you may not know what she is facing there. I think you are not matured enough really. Just keep hustling brother. Finances are a very important aspect of marriage, you need to keep your head up. Focus more on yourself and leave her for now. Forget talking to families or pastors either for now.

Thanks. But you see, if you come back home to naggings and unnecessary issues and fights, believe me you can't be productive. I left the house one morning sad and angry due to her issues...I had an accident due to distorted mind while driving. It's really hard dealing with it all. How long will I have to ignore?

nefertitiram:
All these things you are going through are normal things in every marriage. There is nothing new under the sun. You both are immature , you need time to grow and understand each other. Seek marriage counselling. Your wife needs to guard her tongue, only someone she respects can advise her.

Also pray to God to bless your hustle. Na money cause all this bullsht. If you were a multimillionaire now, she won't talk to you anyhow.

No doubt. I told her I'll be a billionaire soon but the downpart is, she Might not be there to enjoy it, or even if she's there, she will not be at the pivot of it due to her attitude now. This is for sure.

CoCoLav:
OP, the only issue is your lack of finance. Women dont enjoy poverty, it takes the grace of God to meet a woman who will stay with you in penury and I think that was in the days of our mothers. These days, with social media, you are easily able to see where your mates are and you start comparing yourselves with them and wondering if you made a mistake. Make money and your wife will respect you again. Living from hand to mouth is making her lose the love she once had for you. Nothing kills love in marriage faster than poverty.

Thanks. Things are getting better.

Philpham:
Men will always have a way to paint their wives bad and look like saints when they are actually the ones maltreating women and cheating.
OP must be the cause of the wife's problem and the cause of his broken home. He should stop crying like a menstruating woman on NL and go and solve his problems. Nonsense.

Do you have a question?

This is unfair. Someone came seeking advise and all you can say is abuse. If he had a solution, he won't seek a public advise. Remember no one is perfect. You may find yourself in similar position.

If you can't assist. Y not just be silent

MadCow1:


I have questions.. Please bear with me.

1. How long did you two court.

2. What attracted you to her and what virtue did you see in her that made you believe you could spend the rest of your life with her.

3. When you married her without a clear means of income, what was your plan to provide for the family? Did you two discuss this fact and what was your agreement?

4. What are the things she complains the most about.. Think hard.

5. Does your wife still have a job or is she fired?

6. If you are planning on sending her away, what about your child? What are your plans for the child?

7. How much involvement does either of your families have in your marriage? Do you guys go report each other often to your folks when there is an issue?

1) A year and 3 months.

2) She's a very compassionate person and isn't materilistic and also biz oriented (She has always complained of not liking her job to me. So one day I took a calculator and divided her salary by the number of working days and she realised shes not making up to 5k a day. Her morale for the job dropped ever since as she believes she can make much more as profit it her proposed line of biz).

3) we agreed that we'll live on hers pending when I get a stable source of income to add to hers. Currently I have a car I even put of for drop and its still fetching some cash daily for the family. I still do my pest control biz although this comes every other week.

4) Domestic chores, Our attending my family church (I've tried to change and she still complained. Also asked her to start attending hers no way), And some other petty things. They are alsways petty.

5) She still have a job. She gets her pension alerts and other deductions monthly.

6) That I'll not contest. If she wants custody, no problem if not I'll be glad to take custody. I've been living up to my responsibilities concerning the child...hospital bills, baby food and other needful so it'll not make any difference.

7) No. We neither do that.

Toks2008:


Bro honestly no marriage is perfect so work on yours....it's your cross...carry it.

Yea, and I'm doing so already only need moral support. Even Jesus got some help with the cross. cheers.

adewumiopeyemi:
It will be better to take her back to her family to sting a warning to her wether she may change....divorce is not the best option think twice bro.. God bless ur union...

Thank you. I'll keep this in mind too.

Ezekielezekiel:
Firstly , apart from going to Church ...Do u two ever pray as a Family? Do you still do those things that made her fall in love with you ? Do you make her feel that your Mum comes first before her ? Do you think she is being too selfish or she is just lazy and won't change as you have said ? Do you think you are sincerely making sure your marriage works? Do you know that divorce is serious business especially when there are children or a child involved ? Are u sure you are not too temperamental and she is also trying to have a voice? Do you think she feels cheated and only wants to get solace from Family,Friends and neighbours ? Don't you think 3rd party intervention (Family and friends ) could be a reason for your troubles ? Do you think there is nothing you can do at all to save your home ? Your wife ? Your Son and yourself ...... Answer this questions sincerely ....make out time to see the positive side of your wife ...show her love even when she shows you hate , tell her sweet tins when she expects nagging and encourage her/assist her to start a business or something to assist d house...don't tik marring anoder wife is d best solution ..no one is ever free from vices ...change your mindset ...and after all this if you are still sure you married d devil ...divorce her

Thank you for the first point.
Unfortunately, I stopped morning devotion since late last year or so. Before then, our morning devotions have stopped been regular. If we have the least disagreement the previous night, no matter how small, my wife will not join me to pray the next morning and she will openly tell me she will not joing me. Thisbis someone who will even wake me up for morning devotion when we were courting and also the first year after marriage.

About the other points, becauee I have to go and hustle I sometimes get back late and will buy things for dinner. if we were having some issues she'll not even welcome me but glue her eyes onbthe tv, and I'll go in straight to the kitchen and make soup or whatever it is and serve the food and she will jump out and eat and I'll keep quiet. Sometimes she'll be in the bedroom and I'll do same and she will later come out and eat.
How many men can do that on a rotational basis?

delpee:
@Op
Please talk to an elderly couple that your wife respects and who can handle your issue in confidence. Let her tell her dad why she quit her job so he won't blame you.
She's probably immature and a pampered child. If you love her and you're sure she loves you, be patient to nurture her to become a full grown woman. She's still behaving like a young girl going by what you wrote but can change for the better if you manage the situation well.

I once read about how Tara and Fela Durotoye were about to fall apart. They made amends and are still rock solid today. These appear like teething problems. You'll get by if you're determined. Don't start thinking of bailing out so soon cos it doesn't look like an unbearable or unamendable situation.

May God guide you and grant you wisdom,favors (job) and blessings.

God bless you

Bluestreams:


Thank you. I'll keep this in mind too.

I don't like advising people about marriage cos every marriage is unique. You talk way too much for my liking. You think marriage is a day's job? A lady you never lived with was joined to you and both of you are living together, there must be flaws my brother. Check very well, you must have done something to make her behave like this. I'm talking from 10yrs experience..

HIPROFILE:
Aside marrying a good woman...A man should have a source of substantive income before getting married because without money and when the time comes the miss irreplaceable you used to know who respects and loves you so much will turn into a beast.

Very true. People also loose their jobs after marriage and exhaust the reserve. Substantial income doesn't guarantee a good home anyway.

Nma27:
Didn't he notice she was lazy when they were dating? Seems marriage clears d blindness that comes with Love.. Lolz

I never said she is "Lazy". I said "Slow". They are two different words.

cristianisraeli:


my advise to you...give it one more year and try to fix things and if after 1year and the whole thing is not working out..please leave and get married to someone else..trust me theres always someone else that is better than her and u will remember this post when the time comes..u guys might not be meant for each other and am sure she will find someone else as well.do not allow the kid u guys have together tie u down.its one life and do not need to live that life in sorrow or pain.again give it 1 more year and decide.thats all...

Thank you.

Sorry you married a bad woman.
Call her and ask her if she is tired of the union and wants to leave. If she says yes, please let her leave immediately.
If she says no, tell her she is making you unhappy and list out in clear terms what and what you want from her.

crisycent:
Your wife sees you as a weak man! Woman go open mouth tell me shut up? She no like her face be that.

Mayweather or Paccio does theirs for money which is the best. Mine was just a spontaneous reflex which I regretted hugely.

hedonistic:


Na wa o. Why this heavy emphasis on money. It's the reason why relationships and marriages in this part of the world are a huge joke, rooted in deception, materialism, and artificiality.

So, assuming I have "financial stability" today, in the sense that I have a good job, and get married. What if I lose that job a year later and can't get another one soon enough? Does that mean that my marriage is doomed? Or that I was stupid for getting married without being assured of a lifetime of bottomless money?

A point serious minded adults needs to consider intoto.