Hello nairaland
My name is zia( not real name). I got married to this pretty damsel in 2013, though we didn't date for long, we met October 2012 and got married March 2013. It was fast and we were both going. I was 26 and she was 25 but the love was great, the feelings was right and she got a good job and for me am very OK, then I use to make automobile supplies to companies and the returns are all good, I didn't bother about getting and 9-5 job cos there was more than enough money to take care of the family. Shortly after the wedding I discovered that she is the type that takes orders from her mom and I usually feel relegated but I didn't mind and went ahead with my normal business ( did I mention her mom was on and off in our home?) . We managed to pull thru for the first six months but on several occasions we have heated argument and then I'm a bit childish in some of those issues I pick on( that's was the immature side of me) after she put to bed my son fell ill and with God's miracle he healed well but my business stalled ,couldn't cope I reach out to my dad to help out, within weeks I got a job with one of the government parastatal in the aviation industry and we were got, I noticed during the time I didn't have a job and business stall I was relegated that being knocked the house seem like hell cos her mom was living with us in the house I paid for with us. In December 2013 we all decided to travel home for my family to see my son, to my utmost surprise when we went to drop her off at her home she insist that I go home first and her daughter will come over in the evening, I didn't suspect anything until I didn't see her that evening and the main issue started. Never knew she has agreed with her to dissolve the marriage that I can't be controlled and I'm rude to her just cos I don't take shut, OK fast forward to a week later I didn't contact my wife and my family decide to keep mute and watch them. We played that game for another week until they sent an uncle of her to our home and that's when we all started talking. My dad told me instantly that my marriage won't last another six months that with this kind of in-laws and that I better take the long walk now or be surprised at what's gonna happen next. After much begging and family talk we agreed to go back to Lagos together. On the day we are suppose to leave which is a day before my office resumption she said I should go ahead that she wants the baby to relax a bit before the journey back to Lagos. I left and she came a month after. When she came back we were good but the memories of everything her mom said keep coming back alive in my head that I can't just let go but to discuss with her on how her mom get to know everything about us. We talked and we were good. Until her mom return in February to our home again and the issues started over again. That week. I had a misunderstanding with her mom on how they taking care of my son which I feel is not right but my wife got to upset and violent that she hits me first, she slapped me right in the living room I was stunned and my eyes saw �. I couldn't take it. I'm not proud of my action but damn that slap deserve a return and I did my bit and let her go. The following morning she and her mom move out to her cousin place at Ikeja and they start dissolution of the marriage. Unknown to them my wife was pregnant again and a month later she discovered that she is 3months gone already. She couldn't bear the thought of having a baby outside her matrimonial home cos she is the very religious type. At least that's what she portrays. On her own she moved back in and I didn't react and her mom left Lagos to her hometown. We were good again until one more information she told me her mom is on her way to Lagos and am like again? Well it's OK. To my surprise she came with two other girls. An aunt to my wife that just left had a child outside wedlock, and another 20years old lady whom o don't know, and we leave in a two bedroom apartment with a house girl she brought earlier when we just got married. I didn't say a word, I welcome them all cos I don't want to hear zia has started again, as far as I got my room with my wife and my privacy guess I'm good cos I know it's not gonna last forever. Well to cut the long story short one faithful evening I came back and met the two girls are gone and the mom too. They didn't say a word. I was so happy that I took everyone out for dinner that day. Next I hear is that she and my mom met at a party and they exchanged words. And that's the end the daughter stop talking to my mom and we'll disrespect my dad on the phone which result to another misunderstanding. The following day I left for work and we didn't talk and when I came back she was gone. Swept everything know the house and before I know what was going on, a court summons was delivered to my dads residence. Damn OK no problem that ask me what I want to do I'm like you said it before but we can last. So the marriage was dissolved in August 2014, did I mention that in May after she moved out and left home, I was called up by a doctor at isolo general hospital that she was admitted. I rushed there to find her know pull of her own blood. She said she had a miscarriage and then was rushed there and evacuation was done on her to save her life. I stayed there with her till morning alone without anyone. That was supposed to be out second son. After everything the divorce was done and I swiftly moved on. Since then I have to fly to Abuja to see my son who will turn 4 next month. Now the problem is she was recently transferred from Abuja to Ibadan and she doesn't have a choice than to resume there cos other option has been explored to make her remain know Abuja but it was futile. Now she wants to drop my son with her mom in the village until she finds a suitable accommodation and relocate but am like instead of that why don't I take my son to Lagos with me cos am on holiday for few weeks and you told me within three weeks you will be settled in Ibadan. So lemme take him and when you settled I will bring him or you come pick him at least I will have the chance to spend alot of time with him and try bonding as men. She insisted that she will never allow that. I have asked her nicely but she refused that her mom will better take of him and I'm like I pay all his bills and more and nobody but me and you had this boy and only me will decide where he stays.i forgot to mention that lately we are trying to come back but the mom has so far frustrate all efforts.

Please I need a sincere advise and options please. Bashing is allowed but please take it easy as no-one is a perfect being. I made my mistakes and I have learnt from them. Just need to have access to my son anyhow I like. Thanks all

You made a huge mistake marrying into that family. Getting back with her is only a death wish. Your wife will forever be tied to her mom's apron strings.

As for your son, put your foot down. You've been taking responsibilities for the child and you're the father. Don't be swayed by emotions, insist on taking your son and if possible, take permanent custody.

Your MiL never liked you and doesn't seem like she will. From all you said, she seems like someone on a mission to make your life miserable. Using your son as a tool will be her utmost aim. Resist it!

So sad to hear all this, I think u should employ the service of a lawyer who will be in right position to advice on what action to take man.

Kaiiii..... People dey see things for this life sha....

Let her take ur son.... Ur major priority now should be how to get ur sanity back.... And u need to be successful in life cos that's the only thing that will make Ur son look for u in future regardless of all the hate and vile your wife and her family have imbibed in him..... Become a governor, president, oil magnet or wealthy and your child will definitely look for u himself.


You dug ur pit man... Enjoy the supposed warmth and coldness of your pit..... Imagine going to stay with her in the hospital.... Or even allowing her mom into ur house repeatedly after all she has done.....u r a wuss iiiiidioot...... Get lost jare.

You met her October 2012.
You got married March 2013.
Your son will be 4yrs, September 2017.

What you didn't tell us is that, your marriage was a pregnancy induced marriage.

This is why I say, after orgasm comes reality. When you allow prick select wife for you...there'll be consequences.

I have no advice for you, I only have an advice for other young men and ladies out there. Youths these days are not very sincere, take your time to understand who you are getting married to, and the family he or she is from.

Her mom never enjoyed her marriage in her home. It is a chain, your supposed wife will transfer the effects to her daughter/son and the chain will continue... don't be deceived, no amount of love can ever solve this problem.


If you must remarry, don't ever marry into a complicatedly complex family.. If you must marry a lady from a battered home, with an unhappily married and frustrated mother, better to watch your back and get ready to bear the sh!ts. On her priority list, the mother will always come TOP. Blood, motherhood manipulations
and emotional blackmails (especially from single mothers) are thicker than s p e r m cells... Only a few ladies out there can rise up against those sh!ts.



Btw did you say you're considering coming together again? Only a cursed soul would do that knowing fully well that her mother is still active and alive. Do not try it.

@Notttty

MISTAKE #1
you met someone in october 2012 and married her 4 months later?! you barely knew anything about this stranger, thus whatever you got from her is a direct consequence of this GRAVE initial mistake... and true enough, only after marriage you discovered that she takes orders from her mom, and your words are worthless. BLAME YOURSELF!!!

MISTAKE #2
letting her mom stay with you (in YOUR house that you paid for) knowing fully well that your wifey take orders from her... what kind of foolery is this. you should have kept her mum as far as you possibly could from your union. BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #3
knowing the above you decided to have a child with this gal, instead of FIRST making sure that YOUR WORDS matter to your wife, before those of her mum. BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #4
when your wife left your home, thats when you should have accepted defeat and listen to your dad, and drop that mummy's girl that has no respect for her husband words. BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #5
letting her mum come back to live with you and poison your home again... didnt you learn anything at all?! were you this clueless that you didnt understand that the mum was the ONLY problem here?! BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #6
you did good by returning the slap, any woman deserves anything she gives...if she had no respect for you then let her get the same back, BUT thats when you should have understood that this was the last straw, and be done with this violent confused woman! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #7
she moved back in (after leaving your home again) NOT because she wanted to be with you but because she didnt want to have a baby out of wedlock. couldnt you understand that YOU were irrelevant to this move?! couldnt you put rules and regulations in place before she moved back?! couldnt you put your foot down like any man in his own home should/would?! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #8
you let this ungrateful woman move back in with two other strangers?!? why not pull your pants down and let them d1ldo fukc you in the aass while you are at it?! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #9
you are trying to play fair with this demon who has been using and abusing your good side for too long. this child is as good as yours than hers, so if she cant take care of the child then YOU are the fittest person to do so, NOT her mother. if she ever leaves the child in the village, go there and pick him up, THATS YOUR DAMN CHILD! her mum is a demon, and trying to play fair with the demon is a waste of time!

FINAL MISTAKE
you trying to get back with this useless woman, is no better than eating your own spit back, ARRANT NONSENSE!!!
here is a simple question: tell us all what is good about this useless woman and her mother (oh yeah, mother is part of the package) that you would want to even try to get back with her?!

Find someone else to marry. Listen to your father. Just get a lawyer to fight for custody of your son. Don't go back to that woman.

Get a lawyer. Simple

What were the custody arrangements in place for your child after your divorce?

Anyway, best get the law involved. I wouldn't advice going back to the union. There's no point.

Well I believed when she went for dissolution of the said marriage she demand for the custody of your child and even aborted one and you keep quiet because you want to move on. Hear me bro. That is when you would have fight her but you did not. So let her be is late to fight with a lawer now move on with your life. And pray they will them self bring back you child to you. For her trying to come back means that is in trouble but due to her pride she dose not no how to apologize so let her go brother. You can read my post all due people comments say I'm the victim not my friend but all the same what matters most is happiness. God is in control Let her GO please.

The person you married wasn't ready for marriage in the first place. The marriage lasted for a year and five months. You only dated for 5months and that was such a short time to study her. Lol, love is never enough to go on the journey of marriage with anyone.

You've already made your mistakes but hope you learnt from it 'cause this person isn't worth trying to work things over with so I'd advice you don't contemplate taking her back. What kind of a woman let's her mum decide and run her home for her, was that how her grandma ran her mum's marriage?.

You took too much poo from her and her family, and her mum saw that as a weakness. Men don't say 'Yes' to everything their wives and in-laws bring. You let them know you also have a say, that family is the worst anyone could be married into. Get a lawyer involved to fight for the child's custody. She can't send your boy to the village to be with her mum 'cause that woman has the tendencies to turn your son against you, and the village isn't the best place to groom a child.

Marriage and its wahala!

If you Only want custody for the period while she's settling down in Ibadan. Is it really worth it?

I feel you should just begin to work out more structured periods for you to spend time with the child using a lawyer!

Sometimes too it's best to allow people make thier decisions and enjoy the consequences of thier foolishness! Let your Mrs send the boy to the village! Na she and her mama sabi!!!

You ensure you do right by the boy and posterity will judge you! Your child will eventually find out most of the details of the divorce and each parent's role etc etc

As for restoring the relationship, you are certainly on your own! Just ensure the benefits of going back outweigh the benefits of starting your marital life with someone new!!!!

Guy, you are on a long thing.


Firstly, remove your mind from the lady unless you will like your home to be controlled by her mom.


Secondly, get a good lawyer, fight for custody.

I wanted to write kill the mother but thats bad....right?...right?.

She is the bad influence and 80% architect of your problem....the rest is shared equally with your ex-wife.

I did not know I have the patient to finish this write ups because it's way too annoying to read.... U got a feeling She will come back to you... but if she doesn't, your kid will when he starts asking questions...

This your mother inlaw is like a character in a movie..Jizzz!!!!

MrBrownJay1:
@Notttty

MISTAKE #1
you met someone in october 2012 and married her 4 months later?! you barely knew anything about this stranger, thus whatever you got from her is a direct consequence of this GRAVE initial mistake... and true enough, only after marriage you discovered that she takes orders from her mom, and your words are worthless. BLAME YOURSELF!!!

MISTAKE #2
letting her mom stay with you (in YOUR house that you paid for) knowing fully well that your wifey take orders from her... what kind of foolery is this. you should have kept her mum as far as you possibly could from your union. BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #3
knowing the above you decided to have a child with this gal, instead of FIRST making sure that YOUR WORDS matter to your wife, before those of her mum. BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #4
when your wife left your home, thats when you should have accepted defeat and listen to your dad, and drop that mummy's girl that has no respect for her husband words. BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #5
letting her mum come back to live with you and poison your home again... didnt you learn anything at all?! were you this clueless that you didnt understand that the mum was the ONLY problem here?! BLAME YOURSELF!!

MISTAKE #6
you did good by returning the slap, any woman deserves anything she gives...if she had no respect for you then let her get the same back, BUT thats when you should have understood that this was the last straw, and be done with this violent confused woman! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #7
she moved back in (after leaving your home again) NOT because she wanted to be with you but because she didnt want to have a baby out of wedlock. couldnt you understand that YOU were irrelevant to this move?! couldnt you put rules and regulations in place before she moved back?! couldnt you put your foot down like any man in his own home should/would?! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #8
you let this ungrateful woman move back in with two other strangers?!? why not pull your pants down and let them d1ldo fukc you in the aass while you are at it?! BLAME YOURSELF!

MISTAKE #9
you are trying to play fair with this demon who has been using and abusing your good side for too long. this child is as good as yours than hers, so if she cant take care of the child then YOU are the fittest person to do so, NOT her mother. if she ever leaves the child in the village, go there and pick him up, THATS YOUR DAMN CHILD! her mum is a demon, and trying to play fair with the demon is a waste of time!

FINAL MISTAKE
you trying to get back with this useless woman, is no better than eating your own spit back, ARRANT NONSENSE!!!
here is a simple question: tell us all what is good about this useless woman and her mother (oh yeah, mother is part of the package) that you would want to even try to get back with her?!

Thanks alot for the Frank response. I appreciate your honesty. I think I'm gonna have to do as u say cos I can't see any option aside that. Thanks mate

notttty:

Thanks alot for the Frank response. I appreciate your honesty. I think I'm gonna have to do as u say cos I can't see any option aside that. Thanks mate

bro, pls answer the question (so we can at ;east understand you): what is good about this useless woman and her mother (oh yeah, mother is part of the package) that you would want to even try to get back with her?!

Truth is the feelings has always be one sided. I knew very late and till now am just trying to understand her which still seem complex. Yes getting back together is a no no. I was thinking about my son and that's why I opt for a peaceful resolution at first. Not that am stupid or foolish but my son was the reason I wanted her back. I was trying and thinking that maybe I can salvage the marriage. Thanks all. I appreciate

Well, when mismatch like this happen, na law dey settle am. You too go the legal route. The court will gladly tilt to your side now so long as you can prove capability.

It is well.

MrBrownJay1:


bro, pls answer the question (so we can at ;east understand you): what is good about this useless woman and her mother (oh yeah, mother is part of the package) that you would want to even try to get back with her?!

Maybe you should take it easy while flexing your fingers on the keyboard sir..that woman u called useless is the mother of his kid..A little respect is required no matter how inappropriate she may have behaved

notttty:
Truth is the feelings has always be one sided. I knew very late and till now am just trying to understand her which still seem complex. Yes getting back together is a no no. I was thinking about my son and that's why I opt for a peaceful resolution at first. Not that am stupid or foolish but my son was the reason I wanted her back. I was trying and thinking that maybe I can salvage the marriage. Thanks all. I appreciate

Guy move on brother is late to fight. If you are a strong man take people from your village and bring your son back from that good for nothing woman. After the rigger then you can play the blues. Tradition na man get pi-kin ooh. Lawyers go chop your money leave them. Hear is naija but be strong make investigation brother you will fine out that she is finding mines to be in contact with you after her mistake. Guy grow up. Bleep that prostitute that abort your child you get time. Where are from safe.

Get a lawyer, she is unable to provide suitable and a stable environment for the child at this point

I can't even believe what I just read.
Dude move on please. Let her marry her mother. Useless group of people.
Get a lawyer and demand shared custody!

He is your son no doubt.. But presently you have so much on your mind.
Do not fight yet, just register a case in the court but don't pursue closely cos if you have full custody of the child there is very little you can do with him
Take your time to gain your sanity and get yourself on course

pocohantas:
You met her October 2012.
You got married March 2013.
Your son will be 4yrs, September 2017.

What you didn't tell us is that, your marriage was a pregnancy induced marriage.

This is why I say, after orgasm comes reality. When you allow prick select wife for you...there'll be consequences.

I have no advice for you, I only have an advice for other young men and ladies out there. Youths these days are not very sincere, take your time to understand who you are getting married to, and the family he or she is from.

Do you know I actually enjoy your comments, walahi I gbadu them.

Buh why do we have terrible in-laws...

obiksam:

Guy move on brother is late to fight. If you are a strong man take people from your village and bring your son back from that good for nothing woman. After the rigger then you can play the blues. Tradition na man get pi-kin ooh. Lawyers go chop your money leave them. Hear is naija but be strong make investigation brother you will fine out that she is finding mines to be in contact with you after her mistake. Guy grow up. Bleep that prostitute that abort your child you get time. Where are from safe.

Smiles. Am from kaduna and she is kogi.

notttty:

Smiles. Am from kaduna and she is kogi.

I understand why our parents over here in the North always insist we marry from within our state. We have a common culture and tradition that can help to resolve issues easily.
By the way, kai dan wani gari ne a southern Kaduna?

Some mothers envy their daughters and wish dem ill-luck in their marriages. That's what some people don't know.

TiffanyJ:

I understand why our parents over here in the North always insist we marry from within our state. We have a common culture and tradition that can help to resolve issues easily.
By the way, kai dan wani gari ne a southern Kaduna?

A'a. Na zauna a lagos, duk rayuwata a lagos. Na rantse da yin aure daga kabilar na zai kasance mafi kyau amma ina son ba da latti ba tsammani.

TiffanyJ:

I understand why our parents over here in the North always insist we marry from within our state. We have a common culture and tradition that can help to resolve issues easily.
By the way, kai dan wani gari ne a southern Kaduna?

Don haka kai ne tiffany rubuta waɗannan labarun? Na ji dadin haduwa da ku. Wane bangare na kaduna ko ku ne daga kaduna?