supersystemsnig:



Then it means the same thing i'm saying...My highest consideration in a partner is " intelligence ", finding that match that equals one's performance that can take up roles in absence and act as a striker is challenging...Too many people are stuck on less than average...I can virtually count the number of ladies in my life that matches my performance/cognitive level...I feel many guys have this same frustration..


Anyways, many guys will like ladies they can trust down the line to play more active roles, hence the term " leadership " is faded and becomes replaced with partnership...


What are your thoughts on this?

It's not their decision to make. If you want to lead, find someone who wants to be led.

If you want a partner to work with you, find someone whom together you empower yourselves.

shaybebaby:

Look for shared values. Remember what we discussed about motivations?

Don't look at the surface, ask why they do what they do, why they may be average or mediocre if that is the case.

It could be lack of opportunity not necessarily lack of capacity.

Mediocrity is a norm with too many Nigerians... Trust me i've been around...

Shared values and principles is a good foundation...

What belies Motivation is the problem. People lean on their canes, upbringing and trust it so absolutely, they don't see the need to make adjustments to accommodate the other individual...


Anyways, not to derail the thread, leadership fades away when both parties sync perfectly and is replaced by partnership...I feel many guys don't even like the alpha role thingey, and would prefer a partnership so the atmosphere isn't tense and with the lightness, focus can be channeled to increasing output and performance of the unit...

Cool right?

A man is the head, and a woman the neck. Most of the women I know that are the head of their family, didn't choose to be the head -- challenges, life issues-- are the reasons why they are the head. Women, most times, needs the reassuring presence of a man. I've heard several women -- most of which are the Heads of their family, business etc, saying they've always wanted man to take the reigns.

pocohantas:


We need men that can argue logically, not men whose only resort is calling you a feminist when they have nothing else to say. Anyone whose defence is what some holy book says, if far from having a logical mentality.

Okay Ma... I Almost Gave A Fvck

shaybebaby:

It's not their decision to make. If you want to lead, find someone who wants to be led.

If you want a partner to work with you, find someone whom together you empower yourselves.

TRUE !


WORD !

supersystemsnig:



Mediocrity is a norm with too many Nigerians... Trust me i've been around...

Shared values and principles is a good foundation...

What belies Motivation is the problem. People lean on their canes, upbringing and trust it so absolutely, they don't see the need to make adjustments to accommodate the other individual...


Anyways, not to derail the thread, leadership fades away when both parties sync perfectly and is replaced by partnership...I feel many guys don't even like the alpha role thingey, and would prefer a partnership so the atmosphere isn't tense and with the lightness, focus can be channeled to increasing output and performance of the unit...

Cool right?

My thoughts exactly.

Isaacmacdon:
My thoughts exactly.

Too many mediocre females......Speaking to many you find out, they can't think for themselves...Goosh, nothing irritates like mediocrity and simpletons playing poosh

Blackhawk01:
Lol. Women rule. She only needs to know her onions and she indirectly calls the shot.

So You Said Something This Reasonable and You Still Come De Argue. This Girl!

2buffagain:


You're going off point again.
This is because you just want to argue.

I know my strengths and my weaknesses.
There are things I won't even have any input on because my woman would be better at it than me. She has free reign.
For some reason when someone says "leadership" or "submission" you lot just think "So I have to ask his permission to pee ni?"

That's your screwed up mind, not ours.
I am not a Donald Trump. Most men are not. I can submit to my wife's leading or opinion on a subject she is more skilled at or if she gives valid logic on a matter. No wise king just makes decisions without taking things into account. And no wise king prevents/blocks his queen from having her own "queendom".

But if there ever was a disagreement, the wife in the woman will cede. And probably handle things a little differently than yelling/assaulting/beating chest at the man. No queen acts that way to her king unless she is TRASH!

Submission will come natural to any woman when she meets the man for her.

Not going off point, you brought in the VP, president, Co analogy and I'm showing you that even in those types of units, your idea of that hierarchical structure of boss, minion/s is becoming outmoded.

All these talk of kingdom and Queendom, nothing but talks of persons who have no real impact in the wider world hence seeking recognition and validation in the narrowest sense possible.

Don't you get it, you have no authority over another human being so all that chat about ceding is pure merdé.

Any man that demands ceding is a bully and pond scum.

shaybebaby:

Not going off point, you brought in the VP, president, Co analogy and I'm showing you that even in those types of units, your idea of that hierarchical structure of boss, minion/s is becoming outmoded.

All these talk of kingdom and Queendom, nothing but talks of persons who have no real impact in the wider world hence seeking recognition and validation in the narrowest sense possible.

Don't you get it, you have no authority over another human being so all that chat about ceding is pure merdé.

Any man that demands ceding is a bully and pond scum.

Hahahahaha they'll fight you on this one...Don't make them come for you



Don't you get it, you have no authority over another human being so all that chat about ceding is pure merdé.

Any man that demands ceding is a bully and pond scum.

supersystemsnig:



Mediocrity is a norm with too many Nigerians... Trust me i've been around...

Shared values and principles is a good foundation...

What belies Motivation is the problem. People lean on their canes, upbringing and trust it so absolutely, they don't see the need to make adjustments to accommodate the other individual...


Anyways, not to derail the thread, leadership fades away when both parties sync perfectly and is replaced by partnership...I feel many guys don't even like the alpha role thingey, and would prefer a partnership so the atmosphere isn't tense and with the lightness, focus can be channeled to increasing output and performance of the unit...

Cool right?

Yup.

shaybebaby:

Yup.

Well if you find female ladies that fits the frame, plz do the needful. You know what to do ma...

Tired of unintelligent slowpokes, they induce constipation...We need thinking intelligent ladies

supersystemsnig:



Hahahahaha they'll fight you on this one...Don't make them come for you



Don't you get it, you have no authority over another human being so all that chat about ceding is pure merdé.

Any man that demands ceding is a bully and pond scum.

But it's true. Why should I or indeed any woman have to cede?
I will concede any point of shown superior argument, but anything less than that? Pffft! It means you do not have one so no ceding.

shaybebaby:

Not going off point, you brought in the VP, president, Co analogy and I'm showing you that even in those types of units, your idea of that hierarchical structure of boss, minion/s is becoming outmoded.

All these talk of kingdom and Queendom, nothing but talks of persons who have no real impact in the wider world hence seeking recognition and validation in the narrowest sense possible.

Don't you get it, you have no authority over another human being so all that chat about ceding is pure merdé.

Any man that demands ceding is a bully and pond scum.

Cool.
When/if you get married go and be doing things your hubby doesn't agree with.
That's your life, not mine

supersystemsnig:



Well if you find female ladies that fits the frame, plz do the needful. You know what to do ma...

Tired of unintelligent slowpokes, they induce constipation...We need thinking intelligent ladies

I have your back bro.

2buffagain:


Cool.
When/if you get married go and be doing things your hubby doesn't agree with.
That's your life, not mine

Glad we've got to this point. What your partner chooses to accept isn't universal to all womenfolk just like what you demand isn't to your gender.
All very individual with situations reflecting personal preferences.

shaybebaby:
I have your back bro.

Eh eh,as I just returned from work,let me now relax and observe this post..
But b4 then what do u think,Women or Men

shaybebaby:

But it's true. Why should I or indeed any woman have to cede?
I will concede any point of shown superior argument, but anything less than that? Pffft! It means you do not have one so no ceding.

We're both cool, but i have to disagree with you on this... If there's trust...If the trust is mutual, you can agree with me all of this aint an issue...Even into marriage, self preservance and actions that hinges on selfishness continues... I feel women need to be soft on the pedal and not see issues as an opportunity to give up self on every move, hence necessitating a counter move...


I feel you're on a defensive stance my dear, what's more...You've got your feet hard on the pedals...If there's love, trust, mutual interests, nothing can be impossible...


But does this kind of love still exist?

I've seen men who gave up on their wives, in conditions where they could be okay, so they'll die and get fresh blood....

I've seen similar scenarios, where women wished hubby death or financial ill, so they can be the upright arm in a marriage


It all rests upon selfish interests


It's not about superior argument, common sense suffice... I've learnt alot about females from this forum... The mental posture most times suggests a war, so to resolve on a soft stance is a problem...Not everything is a fight to suppress the woman in a relationship

I beg to differ mother of the knight...

Martin0:


Eh eh,as I just returned from work,let me now relax and observe this post..

But b4 then what do u think,Women or Men

Depends on the man/woman, depends on the task at hand.
Take Merkel/May- Both women but as far their day jobs go, Merkel is more effective.

Take Merkel/ Trump- Merkel wins.

Take Trudeau / Trump- Trudeau wins.

Macron/ Trump- Macron wins

Macron/ May-macron Wins

Trump is a man but he is useless.
May is a woman but she is useless
Trudeau is a man but he is effective
Merkel is a woman and she is effective.

All doing the same job.

shaybebaby:

But it's true. Why should I or indeed any woman have to cede?
I will concede any point of shown superior argument, but anything less than that? Pffft! It means you do not have one so no ceding.

Then you have failed to understand yet again what I am saying.
You are obviously just a naive person. There will be arguments that will be valid on both fronts.

In that situation, the person to call the shot should be your man out of respect. He could in turn pass it back to you and say it's your call. (unlike women, when men say it's your call we mean just that. not some trap to see "if she does what I wanted her to".)

See, I'm only telling you how to act to help you in the future.
You won't get anywhere in your marriage by fighting your man.

shaybebaby:

Depends on the man/woman, depends on the task at hand.
Take Merkel/May- Both women but as far their day jobs go, Merkel is more effective.

Take Merkel/ Trump- Merkel wins.

Take Trudeau / Trump- Trudeau wins.

Macron/ Trump- Macron wins

Macron/ May-macron Wins

Trump is a man but he is useless.
May is a woman but she is useless
Trudeau is a man but he is effective
Merkel is a woman and she is effective.

All doing the same job.

Going politics eh...This is an instant turn on, you know right ?

2buffagain:


Then you have failed to understand yet again what I am saying.
You are obviously just a naive person. There will be arguments that will be valid on both fronts.

In that situation, the person to call the shot should be your man out of respect. He could in turn pass it back to you and say it's your call. (unlike women, when men say it's your call we mean just that. not some trap to see "if she does what I wanted her to".)

See, I'm only telling you how to act to help you in the future.
You won't get anywhere in your marriage by fighting your man.

Bro, take one Heineken beer on me plz

shaybebaby:

Depends on the man/woman, depends on the task at hand.
Take Merkel/May- Both women but as far their day jobs go, Merkel is more effective.

Take Merkel/ Trump- Merkel wins.

Take Trudeau / Trump- Trudeau wins.

Macron/ Trump- Macron wins

Macron/ May-macron Wins

Trump is a man but he is useless.
May is a woman but she is useless
Trudeau is a man but he is effective
Merkel is a woman and she is effective.

All doing the same job.

And this is how you see marriage?
2 leaders of opposing countries/parties with different interests to protect? Instead of leaders in the same country/party with the same interests/values/etc.

Your framing makes it clear that you see marriage as a perpetual battleground, hence your responses thus far.
Marriage No be fight na . Anyway I jest

supersystemsnig:



We're both cool, but i have to disagree with you on this... If there's trust...If the trust is mutual, you can agree with me all of this aint an issue...Even into marriage, self preservance and actions that hinges on selfishness continues... I feel women need to be soft on the pedal and not see issues as an opportunity to give up self on every move, hence necessitating a counter move...


I feel you're on a defensive stance my dear, what's more...You've got your feet hard on the pedals...If there's love, trust, mutual interests, nothing can be impossible...


But does this kind of love still exist?

I've seen men who gave up on their wives, in conditions where they could be okay, so they'll die and get fresh blood....

I've seen similar scenarios, where women wished hubby death or financial ill, so they can be the upright arm in a marriage


It all rests upon selfish interests


It's not about superior argument, common sense suffice... I've learnt alot about females from this forum... The mental posture most times suggests a war, so to resolve on a soft stance is a problem...Not everything is a fight to suppress the woman in a relationship

I beg to differ mother of the knight...

Now you talking of compromise which I admit has every place in a relationship.

You read my mood right, if I hear "do as I say because I am the man", you will hear a resounding "fvck off!" it drives me nuts. Most times what is said isn't the problem but how it is said.

So "do this because it will make me happy" will get an "okay then".

But then we are all different, appealing to my logic is the fastest to get me on board dancing to your tune. If it makes sense, I'm in and will run with it. It may be different for others.

But this brings us back to the initial question, it's all individual. Some men don't even want to lead, some women want to be led. I have had friends say they actively want to get married so they can give up work and take care of the home. That's what they want.

But I am also a woman like them and that to me is a living nightmare. Neither one is better than the other, I can no more tell they are wrong than they can my choice. The important thing is the freedom of choice. How you exercise it is a personal thing.

But these fellas here saying it should as they say it is, is trying to take away women's right to be able to choose.

shaybebaby:

Depends on the man/woman, depends on the task at hand.
Take Merkel/May- Both women but as far their day jobs go, Merkel is more effective.

Take Merkel/ Trump- Merkel wins.

Take Trudeau / Trump- Trudeau wins.

Macron/ Trump- Macron wins

Macron/ May-macron Wins

Trump is a man but he is useless.
May is a woman but she is useless
Trudeau is a man but he is effective
Merkel is a woman and she is effective.

All doing the same job.

Uhm
Sip my cold juice

Hmmmm you made a good point...

2buffagain:


And this is how you see marriage?
2 leaders of opposing countries/parties with different interests to protect? Instead of leaders in the same country/party with the same interests/values/etc.

Your framing makes it clear that you see marriage as a perpetual battleground, hence your responses thus far.
Marriage No be fight na . Anyway I jest

No opposing,they are all leaders of the G8. They are allies but you can see that their capabilities aren't determined by their genders.

If you have a daughter and she is brilliant and very capable, I hope you will not instill her that a man has the final say in her life.

shaybebaby:

Now you talking of compromise which I admit has every place in a relationship.

You read my mood right, if I hear "do as I say because I am the man", you will hear a resounding "fvck off!" it drives me nuts. Most times what is said isn't the problem but how it is said.

So "do this because it will make me happy" will get an "okay then".

But then we are all different, appealing to my logic is the fastest to get me on board dancing to your tune. If it makes sense, I'm in and will run with it. It may be different for others.

But this brings us back to the initial question, it's all individual. Some men don't even want to lead, some women want to be led. I have had friends say they actively want to get married so they can give up work and take care of the home. That's what they want.

But I am also a woman like them and that to me is a living nightmare. Neither one is better than the other, I can no more tell they are wrong than they can my choice. The important thing is the freedom of choice. How you exercise it is a personal thing.

But these fellas here saying it should as they say it is, is trying to take away women's right to be able to choose.

Like I said, then you go on the hunt for and choose a man who aligns with your beliefs....and propose to him if you want to get the ball moving quickly because that kind of man likely isn't going to be the alpha/masculine type that targets and acquires

shaybebaby:

Now you talking of compromise which I admit has every place in a relationship.

You read my mood right, if I hear "do as I say because I am the man", you will hear a resounding "fvck off!" it drives me nuts. Most times what is said isn't the problem but how it is said.

So "do this because it will make me happy" will get an "okay then".

But then we are all different, appealing to my logic is the fastest to get me on board dancing to your tune. If it makes sense, I'm in and will run with it. It may be different for others.

But this brings us back to the initial question, it's all individual. Some men don't even want to lead, some women want to be led. I have had friends say they actively want to get married so they can give up work and take care of the home. That's what they want.

But I am also a woman like them and that to me is a living nightmare. Neither one is better than the other, I can no more tell they are wrong than they can my choice. The important thing is the freedom of choice. How you exercise it is a personal thing.

But these fellas here saying it should as they say it is, is trying to take away women's right to be able to choose.

Lmao @ "do as I say because I am the man", you will hear a resounding "fvck off!

This is a man that has lost his entitlement....

See, loving to me is like a gambling machine, what is invested is what is returned.... To get love from wifey, invest love...Can this be so unrealistic that people would resolve to do as i say because i'm a man...that's hilarious and petty


Decisions should be the individual with the strongest skill/ability on that department...For example, in my family, in some department idon't compete against my sisters...Hence, we let the individual with the highest skill level handle the specific task, and others rally behind to support...So it's a flexible leadership structure, hubby takes the lead " in reference " to the word, but with respect to performance, it is fluid, and the shape can be switched so output is achieved and productivity is targeted...And, i believe the focus should be output, and not who does what...



True @ Some men don't even want to lead, some women want to be led. I have had friends say they actively want to get married so they can give up work and take care of the home. That's what they want...But working at home will necessitate taking decisions, when hubby's at work..Regardless of individual preference, decision will be made at some point.



Na, don't make it seem like a entrapment to throw women in, many of we guys love to see our women happy, like the grannies love to see the grand kids happy.The problem is more about the communicative channel thesedays, everything is illustrated as men against women, this is the problem i see personally. The communicative language when it comes to marriage is on an offensive stance....

tosyne2much:
You this girl, wetin men do you wey you come hate them like this ?

BTW, what's the different between submission and subjection oooo

Me? Hate men? You've gat the wrong pesin biko, I love men but I hate chauvinist, especially senseless ones. And you would agree with me that we've got them in large number, even here on nairaland.

Submission - I'm giving yield, ready to accept your opinions.

Subjection - you're controlling me, with or without my approval. Whether it's good enough for me or not, I'm under your control.

shaybebaby:

Now you talking of compromise which I admit has every place in a relationship.

You read my mood right, if I hear "do as I say because I am the man", you will hear a resounding "fvck off!" it drives me nuts. Most times what is said isn't the problem but how it is said.

So "do this because it will make me happy" will get an "okay then".

But then we are all different, appealing to my logic is the fastest to get me on board dancing to your tune. If it makes sense, I'm in and will run with it. It may be different for others.

But this brings us back to the initial question, it's all individual. Some men don't even want to lead, some women want to be led. I have had friends say they actively want to get married so they can give up work and take care of the home. That's what they want.

But I am also a woman like them and that to me is a living nightmare. Neither one is better than the other, I can no more tell they are wrong than they can my choice. The important thing is the freedom of choice. How you exercise it is a personal thing.

But these fellas here saying it should as they say it is, is trying to take away women's right to be able to choose.

Uhm

2buffagain:


Like I said, then you go on the hunt for and choose a man who aligns with your beliefs....and propose to him if you want to get the ball moving quickly because that kind of man likely isn't going to be the alpha/masculine type that targets and acquires

Predictable. Next thing to indirectly attack men who can handle strong women. Lol
I've seen all ya tricks.
You really are insecure aren't you? Alpha male targets and acquires what?
And how does that make him alpha?
If a woman targets and acquires the same, what does that make her?

2buffagain:


And this is how you see marriage?
2 leaders of opposing countries/parties with different interests to protect? Instead of leaders in the same country/party with the same interests/values/etc.

Your framing makes it clear that you see marriage as a perpetual battleground, hence your responses thus far.
Marriage No be fight na . Anyway I jest

Na wa for u oooo..
I guess that ur thought..