Learning

1miccza:


Seriously i am shivering right now

Lol. What's wrong with you guys? Marriage is cool!

Caracta:


Lol. What's wrong with you guys? Marriage is cool!

Ok, share your experience with us.

ThatBoheemyan:





Ok, share your experience with us.

I'm still a fresher

Caracta:


Lol. What's wrong with you guys? Marriage is cool!

The comment there really made me shiver honestly I love my happiness and sound state of mind

KanwuliaExtra:
The GREATEST challenge is MARRIAGE itself.
Reason? MOST PEOPLE CHANGE FOR THE WORSE!
To stay na WAHALA.
To comot na HEAVY WAHALA o!

Better to die h-insai ONE marriage o, than to make the same mistake TWICE or THRICE.
Can’t imagine getting married again.
Will never try it.
You can NEVER know what is in the other person’s mind. So many dishonest people out there with lots of baggage ooooo.

They say one thing, mean another and DO NEITHER!

No need to inherit another set of emotional/financial PLUS MEDICAL RISKS, all in the name of looking for love, peace and happiness. Tufiakwa!!!!

Na real GAME OF WOES I swear!!!!


Glad to have tried it.

It is a very expensive education process.
You MUST find happiness within YOURSELF.
Simple.

oh dear! you have really set the situation spinning on it's head!
first I think motive matters. what's your desire and motive for getting married? affection or just to have someone wash cook and incubate and rear YOUR children?
what's the first reason that attracted you to the man? love? or because you needed to leave your parents home or cos your mates are married and you're getting older? your conscious conscience is your ultimate judge.
marriage is "overrated" cos most people you see closely are those who failed to see that marriage is an EMPTY box which each individual puts something into!
most folks expect marriage to put something into them it can't work that way.
if you courted, how long? what were your "expectations" of your partner? were u just being swept away without realizing that there are days the ship shouldn't sail or wouldn't sail? each individual is unique therefore no two marriages are alike!
before you signed the dotted lines did you really take time to see how people sort issues out or did you think yours will never have issues?
marriage is divine(you can contest that) therefore you must align your mind with the instructions of the One who brought this institution to existence else you're sure to miss the mark.
you will wake to see the same face daily and you can be sure the mood that went to sleep last night won't be the same that woke this morning!
if you anticipate danger or inconveniences won't you plan to deal with it?
now take your time to study your partner and discard people's"perfect" opinions first then find the formula that fits yours....and I can tell you it's gonna take years to achieve that!

thefirst:
Most people change for the worse!

Could this have an underlying cause?

yes there's always a cause for change!
when one expects too much to come to him or her without working out a plan to achieve wit input then the disappointment leads to change...mostly negatively!
selfish aims and objectives unmet brings change for the worse!

EfemenaXY:


Now this, I can relate to.

Year 0 - 5: Honeymoon stage. You made the absolute right choice. Hardly any arguments. You can't seem to get enough of each other.
Sex drive: "abnormally" high (depending on the number of kids you already have).

Year 5 - 15: "Scales" have fallen (a few years and a couple of kids later) arguments do erupt. Heated ones. You almost even dislike your spouse for not seeing things YOUR WAY. You're almost always at loggerheads because of your very different outlook, approach to handling certain situations, etc. You think you start seeing things crystal clear and even start wondering why you ever got hitched in the first place especially as your background / upbringing seem poles apart. At this stage all you seem to see are differences, Differences, and more DIFFERENCES between you both. Stretched finances. Never enough money. Careers sacrificed or kept on hold to raise kids. Frustration and feeling "I'm better than this!"
Sex drive: very cool. Almost cold.

Year 15 - 20: Arguments are few and far between. Kids are grown and start heading off to uni. (yay!) A bit more spare Finance in the family pot. Done having kids. Previously dormant careers kick-started. Less pressure (apart from dealing with stroppy teenagers). You understand each other sooooooo much better. You're much more mature, you look back at yester years and understand how you could have done things differently. You see now (well almost), that what seemed such a big deal back THEN isn't really NOW.

Year 20+: You've grown into the marriage and each other. Once again you suddenly look forward to doing simple things together again every evening. Watching tv, having meals out, etc. Basically spending more family time together. You can't wait for all your kids to fly the nest.

fine analysis... 90% correct reason I say so is each couple who try to find how to circumnavigate situations have no "scales" falling cos you already know you won't always have it smooth!!
I courted 8 years and currently in 15th year of marriage... and I meant from the first toasting that I was only interested in getting married so I was focussed on it rather than seeking "alternatives" when there was any friction in our relationship.
I think the marriage will sail if we don't make comparisons or peep over the fence!!

UjuJoan2:


I completely get what you are saying and like I implied I know a lot of the squabbles are as a result of my stubbornness. I understand the idea behind compromise, I just don't think I need to do any more than I have already by getting married and taking up a new identity as a wife and mother. Of course there are other reasons which I may not want to go into here.

Not everyone one is meant for marriage. . . It took me years into mine to realise it. That's why I think marriage should be outlawed, or at least deliberately downplayed. That way someone like me will be able to have my beautiful kids without having to ever get married.

I probably would have made a great baby mama if it wouldn't have led mY dear mum to an early grave!

You know I think you and your wife would probably be a lot happier if you were in a relationship without marriage, and without having to make so many compromises just to make your marriage work. Just reading your post is giving me a headache, can't imagine living it. No offence.

Well you knowwhat they say, to each his own. Or in your case, her own.

But I will tell you one thing. It is not hard work. It is just choosing to be concerned about someone else as much as you are about yourself. Someone you loveor choose to love. The accompanying peace and happiness definitely makes up for the applied effort. By far.

Marriage is the worse thing to happen to anyone

WHOcarex:
Marriage is the worse thing to happen to ankyone

Really? Would you like to share what informs your conclusion?

Caracta:


Lol. What's wrong with you guys? Marriage is cool!

Of course it is but the stories from those in it here are giving me goose pimples

1miccza:


Of course it is but the stories from those in it here are giving me goose pimples

Yeah. I can imagine.

Caracta:

Yeah. I can imagine.

Caracta, HML

jaszplus12:

oh dear! you have really set the situation spinning on it's head!
first I think motive matters. what's your desire and motive for getting married? affection or just to have someone wash cook and incubate and rear YOUR children?
what's the first reason that attracted you to the man? love? or because you needed to leave your parents home or cos your mates are married and you're getting older? your conscious conscience is your ultimate judge.
marriage is "overrated" cos most people you see closely are those who failed to see that marriage is an EMPTY box which each individual puts something into!
most folks expect marriage to put something into them it can't work that way.
if you courted, how long? what were your "expectations" of your partner? were u just being swept away without realizing that there are days the ship shouldn't sail or wouldn't sail? each individual is unique therefore no two marriages are alike!
before you signed the dotted lines did you really take time to see how people sort issues out or did you think yours will never have issues?
marriage is divine(you can contest that) therefore you must align your mind with the instructions of the One who brought this institution to existence else you're sure to miss the mark.
you will wake to see the same face daily and you can be sure the mood that went to sleep last night won't be the same that woke this morning!
if you anticipate danger or inconveniences won't you plan to deal with it?
now take your time to study your partner and discard people's"perfect" opinions first then find the formula that fits yours....and I can tell you it's gonna take years to achieve that!

You must be :

1. Very lucky
2. Very naive
3. NEVER BEEN MARRIED



Marriage is divine huhn?
Glad to have this “revelation”.
Extremely “refreshing”.

Make sure your spouse-to-be is a “DIVINITY” o!

KanwuliaExtra:


You must be :

1. Very lucky
2. Very naive
3. NEVER BEEN MARRIED



Marriage is divine huhn?
Glad to have this “revelation”.
Extremely “refreshing”.

Make sure your spouse-to-be is a “DIVINITY” o!

oh yea!!!
maybe you're:
a)unlucky
b)experienced (in getting it wrong)
c)married before and divorced!
marriage is divine... sure! did you create yourself?
how did the "idea" to come together as man and wife come into existence?
and I dated my wife for 8 years before getting married 15 years ago!
let me tell you something important... we've both made mistakes on lots of things that spring up when two people come to live together, some are quite very upsetting some very ridiculous some others very necessary.
...and we move on knowing that all this are bound to occur ..
of course we seek ways to also avoid the situations that may cause disaffections knowing these lead to breakdown in relationship!
every marriage is unique in it's character depending on the couple's approach!

LewsTherin:


Well you knowwhat they say, to each his own. Or in your case, her own.

But I will tell you one thing. It is not hard work. It is just choosing to be concerned about someone else as much as you are about yourself. Someone you loveor choose to love. The accompanying peace and happiness definitely makes up for the applied effort. By far.

are you a jehovah witness

maiahsaiah:

are you a jehovah witness

No I am not.

jaszplus12:

oh yea!!!
maybe you're:
a)unlucky
b)experienced (in getting it wrong)
c)married before and divorced!
marriage is divine... sure! did you create yourself?
how did the "idea" to come together as man and wife come into existence?
and I dated my wife for 8 years before getting married 15 years ago!
let me tell you something important... we've both made mistakes on lots of things that spring up when two people come to live together, some are quite very upsetting some very ridiculous some others very necessary.
...and we move on knowing that all this are bound to occur ..
of course we seek ways to also avoid the situations that may cause disaffections knowing these lead to breakdown in relationship!
every marriage is unique in it's character depending on the couple's approach!

Hahahahaha
Please, bring your wife to “testify”!
Marriage is always “A Tale Of Two Cities”!
You have only told ONE TALE.

A woman’s version is always different . . . . Of course. Especially if it is A NIGERIAN or AFRICAN woman’s tale of WOES.

Congratulations!

Perhaps, in another lifetime, the rest of us will be as lucky as “you”!

In marriage “contentment” is the only “GAMBIT”!

Enjoy your “bliss”. I nor dey complain o.

Have a blessed morning.

Off to work.

KanwuliaExtra:


Hahahahaha
Please, bring your wife to “testify”!
Marriage is always “A Tale Of Two Cities”!
You have only told ONE TALE.

A woman’s version is always different . . . . Of course. Especially if it is A NIGERIAN or AFRICAN woman’s tale of WOES.

Congratulations!

Perhaps, in another lifetime, the rest of us will be as lucky as “you”!

In marriage “contentment” is the only “GAMBIT”!

Enjoy your “bliss”. I nor dey complain o.

Have a blessed morning.

Off to work.

This is true.

Proudgorgeousga:


This is true.

Na soooo oooooo
For every 1 thing an African or Nigerian man does to honor you, he will do TEN more to dishonor you ke!

Na who dey give dem satisfaction of misery in marriage na foolish woman ke!
Just find happiness WITHIN YOURSELF.
You DIE, YOU LOSE!
Simple. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!

KanwuliaExtra:


Hahahahaha
Please, bring your wife to “testify”!
Marriage is always “A Tale Of Two Cities”!
You have only told ONE TALE.

A woman’s version is always different . . . . Of course. Especially if it is A NIGERIAN or AFRICAN woman’s tale of WOES.

Congratulations!

Perhaps, in another lifetime, the rest of us will be as lucky as “you”!

In marriage “contentment” is the only “GAMBIT”!

Enjoy your “bliss”. I nor dey complain o.

Have a blessed morning.

Off to work.

hehehehe...some more info about your ideas keep coming forth!
anyway you started the thread in order to help others with their challenges in marriage but seems you only wanted a chance to take pot shots at people's ideas!
it's quite evident you who is single cannot and do not have the capacity to "advice" anyone!
have a great day at work....

Good lawd. Such negativity in one thread

LewsTherin:


For me, the biggest challange to marriage is that it involves 2 people. One may strive to make it work while the other works to make strife. Only when both parties are equally or similarly committed to make it work will any marriage work. It is important also the reason for getting married in the first place and the mindset that the marriage begins with.

I can only speak for myself. I married my Lady because I had to. I decided I had to marry her about 5 years into our relationship. But she was still in school then. We had been in a distance relationship for a while but anytime she was with me, I felt complete. After a while, I didn't see any advantage in living without her on my arm at all times Seriously. Also I wanted her baaad. But my faith would only allow it in the sanctity of marriage. As to being "wife material" , I don't think I could have remained in a relationship that long if she wasn't a lady in all sense of the word.

We are in our 7th year now, got one princess that feels like 7 and most people who see us are always surprised that we have been married longer than 6 months. That's how we act. We manage this by a couple of steps.

1. We both share the same faith and this goes a very very long way.
2. We both realise that we both have to work to make this work.
3. We had set ground rules on everything from number of children and spacing to how long mother-in-law can stay with us, to financial responsibilities even to TV programs.
4. Compromise. Lots of it. Although sometimes this can be annoying. A typical conversation goes "Honey whats for dinner" "I don't know. What do you want?" "I don't know, what do YOU want" And in my mind I'm going "Just decide on some damn food woman!" But we know we have to carry each other along on all matters to cut down on disagreements and such.
5. I help around the house a lot. Right now, most mornings I make breakfast. My Lady is heavy again and it is stressful for her. She also has to prepare our Jewel for school so it makes sense we split the chores.
6. She agrees that I lead. This doesn't make me an authoritarian figure. It simply means if there is a disagreement on what to do, I get to decide and she'll follow my lead. To me, this means I have a responsibility to be right for my family which makes me very careful and enables me take her advice and opinions to heart.

These are just some of the things we do. Not limited to this and there are exceptions to every. Point is we both work at it. And everyone I know that share similar ideas and steps in their marriage have successful marriages. Heck, I know more successful marriages around me than I know of stressful or failed marriages.

thank you very much for this!
I wish that singles will learn from this narrative and take the marriage thing seriously so as to live a calm and peaceful life as the Almighty permits!!
I sincerely wish you both more reasons for working out every thorny issue in your marriage!!

jaszplus12:

hehehehe...some more info about your ideas keep coming forth!
anyway you started the thread in order to help others with their challenges in marriage but seems you only wanted a chance to take pot shots at people's ideas!
it's quite evident you who is single cannot and do not have the capacity to "advice" anyone!
have a great day at work....

Shalom!

Please, don’t forget to interview your “wife” on how she really feels being married to you.

You might just be shocked that you are not her soul mate o.

I stopped searching because I finally found ME!
Most women need to FIND THEMSELVES.

Marriage is not the answer.

So long my darling.

Take some “milk of the poppy” and rest well this weekend.

KanwuliaExtra:


Shalom!

Please, don’t forget to interview your “wife” on how she really feels being married to you.

You might just be shocked that you are not her soul mate o.

I stopped searching because I finally found ME!
Most women need to FIND THEMSELVES.

Marriage is not the answer.

So long my darling.

Take some “milk of the poppy” and rest well this weekend.

funny enough my wife asked me some days ago if I know why she married me in the first place! well, for your info she's right here watching and reading our exchange and if she secretly feels I'm not her soulmate and probably had wished she married someone else... she's 24 years too late!!
I'll take your advice and have some milk of the poppy this weekend... I need it, she needs it too...
what will you be having for yourself? I'll really love to know!

jaszplus12:

funny enough my wife asked me some days ago if I know why she married me in the first place! well, for your info she's right here watching and reading our exchange and if she secretly feels I'm not her soulmate and probably had wished she married someone else... she's 24 years too late!!
I'll take your advice and have some milk of the poppy this weekend... I need it, she needs it too...
what will you be having for yourself? I'll really love to know!

Unlike you, I have since learned to take what people say with a pinch of pepper.

Look inside the heart.

Marriage is a life sentence, no need to ask “how many years”!

Bondage na bondage, some slaves have no where to run to. Why trade “slave masters”?

KanwuliaExtra:


Unlike you, I have since learned to take what people say with a pinch of pepper.

Look inside the heart.

Marriage is a life sentence, no need to ask “how many years”!

Bondage na bondage, some slaves have no where to run to. Why trade “slave masters”?

you're right dear...everything you have said is right! but it's in your head!!!
now question: have you ever been married? are you married to a man who believes you're just his furniture? something made you "find yourself"! if it's someone else's experience then you must go into the woods first before crying wolf!

you're a slave to your ideas too cos its chained you to believe that others are slaves to their own ideas!!

Well I'm in No position to share any experience (non to share since I'm not married yet) But I know I'll make a Good husband to my wife and a great father to my kids. How do I know? I just know.

So much negativity and bitterness from some people here that seem to be in a bad marriage.

My advise, tell your story and let others tell theirs. If marriage is so unbearable then do the needful and exit the union!
I really don't have respect for people that speak ill about something and still sit tight in it.

This is how young ones are sold a poor mindset going into marriage to increase the fellowship of 'bitter wives/husbands'. People, BE WISE.

Caracta:


Yeah. I can imagine.

How have u been?? You must be mad at me right now .

ElsonMorali:
Well I'm in No position to share any experience (non to share since I'm not married yet) But I know I'll make a Good husband to my wife and a great father to my kids. How do I know? I just know.

you've said it...and I'm sure you'll work towards it!! cheers man!!