UjuJoan2:


Actually I didn't get this stance untill I actually got married. Like most mills and boons lovers I dreamt of getting married and living a fairytale, but that's not always the case is it Reality hits you hard on the head like a rock and then you start wondering why you ever thought it was going to be a bed of roses.

So I'm giving back by teaching young people to find their peace before settling down with anyone, or else they will be in for a life of disappointment.

I don't see how that makes me unhappy or in bondage. I think I have the best marriage because I and my husband are not under any sort of pressure to be 'perfect'. We are happy with each other just the day we are.

Why do you even care if I'm happy or not? Hope you are not one of the monitoring spirits?

Awwww. . . . The bolded is just sweet. Thanks!

I'm happy to see that a lady is enjoying her marriage because she decided to add value to it!! keep it up...
some are here playing ostrich yet and calling marriage "slavery"...I jus dey observe.
I dey like to see a happy woman!

Caracta:

Sure. You can send an e-mail

I don't have your email address how about calls when I can?

Caracta:

Sure. You can send an e-mail

I don't have your email address how about calls when I can?

jaszplus12:

I'm happy to see that a lady is enjoying her marriage because she decided to add value to it!! keep it up...
some are here playing ostrich yet and calling marriage "slavery"...I jus dey observe.
I dey like to see a happy woman!

Maybe you should add value to the thread instead of attacking people who do.

Don't use me for your witch-hunting abeg. Face front and get off my mentions.

Dealing with marital challenges means:

1. You have CHOICES in a marriage and you are COMFORTABLE with the CHOICES you make or MADE.

Do you choose to be a FIRST WIFE, or a FOURTH WIFE?

Do you choose a ROMANTIC, LOVING FAITHFUL BUT BROKE SPOUSE vs an UNAFFECTIONATE, hard-working, NEVER-AT-HOME provider that is dedicated to taking care of family needs as a SPOUSE?

No one can have it all, you must CHOOSE.

Now, these are the REAL CHALLANGES in marriage.

As I MARRIED WOMAN, I have learned MANY THINGS to cope with a very SOUR marriage.

We all know what can “sour” a marriage ke! MARRYING A NIGERIAN MAN is one of them. The way MOST NIGERIAN MEN are “wired” is extremely faulty. Blame our male-dominant society that makes women inferior to men.

1. I WILL NEVER ASK A MAN TO PAY MY BILLS, so I am always SUPER-EMPLOYED and prepare for myself and family like HE DOES NOT EXIST.
What ever he can do, FINE. I will NEVER depend on any man. If you provide for YOUR own needs, less headache and arguement for you.

2. Never expect romance even where the sex is SUPER HOT. All na “shuku-shuku” and “snore” tins. Don’t be too sensitive or “needy”. NEVER GIVE MORE THAN YOU RECEIVE financially or emotionally, or you will feel “bitterly used”. Any spouse that does not make you a priority IN AND OUT OF THE BEDROOM, PLEASE, return the favor.

KanwuliaExtra:
Dealing with marital challenges means:

1. You have CHOICES in a marriage and you are COMFORTABLE with the CHOICES you make or MADE.

Do you choose to be a FIRST WIFE, or a FOURTH WIFE?

Do you choose a ROMANTIC, LOVING FAITHFUL BUT BROKE SPOUSE vs an UNAFFECTIONATE, hard-working, NEVER-AT-HOME provider that is dedicated to taking care of family needs as a SPOUSE?

No one can have it all, you must CHOOSE.

Now, these are the REAL CHALLANGES in marriage.

As I MARRIED WOMAN, I have learned MANY THINGS to cope with a very SOUR marriage.

We all know what can “sour” a marriage ke! MARRYING A NIGERIAN MAN is one of them. The way they are “wired” is extremely faulty. Blame our male-dominant society that makes women inferior to men.

1. I WILL NEVER ASK A MAN TO PAY MY BILLS, so I am always SUPER-EMPLOYED and prepare for myself and family like HE DOES NOT EXIST.
What ever he can do, FINE. I will NEVER depend on any man. If you provide for YOUR own needs, less headache and arguement for you.

2. Never expect romance even where the sex is HOT. All na “shuku-shuku” and “snore” tins. Don’t be too sensitive or “needy”. NEVER GIVE MORE THAN YOU RECEIVE financially or emotionally, or you will feel “bitterly used”. Any spouse that does not make you a priority, PLEASE, return the favor.

3. Never make your SPOUSE or YOUR CHILDREN your whole world. They are only a HUGE part of it, not ALL OF IT. Always put your-self FIRST, but never let them know it.

4. By GOD or SATAN, never put your self esteem in the hand of any SPOUSE. Always validate YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF. Submission is a concept that favors TRUE PARTNERSHIPS not some religious “incantation” used by some half-wits to BRAINWASH, deceive, cheat and ABUSE their spouses.

5. Pay attention to what your spouse DOES, instead of trusting “sweet words” and “deceptive promises”! If the actions do not tally with the words, you are dealing with a CON-ARTIST!
Shine your eyes, nose and mouth well-well o!

6. If YOU MUST LEAVE A MARRIAGE, it should be because of the problems you have with YOUR SPOUSE, not because of “extra-marital distractions”!

You must heal old wounds before you can make room for healthier relationships. You MUST take a break to WORK on your own issues, so you do not “re-baggage your garbage” into new relationships.
Don’t be in a hurry to jump into the next BED.

Not all green is pasture on the outside o, most are “SWAMP THINGS”!


7. Every healthy marriage is based on FRIENDSHIP, COMMITMENT, RESPECT and EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION. . . . Not LOVE, PEACE AND HAPPINESS. The SAD times will ALWAYS outnumber the HAPPY TIMES. But the quality of happiness will always overpower the pangs of sadness just like GOLD vs SILVER or BRONZE. That is LIFE IN GENERAL. No need to live in fantasy, it ain’t gonna happen.
Your golden medals of happiness, no matter how few will always be priceless compared to the many slivern or bronzened sad moments.

For some, DIVORCE is TRULY THE ONLY GOLDEN MOMENT worthy of many celebrations combined. Tufiakwa ooooooo! A most HELLISH marriage for sure.

If you cannot sit down and look each other eye-to-eye and TALK, SHARE and CONCLUDE matters . . .
You do not have a SPOUSE, you only have a HOUSE MATE! Don’t deceive yourself. . . . please.

Madam, I Love you.
OkBye

KanwuliaExtra:
6. If YOU MUST LEAVE A MARRIAGE, it should be because of the problems you have with YOUR SPOUSE, not because of “extra-marital distractions”!

You must heal old wounds before you can make room for healthier relationships. You MUST take a break to WORK on your own issues, so you do not “re-baggage your garbage” into new relationships.
Don’t be in a hurry to jump into the next BED.

Not all green is pasture on the outside o, most are “SWAMP THINGS”!


7. Every healthy marriage is based on FRIENSHIP, COMMITMENT, RESPECT and EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION. . . . Not LOVE, PEACE AND HAPPINESS. The SAD times will ALWAYS outnumber the HAPPY TIMES. But the quality of happiness will always overpower the pangs of sadness. That is LIFE IN GENERAL. No need to live in fantasy, it ain’t gonna happen.

If you cannot sit down and look each other eye-to-eye and TALK, SHARE and CONCLUDE matters . . .
You do not have a SPOUSE, you only have a HOUSE MATE! Don’t deceive yourself. . . . please.

jaszplus12:

you've said it...and I'm sure you'll work towards it!! cheers man!!

Thanks man.

MizMyColi:
Madam, I Love you.
OkBye

Welcome.

8. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing “holy” about the marriage institution. In fact it is best known as a war zone with many BATTLES aka CHALLENGES.

If you win or lose, depends on how CRAFTY and DYNAMIC you are in dealing with people in general.

It does not matter what religion or CULT you choose to belong to. You will always find INFIDELS and DEVIANTS in ANY!

Marriage is just one of those CULTS. It is either you are committed AS A COUPLE or not. One person cannot be the “believer”. They are way toooooo many “matrimonial infidels” in the world to make sure divorce rates remain on the rise. People who went looking for people to USE for their own selfish means and had no business getting married in the first place.



The main weapons you will need is wisdom, patience, COMMON SENSE, maturity, excellent communication skills and a great deal of self-control. The things money cannot buy.

9. The concept of a SOUL-MATE is extremely desirable, but extremely difficult to actualize.
Most will try to convince themselves that they have “soul mates”, but can NEVER be monogamous. Most are happily married, but with “extra-marital” soul-mates.

Usually in MOST relationships, the soul-mates are not the SPOUSES.

Most can’t wait for the children to grow up and leave the home, so they can BAIL!

If you are in a marriage, please find out WHO THE REAL SOUL-MATE is. You might be dealing with at least 4 people in any marriage.

You don’t need to ask if you are or have a “soul-mate”. Actions will always speak louder than words.

Sooooo true....well done!!
Every mallam sef don open eye...person not know where to pitch ones tent again.

KanwuliaExtra:
8. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing “holy” about the marriage institution. In fact it is best known as a war zone with many BATTLES aka CHALLENGES.

If you win or lose, depends on how CRAFTY and DYNAMIC you are in dealing with people in general.

It does not matter what religion or CULT you choose to belong to. You will always find INFIDELS and DEVIANTS is ANY!

Marriage is just one of those CULTS. It is either you are committed AS A COUPLE or not. One person cannot be the “believer”. They are way toooooo many “matrimonial infidels” in the world to make sure divorce rates remain on the rise. People who went looking for people to USE for their own selfish means and had no business getting married in the first place.



The main weapons you will need is wisdom, patience, COMMON SENSE, maturity, excellent communication skills and a great deal of self-control. The things money cannot buy.

10. The concept of “LOVE”!
Ha! How many times we don hear am?

Love is the most DECEPTIVE word used between SPOUSES aka friends, lovers, enemies.

You fall out of love FASTER than you fall in.
Love has MANY phases. The first phase is LUST and the last phase is HATE.

In between the spectrum, you have warmth, humor, romance, deceit, manupulation, abuse and many more (+) and (-) forces. Love is a combination of GOOD and EVIL.

If you hate someone you can only grow to love that person. But if you ever loved a person and you get to the end of the spectrum called “hate”, GAME OVER! You can NEVER re-love that person for all the hurt.

Take your time and find out where you are at any given time in your relationship or marriage. If you use your head wisely, you can protect yourself from the ever changing concept called “love”.
For women, LOVE means emotional fulfillment, for men? A little emotion, FOOD, and LOTS OF SEXUAL fantasies.

Ladies and gents! Stop fighting. Just compromise.

The best time to fall in love is in your early adulthood(20-25). Please, you can’t fall in love AFTER 30 because you have learned NOT to trust people with your hearts. . . . And for good reasons!

When people profess love after age 30, just try to find out exactly what they mean.

You might just be dealing with someone or people who has/have no idea what he/she is/they are talking about.

KanwuliaExtra:
10. The concept of “LOVE”!
Ha! How many times we don hear am?

Love is the most DECEPTIVE word used between SPOUSES aka friends, lovers, enemies.

You out of love FASTER than you fall in.
Love has MANY phases. The first phase is LUST and the last phase is HATE.

In between the spectrum, you have warmth, humor, romance, deceit, manupulation, abuse and many more (+) and (-) forces. Love is a combination of GOOD and EVIL.

If you hate someone you can only grow to love that person. But if you ever loved a person and you get to the end of the spectrum called “hate”, GAME OVER!

Take your time and find out where you are at any given time in your relationship or marriage. If you use your head wisely, you can protect yourself from the ever changing concept called “love”.

The best time to fall in love is in your early adulthood(20-25). Please, you can’t fall in love AFTER 30 because you have learned NOT to trust people with your hearts. . . . And for good reasons!

When people profess love after age 30, just try to find out exactly what they mean.

You might just be dealing with someone or people who have no idea what the are talking about.

You should have created your own thread titled #kanwuliaextrasnuggets Lol

Proudgorgeousga:


You should have created your own thread titled #kanwuliaextrasnuggets Lol

Just trying to “clarify” and “share”!
I doubt the OP wanted to help “us” out.
There! OP. You have my top TEN marital challenges.

Thanks for being such a “marvelous host”.

I yield to the “floor members”!

KanwuliaExtra:
10. The concept of “LOVE”!
Ha! How many times we don hear am?

Love is the most DECEPTIVE word used between SPOUSES aka friends, lovers, enemies.

You fall out of love FASTER than you fall in.
Love has MANY phases. The first phase is LUST and the last phase is HATE.

In between the spectrum, you have warmth, humor, romance, deceit, manupulation, abuse and many more (+) and (-) forces. Love is a combination of GOOD and EVIL.

The most original concept of love ever.

All I know is this, falling in love is cool, falling out not so much.

KanwuliaExtra:
9. The concept of a SOUL-MATE is extremely desirable, but extremely difficult to actualize.
Most will try to convince themselves that they have “soul mates”, but can NEVER be monogamous. Most are happily married, but with “ extra-marital” soul-mates.

Usually in MOST relationships, the soul-mates are not the SPOUSES.

Most can’t wait for the children to grow up and leave the home, so they can BAIL!

If you are in a marriage, please find out WHO THE REAL SOUL-MATE is. You might be dealing with at least 4 people in any marriage.

You don’t need to ask if you are or have a “soul-mate”. Actions will always speak louder than words.

4!!

faints...

UjuJoan2:


Actually I didn't get this stance untill I actually got married. Like most mills and boons lovers I dreamt of getting married and living a fairytale, but that's not always the case is it Reality hits you hard on the head like a rock and then you start wondering why you ever thought it was going to be a bed of roses.

So I'm giving back by teaching young people to find their peace before settling down with anyone, or else they will be in for a life of disappointment.

I don't see how that makes me unhappy or in bondage. I think I have the best marriage because I and my husband are not under any sort of pressure to be 'perfect'. We are happy with each other just the day we are.

Why do you even care if I'm happy or not? Hope you are not one of the monitoring spirits?

Awwww. . . . The bolded is just sweet. Thanks!

Beautiful.

UjuJoan2:


Actually I didn't get this stance untill I actually got married. Like most mills and boons lovers I dreamt of getting married and living a fairytale, but that's not always the case is it Reality hits you hard on the head like a rock and then you start wondering why you ever thought it was going to be a bed of roses.

So I'm giving back by teaching young people to find their peace before settling down with anyone, or else they will be in for a life of disappointment.

I don't see how that makes me unhappy or in bondage. I think I have the best marriage because I and my husband are not under any sort of pressure to be 'perfect'. We are happy with each other just the day we are.

Why do you even care if I'm happy or not? Hope you are not one of the monitoring spirits?

Awwww. . . . The bolded is just sweet. Thanks!

iyawo billionaire looongesst time

KanwuliaExtra:




Just trying to “clarify” and “share”!
I doubt the OP wanted to help “us” out.
There! OP. You have my top TEN marital challenges.

Thanks for being such a “marvelous host”.

I yield to the “floor members”!

OP is not experienced in these issues as he is not yet married. He is searching for a partner.

oyb:


iyawo billionaire looongesst time

OYB!!!!

Longest time ooh, how you dey?

KanwuliaExtra:
8. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing “holy” about the marriage institution. In fact it is best known as a war zone with many BATTLES aka CHALLENGES.

If you win or lose, depends on how CRAFTY and DYNAMIC you are in dealing with people in general.

It does not matter what religion or CULT you choose to belong to. You will always find INFIDELS and DEVIANTS is ANY!

Marriage is just one of those CULTS. It is either you are committed AS A COUPLE or not. One person cannot be the “believer”. They are way toooooo many “matrimonial infidels” in the world to make sure divorce rates remain on the rise. People who went looking for people to USE for their own selfish means and had no business getting married in the first place.



The main weapons you will need is wisdom, patience, COMMON SENSE, maturity, excellent communication skills and a great deal of self-control. The things money cannot buy.

Oh my days. . . Too much sense in this post!

KanwuliaExtra:
3. Never make your SPOUSE or YOUR CHILDREN your whole world. They are only a HUGE part of it, not ALL OF IT. Always put your-self FIRST, but never let them know it.

4. By GOD or SATAN, never put your self esteem in the hand of any SPOUSE. Always validate YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF. Submission is a concept that favors TRUE PARTNERSHIPS not some religious “incantation” used by some half-wits to BRAINWASH, deceive, cheat and ABUSE their spouses.

5. Pay attention to what your spouse DOES, instead of trusting “sweet words” and “deceptive promises”! If the actions do not tally with the words, you are dealing with a CON-ARTIST!
Shine your eyes, nose and mouth well-well o!

I need to write this down some where.

Marriage is beautiful, with a compatible and understanding partner. [/quote]

Absolutely 100% right on that statement.
When people make wrong decisions in marriage and come online to vent their frustration. It makes marriage look like a suffer head, anyone who makes a bad decision should bear the cross.
Effort should be made by both side to make it work.
My dear, take your time and listen to your instinct.
And most importantly, most couples forget about prayer when finding a life partner. Finding a partner involves going on one's knees for divine direction
I dated three girls before I got married. If I had got married to any of those girls, sorry for be my name. And every day I pray I thank God for my wife. One of the best things to ever happen to me
BTW thanks for liking my write up

. . . when people make wrong decisions in marriage and come online to vent their frustration.

Who needs NL to vent frustrations?
I can do that at home from morning till night, with the “parties” involved ke.
Are we married to NL?

Wrong decisions in marriage. . . .
If marriage was a “Pandora’s Box”, there would be no divorces. Everyone will get it right as perfect humans.

EfemenaXY:




4!!

faints...

Oh yes o.

Even “a boo” get “a boo”!
Enjoy yasef BABY BOO!

https://www.nairaland.com/4132564/married-man-hides-camera-while

Nor be soul mates be dis?

The husband and wife get at least ONE SOUL MATE EACH.

All odas are for “breeding” purposes ke!

Man I always miss the good threads

As for marriage, if I were to become single today, I won’t ever get married again.

I don’t know if to the reader this says
“my partner now is perfect and thus can never be replaced” or if it says
“marriage is horrible I don’t ever want to do it again”.

So far I’m loving it. But we are akin to newly weds so maybe our trials days haven’t come?

I just know I’m not ready to commit like this to anyone else in this world ever again. Too much

Yeeeepa! Kanwunliaexta! This looks like a training for war

KanwuliaExtra:
3. Never make your SPOUSE or YOUR CHILDREN your whole world. They are only a HUGE part of it, not ALL OF IT. Always put your-self FIRST, but never let them know it.

4. By GOD or SATAN, never put your self esteem in the hand of any SPOUSE. Always validate YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF. Submission is a concept that favors TRUE PARTNERSHIPS not some religious “incantation” used by some half-wits to BRAINWASH, deceive, cheat and ABUSE their spouses.

5. Pay attention to what your spouse DOES, instead of trusting “sweet words” and “deceptive promises”! If the actions do not tally with the words, you are dealing with a CON-ARTIST!
Shine your eyes, nose and mouth well-well o!

I totally agree with this one.

cococandy:
Man I always miss the good threads

As for marriage, if I were to become single today, I won’t ever get married again.

I don’t know if to the reader this says
“my partner now is perfect and thus can never be replaced” or if it says
“marriage is horrible I don’t ever want to do it again”.

So far I’m loving it. But we are akin to newly weds so maybe our trials days haven’t come?

I just know I’m not ready to commit like this to anyone else in this world ever again. Too much

Or at an older age?
Some people are lucky though _no serious challenges. Just the day to the day ones they can easily deal with and get on with business.

Proudgorgeousga:


You should have created your own thread titled #kanwuliaextrasnuggets Lol

No lies told