Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!

You are right

I hope when your mum or relative ask for a sleepover with your child you ll maintain the same stance sha...

Think over it well before making a final decision.....

Bro some times a man will have to agree with his wife.....but some times a man has to remain firm to his decision on matters that will affect his family negatively........(If only Adam thought of d negative result eating d fruit would bring, he won't allow d love for his wife, eve to blind him with agreeing wit her....now we are all in dis mess)......

Gentlevin:
Bro some times a man will have to agree with his wife.....but some times a man has to remain firm to his decision on matters that will affect his family negatively........(If only Adam thought of d negative result eating d fruit would bring, he won't allow d love for his wife, eve to blind him with agreeing wit her....now we are all in dis mess)......

Well, the thing is, what I perceive to be negative/unhealthy only escalates the situation if I open mouth, so it's a case of damned if I do and damned if I don't...for now, I will be going with my conscience sha unless there's anything more enlightening that I'm not seeing that anyone can add put 4 the matter

So your child will never spend the night at her grandma’s house. How sad.
It’s the highlight of every kid’s childhood.

Don't be a selfish son inlaw

What the fuvk is wrong with that?
Ordinary sleep over you dey complain

Haba, no issue. Spending the night at Nana's shouldn't be an issue especially since they are oyinbos. I'm sure your lil one will be fine there. Mama lost her only daughter to you, biko allow her bond with yours too nau.

By the way, it will give you an opportunity to bond more with your wife

I guess the only issue should be the child is too young for now. Just be diplomatic and explain to your wife(and her mum) that when the child is a little older then it will be OK, but for now you are not too comfortable with it.

Only one night you're complaining, when she demands her whole holiday nko?



You took her only daughter from her so it's time for payback ..... You should be glad na, at least you and wifey gets some private bonding time too

If the request came from your mom, would she accept that arrangement? I'm almost certain the answer is NO (following the level of disgust most wives have for their mother in laws), but that's by the way...

Just follow your instincts. Your child is still too young for that kind of bonding. Say YES to the arrangement whenever you're comfortable with it and don't be bothered.

I think some posters ommitted the part where you narrated her extreme closeness with her daughter (your wife). I'm almost sure again that if that extreme closeness was between you and your mother, so many ill words must have filled this thread already.

If that all-night request came from your African mom, trust me, it won't go down well with over 95% of Nigerian wives.

If I were in your condition, I will follow my instincts. She's only 2.5, when she grows a little older, she can spend her holiday wherever.

Well, from what I can tell it seems to be a preference thing (everyone with their own individual preference, I guess). For me, I'm sticking to my guns and will hopefully try and do it in a way in which everyone is okay at the end.

Thank you all for your advice!

Mudley313:
Well, from what I can tell it seems to be a preference thing (everyone with their own individual preference, I guess). For me, I'm sticking to my guns and will hopefully try and do it in a way in which everyone is okay at the end.

Thank you all for your advice!

It's a preference thing and you have your reasons. You mentioned her being manipulative in your marriage, that makes the whole story take shape. You're not free with her, no one would. I'm surprised your wife is oyibo, I always thought it's a Nigerian thing. It's a norm here and we make no fuss 'bout it, especially during the holidays and festive period.

In my own case, I had my reservations just like you(though it had nothing to do with my MIL's person) _hubby and MIL insisted, so I let her spend the weekend. The gate was left open and she strolled into the streets. Someone picked her up and started asking neighbouring houses who has the child. That was the end of such visits. My reasons henceforth can be understandable.

Note: The same rule should apply with your mum. If not, there would be serious problem.

cococandy:
So your child will never spend the night at her grandma’s house. How sad.
It’s the highlight of every kid’s childhood.

Yes!

If you'll apply the same rule to your own mom..no problem... if not..hmmm

This OP is quite strange. What is the joy of having a grandchild if one can't be trusted with him or her for no genuine reason? Abeg go sleep jor, you are selfish

prestigiouslady:
If you'll apply the same rule to your own mom..no problem... if not..hmmm

My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

Just a night? Nawa for you o.

Mudley313:


My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

You're not saying this cos your MIL is manipulative, you're doing this cos of what you've seen around you or maybe what your mother had told you....so you want to judge your own wife cos of your mum's mistake..
Realistically, if you marry an only child, there are some compromises you have to make, that's your MIL only grandchild.
If you were my husband/bro, I'll still insist your mum will have no access to the child too,as you've denied my mother, either during the day/night.

You're just trying to create avoidable issues for yourself..when you marry, you marry not your wife/husband alone but to an EXTENT members of his/her immediate family...

Oyinbo people don’t seem to see anything wrong with sleepovers. They even send their kids to non relatives for sleepover so I am not surprised that grandma wants a sleepover.
You said she can bond with your baby all through the day but not over the night, what do you feel grandma will do overnight that she can’t do during the day?

prestigiouslady:


You're not saying this cos your MIL is manipulative, you're doing this cos of what you've seen around you or maybe what your mother had told you....so you want to judge your own wife cos of your mum's mistake..
Realistically, if you marry an only child, there are some compromises you have to make, that's your MIL only grandchild.
If you were my husband/bro, I'll still insist your mum will have no access to the child too,as you've denied my mother, either during the day/night.

You're just trying to create avoidable issues for yourself..when you marry, you marry not your wife alone but to an EXTENT members of her immediate family...

You got some screws loose or what? Did you not read where the mother in law have full access to the child and its only the sleeping over thingy I'm bothered about?? You say my MIL is not manipulative. Do you know her or do you know me before?? If this woman had her way this my child wouldn't even have been born and you're here knacking teeth on matter you know nothing about. I know i am married to an only child and I have spent all the time in the relationship compromising but sorry, that compromise is not gonna be extending to my daughter. My daughter comes first, not the feelings of some single old lady who can't keep a man to save her life

Mudley313:


You got some screws loose or what? Did you not read where the mother in law have full access to the child and its only the sleeping over thingy I'm bothered about?? You say my MIL is not manipulative. Do you know her or do you know me before?? If this woman had her way this my child wouldn't even have been born and you're here knacking teeth on matter you know nothing about. I know i am married to an only child and I have spent all the time in the relationship compromising but sorry, that compromise is not gonna be extending to my daughter. My daughter comes first, not the feelings of some single old lady who can't keep a man to save her life

You really do not need to insult me..anyways I won't stoop low to do the same to you...I know better and I'm better than that..
Its your family, your wife, child, MIL, deal with them anyhow you see deem fit...I only advised you according to what you wrote.
Peace

Are you sure you’re okay?
When we are looking for who will take the kids away even if it’s for 5 minutes so we can have some peace.
Mtchew
Say what you know.
Many of us spent many many nights at our grandmas’ and our african moms were fine with that.

Acidosis:
If the request came from your mom, would she accept that arrangement? I'm almost certain the answer is NO (following the level of disgust most wives have for their mother in laws), but that's by the way...

Just follow your instincts. Your child is still too young for that kind of bonding. Say YES to the arrangement whenever you're comfortable with it and don't be bothered.

I think some posters ommitted the part where you narrated her extreme closeness with her daughter (your wife). I'm almost sure again that if that extreme closeness was between you and your mother, so many ill words must have filled this thread already.

If that all-night request came from your African mom, trust me, it won't go down well with over 95% of Nigerian wives.

If I were in your condition, I will follow my instincts. She's only 2.5, when she grows a little older, she can spend her holiday wherever.

Well why not say what it is before asking for people’s opinions.
I’m sure most people including me will see no problems with kids spending a night or two at their grandparents’ unless there is a solid reason not to.
So far you have given no reason except to say you went through stuff.

Until then,

Mudley313:


My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

Mudley313:


My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

since ur have already made ur conclusion,y den ask for our opinion

You want to know Why night is so special?

That's when witches fly and initiate new members into their covens.

nnamdiokere45:
since ur have already made ur conclusion,y den ask for our opinion

I put out this thread yesterday when I was not too sure bout my decision yet but started to reply today when I became certain of what I wanted.

Well, we decided the child can spend the night but with my wife there with her as well. So compromise.

Thank you all for your responses and apologies to those I started to get a lil harsh/rude with. Its all good n life goes on

keepingmum:
I hope when your mum or relative ask for a sleepover with your child you ll maintain the same stance sha...

Exactly! If not, na there correct fight go dey.

What's wrong in letting your daughter sleep over in her house?


It seems too much of Nollywood has entered your head ba?, and your mother in law is even white, SMH for you.


You better allow her to spend the night before you complicate issue for yourself.

What happened last night is on facebook Nairaland



Na wah o

Is your mother-in-law a pervert that can't be trusted
with children?
If no, why do you object?