khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

motun2017:
how can you build a whole house under your husband's nose n he didnt knwwww? if she cn hide a whlle house she can definitely cheat on her hubby! i just tire

somehow:
Securing a place for herself to the detriment of the home?

Not like the man built a house already and she wanted hers too. They couldn't even pay house rent yet she didn't support. How do you people think?

Marcelo290:
Nawaoo, can one still find a woman worth calling a wife? I pray I still find a woman like my mom.

My dad used to be very wealthy, but how the table turned around I can't still tell. My mom was like the breadwinner, she kept running around and even sponsored me and my brothers in school, never for once did she complain. If it was this kind of woman in question, I wonder what would had been our fate by now.

Women should know that hard times don't last forever, support and be with your man, treat him well to avoid depleting his already shattered self esteem, he would cherish and appreciate you more. Most of them become showy, they go around telling anyone who cares to listen how they are the ones who provide for the family, they go and come back anytime they want unquestioned.

God if I am about marrying any bad woman that would cause me pains, make me slump on my weeding day!

LordKO:



Foremost, any marriage will lose its healthiness the very moment it lost its community-ness - individuality in marriage as you clearly championed is the bane of spate of separation and divorce cases that are the order of the day everywhere in the world. Actually, this your submission, an erroneous and sentimental one at that, really caught my attention. Before I go on, citing the OP's post, he was of goodness towards his wife while his reigning days lasted in their union. Therefore, the negatives attitudes his wife meted out against him was uncalled for in all ramifications, there shouldn't be any rational reason to justify them at all - in her actions and inactions I see a self-centered, selfish, opportunistic, disingenuous, narcissistic, compassionless and non-conscientious woman. . . She never had any genuine love for him. I partly blame the OP though, because it's obvious that he didn't achieve self-realization before he married her.

Now, back to your erroneous and sentimental submission, I'd expected you to know that there's a word like "some," so a statement like the following lack any sense of rationality: "You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man." My point is that not all Nigerian men are small-minded and subjugator's. . . Personally, I live to conquer myself and not to conquer the world, and live to love the world without hating myself - this is about society. Also, I see culture as the way the living (individually or collectively) chooses to live their lives with emphasis on fairness to all - irrespective of social stratum, gender or age. Now, using my stated personal principle here as a standard, don't you think that it will amount to outright evil if a woman I take as a wife (don't worry I can never be a victim of having an evil personified woman as a wife. lol) mete out against me this kind of negative attitudes the OP's wife meted out against him? In summary, in this regard, I say to you that society and culture are individual things, so stop generalizing.

Meanwhile, you just like 99% of almost every other persons I have met have an erroneous understanding of the true meaning of the word "smartness." Disingenuousness is not and can never be the same thing as cleverness, and I don't see smartness where there's no cleverness - cleverness loses its meaning the very moment you take away ingenuousness from it.

Disingenuousness from either one or both parties involved in any relationship is always the root cause of unhealthiness in such a relationship, and once a relationship lost its healthiness it will automatically lose its community-ness too. The end result is either frenemies living together, marring, one killing the other , separation or divorce. Mind games is for small-minded people. Personally, the moment I observed any trace of disingenousness (act of mind games) from someone I have a thing with, I walk out from such union - I am always wary of disingenuous people not because they can have their evil ways around me without my consent, no, rather it's because they never survive my defense acts. They are always bad losers, when they lose you see them whining, playing victim, backbiting and throwing tantrums.

The OP was married to a disingenuous woman. And her disingenuousness brought about these other vices she meted out against him; self-centered, selfish, opportunistic, narcissistic, compassionless and non-conscientious attitudes. The woman succeeded in practicing her acts of shenanigans around the OP not because she was smart, no, but because the OP wans't insightful and smart.

somehow:
Don't you think a man can only throw a woman out of the house if he knows 100% he's been the sole provider? If both of them have been funding the home, no way a man can take such decision don't you think?

Futureberry:
it not my fault that you are ignorant of your right....in the court of law(if the court recognize their marriage) the husband might be given half ownership of the house.... He supported her,gave her money...gave her emotional and physical support....when you are married the house that you and your husband lives in belongs to you both....you have no right to get married if you don't know your right....

khiaa:




Hmmmm Weeding day? What kind?

khiaa:


Your laws favor the man.

Futureberry:
in most part of the world,laws favour women

Marcelo290:
Like lemme just fall down, I would remember my prayers to God and call off the wedding ASAP lol

khiaa:


But they favor the innocent person.

Futureberry:
nop

khiaa:


Yep!

khiaa:


Only in a fair society, but this is Nigeria.

khiaa:


Maybe if you read my posts you would know how I think.

somehow:
I read your post and my comment is a general view towards some of you that didn't see seom screwed up attitudes of that woman (maybe you didn't support that part of her but others saw nothing wrong with it)

khiaa:


Wow!! You should have read my post over again for a clearer understanding of my thoughts before you wrote this book.
I clearly stated that A LOT OF HUSBANDS , NOT ALL HUSBANDS.
I stated that she was WRONG for not CONTRIBUTING to the BILLS.

I also said that she was SELFISH and COLD HEARTED, and YES I believe a woman should not depend on a man for EVERYTHING because he will mistreat her if she does.

Furthermore I would not want the whole community in my marital affairs, nosey and jealous people can add to your problems.

Futureberry:
suit yourself

LordKO:


LOL. Community-ness in a marriage simply means oneness of the two people involved in it - it has nothing to do with outsiders. The presence of individuality as you championed is always a product of mistrust and suspicion, such is akin to two captains in one ship - it breeds unhealthiness in a union. Individuality shouldn't be mistaken for independency, there's a tiny line between the two in marriage union. While the former is powered by disingenuousness and unhealthy the latter is powered by ingenuousness and very healthy.

khiaa:


Lol On the contrary... Nigerians are known for budding in to their family marital affairs, giving unwanted and unsolicited advice.

LordKO:


It's obvious that you've always associated with unconscientious Nigerians. Now it's about time you start to associate with the conscientious one's, because they don't encourage nosiness. . . You and generalization is inseparable. LOL.

Believe you me that small-mindedness isn't just only a Nigerian thing instead its global.

GratefulHeart23:
Some men could kick you out of 'their' house at the slightest provocation and what happens when you have no place to stay and no means to support yourself?

khiaa:



Are you a conscientious Nigerian ?
Wow! That question is a oxymoron.
If you are, you are one of the few and RARE that I have ever had a conversation with.

khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

LordKO:


Literally, there's nothing oxymoronic about your question, your prejudice notwithstanding.

khiaa:


Who makes the rules in a Nigerian home when both partners are paying the bills equally?