Bro ...

Seek the teachings of Rollo tomassi ...therein lies your answer and your way forward .

Just Google and start from year one on the menu .

That is all .

Because of the kind of person your wife is, I don't think she has moved on. Yes every advice here will tell you that you marriage is gone and never to make that call. You have been with her for 6yrs and you know what works for you in your marriage.
I think choosing now that you are far away to stay blank on her is wrong timing.
Since she is like that, I think the best time not to make that call will be when you guy are close an this attitude comes up again.
You are far away from your family for the first time in 6yrs. May be it's also the first time you have stayed this long away from them. It's your duty to make that call man! She is your wife and with your kids. If not for anything, call and ask ho they are doing. People with her type of attitude like to be pampered but will find it difficult to return the favor.
Make that call, your marriage is not over yet. Even if you think it's over and she ended up keeping the children, you will still be calling to know how they are doing.

An eye for an eye will leave both of you blind.

eyinjuege:


Your marriage is over. Painful but true.
My advice is that you go back to Norway where your children are and get another job there so you can be close to them. Move back into another apartment where your children can stay when its time to see you.
You may or not decide to start divorce procedings or file for a seperation. Do that before starting another relationship.
Be ready to support your children though, especially financially.

Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please I am not trying to be rude, please can you kindly let me know why you say the marriage was over ?

Your wife knows you very very well. She knows you will come back to apologize. Even I can picture you running back to her to apologize. If you want to be freed from the control she has over you, then you need to ignore her completely and let her continue her tantrum. This will most likely result in the dissolution of your marriage because your wife ego and pride are too strong for her to admit any fault. She will rather be a divorcee than admit any fault. So the ball is in your corner, you can either try to gain your emotional freedom by completely ignoring her(which might dissolve the marriage) or you can go beg her, which will result in more disrespect from her to you. The choice is yours.

In the meantime, I will advise you to move back to Norway and get your own place. Your children need you the most. They deserve a father that is there for them physically. You can’t do your fatherly duties from such a long distance.

kapelvej:
Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please I am not trying to be rude, please can you kindly let me know why you say the marriage was over ?

The Norwegian authrority asked you to relocate to another country? Why would any authority encourage a family to be split if not that there's possibly no hope for you guys?
They have organised counselling sessions to work things out, but your wife isn't open to such and has never honored any invite. Doesn't that mean she's not keen on reviving the marriage? What else do you need?
The handwriting is clearly and boldly on the wall, and its left for you to put on your reading glasses to read what's on the wall.
Life is to short to be spent with someone who doesn't love you. You need to love yourself first and think about yourself first in this situation. Is it a good way for your children to live in acrimony?
You can force a horse to the river but you can't force it ti drink. You can't force your wife to love you, or to make your marriage work
Pick up the pieces and go from there.
Unless you're hiding something, in your story like domestic violence.
She may also have a psychological disorder, but I'm not sure knowing that would help your marriage as she's not ready to receive help

eyinjuege:


The Norwegian authrority asked you to relocate to another country? Why would any authority encourage a family to be split if not that there's possibly no hope for you guys?
They have organised counselling sessions to work things out, but your wife isn't open to such and has never honored any invite. Doesn't that mean she's not keen on reviving the marriage? What else do you need?
The handwriting is clearly and boldly on the wall, and its left for you to put on your reading glasses to read what's on the wall.
Life is to short to be spent with someone who doesn't love you. You need to love yourself first and think about yourself first in this situation. Is it a good way for your children to live in acrimony?
You can force a horse to the river but you can't force it ti drink. You can't force your wife to love you, or to make your marriage work
Pick up the pieces and go from there.
Unless you're hiding something, in your story like domestic violence.
She may also have a psychological disorder, but I'm not sure knowing that would help your marriage as she's not ready to receive help

Domestic violence ?, nooooo not me. Sincerely, this is the story the way it is. Well, the Norwegian authourity see the EU as one big country.

nnamdibig:
Because of the kind of person your wife is, I don't think she has moved on. Yes every advice here will tell you that you marriage is gone and never to make that call. You have been with her for 6yrs and you know what works for you in your marriage.
I think choosing now that you are far away to stay blank on her is wrong timing.
Since she is like that, I think the best time not to make that call will be when you guy are close an this attitude comes up again.
You are far away from your family for the first time in 6yrs. May be it's also the first time you have stayed this long away from them. It's your duty to make that call man! She is your wife and with your kids. If not for anything, call and ask ho they are doing. People with her type of attitude like to be pampered but will find it difficult to return the favor.
Make that call, your marriage is not over yet. Even if you think it's over and she ended up keeping the children, you will still be calling to know how they are doing.

An eye for an eye will leave both of you blind.

I do not think I have any eye left to be blinded

kapelvej:
I do not think I have any eye left to be blinded

I think you do. Your partner is one of the few people that can hurt you this much and still get away with it.

Your wife displayed this character flaw from day one which you failed to work on. You had all the opportunity to work on her as an insider but blew it.

I see your wife as someone crying on the inside for help.Do you honestly think she enjoys herself that way? Nothing happens by chance.This could be your cosmic duty. The mother of your kids could be better and not bitter.

Is this not part of your job discription when you chose her as the mother of your kids?

You have a second chance to work on her as an outsider. Get to work and find smart ways to work on your wife.

Read Charles Duhigg's Power Of Habits to at least understand your woman.

Chubhie:
Your wife displayed this character flaw from day one which you failed to work on. You had all the opportunity to work on her as an insider but blew it.

I see your wife as someone crying on the inside for help.Do you honestly think she enjoys herself that way? Nothing happens by chance.This could be your cosmic duty. The mother of your kids could be better and not bitter.

Is this not part of your job discription when you chose her as the mother of your kids?

You have a second chance to work on her as an outsider. Get to work and find smart ways to work on your wife.

Read Charles Duhigg's Power Of Habits to at least understand your woman.

Thanks for the new dimensions. Thanks for the book, but what other ways do you think I can look to .?

kapelvej:
Hello all. Thank you all for your previous contributions on this link

https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved

I am writing to give and update on the topic above. Please I will appreciate all your advice and insults.
My birthday was five days ago. as I write, I did not get any single message from wife. Could she really have moved on ?

She still may not have moved on. She is stubborn.

boyjo:


She still may not have moved on. She is stubborn.

hmmmmm

kapelvej:
Thanks for the new dimensions. Thanks for the book, but what other ways do you think I can look to .?

This long distance thing (two countries) is too much for someone with your wife's attitude. If you want your marriage to work you have to be close to her, giving her this kind of space even when you knew she had started flirting.... It's too much. Another country? Not even another state? Haba.

I suggest instead of asking if she has moved on online, you go back to visit your kids whom I assume you are missing. Have some fun/quality time with them. Make them the centre of your happiness and not your wife. Stop looking for what's wrong with your wife and how to fix her. Somehow you married this kind of antisocial woman for whatever reason, you'll have to manage her like that. Maybe she will improve in future, maybe she won't. But your joy will be in taking care of the kids and having a great relationship with them.

The counsellor that advised you to move to another COUNTRY is crazy in the head, doesn't matter how many degrees he has.

I'm glad you're open to opinions! I look forward to hearing a good news update from you. I wish you all the Best Op!

kapelvej:
Thanks for the new dimensions. Thanks for the book, but what other ways do you think I can look to .?

You should look towards working your way to a place where your wife would be absolutely trusting of you in all things including her life. Difficult? perish that thought.

Let's go to the drawing board. Man know thyself. This is the number one rule before you venture into any relationship talkless of lifelong commitment as marriage.

You ought to have spent a lot of time researching and understanding how the female package works in terms of anatomical, mental and external factors as experiences, conditions, economical and a fast paced social media driven today's reality plays a role on her total package.

I can bet my last $10 sitting on this table that you probably did a haphazard job in that regards or non at all judging by the quantum of your troubles. You shouldn't see yourself as a failure yet cos every man needs a father and a godfather to stand a chance of turning out better.

Women are not the lesser evil per say. You can rewire and customise her into any pattern you wish as long as you've worked your way to the elusive Gspot of her soul whilst showing all workings.

There a lot of books and research papers on these yet our libraries are not being robbed.

kapelvej:
Hello all. Thank you all for your previous contributions on this link

https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved

I am writing to give and update on the topic above. Please I will appreciate all your advice and insults.
My birthday was five days ago. as I write, I did not get any single message from wife. Could she really have moved on ?

Please move on with your life, when she is tired, she will come round, if she wants divorce or separation, kindly oblige her.

MARKone:


Please move on with your life, when she is tired, she will come round, if she wants divorce or separation, kindly oblige her.

thanks, this seems the reasonable option, but my kids...

Chubhie:

You should look towards working your way to a place where your wife would be absolutely trusting of you in all things including her life. Difficult? perish that thought.

Let's go to the drawing board. Man know thyself. This is the number one rule before you venture into any relationship talkless of lifelong commitment as marriage.

You ought to have spent a lot of time researching and understanding how the female package works in terms of anatomical, mental and external factors as experiences, conditions, economical and a fast paced social media driven today's reality plays a role on her total package.

I can bet my last $10 sitting on this table that you probably did a haphazard job in that regards or non at all judging by the quantum of your troubles. You shouldn't see yourself as a failure yet cos every man needs a father and a godfather to stand a chance of turning out better.

Women are not the lesser evil per say. You can rewire and customise her into any pattern you wish as long as you've worked your way to the elusive Gspot of her soul whilst showing all workings.

There a lot of books and research papers on these yet our libraries are not being robbed.

Thanks

Prognose:



This long distance thing (two countries) is too much for someone with your wife's attitude. If you want your marriage to work you have to be close to her, giving her this kind of space even when you knew she had started flirting.... It's too much. Another country? Not even another state? Haba.

I suggest instead of asking if she has moved on online, you go back to visit your kids whom I assume you are missing. Have some fun/quality time with them. Make them the centre of your happiness and not your wife. Stop looking for what's wrong with your wife and how to fix her. Somehow you married this kind of antisocial woman for whatever reason, you'll have to manage her like that. Maybe she will improve in future, maybe she won't. But your joy will be in taking care of the kids and having a great relationship with them.

The counsellor that advised you to move to another COUNTRY is crazy in the head, doesn't matter how many degrees he has.

I know a lot of Nigerians will say the same thing about the councillor, but moving to another country here in EU of you are an EU citizen is nothing really.

yettymuse:
I'm glad you're open to opinions! I look forward to hearing a good news update from you. I wish you all the Best Op!

thank you for your time. Just reading every one's comment Here has really helped to heal my soul

kapelvej:
thanks, this seems the reasonable option, but my kids...

You can take care of them, if you set your mind on it, believe me, I've been there.

kapelvej:
I know a lot of Nigerians will say the same thing about the councillor, but moving to another country here in EU of you are an EU citizen is nothing really.

I do not agree with you ....so if a UK citizen need a temporary separation from the wife then the best suggestion is to leave the UK to Romanian abi?

The best you would ve done is to move into another apartment in the same city where you can easily reach your children weekends until you find a lasting solution to your challenges. .....why will you leave a well paying job to Malta that has the lowest wages in Europe.
Y u no go any of the Scandinavia countries that is even close to Norway. Abeg tell us another reason

mrsmith11:


I do not agree with you ....so if a UK citizen need a temporary separation from the wife then the best suggestion is to leave the UK to Romanian abi?

The best you would ve done is to move into another apartment in the same city where you can easily reach your children weekends until you find a lasting solution to your challenges. .....why will you leave a well paying job to Malta that has the lowest wages in Europe.
Y u no go any of the Scandinavia countries that is even close to Norway. Abeg tell us another reason

Hello thanks for your time, I would have choosen not to reply , but I think we need to get somethings clear.Romania and Uk, are two extremes.UK is not mainland Europe, Romania with due respect is mainly Eu by name.
Talking about going to other Scandinavian country,the counselor and I reasoned that leaving to any one of them does not portray seriousness from me. The whole Idea was for my leaving to make a serious impact on my wife. If I go to any other Scandinavian, it will have no effect, because Copenhagen in Denmark is less than 20 minutes to malmo in Sweden,Sweden and Norway share many similar towns, so we in Scandinavian see these countries as almost one.
The other reason I want to Malta was because of my Job, I am a Pharmacist, it is easiest to get a job in Malta than any other EU country. I am just doing odd jobs before I obtain licence in Malta, this takes three 4 months. The ideal thing would have been to do the registration before going to Malta, but the problem on ground made me leave earlier.

kapelvej:
Hello thanks for your time, I would have choosen not to reply , but I think we need to get somethings clear.Romania and Uk, are two extremes.UK is not mainland Europe, Romania with due respect is mainly Eu by name.
Talking about going to other Scandinavian country,the counselor and I reasoned that leaving to any one of them does not portray seriousness from me. The whole Idea was for my leaving to make a serious impact on my wife. If I go to any other Scandinavian, it will have no effect, because Copenhagen in Denmark is less than 20 minutes to malmo in Sweden,Sweden and Norway share many similar towns, so we in Scandinavian see these countries as almost one.
The other reason I want to Malta was because of my Job, I am a Pharmacist, it is easiest to get a job in Malta than any other EU country. I am just doing odd jobs before I obtain licence in Malta, this takes three 4 months. The ideal thing would have been to do the registration before going to Malta, but the problem on ground made me leave earlier.

Probably you misunderstood me.....I was saying moving far away from Norway will not help and I guess it has not .
There is saying that out of sight can be out of mind but been close to your family especially your children when you can see them at any time would ve been better.

Probably you would ve used your birthday as opportunity to take everyone out for dinner and things like that rekindle or refresh memories that can heal wounds.

I live here in Europe n family is in Nigeria so I know the challenges and vacuum distance between partners can create.

I will advice you go back to Norway n face the issue if for nothing but to be close to your children.

mrsmith11:


Probably you misunderstood me.....I was saying moving far away from Norway will not help and I guess it has not .
There is saying that out of sight can be out of mind but been close to your family especially your children when you can see them at any time would ve been better.

Probably you would ve used your birthday as opportunity to take everyone out for dinner and things like that rekindle or refresh memories that can heal wounds.

I live here in Europe n family is in Nigeria so I know the challenges and vacuum distance between partners can create.

I will advice you go back to Norway n face the issue if for nothing but to be close to your children.

I think you are the one need to un derstand the situation, how do you resolve an issue with someone that has decided not to speak to anyone, not to counselor, not to her family, not to the church on this challenge at home, she can relate fairly okay with her family, immediately the bring up this matter, then trouble starts. Well talking about birthday, in January I bought her some birthday gifts and right were I am she dumped them in the bin without opening up. Before I left, I spent the last 8 months in a different, in same house, she cooks her meal, I cook mine, if I touch her food she will never touch that pot again.We have never lived apart, there is no question of long distance marriage. I left the house the first time now because of the problem. I think you should read my first post properly.

If I were you, I will cajole her that we have settled and tell her is been a while we visit Nigeria, darling don't you think we should visit home?
If she say yes I think we should visit home. Then when you board the plane tell her I love you for this kind consideration that we both see our parents.
Bros when you here the pilot announce we are in Nigeria
Land her one slap collect her passport take your children leave her there the next morning find your way back to wherever you work.
This is not the first time I am hearing about Nigerian wives abroad that has been well taking care of by their husband some even sponsored their education will start maltreating the husband because the culture there is not ours. I am tired of this.
Very soon I am traveling out I have my gal friend I am afraid marrying her and bringing her with me and she will suddenly change just like the others.

Nice one

Bass123:
If I were you, I will cajole her that we have settled and tell her is been a while we visit Nigeria, darling don't you think we should visit home?
If she say yes I think we should visit home. Then when you board the plane tell her I love you for this kind consideration that we both see our parents.
Bros when you here the pilot announce we are in Nigeria
Land her one slap collect her passport take your children leave her there the next morning find your way back to wherever you work.
This is not the first time I am hearing about Nigerian wives abroad that has been well taking care of by their husband some even sponsored their education will start maltreating the husband because the culture there is not ours. I am tired of this.
Very soon I am traveling out I have my gal friend I am afraid marrying her and bringing her with me and she will suddenly change just like the others.

There are still good Nigerian women that did not change. Which kind of woman is your girlfriend, is God fearing, does she have a strong respect for her family? These are very vital.
Thank you so much for your advice. I feel I should just leave her to God and her conscience if she has any left

Yes I know there are still good ones but they do suddenly change with time out there. Anyways, just leave her to God.
The slap I talked about pls don't try it, I allowed anger took the better part of my judgment.
I hate divorce, I hate separation, can you commit this issue to God every night by fasting too? I will try on my own help with prayers too. Let's try this as is the only option that I thought is not been visited.

kapelvej:
There are still good Nigerian women that did not change. Which kind of woman is your girlfriend, is God fearing, does she have a strong respect for her family? These are very vital.
Thank you so much for your advice. I feel I should just leave her to God and her conscience if she has any left

Bass123:
Yes I know there are still good ones but they do suddenly change with time out there. Anyways, just leave her to God.
The slap I talked about pls don't try it, I allowed anger took the better part of my judgment.
I hate divorce, I hate separation, can you commit this issue to God every night by fasting too? I will try on my own help with prayers too. Let's try this as is the only option that I thought is not been visited.

My brother the thing is annoying, the situation even deserves more than a slap. I feel so humbled for suggesting to pray with me. Thank u so much. Trust me one thing she holds on to is because of the statement you made above '...I hate separation...' She knows I am against divorce, she knows I want the kids to be raised in a 'father and mother setting', this has been of the things that gives her gut, because she knows she will always get away.

kapelvej:
My brother the thing is annoying, the situation even deserves more than a slap. I feel so humbled for suggesting to pray with me. Thank u so much. Trust me one thing she holds on to is because of the statement you made above '...I hate separation...' She knows I am against divorce, she knows I want the kids to be raised in a 'father and mother setting', this has been of the things that gives her gut, because she knows she will always get away.

Op, ive been following this thread, ive never made any comment, im over 50 years old with similar experience, wake up the truth is that ur wife has moved onnnnnnnn!!!! You will not be the first person, neither d second nor d third to divorce, forget love, you are a man, I hope you dont commit suicide when the reality dawn on u, stop consoling urself, shes no longer in love with u

janefarms2015:


Op, ive been following this thread, ive never made any comment, im over 50 years old with similar experience, wake up the truth is that ur wife has moved onnnnnnnn!!!! You will not be the first person, neither d second nor d third to divorce, forget love, you are a man, I hope you dont commit suicide when the reality dawn on u, stop consoling urself, shes no longer in love with u

Thank you for bringing your experiences in.Sincerely I am really bothered about the kids. I can not force her to Love me,.