Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

the thing on my mind right now to do is to warn the girl to seriously stay away from my family and brother or else she wont like the treatment she will be getting from me. i will never ever support the marriage. i am not ready to be an uncle to a sickler. the girl wants to ruin my family. my brother is been perpetually ignorant and foolish. i really dont know what is wrong with him. too much disappointment is not enough reason to go ahead with this marriage. i am tired and unhappy. please i need serious advice on how to end this evil relationship. lalasticlala mynd44 ishilove any other moderator please help a brother in this problem

Your hatred for the girl will not change anything sir..you either believe with your brother that God can do anything,or forever remain silent..

misreal:
Your hatred for the girl will not change anything sir..you either believe with your brother that God can do anything,or forever remain silent..

this is not really about god. it is about the much disappointments he has faced. he says he is not ready to face any other disappointments while his mates are married so he wants to go ahead with the marriage no matter the cost. its like making decision when pushed emotionally. he is not in his right sense. fear of disappointment and age is behind this drastic decision he took

Love is all about sacrifice and the sacrifice your brother has to pay is to let the girl go. His future children will not forgive him for bringing them to the world for them to suffer the sickle cell anemia.

Talk to your parents and your brother not to bring religion into this, inasmuch faith in God to perform miracle is key, some experiences are really not the best teacher.

folake4u:
Love is all about sacrifice and the sacrifice your brother has to pay is to let the girl go. His future children will not forgive him for bringing them to the world for them to suffer the sickle cell anemia. Talk to your parents and your brother not to bring religion into this, inasmuch faith in God to perform miracle is key, some experiences are really not the best teacher.

...... Nice one. You ve said it all.

some people can just be too ignorant. of all the cases i have seen in this issue, nobody has ever escaped from it. there all had SS child. God can do anything but dont jump into fire you have seen with your clear eyes hoping you wont burn because you serve God. now the kids would suffer the consequences of a very ignorant decision made. what a life! and the girl is even a nurse. your brother should better open his eyes

lalasticlala ishilove. help move this to front page. the op seriously needs advice

folake4u:
Love is all about sacrifice and the sacrifice your brother has to pay is to let the girl go. His future children will not forgive him for bringing them to the world for them to suffer the sickle cell anemia. Talk to your parents and your brother not to bring religion into this, inasmuch faith in God to perform miracle is key, some experiences are really not the best teacher.

thank you fear. the thing is the girl herself is not ready to let him go. she still even calls him. her age factor is making her even more desperate. i dont care if the girl gets married or not. she should just leave my bro alone. i mean is that too hard for a lady to do? am so much pained. right now i have so much hatred towards the girl. right now i am thinking of giving her a very sound warning to stay away from my family or else she would never find peace. i would be very happy to be the black sheep that destroyed the relationship and save the lives of my bro's unborn kids. is it right?

If only people know the PAIN to watch ypur child suffer even ordinary injury not to talk of sickness. They dont want to spend the productive years of their lives watching their flesh and blood suffer, trust me. If they insist, tor.

Its not your relationship, neither is it your business.
The main thing is for both of them to understand the risks involved, and if they're ready to plunge in, goodluck to them.
Your place as a brother is to support. Not dictate, not rule or instruct your brother.
You should learn to respect your brother's choice and wishes. If you're not ready to support him, you can disown him.

DopeAngel:
please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.
now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things. i am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.
right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

Wetin be your own now,if your brother insists,please just join them in their prayers so they won't have ss children. Simple.

love is blind..you don't have to threaten the girl,do you even know her stand? maybe nah your brother wan gree die for her matter...
this matter nah reasoning, no be war o.

eyinjuege:
Its not your relationship, neither is it your business.
The main thing is for both of them to understand the risks involved, and if they're ready to plunge in, goodluck to them.
Your place as a brother is to support. Not dictate, not rule or instruct your brother.
You should learn to respect your brother's choice and wishes. If you're not ready to support him, you can disown him.

Sorry, I just had to quote you. There is nothing about respecting choices/wishes in this case because this doesn't involve only the couple but also the unborn child(ren) whom they might bring into the world to suffer. What about the child that might probably go through severe pains almost every day of his/her life?
If you have ever been close to any sickler, you wouldn't think twice about this.
What about even the trauma that the parents would have to pass through; hypertension and Co?
It is really not a nice experience.

DopeAngel:
please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.
now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things. i am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.
right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

This is a very tricky and delicate situation. I am a strong believer in preventive medicine but also a strong believer in God. From a medical standpoint this marriage is risky. The financial and emotional drain a child with SS brings is enormous. It will eventually cause a strain between them if they are not strong enough. Not to talk of the effects on the extended family. And that's just one child, what if they end up with multiple children been sicklers. I can't even begin to imagine.

On the other hand nothing is set in stone. With each pregnancy they have 1 in 4 chance of giving birth to a sickler and 3 in 4 chance of giving birth to a healthy child. Those aren't bad odds if you are a gambler. I believe faith is extremely important. I remember a few years ago in Winners Chapel Warri, a married couple who were both AS were testifying with a new born in hand and 2 smaller children close to them. Am sure you can guess their testimony, none of those children were sicklers. Some can say its pure luck others divine intervention. What I will say is Faith is a powerful force don't underestimate it.

Best thing for you to do is ensure again they both understand the risks. If they choose to go with faith let them, it's a powerful force. Don't interfere, your brother is not a child and neither is the girl. They know the risks and have BOTH chosen to go through with it. As long as neither one is mentally unstable or unsound in mind, its their choice and they have made it. You have to accept it, try to put aside your own stance and support them because that's what family do.

Trying to threaten the girl with only make matters worse and strengthen their resolve even more especially since your parents have given their blessings. The only thing you will succeed in doing is alienating yourself and I honestly don't see what good that will do.

Please understand, this wasn't an easy decision for them to make and you adding to that isn't fair to be honest. Yes they have made a decision you clearly don't agree with but in the end he is your family. And she will be your family should this pull through. Family gives support so give it. I will just advice you to place it in God's Hands and let him stir the situation to the permanent site.

DopeAngel:
this is not really about god. it is about the much disappointments he has faced. he says he is not ready to face any other disappointments while his mates are married so he wants to go ahead with the marriage no matter the cost. its like making decision when pushed emotionally. he is not in his right sense. fear of disappointment and age is behind this drastic decision he took

but he is an adult.and he should be held responsible for every decision he takes.

Just take your brother to any hematological centre in any close by tertiary health institution, so that he could see for himself children suffering from sickle cell disease. If he is ready to go that way for life, then leave him to his fate and count yourself out. Goodluck

luchee:

Sorry, I just had to quote you. There is nothing about respecting choices/wishes in this case because this doesn't involve only the couple but also the unborn child(ren) whom they might bring into the world to suffer. What about the child that might probably go through severe pains almost every day of his/her life?
If you have ever been close to any sickler, you wouldn't think twice about this.
What about even the trauma that the parents would have to pass through; hypertension and Co?
It is really not a nice experience.

They are not your children, the stress will be on their parents. Provided they know what they are getting into, its still their decision.
I wouldn't advice 2 people with AS genotypes to marry, but if they decide to, i can only support them and wish them well. I will not try to control their decision and choice, I will not try all the drama the poster is trying to cause at all.
Someone has once told me, the solution to eradicating sickle cell disease is to kill all AS persons as they are the ones passing on the disease. I chose to believe he was joking, but who knows what such a person can do if given the power to. Your own solution is asking them not to marry, not as extreme but still can be taken too far as the OP apparently wants to, in his bid to have the perfect family.
You can advice and educate them on the trials sicklers face, the stress etc but that's all required of you.
I know a lot about sicklers, and i know some so dont think i don't understand where you're coming from

The probability that they will give birth to a sickler is just 25% which is still low to me although the risks increases if they continue to bear children overtime without limitation.

My advice to the couple is to limit the number of their children to just one or two at most.

DopeAngel:
thank you fear. the thing is the girl herself is not ready to let him go. she still even calls him. her age factor is making her even more desperate. i dont care if the girl gets married or not. she should just leave my bro alone. i mean is that too hard for a lady to do? am so much pained. right now i have so much hatred towards the girl. right now i am thinking of giving her a very sound warning to stay away from my family or else she would never find peace. i would be very happy to be the black sheep that destroyed the relationship and save the lives of my bro's unborn kids. is it right?

Guy please take it easy. Hating her is not the answer. Just take things easy, see if you can plead with her amicably. I'd advice you to be careful though, only God knows best.

oceandivee:
Just take your brother to any hematological centre in any close by tertiary health institution, so that he could see for himself children suffering from sickle cell disease. If he is ready to go that way for life, then leave him to his fate and count yourself out. Goodluck

I'm telling you. Even the so called solution "Bone marrow transplant " which will remove the sickle cell completely from the child's body is a game of probability 50-50 ,the child might live or die. Should we talk about the cost or other complications? .

God help us.

CONFAMA:
The probability that they will give birth to a sickler is just 25% which is still low to me although the risks increases if they continue to bear children overtime without limitation.

My advice to the couple is to limit the number of their children to just one or two at most.

Just wanted to correct this the risk doesn't increase as they continue to bear children. It remains the same @ 25%. The chances of a child getting a certain genotype is independent of how many times it has occur before. So at each stage or times of conception the probability remains the same for all possible outcomes. It does not not increase or reduce as long as the parents genotypes remains constant.

Sultan5:


Just wanted to correct this the risk doesn't increase as they continue to bear children. It remains the same @ 25%. The chances of a child getting a certain genotype is independent of how many times it has occur before. So at each stage or times of conception the probability remains the same for all possible outcomes. It does not not increase or reduce as long as the parents genotypes remains constant.

You probably don't understand what I meant. Let's assume they decide to have ten children. What is the probability that at least one of them would be SS compared to just having two kids.

So the fewer the number of children, the lesser the probability that at least one of them will be a sickler.

eyinjuege:


Someone has once told me, the solution to eradicating sickle cell disease is to kill all AS persons as they are the ones passing on the disease. I chose to believe he was joking, but who knows what such a person can do if given the power to. Your own solution is asking them not to marry,

I don't think she ever meant that she shouldn't marry... At least, she could look for someone with AA to get married to

CONFAMA:




You probably don't understand what I meant. Let's assume they decide to have ten children. What is the probability that at least one of them would be SS compared to just having two kids.

So the fewer the number of children, the lesser the probability that at least one of them will be a sickler.

Try to understand what the guy you quoted meant... You could give birth to even 1 or 2 max and still have all outcomes SS... That's what probability is about... Your conclusion can only work when the 1st in case of 1 child or 1st two in case of 2 children are healthy in order to avoid unhealthy ones subsequently

your brother is making his decision based on time and is surprisingly neglecting the fact that he could have a sickle cell child in the future, that's very risky and there's little you can do than to just pray for them

Sultan5:


This is a very tricky and delicate situation. I am a strong believer in preventive medicine but also a strong believer in God. From a medical standpoint this marriage is risky. The financial and emotional drain a child with SS brings is enormous. It will eventually cause a strain between them if they are not strong enough. Not to talk of the effects on the extended family. And that's just one child, what if they end up with multiple children been sicklers. I can't even begin to imagine.

On the other hand nothing is set in stone. With each pregnancy they have 1 in 4 chance of giving birth to a sickler and 3 in 4 chance of giving birth to a healthy child. Those aren't bad odds if you are a gambler. I believe faith is extremely important. I remember a few years ago in Winners Chapel Warri, a married couple who were both AS were testifying with a new born in hand and 2 smaller children close to them. Am sure you can guess their testimony, none of those children were sicklers. Some can say its pure luck others divine intervention. What I will say is Faith is a powerful force don't underestimate it.

Best thing for you to do is ensure again they both understand the risks. If they choose to go with faith let them, it's a powerful force. Don't interfere, your brother is not a child and neither is the girl. They know the risks and have BOTH chosen to go through with it. As long as neither one is mentally unstable or unsound in mind, its their choice and they have made it. You have to accept it, try to put aside your own stance and support them because that's what family do.

Trying to threaten the girl with only make matters worse and strengthen their resolve even more especially since your parents have given their blessings. The only thing you will succeed in doing is alienating yourself and I honestly don't see what good that will do.

Please understand, this wasn't an easy decision for them to make and you adding to that isn't fair to be honest. Yes they have made a decision you clearly don't agree with but in the end he is your family. And she will be your family should this pull through. Family gives support so give it. I will just advice you to place it in God's Hands and let him stir the situation to the permanent site.

You have said it all. This post is quite delicate and so should be moved to front page.

If your bro is rich or d wife, then there is no prob. They can conceive thru IVF. Using in vitro fertilization, they can fertilise the healthy cells and discard the sickle cells... They just have to make sure baby making is thru ivf..
Anything aside that is a real problem! Even the child will not forgive them.
Peace!

DopeAngel:
please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.
now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things. i am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.
right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

Don't worry, their eyes go soon clear after having like 2-3 abikus

I guess your bro want to spend all his days watching his kids suffer.

And believe me, your bro not gonna live more than 60years if he continues with such shameful marriage

If ur bro has money he can do ivf. Bt d way u potrayed him he doesnt seem to care. Let him face his wahala i hv ur life to live

DopeAngel:
the thing on my mind right now to do is to warn the girl to seriously stay away from my family and brother or else she wont like the treatment she will be getting from me. i will never ever support the marriage. i am not ready to be an uncle to a sickler. the girl wants to ruin my family. my brother is been perpetually ignorant and foolish. i really dont know what is wrong with him. too much disappointment is not enough reason to go ahead with this marriage. i am tired and unhappy. please i need serious advice on how to end this evil relationship. lalasticlala mynd44 ishilove any other moderator please help a brother in this problem

Why are you here asking for advice after saying all these, even if we advice you otherwise, you still won't let the girl have peace like you said. So sorry, I ant advice you