JONNYSPUTE:
. .The guy was right . You ve already made up your mind to be rebellious and that's why you ve refused to listen to the people asking you to just say you are sorry and allow the matter close instantly,rather you prefer does ones asking you not to humble yourself. Let's see if they will be there if this small issue breaks your matrimonial home. Keep listening to wrong advice. Finally,check urself to know why you heart is with so much bitterness and hatred,I doubt your husband due to his awkward religious belief, gives you enough sex. Yes I said it,you are not a happy woman,sort it out with your husband and stop washing ur dirty linings in the public.

Screw Yourself asshole....

UnknownQueen:


Screw Yourself asshole....

....Hahahahah. The truth is always bitter.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Hahahahah. The truth is always bitter.

What u term truth is subjective..

Cc: RandyX
IamPato
Netanyahu1
lefulefu
UDUJ
Bidobado


UPDATE ON TOMORROW'S JUDGEMENT

I Haven't been in church for two weeks now, the first week I went for an enrollment in another branch of the church.
The Second week which was yesterday, I had a guest (a close family member) and stylishly told my hubby i won't be going, he understood with me...
And been worried by some of the members who thought I stabbed church because of the vigil incidence, they decided to hold a meeting as regards that and so this morning an elderly member of the group was sent to me....
She said they all agree that I'll do 4 things.


1) Apologize to the group ( I have no problems with this ) for my family and loved one's sake.
2) Apologize to the Vicar of my church...
3) Find any means possible and apologize to the invited guest....(She said they said that I must find him and go apologize)
4) The Vicar will call me out before the church and make me apologize myself or does the apology on my behalf......


No 1 & 2.... I can do for peace sake...
No 3 & 4 ....Will be hard for me to do and I know the consequences therefore....(Outright suspension from the group , which I have no problems with)....

But I'm just considering the psychological effect this might have on my dear husband and kid...

I insist that I didn't offend the Pastor nor the church......I have made that peace with myself and not perturbed by what the whole church thinks....but again they all think I'm wrong and rebellious....

Now Ive come to seek your guidance, What do I do?

UnknownQueen:
Cc: RandyX
IamPato
Netanyahu1
lefulefu
UDUJ
Bidobado


UPDATE ON TOMORROW'S JUDGEMENT

I Haven't been in church for two weeks now, the first week I went for an enrollment in another branch of the church.
The Second week which was yesterday, I had a guest (a close family member) and stylishly told my hubby i won't be going, he understood with me...
And been worried by some of the members who thought I stabbed church because of the vigil incidence, they decided to hold a meeting as regards that and so this morning an elderly member of the group was sent to me....
She said they all agree that I'll do 4 things.


1) Apologize to the group ( I have no problems with this ) for my family and loved one's sake.
2) Apologize to the Vicar of my church...
3) Find any means possible and apologize to the invited guest....(She said they said that I must find him and go apologize)
4) The Vicar will call me out before the church and make me apologize myself or does the apology on my behalf......


No 1 & 2.... I can do for peace sake...
No 3 & 4 ....Will be hard for me to do and I know the consequences therefore....(Outright suspension from the group , which I have no problems with)....

But I'm just considering the psychological effect this might have on my dear husband and kid...

I insist that I didn't offend the Pastor nor the church......I have made that peace with myself and not perturbed by what the whole church thinks....but again they all think I'm wrong and rebellious....

Now Ive come to seek your guidance, What do I do?

Queen,can't you just forget about the church or decide to be a floor member?
Is there anything special that people gain from going to church that non goers or outright atheists don't gain?
Maybe you should consider worshiping in another branch.
Try and convince your husband to support any decision you make.
YOU DO NOT OWE THAT CHURCH ANY APOLOGY AND TO HELL WITH THAT INVITED PREACHER FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR DECISION TO SIT DOWN AND PRAY.

I know you are married and this would complicate your decision...

UnknownQueen:
Cc: RandyX
IamPato
Netanyahu1
lefulefu
UDUJ
Bidobado


UPDATE ON TOMORROW'S JUDGEMENT

I Haven't been in church for two weeks now, the first week I went for an enrollment in another branch of the church.
The Second week which was yesterday, I had a guest (a close family member) and stylishly told my hubby i won't be going, he understood with me...
And been worried by some of the members who thought I stabbed church because of the vigil incidence, they decided to hold a meeting as regards that and so this morning an elderly member of the group was sent to me....
She said they all agree that I'll do 4 things.


1) Apologize to the group ( I have no problems with this ) for my family and loved one's sake.
2) Apologize to the Vicar of my church...
3) Find any means possible and apologize to the invited guest....(She said they said that I must find him and go apologize)
4) The Vicar will call me out before the church and make me apologize myself or does the apology on my behalf......


No 1 & 2.... I can do for peace sake...
No 3 & 4 ....Will be hard for me to do and I know the consequences therefore....(Outright suspension from the group , which I have no problems with)....

But I'm just considering the psychological effect this might have on my dear husband and kid...

I insist that I didn't offend the Pastor nor the church......I have made that peace with myself and not perturbed by what the whole church thinks....but again they all think I'm wrong and rebellious....

Now Ive come to seek your guidance, What do I do?

The way I see it is that you are at peace with God and God is at peace with you.

The pastor on the other hand is just trying to be your puppet master and you have completely rebelled against that, and I commend you for it. Whatever judgement comes out of this is not much of a problem as I think you can play along and handle it maturely in order to keep your home .

The bigger problem however, is the fact that your husband has become a puppet to one of those Pharisees that call themselves pastor ,they tell him how to run his home through " Jesus Christ our Lord" . Let your husband know that until he decides who condemns his wife and who can't, he's not man enough.

UnknownQueen u don't owe that church any apology? Na wetin u do sef? Haba. If it was me and my wife was treated like dat i wont even waste time leaving that church or searching for another branch to attend.this is why i like catholic church. In the catholic church u can easily move to one parish if u not comfortable with the current parish u attending. Can't u convince ur husband that u both should leave that branch and look for another branch to attend? This is the only solution i see in this issue. If u still remain there they will keep on humiliating u. Just look at the four lists they gave to u. Na wa.

UnknownQueen:
Cc: RandyX
IamPato
Netanyahu1
lefulefu
UDUJ
Bidobado


UPDATE ON TOMORROW'S JUDGEMENT

I Haven't been in church for two weeks now, the first week I went for an enrollment in another branch of the church.
The Second week which was yesterday, I had a guest (a close family member) and stylishly told my hubby i won't be going, he understood with me...
And been worried by some of the members who thought I stabbed church because of the vigil incidence, they decided to hold a meeting as regards that and so this morning an elderly member of the group was sent to me....
She said they all agree that I'll do 4 things.


1) Apologize to the group ( I have no problems with this ) for my family and loved one's sake.
2) Apologize to the Vicar of my church...
3) Find any means possible and apologize to the invited guest....(She said they said that I must find him and go apologize)
4) The Vicar will call me out before the church and make me apologize myself or does the apology on my behalf......


No 1 & 2.... I can do for peace sake...
No 3 & 4 ....Will be hard for me to do and I know the consequences therefore....(Outright suspension from the group , which I have no problems with)....

But I'm just considering the psychological effect this might have on my dear husband and kid...

I insist that I didn't offend the Pastor nor the church......I have made that peace with myself and not perturbed by what the whole church thinks....but again they all think I'm wrong and rebellious....

Now Ive come to seek your guidance, What do I do?

Stick to your guns... If you haven't offended God or man, why apologise. Set yourself free.

eezeribe:

Queen,can't you just forget about the church or decide to be a floor member?
Is there anything special that people gain from going to church that non goers or outright atheists don't gain?
Maybe you should consider worshiping in another branch.
Try and convince your husband to support any decision you make.
YOU DO NOT OWE THAT CHURCH ANY APOLOGY AND TO HELL WITH THAT INVITED PREACHER FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR DECISION TO SIT DOWN AND PRAY.

I know you are married and this would complicate your decision...

Yesterday, My husband and I discussed at length what went down between The preacher and I.....Just like I presumed he insisted that I was rebellious which was actually true but I gave him reasons why I actually acted all that out but then he stated emphatically that my reasons were only good enough for me alone, that at that moment the man was an authority and I shouldnt have resisted anything he demands of me, Also stating that I should have used wisdom in dealing with the issue but I was outright rebellious and which also passes off as been rude, he admitted that he also doesn't believe in all that repetitive , fire fire prayers but that I was in the midst of a large congregation with almost same belief when it comes to prayer and faith, And that I should have known there will be consequences for my actions if I become disobedient...
He stated further that my reasons are not good enough for anyone to hear as they'll always support the man if not for him being a man of God also for him being older than I..
Finally he said I need people to co exists with that I can't say I will not have anything to do with the church again, he says who then will be the shoulder I'll cry and Leann when trouble looms?..

I 'm just in a fix..

But regardless, I'm not apologizing to the man nor the church , anyone can do that on my behalf......('ll rather loose my marriage than do that, I've promised myself that.)

Bidobado:


Stick to your guns... If you haven't offended God or man, why apologise. Set yourself free.

Thanks Bidobado

lefulefu:
UnknownQueen u don't owe that church any apology? Na wetin u do sef? Haba. If it was me and my wife was treated like dat i wont even waste time leaving that church or searching for another branch to attend.this is why i like catholic church. In the catholic church u can easily move to one parish if u not comfortable with the current parish u attending. Can't u convince ur husband that u both should leave that branch and look for another branch to attend? This is the only solution i see in this issue. If u still remain there they will keep on humiliating u. Just look at the four lists they gave to u. Na wa.

There's another branch close to my house that I can actually go to but I don't know how he will take that....however if I continue going with him to the church I'll quietly leave the group and hand over their change with me...I'm their treasurer...

eezeribe:

Queen,can't you just forget about the church or decide to be a floor member?
Is there anything special that people gain from going to church that non goers or outright atheists don't gain?
Maybe you should consider worshiping in another branch.
Try and convince your husband to support any decision you make.
YOU DO NOT OWE THAT CHURCH ANY APOLOGY AND TO HELL WITH THAT INVITED PREACHER FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR DECISION TO SIT DOWN AND PRAY.

I know you are married and this would complicate your decision...

Well in my honest opinion , I feel humans are social beings and there's no way u won't feel a need to interact and relate with other people, maybe that's what I go to do in church, it's the reason why I'm married, Ull need a companion, somewhere to share it joy, fear, sadness etc with..I honestly think that's the whole essence

Netanyahu1:
The way I see it is that you are at peace with God and God is at peace with you.

The pastor on the other hand is just trying to be your puppet master and you have completely rebelled against that, and I commend you for it. Whatever judgement comes out of this is not much of a problem as I think you can play along and handle it maturely in order to keep your home .

The bigger problem however, is the fact that your husband has become a puppet to one of those Pharisees that call themselves pastor ,they tell him how to run his home through " Jesus Christ our Lord" . Let your husband know that until he decides who condemns his wife and who can't, he's not man enough.

Ah u mean I should outrightly tell him that he isnt man enough...So sorry I can't o....

Your husband said the reality about the situation in your post (bolded).

UnknownQueen:



Yesterday, My husband and I discussed at length what went down between The preacher and I.....Just like I presumed he insisted that I was rebellious which was actually true but I gave him reasons why I actually acted all that out but then he stated emphatically that my reasons were only good enough for me alone, that at that moment the man was an authority and I shouldnt have resisted anything he demands of me, Also stating that I should have used wisdom in dealing with the issue but I was outright rebellious and which also passes off as been rude, he admitted that he also doesn't believe in all that repetitive , fire fire prayers but that I was in the midst of a large congregation with almost same belief when it comes to prayer and faith, And that I should have known there will be consequences for my actions if I become disobedient...
He stated further that my reasons are not good enough for anyone to hear as they'll always support the man if not for him being a man of God also for him being older than I..
Finally he said I need people to co exists with that I can't say I will not have anything to do with the church again, he says who then will be the shoulder I'll cry and Leann when trouble looms?..

I 'm just in a fix..

But regardless, I'm not apologizing to the man nor the church , anyone can do that on my behalf......('ll rather loose my marriage than do that, I've promised myself that.)

Your husband said the whole truth. Your reaction would definitely spark outrage among the followership and there are better ways you could have handled the situation. However, this his response isn't complete, this is not the whole response I expected from Him as I mentioned in my (bolded) earlier statement below.

RandyX:

I agree two wrongs never make it right. I have mentioned before that she should not quarrel with them. However she should go see the head pastor to address the underlying problem. He may see the real issue and be in a better position to address them for her and for his congregation. If he is not known to be the very understanding type and doesn't exercise discretion in handling sensitive issues brought to him in confidence, then she should meet her husband, who can then take up productive measures to help grow her faith and that of his family like I mentioned earlier.

He is supposed to be more interested in your faith than in keeping up appearances. He has to make moves to ensure your spiritual lives improve. Your husband is more afraid of the people in the church than in truly acting out his faith and pleasing God. The church is like a social buffer for him and his whole life depends on this cult like community following they have ringed him into. I also mentioned in an earlier post what these kind of churches are known for (below)

Most of these new one man churches are dangerous to your faith, and this is because they are mostly formed for economic gain and to increase followership, not entirely to grow you spiritually. When members attend your church because all their friends are there, their livelihood depends on their connections with the churchgoers, and leaving would cause a socially awkward situation for them, it is no longer a church but a cult.

Your husband is as helpless about the situation as you are. They got him the job he has and they feel like they own him and his family. If he knows what's best for him, he had better find a better church where people serve God for Him and not because they need the social structure to survive.

RandyX:
Your husband said the reality about the situation in your post (bolded).


However, this is not the whole response I expected from Him as I mentioned in my (bolded) earlier statement below.



I see the real situation now. Your husband is more afraid of the people in the church than of pleasing God. I also mentioned in an earlier post that these kind of churches are known for treating you a certain way.



Your husband is as helpless about the situation as you are. They got him the job he has and they feel like they own him and you too.

Exactly........But he has warned me about always acting and speaking out my mind just as exactly how I feel.....

UnknownQueen:


Exactly........But he has warned me about always acting and speaking out my mind just as exactly how I feel.....

There is one way to see it, The conditions the church members gave you are not because of your beliefs, it is because of the way you reacted to their own beliefs. So your husband had a point about the reaction aspect, you didn't have to obey but at the same time you didn't have to make him(visiting pastor) look stupid in public, at the end of the day the sheep that follow him would never see anything wrong in his behavior even when he is clearly wrong.

I am not exactly sure what it is you did or how you behaved, but you hinted to the fact you were openly disrespectful to the man, perhaps through something you said or the gestures you made to show your discontent. Let me give you a short example. If some people were to come to your house for husband's birthday ceremony, and your husband asked you to give a toast and you started talking but when you raised the glass, you asked everyone to stand up but someone refused to stand up on account of the fact they don't believe in giving toasts at birthdays, it's okay, they may be right, but if they go further to react in a way that makes your other guests feel uncomfortable and bring you embarrasment, you would feel a certain way. The person could have excused themselves when it was time for the toast so as not to disrespect their hosts (you and husband). Do you get it now? So if you are in that person's shoes you don't have to apologise for not believing in the toast, but the reaction which brought resentment could require one for peace sake.


The good thing is you were asked to tender an apology, but you weren't given a script to read out when you make it. So you can say only what you are sorry for, and in my opinion that is to apologize for the rude way you expressed yourself that evening. You don't have to apologise for not believing in fire for fire prayer. If you are suspended, you have done what you must in front of God and that's what matters.

And about speaking your mind, there are many ways to express yourself. Life has thought me to be very constructive with the truth. So, instead of snatching the microphone from a pastor immediately he says the wrong thing on the pulpit, I would rather seek a private audience with him to discuss what I felt about his sermon. If he disagrees with me, I would leave the congregation quietly and pray for the other followers that are being misled. No one is going to call you to apologise to the church for discussing a problem you spotted with the pastor.

So my dear don't feel bad about apologising. Just remember you are not apologising for not standing up, you are apologising for anything you might have said in response that hurt their feelings. Tell them that although God knows your heart, you realize there are better ways you could have handled the situation. End of discussion.

Do you deserve an apology from the man that made mockery of you? of course you do, but let God be the judge. Do and say what is fair between you and God.

Meanwhile, your husband should start looking for another church if he too doesnt believe in fire for fire prayer. One day they would bring another visiting pastor that would ask him to pray his mother and entire relatives dead and when he refuses they would ask him to apologise.

Obediently do whatever punishment it is they give you once it's not going to be at the expense of your happiness then sweety pie, LEAVE THE CHOIR!

RandyX:


There is one way to see it, The conditions the church members gave you are not because of your beliefs, it is because of the way you reacted to their own beliefs. So your husband had a point about the reaction aspect, you didn't have to obey but at the same time you didn't have to make him(visiting pastor) look stupid in public, at the end of the day the sheep that follow him would never see anything wrong in his behavior even when he is clearly wrong.

I am not exactly sure what it is you did or how you behaved, but you hinted to the fact you were openly disrespectful to the man, perhaps through something you said or the gestures you made to show your discontent. Let me give you a short example. If some people were to come to your house for husband's birthday ceremony, and your husband asked you to give a toast and you started talking but when you raised the glass, you asked everyone to stand up but someone refused to stand up on account of the fact they don't believe in giving toasts at birthdays, it's okay, they may be right, but if they go further to react in a way that makes your other guests feel uncomfortable and bring you embarrasment, you would feel a certain way. The person could have excused themselves when it was time for the toast so as not to disrespect their hosts (you and husband). Do you get it now? So if you are in that person's shoes you don't have to apologise for not believing in the toast, but the reaction which brought resentment could require one for peace sake.


The good thing is you were asked to tender an apology, but you weren't given a script to read out when you make it. So you can say only what you are sorry for, and in my opinion that is to apologize for the rude way you expressed yourself that evening. You don't have to apologise for not believing in fire for fire prayer. If you are suspended, you have done what you must in front of God and that's what matters.

And about speaking your mind, there are many ways to express yourself. Life has thought me to be very constructive with the truth. So, instead of snatching the microphone from a pastor immediately he says the wrong thing on the pulpit, I would rather seek a private audience with him to discuss what I felt about his sermon. If he disagrees with me, I would leave the congregation quietly and pray for the other followers that are being misled. No one is going to call you to apologise to the church for discussing a problem you spotted with the pastor.

So my dear don't feel bad about apologising. Just remember you are not apologising for not standing up, you are apologising for anything you might have said in response that hurt their feelings. Tell them that although God knows your heart, you realize there are better ways you could have handled the situation. End of discussion.

Do you deserve an apology from the man that made mockery of you? of course you do, but let God be the judge. Do and say what is fair between you and God.

Meanwhile, your husband should start looking for another church if he too doesnt believe in fire for fire prayer. One day they would bring another visiting pastor that would ask him to pray his mother and entire relatives dead and when he refuses they would ask him to apologise.

I didn't even say anything that night....

It was my body language that passed off as being rude....At first I turned but was sitting, then he asked from the altar who was sitting, and enquired If I was pregnant, when people started murmuring besides me saying all sorts,I reluctantly stood and covered myself with the wrapper I was holding because all eyes were on me already, he even made mention of me covering myself up and then said I shouldn't be in the choir, eventually prayers started and immediately I bent my head on the chair's arm rest, after some seconds, my pastor came and started hitting me on my back..., just immediately after he changed the prayer points I sat down and started weeping inwards.....

The rest I call history....


Just like u've admonished, I do not find it difficult apologizing, but I still can't imagine standing in front of the whole church and saying sorry, gush I might just drop dead, even when the church does it on my behalf u know what effect that scenario will have on me mentally, that's why I suggested taking a bow out of the church and group...but then my husband....(I'm still in a dilemma I swear).


Because whether I'm asked to apologize or not.....My total being has far travelled away from the church....I need so much peace and tranquility.....

UnknownQueen:


I didn't even say anything that night....

It was my body language that passed off as being rude....At first I turned but was sitting, then he asked from the altar who was sitting, and enquired If I was pregnant, when people started murmuring besides me saying all sorts,I reluctantly stood and covered myself with the wrapper I was holding because all eyes were on me already, he even made mention of me covering myself up and then said I shouldn't be in the choir, eventually prayers started and immediately I bent my head on the chair's arm rest, after some seconds, my pastor came and started hitting me on my back..., just immediately after he changed the prayer points I sat down and started weeping inwards.....

The rest I call history....


Just like u've admonished, I do not find it difficult apologizing, but I still can't imagine standing in front of the whole church and saying sorry, gush I might just drop dead, even when the church does it on my behalf u know what effect that scenario will have on me mentally, that's why I suggested taking a bow out of the church and group...but then my husband....(I'm still in a dilemma I swear).


Because whether I'm asked to apologize or not.....My total being has far travelled away from the church....I need so much peace and tranquility.....

Did you explain these to the elderly person sent to you to communicate their verdict?

Before you give your apology you have to go see the vicar general or whoever the head pastor of the church is and explain these things to him. You were pregnant for crying out loud, how are you supposed to be jumping up and down at the request of a guest pastor just because you attended a vigil? At the end he may ask you to apologise, but trust me, if he is on your side and still thinks you should go ahead with it, it would be a lot easier, because he would explain to the congregation before you step up.

You just have to pick the words of the apology carefully. Be brief, or they might shout over you and disgrace you further.

Give what I call an official apology,
1. Explain the situation
2. Apologise
3. Repair your image.

Simply let them know you couldn't participate fully in the activities that night because you are an expectant mother and that you felt like you were singled out despite your condition, however you understand the guest pastor and the entire congregation that were present that night may not have known this and your reaction that night may have been exacerbated due to hormonal influences common with people in your condition. Therefore your apologies go to everyone who may have been distracted by the unfortunate event. Then go further to say, you try as much to be a respectful person in the society, a good wife, a loving mother and most importantly a Child of God but the situations you encountered that night in your condition didn't present you in the best light to the public and for that reason you ask that they find it in their hearts to seek true reconciliation in accordance with God's will.
Do not apologise if they give you the words they expect you to say on that day. Especially if they try to make you sound like the devil and admit to things you didnt do.

Booboo7:
Obediently do whatever punishment it is they give you once it's not going to be at the expense of your happiness then sweety pie, LEAVE THE CHOIR!

Exactly what I plan doing, leaving the choir is no problem for me even my husband can't force me to stay in the group If I don't want to, but I can't leave the choir and still continue going to church, u too picture it, the same hypocrites will start asking why I left the group when they all know the cause.......I'm still in a fix as regards this.....because leaving the choir and church won't go down well with my hubby.

RandyX I sent you a p.m please check

Trust me this happened for a reason... Join another unit and see other talents God has given you play out. I once had a similar situation so I understand how you feel.

Abeg, for the sake of your husband and your marriage... He is the head of your home, the authority and crown of your head....Just do it for him or let someone else do it. Num. 30:8, 1Tim. 2:12, Eph. 5:23.

He can also do it for you as your husband and it should suffice. But if I were him that would have been my option and find a way out of the church. But core Anglican are like Catholic they will never leave no matter the event.

As an expectant mother take it off your mind and think less about it. Humans and hypocrisy. Finally, do a deep soul searching about who you are and what you believe... Pray about this event and ask God to show you what the event was all about, nothing happen just like that, there's a reason for everything under the sun search it in the scripture and prayers and get the answer to act accordingly, thereby worrying less. Of any outcome.

I have seen your reasons ma'am and they were quite alright for not standing up, my mom doesn't stand up becaise of bad legs and we attend Anglican too. I would please advice you to do 1,2 and 4 for peace to be in your family. When doing the mentioned numbers, also include your reasons for not standing up, go up there and apologize and also defend yourself, then at home, give your husband a serious talk down! You are his wife for God's sake. He should side with you always, no matter how he got his job or being an ex president of youth whatever. It's two of you now and your kids against the world. Sometimes we have to do with we are not comfortable with just to have peace. Invite them again N tell them you are ready to do 1, 2 and 4 but not 3! Never beg that CAC minister. What nonsense!!!

If I should advise you, I'd suggest you face the church, apologize to the church, give your reasons for acting the way you did, lambast them for their hypocrisy, and finally exit the church for good.

I just can't pretend like the way people do in church nowadays. If I am not in the mood of dancing, I nor go dance. Is it by force to stand and pray to your God? Did the guest preacher or church cared to know why you acted that way?


You can always switch to another Parish sef. If the church must correct, the Bible says they do that with love.

The Jesus i know will not condemn or judge you.

Build your faith in him and not your group or church.