I have to do this to keep my sanity in check, pardon my grammatical errors.

I've been married to my husband for three years and we've been having serious financial struggles but God has been our helper.

I'm the last child of my parents and my siblings are doing very well financially and even support me sometimes.

I earn equal amount with my husband and early this year I told him I will bear full responsibility of the home with the exception of dstv payment and buying of fuel so he can clear all debts he incurred.

I've been feeding the house, buying toiletries, fueling the generator, assist with the car servicing, I pay the school fees and so many other things to numerous too mention.

I have been doing all these things with little grumbling and no appreciation from my husband.
Most times I have to beg my family for assistance because my salary is not enough.

My husband got some extra money this month and I asked him to assist with 10,000naira only and he has blatantly refused (I asked in a loving way).

I feel he is taking me for granted because he thinks I don't have the mind to keep malice (as he does), I have decided not to do anything in this house anymore.

He told me he will do what he likes and I have decided to take that stand too...I asked my husband to spare 10k for feeding and 5k for making my hair out of 300k he received and he has refused.

I have never eaten my husbands 1000naira before but he gives his family and friends.

I feel betrayed and i have decided to be wise

Am not married neither am I a lady so not much help from me... but my Mom would say wisdom is profitable to direct and it is a woman that keeps/wrecks the home.

Sometimes I wonder how issues that can best resolved indoors end up coming up to an open place. @OP maybe u should know this...certain people in this forum are students, not married, younger than you. Many will be looking up to you one on one for advise. What I expected you is just words of advise on how to handle such family challenge than asking people you maybe more family exposed to for advise. This issue is family challenge and I'm convinced you can fix it without 3rd party. That's why we respect you as married woman.

Marriage has not favoured me in anyway, I'm just bearing MRS for nothing.

oyoni:
Am not married neither am I a lady so not much help from me... but my Mom would say wisdom is profitable to direct and it is a woman that keeps/wrecks the home.

I feel betrayed, I see other wives enjoying their home and looking good.
I have given my best and I'm being taken for granted...

Babe you a good wife. So many ladies can never assist in the bills or house rent. You need to be stern and have a hardtalk with him. Temporarily stop funding the house bill and save more. He needs to give you due accolades o. Pls keep ur money and ignore things in d house then Watch him adjust to the reality. But wait I need to hear his side of the story cos you ladies are silly victim card players and manipulators. Marriage sef. Na so so complaints.

badwife:


I have never eaten my husbands 1000naira before but he gives his family and friends.

I feel betrayed and i have decided to be wise

U have not eaten his 1000 before? This part contradicts much to your claims.

STARGREEN:
Sometimes I wonder how issues that can best resolved indoors end up coming up to an open place. @OP maybe u should know this...certain people in this forum are students, not married, younger than you. Many will be looking up to you one on one for advise. What I expected you is just words of advise on how to handle such family challenge than asking people you maybe more family exposed to for advise. This issue is family challenge and I'm convinced you can fix it without 3rd party. That's why we respect you as married woman.

I felt like talking to someone and since the forum is anonymous, I feel better pouring my heart out here than talking to a friend or family member.

badwife:


I feel betrayed, I see other wives enjoying their home and looking good.
I have given my best and I'm being taken for granted...

Only if you know how and things they do to stern it. If some of them open up on things they endure maybe ...

Pipedreams:
Babe you a good wife. So many ladies can never assist in the bills or house rent. You need to be stern and have a hardtalk with him. Temporarily stop funding the house bill and save more. He needs to give you due accolades o. Pls keep ur money and ignore things in d house then Watch him adjust to the reality. But wait I need to hear his side of the story cos you ladies are silly victim card players and manipulators. Marriage sef. Na so so complaints.

I plan on showing him this post, maybe he can explain why he treats me this way.He does not love me, he married me because of pregnancy.

STARGREEN:

Only if you know how and things they do to stern it. If some of them open up on things they endure maybe ...

I don't know and I want to know, I have given my all but I got nothing back.

badwife:


I felt like talking to someone and since the forum is anonymous, I feel better pouring my heart out here than talking to a friend or family member.

Every issue has solution. If you have teeth problem u visit a dentist, if its car then comes a mechanical engineer. Family issues is best resolved indoors. I wish u can see reasons with me

badwife:


I don't know and I want to know, I have given my all but I got nothing back.

Relax. Calm down. You shall pass this stage in marriage. I know from what u wrote you have the patients to win and overcome.

STARGREEN:

Every issue has solution. If you have teeth problem u visit a dentist, if its car then comes a mechanical engineer. Family issues is best resolved indoors. I wish u can see reasons with me

She said she needs someone to talk to and you're still going on about how she shouldn't have brought her problem here for advice. If she had been able to resolve the problem "indoors", as you say, would she have created the thread?

You've never eaten your husband's 1,000 before? This one is serious! I think the reason for that is because you both earn equally. Since he got a raise in salary, why should 15k be a problem? Have you found out how much disposable income he'd be left with after the debt payment and the bills you asked him to take up on?

oyoni:
Am not married neither am I a lady so not much help from me... but my Mom would say wisdom is profitable to direct and it is a woman that keeps/wrecks the home .

doesn't that just mean the marriage will last only as long a the woman is willing to take shit? And the day she says enough everything baje?!

STARGREEN:

Every issue has solution. If you have teeth problem u visit a dentist, if its car then comes a mechanical engineer. Family issues is best resolved indoors. I wish u can see reasons with me

park well joor! What if she brought it online and she got a solution/advise that saves her marriage? Do you know her offline? Just because you've not been in same shoes you want come claim righteous on top another person situation

badwife:


I feel betrayed, I see other wives enjoying their home and looking good.
I have given my best and I'm being taken for granted...

They look good with smiles doesn't mean they have it all

I can understand what you feel
You don't wanna do it anymore same way you can't fold your arms and let things around you crumble

My advice
Make yourself happy
Do things only for yourself and the kids
Anything that involves him
Let him handle it By himself


It hurts when these men just act this way
Finance is something not to overlook in relationships
Its as vital as sex, respect, love and others

Don't use others smiling face to judge your case

lalanice:
doesn't that just mean the marriage will last only as long a the woman is willing to take shit? And the day she says enough everything baje?!

Nope, It means that the woman has the ability to steer the ship of her marriage in any direction she pleases but for positive result she needs to apply wisdom as is required at every point in time.

kimbraa:
You've never eaten your husband's 1,000 before? This one is serious! I think the reason for that is because you both earn equally. Since he got a raise in salary, why should 15k be a problem? Have you found out how much disposable income he'd be left with after the debt payment and the bills you asked him to take up on?

He can spare some but does not want to because he does not love me.
All my sweat and money is in this house, he knows and can see.I'm being taken for granted...enough is enough...

oyoni:


Nope, It means that the woman has the ability to steer the ship of her marriage in any direction she pleases but for positive result she needs to apply wisdom as is required at every point in time.

Tell me what to do, because I've tried all methods...

badwife:

...enough is enough...

You want to leave now?

Is that the best and only solution you can come up with?

Even if you leave
Does that mean he wil still support?

Communication is one thing you can't over look

oyoni:


Nope, It means that the woman has the ability to steer the ship of her marriage in any direction she pleases but for positive result she needs to apply wisdom as is required at every point in time.

really? So how do you advice she "steers" this ship? What can a woman do about such a man that takes her for granted

badwife:


He can spare some but does not want to because he does not love me.
All my sweat and money is in this house, he knows and can see.I'm being taken for granted...enough is enough...

Your marriage is just 3 years and you just realised your husband doesn't love you. Don't you think it's too soon for this? Or you knew but just wanted to be married to him hoping he would change. Anyway, you know what's best for you.

If the current arrangement doesn't suit you, go back to the drawing board.
If you're struggling without his contribution to the daily expenses in the home, then you guys need to do a sharing formular that would suit both of you.
It may be better you start dropping same amount of money for food,expenses, school fees, rent. Meanwhile, what kind of debts has he incurred? Did you benefit from the loan or how did he become indebted?
Let him sort out his debts himself. Because he's owing doesn't mean he shouldn't pay school fees and feed his family. He has to find a way to service his loan/pay up his debts and at the same time too run his household (with your own half) If it means he has to get something extra doing at the weekends, let him do it.
If it's house rent debt, you guys should move to a smaller place.
Always try and put some money aside for your personal needs like hair, underwear, etc. At the same time too, try and have some personal savings.
Cut down on expenses generally - go for cheaper brands etc.

badwife:


He can spare some but does not want to because he does not love me.
All my sweat and money is in this house, he knows and can see.I'm being taken for granted...enough is enough...

take a look in the mirror, say to yourself loudly...(i am a married woman with responsibility). continue saying it until it sink deep into your consciousness.

after this exercise, you'll come to terms that you've responsibities toward your family irrespective of your husband's insensitivity. that way, selfishness will evaporate from your moral fibre.

oyoni:


Nope, It means that the woman has the ability to steer the ship of her marriage in any direction she pleases but for positive result she needs to apply wisdom as is required at every point in time.

And what is this "wisdom"?
Please break it down.

eyinjuege:
If the current arrangement doesn't suit you, go back to the drawing board.
If you're struggling without his contribution to the daily expenses in the home, then you guys need to do a sharing formular that would suit both of you.
It may be better you start dropping same amount of money for food,expenses, school fees, rent. Meanwhile, what kind of debts has he incurred? Did you benefit from the loan or how did he become indebted?
Let him sort out his debts himself. Because he's owing doesn't mean he shouldn't pay school fees and feed his family. He has to find a way to service his loan/pay up his debts and at the same time too run his household (with your own half) If it means he has to get something extra doing at the weekends, let him do it.
If it's house rent debt, you guys should move to a smaller place.
Always try and put some money aside for your personal needs like hair, underwear, etc. At the same time too, try and have some personal savings.
Cut down on expenses generally - go for cheaper brands etc.

Oh my...I've tried it all
Back then I would chase him down the street like a mad woman for money, I've quarrelled, I've fought, I've prayed, I've cried, I've called parents, I've called pastors.

I've done it all, my salary is not just enough.
I've sacrificed my looks for the family, I've given my all.
I don't know what else to do, I'm just tired.

freshvine:


take a look in the mirror, say to yourself loudly...(i am a married woman with responsibility). continue saying it until it sink deep into your consciousness.

after this exercise, you'll come to terms that you've responsibities toward your family irrespective of your husband's insensitivity. that way, selfishness will evaporate from your moral fibre.

Asking my husband for 15k from 300k makes me selfish?

He plans to send money to his father (he is sick), his younger brother, his friend too...what about me his wife, what about his child?
Don't we deserve something...

Dyt:


You want to leave now?

Is that the best and only solution you can come up with?

Even if you leave
Does that mean he wil still support?

Communication is one thing you can't over look

Is it not better to be alone and know its just me than to be pretending happily married?

badwife:


Is it not better to be alone and know its just me than to be pretending happily married?

Whatever suits you

I am a no nonsense Person myself
But you should at least try before taking a walk

If the current arrangement doesn't suit you, go back to th3 drawing board.
If you're struggling without this contribution to th3 daily expenses in the home, then you guys need to do a sharing formular that would suit both of you.
It may be better you start dropping same amount of money for food,expenses, school fees, rent. Meanwhile, what kind of debts has he incurred? Let him sort out his debts himself. Because he's owing doesn't mean he shouldn't pay school fees and feed his family.
If it's house rent debt, you guys should move to a smaller place.