This is just one side of the story. We would like to hear hers?

1x2x3:
I'm sorry I'm saying this and it hurts my heart to agree with the warnings of marrying a single mother. I'm not the best writer but I will try to narrate my experience and findings.

First of all I would like to point out that there are very few single mothers who can make a good wife while majority of them will ruin you and make your life miserable if caution is not taken.

I've been dating a single mother of a 5 years old boy for about a year and half she is 30 and never been married. I wouldn't just jump into such relationship but for the fact she is someone I knew back in my School days however, we lost contact for about 10 years before we met again and I kind of understood the story she told me and the circumstances she had the child (Till date I didn't bother verifying her story of course I don't care).

We dated for about a year and she got talking with a few of my friends and sibling but the striking thing is she is yet to introduce me to any of her friends or siblings even though I knew she have many siblings and some friends (I did question her about this and she said she doesn't have someone she can really call a friend).

Looking at the kind of reserved life she lives I felt this could be normal but still something kept telling me there's more to these whole pretentious reserved life because I'm introverted and can easily figure out who's pretending to be one. Mind you, she is the church going type who prays and wants my well being yet I could still figure out there is something not clear thus my reason for taking my time to propose to her. This is actually not my fault as there is no way I can figure out who she is unless through someone close to her.

About 6 months ago a pastor that is yet to meet her in person told me that if I marry her I will end up divorcing but being the doubting Thomas type I gave no ear to whatever the pastor has to say until recently when something unfolded.

She lives 3 hrs drive away and comes visiting most of the weekend. Here is the major problem which I must admit I'm at fault but I thank God I was at fault because it paved way for the revelation. Throughout the time we've been dating I only visited her once which she complained about, I wasn't just too comfortable going there to spend time and do certain things (I didn't just find this right but I'm very much comfortable if she visits alone or with the kid). She complained a few times about me not visiting until 2 weeks ago she told me she was traveling to Abuja.
I inquired about her reasons of traveling and she said she needed to rest since she's on leave (Redflag). Her reasons didn't sound logical so I objected, I told her I wasn't comfortable with her traveling, she kept insisting and she jokingly said she will go and face the consequences when she returns. We talked about this for days and she eventually went against all odds and traveled.
On getting to Abuja she started acting funny like not taking calls or calling and when she finally returned my call I told her not to call me until she is back from her trip (I needed to avoid unnecessary worries)

She returned after 4 days and called knowing fully well we've got issues to thrash. She started complaining I don't give her attention as much as she wants (she seems not to be able to deal with my introverted person anymore). The ranting was becoming rude, sounding like a different person from whom I thought I knew. We got to a heated point I had to ask for any of her siblings number, she immediately became defensive and threatened that if I dare contact any of her siblings (7 of them) that I won't like the outcome . It occurred to me she isn't in good relationship with any of her siblings even though they talk sometimes. She just doesn't want me to contact anyone. Out of her rudeness I asked her if she is ready to be under a man since she has brought up marriage issues on few occasions. She said she isn't ready to tolerate bulllshitt of men afterall she has a child, marriage is about children and if things aren't working in a marriage everyone can find their way . The pastor's words occurred to me instantly. I took about 2 hours telling her how much she needs to adjust and understand she isn't supposed to tuzzle with a man else it will be hard for things to work in a home.

She said so many unimaginable things that it dawned to me she was pretending to be nice all these while. She said she wants a man that can take alll she does, I then asked her if she is ready to take all a man does she said no and I told her to look for a man and pay his groom price since she wants a man she can control.

Still scary to me she pretended all these while, going to church and acting very responsible hoping I marry her which I genuinely had intentions to but for the fact something kept telling me I needed more time to know her.

At the end its obvious she is used to being a single mother and if she divorces tomorrow it will be nothing new to her.

Guys make sure you scrutinize that single mother before you jump in. There's a reason she's single and in her 30's.
I found out she's not in good terms with her siblings because she doesn't like taking orders or listening to advice. They've talked to her about being rude and disrespectful but rather than listen she drew bad blood between her and all her siblings.

KevinDein:

Yeah, I know this tactics. Trying to manipulate the op into thinking he's the problem...even though this is a woman who clearly stated she wants a man who can take all her bullshhiit but she can't take any bullshhitt from anyone (very clear that she's a hypocrite, selfish and self centered, can't take what she dishes). This is also someone who doesn't even get along with her siblings because as far as she is concerned it's her way or the highway.

Good luck to the loser who would be manipulated into marrying her, the op though dodged a bullet.

Manipulate fire...
OP is a cry baby ..
madam refused to give him her siblings contact and he came on nairaland to whine. How about discussing the issue with her and resolving without any interference?
She is the matured one if I may say because if she starts to involve her siblings in boyfriend matter what will happen when they get married?
OP the fact that a relationship did not work out with a single mum does not mean all single mums are bad. Look for another because your umbilical cord was not tied to her.

Btw how did you know she is not in talking terms with her family? Because the OP who doesn't have the contact of any family member said so?
He is just being too emotional, grow up op and move on.
Her family may have kept their distance because she had her child outside wedlock especially if she comes from one of those over holy family so please quit being childish

my fears in marriage is dating a church girl despite I'm a Christian. their hypocrisy can be so annoying



I just need an intelligent girl that had the fear of God not those spirit koko that carry church for head but filled up with satanic mind



thank God for your life op

I always tell people I do not want female children. What the op has said is just how single mother behave. I don't blame them though one of the most painful things in Life is seeing what you call a mistake everyday in front of you and you have to nurture that mistake to become a being.

Check most single mother most of them automatically become wayward after giving birth if not careful they become single mother squared. If you know you know

CorGier:
I don't even know which I find more insulting;
Her insisting and traveling without your permission or her damning the consequences of her actions.

Meaning - to her - you're just a toothless bulldog who just barks as usual and won't bite.
That relationship should have ended the minute she hopped on that bus out of town w/o your consent.

Alpha male spotted. Let's assume she was traveling for business but did not want to tell the OP at the moment, she should not because a man who has neither married her nor been committed (from her perspective in the story) told her not to.

You guys need a lot to catch up to on the present day woman

Its clear she is not a wife material.

CecyAdrian:


Alpha male spotted. Let's assume she was traveling for business but did not want to tell the OP at the moment, she should not because a man who has neither married her nor been committed (from her perspective in the story) told her not to.

You guys need a lot to catch up to on the present day woman

My dear... And if you look well he may not have Kobo to his name oo just the penis inbetween his legs.
Babes cannot live her life or travel without boyfriend's permission. Lol

CecyAdrian:


This story just doesn't click.

That lady has issues, trust issues especially and you did nothing to assure her of her place with you, reason why she mad those statements and even travelled despite you kicking against it.

That trust issue came from the mistakes she has made in the past and has an evidence of one that will forever be in her face. If you make a woman feel she is all you have got, a single mother for that matter, she won't pull the stunt she pulled.

You think you broke up with her, but she did with you the moment she started nursing going to Abuja (if it was a guy she went to visit) and started seeing you as a side piece.

You had a girl for you to concentrate on and assure her of your love fr her, but you were busy trying to dig up issues in her past through her family members and pastor, and you did! So, why disturb us here na

Did you say I digged? No sir, the pastor told me at random and I never cared. It was only recently I asked of her siblings number just for someone to help us mend the issue since I have absolutely no one that can talk to her but she became very aggressive and abusive which made it obvious there was something I didn't know. How can someone not be in good terms with 7 of her siblings?

yea

1x2x3:


Did you say I digged? No sir, the pastor told me at random and I never cared. It was only recently I asked of her siblings number just for someone to help us mend the issue since I have absolutely no one that can talk to her but she became very aggressive and abusive which made it obvious there was something I didn't know. How can someone not be in good terms with 7 of her siblings?

How old are you? Which one is my pastor said? Abeg leave the lady alone. Is not by force to date her.
She's not in talking terms with 7 of her siblings and you know this without talking to any of them.

1x2x3:


Its a sleepless night for me and I'm yet to dilute what unfolded. I just wish she could pretend forever and be nice but this is life where the truth must surely reveal itself at some point.

The person I saw in her recently is too mean and brutal to be under a man. God help anyone that falls into her trap.

What's your obsession with a woman being under a man. A woman is meant to be by the side of her man, putting heads together, making investments together and reaping together. The mentally you have will send you to the woman you don't need.

You should av knwn wen u made observations u weren't cool with at d beginning e.g nt being in gud terms with her family, nt introducing u 2 any of them etc bt maybe cos u were so in love then, u ignored. When going in2 a relatnshp esp with single mothers, "most guys are always sceptical, what if d baby dady is lurkin somewhr, what if they ar even seein n d lady is pretending". I can relate cos as a single mother, i married a single-nevr married b4 young guy n we hav a son 2geda.Tho my other son is 13 now, thr was no baby daddy issue, i let hm knw thr was absolutely nthn btw me n my baby daddy, was truthful abt evrythn n was with him in his trying times, nw i'm enjoying my marriage. so, she shd av been properly sat dwn, n diff questns askd letting her knw dat u want her bt wont put up with baby daddy issues. I'm sure she's hiding a lot frm u whc shouldn't be.

Nnemuka:

My dear... And if you look well he may not have Kobo to his name oo just the penis inbetween his legs.
Babes cannot live her life or travel without boyfriend's permission. Lol

Lol @ he does not have kobo . My dear I earn well, live above average and drive my own car likewise her. My objecting was because she didn't sound convincing about where she was headed besides she travels before.

Nnemuka:

How old are you? Which one is my pastor said? Abeg leave the lady alone. Is not by force to date her.
She's not in talking terms with 7 of her siblings and you know this without talking to any of them.

My pastor said.... Hehe

oloriLFC:
You should av knwn wen u made observations u weren't cool with at d beginning e.g nt being in gud terms with her family, nt introducing u 2 any of them etc bt maybe cos u were so in love then, u ignored. When going in2 a relatnshp esp with single mothers, "most guys are always sceptical, what if d baby dady is lurkin somewhr, what if they ar even seein n d lady is pretending". I can relate cos as a single mother, i married a single-nevr married b4 young guy n we hav a son 2geda.Tho my other son is 13 now, thr was no baby daddy issue, i let hm knw thr was absolutely nthn btw me n my baby daddy, was truthful abt evrythn n was with him in his trying times, nw i'm enjoying my marriage. so, she shd av been properly sat dwn, n diff questns askd letting her knw dat u want her bt wont put up with baby daddy issues. I'm sure she's hiding a lot frm u whc shouldn't be.

There is actually no baby daddy issues as he is based in SA and as far as I know they aren't in good terms. Recently she said her sister told her to move to SA to look after her business(question mark). I really don't know what is going on backstage but I have fears she is hiding a lot and when I ask she gets defensive aggressively.

1x2x3:


Did you say I digged? No sir, the pastor told me at random and I never cared. It was only recently I asked of her siblings number just for someone to help us mend the issue since I have absolutely no one that can talk to her but she became very aggressive and abusive which made it obvious there was something I didn't know. How can someone not be in good terms with 7 of her siblings?

Why would you try to involve a third party in your relationship issues, does that mean when you marry her it will always be a community meeting if you guys have issues? (I think that lady dodged a bullet with you). You are dating her, what's your business with whatever issue she has with her family and why use it as a yardstick to judge her. Are you sure the family didn't push her to the wall in the past before she became the person she is now?

My pastor said this or that is what ha destroyed so many homes today. You even remembering what that pastor said means he successfully planted a seed of discord in you, so any little thing the girl does will be termed 'this I what my pastor was talking about.

Oga, leave the girl alone, it's obvious you dated her for the free sex, you didn't care about her feelings or emotions and didn't assure her of her place with you.

OP you just depressed a parachute button escaping a plane ready to explode. Eat good food and take your favourite drink then sleep and wake up to reality.

Only1mi:


What's your obsession with a woman being under a man. A woman is meant to be by the side of her man, putting heads together, making investments together and reaping together. The mentally you have will send you to the woman you don't need.

she's with me because I'm very cool headed and introverted. There has been occasions I needed to just travel just change environment but she would object as long as she isn't chanced to go with me and I respect her decision. This is the very first time I objected about her traveling and she boldly told me she will go and face the consequences. That's not a woman being under a man, it's a woman giving orders but won't take any.

quentin06:
you seem to have lust for left overs.

marry a fresh woman, single mothers are an abomination, except those who are widowed.

What a terrible thing to say.

More so as it is very harsh and untrue. A single mum at some point decided against an abortion and brought a child into the world.
What exactly is the abomination in keeping the baby ? The sex ? Or the fact that she chose life over death ? You prefer that the child be killed and the mother continue with her life ?

Man, your opinion is whack.

Nnemuka:

Manipulate fire...
OP is a cry baby ..
madam refused to give him her siblings contact and he came on nairaland to whine. How about discussing the issue with her and resolving without any interference?
She is the matured one if I may say because if she starts to involve her siblings in boyfriend matter what will happen when they get married?
OP the fact that a relationship did not work out with a single mum does not mean all single mums are bad. Look for another because your umbilical cord was not tied to her.

Btw how did you know she is not in talking terms with her family? Because the OP who doesn't have the contact of any family member said so?
He is just being too emotional, grow up op and move on.
Her family may have kept their distance because she had her child outside wedlock especially if she comes from one of those over holy family so please quit being childish

Demanding for her siblings numbers is the least important point in op's story but you are holding unto it because you are trying to manipulate the op into thinking he's the one with the problem.

There are so many important points in that story that you are intentionally ignoring because they don't suit your narrative.

Only1mi:


What's your obsession with a woman being under a man. A woman is meant to be by the side of her man, putting heads together, making investments together and reaping together. The mentally you have will send you to the woman you don't need.

They always want women they can control, who will look the other way when they cheat. Men are scared of women who dare. Who ask questions and try to behave like them, they term such women as bad women who shouldn't be married

...

Hector09:
so any one that does not want to be with a lady is now a gau. Boy grow up

Of course that's a key characteristics of gay. They don't like to be with women or women who doing want to be with men. IF you fall into this category, then you are

CecyAdrian:


Why would you try to involve a third party in your relationship issues, does that mean when you marry her it will always be a community meeting if you guys have issues? (I think that lady dodged a bullet with you). You are dating her, what's your business with whatever issue she has with her family and why use it as a yardstick to judge her. Are you sure the family didn't push her to the wall in the past before she became the person she is now?

My pastor said this or that is what ha destroyed so many homes today. You even remembering what that pastor said means he successfully planted a seed of discord in you, so any little thing the girl does will be termed 'this I what my pastor was talking about.

Oga, leave the girl alone, it's obvious you dated her for the free sex, you didn't care about her feelings or emotions and didn't assure her of her place with you.

If she's here she won't even be able to defend herself the way you did. I'm not a church goer and I don't listen to bulllshitt prophecies. The pastor told me randomly when I went to dropped off his church member. What am I to do when we hit a brick wall while arguing for days? Sometimes you get in someone who you know she respects.... She has done the same in the past when she offended me bitterly. She involved a friend of mine she talks to, now I need someone to talk to her but there is absolutely no one close to her

KevinDein:

Demanding for her siblings numbers is the least important point in op's story but you are holding unto it because you are trying to manipulate the op into thinking he's the one with the problem.

There are so many important points in that story that you are intentionally ignoring because they don't suit your narrative.

Hey!! I cut out many things just not to make you guys feel I'm nursing a lot. She got a new iPhoneX from her 4 days trip which I know she would never spend about 50k for a phone but she got a phone worth 400k. She started talking about traveling to SA same place the baby daddy lives. There are so many things I question but rather than get an answer she will get furious that I asked.

1x2x3:


If she's here she won't even be able to defend herself the way you did. I'm not a church goer and I don't listen to bulllshitt prophecies. The pastor told me randomly when I went to dropped off his church member. What am I to do when we hit a brick wall while arguing for days? Sometimes you get in someone who you know she respects.... She has done the same in the past when she offended me bitterly. She involved a friend of mine she talks to, now I need someone to talk to her but there is absolutely no one close to her

Why are you replying these bitter NL women who are only out to manipulate you and make you feel guilty on this matter? People driven by prejudice and gender affiliations aren't worth your attention, bro. You are a man. Make your decisions and stand by them.

CecyAdrian:


Alpha male spotted. Let's assume she was traveling for business but did not want to tell the OP at the moment, she should not because a man who has neither married her nor been committed (from her perspective in the story) told her not to.

You guys need a lot to catch up to on the present day woman

Lol her job requires traveling sometimes and she does that with ease. In the past I've tried traveling on few occasions but the moment she isn't chanced to go with me she objects and I respect that. This is the very first time I objected because she wasn't sounding convincing about her trip and she told me she will go and face any consequences when she returns..... Who's Alpha here?

Aystarz:



Why are you replying these bitter NL women who are only out to manipulate you and make you feel guilty on this matter? People driven by prejudice and gender affiliations aren't worth your attention, bro. You are a man. Make your decisions and stand by them.

Thanks . It baffles me seeing certain comments talking about me being controlling and broke . These ladies won't cease amazing me

With all these comments am seeing here, you guys are making me scared o, because am currently dating a beautiful single mum who is over a year older than me.
Though we've been together for about two months now, she has introduced me to her friends, elder sister and her aunt. They all spoke good of her.

But what is giving me hope is that the ex husband has another child with another woman who is not with him. So the problem may not necessarily be the women here, but the guy.

But I de with my looking glass sha

1x2x3:


There is actually no baby daddy issues as he is based in SA and as far as I know they aren't in good terms. Recently she said her sister told her to move to SA to look after her business(question mark). I really don't know what is going on backstage but I have fears she is hiding a lot and when I ask she gets defensive aggressively.

Maybe she's in contact with him and that's d baby daddy issues i talkd abt. Didnt she tell u she wasnt in good terms with hr siblings? why then would she manage a business 4 her sister and in SA whr d guy resides 4 dat matter. And her being aggressive speaks a lot. A single mum who genuinely loves a man n wants things 2 work out wouldn't get angry wen askd questns but would be d one 2 allay d guy's fears and be very truthful, be open-minded so as to build a lasting trust btw them. my dear,jst move on pls

1x2x3:


If she's here she won't even be able to defend herself the way you did. I'm not a church goer and I don't listen to bulllshitt prophecies. The pastor told me randomly when I went to dropped off his church member. What am I to do when we hit a brick wall while arguing for days? Sometimes you get in someone who you know she respects.... She has done the same in the past when she offended me bitterly. She involved a friend of mine she talks to, now I need someone to talk to her but there is absolutely no one close to her

And you are getting intimidated by my defense? See, first rule of relationship is, never ever involve a third party when having issues, if both of you can not repair the mess you caused then, you have no business being together (free advice). She doing it in the past doesn't mean it's right or that you should tow that path too.

The pastor is even her pastor ( I need answers to this before I continue)

Aystarz:



Why are you replying these bitter NL women who are only out to manipulate you and make you feel guilty on this matter? People driven by prejudice and gender affiliations aren't worth your attention, bro. You are a man. Make your decisions and stand by them.

As in, so weird the op can't see what the females on this thread are up to. Just trying to manipulate him into thinking he's the problem.