luminouz:


Jesus!!! I can't believe this came, actually came from a woman!!!
U want him to forever doubt himself and make that child suffer?? He deserves to know d fvcking truth for chrissakes!

yeah so what if is not this child what vwill happen? the truth if finds out that isn't his he will hate the child more. If the child is his can his wife and the little girl forget about it in this life?

If you have the fund, go ahead. If it turns out she's your kid, have the conscience to apologize to your wife. It's fair you do so. If the kid is not yours, come back and create another tread.

Do a secret DNA test.

So that the insensitive you will turn the kids to children from a broken home shey?

Oyindidi:
Baba T for President

If I'm your wife, the marriage will end after the DNA test.

The problem lies with you sir not your wife. If you felt this way, there should not have been the other children as you should have resolved the doubt much much darker rather than leaving it till now. And if you go ahead and do your test and she is not yours what then? Because you have to think about the repurcussions.
See this is the issue with men in your situation if you are misgivings about paternity don’t go ahead and expand the family deal with things as they arise. This could have been resolved a long time ago.


You left it too late. Either be a father to all of them 100% or just go ahead and say to your wife “I don’t think this child is mine I want a DNA test” and expect a fall out as there will be one.

Colourich:
Do a secret DNA test.

And if he finds the child is his and it’s discovered he did that how will his relationship with this child and the wife survive?

MissRaine69:

And if he finds the child is his and it’s discovered he did that how will his relationship with this child and the wife survive?

And who said they will find out, he can do away with the evidence.

First of all, You can't love all your children equally. A Mother is yet to achieve that quest let alone a father, I don't think this is supposed to be an issue. Probably if you let those things you excluded out, I may understand your plight better.

Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice,one of which is Trust. The sacrifice of believing your partner even when you have every reason to doubt because of the havoc digging deep might cause. I will not tell you to overlook this issue because it is a very serious one but I will rather advise you think deep about the outcome if you investigate. Can you forgive and forget your wife (if she turns out guilty ) ,take her back and live the normal life like you use to? Will your daughter and wife forgive you (if your suspicions turn out to be false)?

Sometimes we have to let go of some things to have our Peace

TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

I dnt really hv time to write an epistle. But you are matured and you will decipher the rest. It is 100% right for u to do this to clear the aur once and for ever. Hiwever, NEVER allow your wife, daughter or anyone whose discretion cannot be trusted for a lifetime to know about this. If this does leak out, an eternal vacuum will be created in your family. You can definitely outsmart the girl and carry out the test.

GO FOR A DNA TEST TO SAVE YOUR LIFE....

Colourich:
And who said they will find out, he can do away with the evidence.

The child is mute?
Never underestimate children.

MissRaine69:

The child is mute?
Never underestimate children.

What if he cut her hair and use it to do DNA test. I have seen it the movies.

loveformercy:
GO FOR A DNA TEST TO SAVE YOUR LIFE....

.I wonder what they are saying.

Wait for a time the daughter will get sick.
Take her to a hospital and take swab there.

At that age she wouldn't know whether it's malaria or typhoid test.

Clear your doubts.
Simple.

With recent happenings I am becoming gamophobic and misogynistic.

Colourich:
What if he cut her hair and use it to do DNA test. I have seen it the movies.

I thought as much. Movies smh The hair strand has to have epithelial cells so you take the whole hair strand out not just cut hair!
A home test dna is inadmissible in court.
You need a swab from inside the cheek or a blood sample for accuracy.

MissRaine69:

I thought as much. Movies smh The hair strand has to have epithelial cells so you take the whole hair strand out not just cut hair!
A home test dna is inadmissible in court.
You need a swab from inside the cheek or a blood sample for accuracy.

That's a lot harder than I thought.

Thanks everyone for the very mature responses. Appreciate

U wan die young abi? Better do it in secret

TheNaijaMan:
Thanks everyone for the very mature responses. Appreciate

Pls GO FOR DNA test ooooh... The truth will set you free....

Do it secretly ooooh!!!

stupidity:
This one pass nairaland.
Any advice you take from here you’ll use it against yourself.


Secret DNA: your smart daughter will blow it out

Tell your wife: she and your kids becomes your enemy. “Daddy say he nor sure say naim born me”

Conceal it?: you’ll start developing hatred towards your wife and daughter because you think your wife cheated and daughter isn’t yours, then you might end up drinking sniper one day. Also avoid 3MB route if your in Lagos.

Most importantly, avoid 3MB route!

TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

Go for the DNA test.. forget about all the useless advises .

are you so ignorant of the constitution? deceiving a man into taking responsibility for a child he isn't the biological father is a criminal offence and it also violates the matrimonial Causes Act Section 54(3-9)

Tell your wife straight and direct that you guys should go for a DNA test.. there's nothing about trust here.

I think DNA test should be compulsory immediately after child birth.

If she doesn't agree then go ahead and conduct the DNA test.

If the DNA test prove that the child isn't yours, you shouldn't throw her out from your home yet..

Sue her to court and she'll be ordered to pay back all the money you've spent in training the child and will also be told to compensate you in other forms.

If you hire a good lawyer, she can get a jail term.

Oyindidi:
You just forget me sha.

Social media don destroy many happy homes, this op is next

How are you? Long time here

TheNaijaMan:
Thanks everyone for the very mature responses. Appreciate

you deserve to know the truth. some very funny responses indicates the level of experience some people have.
it will be a tragedy if the child isn't yours because it will indicate one thing:your wife knowingly presented another man's child as yours to deceive you.

but more importantly, your concern is whether your wife has cheated on you either presently or sometimes in the past.

Let's look at this from the other direction. You have other children, but you are the only father she has known. Regardless of actual paternity, as far as she's concerned, you are her dad. What will it do to her, if her dad suddenly decides to start treating her somehow, because of the possible result of a DNA test, when she herself has done nothing wrong? Has she not been a good daughter, and a credit to you? How will it feel, if your own father now does a paternity test on you, and decides to disown you if it turns out you're not actually his?

A man is a being who takes discussion all by himself most at times.
Do not discuss such sensitive thing with your wife,they are ways you can get the young girls DNA sample without her knowing.
Do the needful and clear your thoughts.

Go for the DNA test.. forget about all the useless advises .

are you so ignorant of the constitution? deceiving a man into taking responsibility for a child he isn't the biological father is a criminal offence and it also violates the matrimonial Causes Act Section 54(3-9)

Tell your wife straight and direct that you guys should go for a DNA test.. there's nothing about trust here.

I think DNA test should be compulsory immediately after child birth.

If she doesn't agree then go ahead and conduct the DNA test.

If the DNA test prove that the child isn't yours, you shouldn't throw her out from your home yet..

Sue her to court and she'll be ordered to pay back all the money you've spent in training the child and will also be told to compensate you in other forms.

If you hire a good lawyer, she can get a jail term.

So if he sends her to jail, what explanation will he give the other siblings and who takes care of them ...you
Mtchew na wa for you ooo.

NiCurious:
Let's look at this from the other direction. You have other children, but you are the only father she has known. Regardless of actual paternity, as far as she's concerned, you are her dad. What will it do to her, if her dad suddenly decides to start treating her somehow, because of the possible result of a DNA test, when she herself has done nothing wrong? Has she not been a good daughter, and a credit to you? How will it feel, if your own father now does a paternity test on you, and decides to disown you if it turns out you're not actually his?

Heaven bless you...
Some men just like to go to Sokoto to find what's aleady in their Sokoto.

NiCurious:
Let's look at this from the other direction. You have other children, but you are the only father she has known. Regardless of actual paternity, as far as she's concerned, you are her dad. What will it do to her, if her dad suddenly decides to start treating her somehow, because of the possible result of a DNA test, when she herself has done nothing wrong? Has she not been a good daughter, and a credit to you? How will it feel, if your own father now does a paternity test on you, and decides to disown you if it turns out you're not actually his?

Stop this your arrant nonsensical words.....Your advising him to take care of a child that is not his
A child that is not his blood....maybe her wife played away match on his heard and gave birth to bastard....and you are hear playing the victim

Op.....see what you will do

Seen you say the girl is smart....call her attention Play with her....buy her guddies and make her the happiest woman on earth that day

Take her to the hospital....meet your doctor and tell her that you're going to check if she still a virgin or convince her that you want to check her medical status.....
And again give a serious warning with a red eyes not to let her mother know...anything that goes through


Am sure with this you will verifile what you're looking for

And thank me later

Dude, I am not playing victim, but it seems that you are. Reread the original post.

OP wishes to keep his family intact, and continue his good relationship with his wife. He likes his life the way it is, but he is curious to know about his daughter. He does not like that he is feeling doubt, and feeling less affection toward the girl. He is curious to know the truth, without potentially turning his world upside down, when he finds out.

OP is free to do a DNA test for knowledge sake, but he would be well advised to think ahead, what he will do with this knowledge, and how it will affect those around him, and himself. Supposing he discards the child as it seems you would do--whom does that benefit? Not the child who has done nothing. Not her siblings. Not his wife, who he feels has been faithful, all these long years. If you are the type who thinks of nothing but money, why would he throw away his investment so far, on someone so promising? He has been well pleased with this child, in her own right. If she is indeed another man's child, it is the other man's loss. Families do indeed raise children that aren't theirs. It's called adoption.

My advice is to the OP and his sensibilities, and not to you. If you don't want to raise a child that isn't yours, don't go raw when your girlfriend is still dating around. And if you do, please, when your pregnant girlfriend marries another man, fight tooth and nail for a DNA test to prove the child is yours, so you can raise it.

chuddyforlife:

Stop this your arrant nonsensical words.....Your advising him to take care of a child that is not his
A child that is not his blood....maybe her wife played away match on his heard and gave birth to bastard....and you are hear playing the victim

Op.....see what you will do

Seen you say the girl is smart....call her attention Play with her....buy her guddies and make her the happiest woman on earth that day

Take her to the hospital....meet your doctor and tell her that you're going to check if she still a virgin or convince her that you want to check her medical status.....
And again give a serious warning with a red eyes not to let her mother know...anything that goes through


Am sure with this you will verifile what you're looking for

And thank me later

Thenaijaman, There's no point. Love all the kids the same and remove your mind from it, except if you want to confirm your wife's fidelity.

Even if the results come out negative, have issues only with your wife and continue to be the father of all the kids.

Children need stable homes, some are adopted to give them better future. So, you can know the truth but you can also continue to love and give the kid a better tomorrow. It is more rewarding giving parenting to unwarranted children. Dont let archaic Nigetians tell you otherwise.

TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience.
...
I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

There are a brother and sister known to me, who grew up assuming they were the children of their mom and dad, both of whom are late. Of recent, the sister remembered an odd incident from her childhood, where a man who wasn't her dad, came to visit to "see his son". She put that memory in the back of her mind until now, when she mentioned it to her brother, and both got their DNA tested. They are half siblings by the same mother. Further findings revealed that their "dad" is father to neither. Half-forgotten memories surfaced, suggesting that that their dad was aware. But both parents took that information with them to the grave. It was modern technology, and the memories of a child more observant than adults accounted for, that brought the secret forth again. The brother and sister, who should be enjoying their grandchildren and their elder years, are now reevaluating their entire identity and assumptions of who they are. They don't know why their "father" had no kids of his own; perhaps he was impotent. But he raised them both as his own, while trying his best to keep the truth from them. Their family has said, no matter what the DNA says, they are still family the same as they always have been, and the new information doesn't change their social relationship.

What can we take away from this example? Children are smarter and more observant than we think. Familial bonds are strong. Resurfacing secrets bring confusion and pain. Knowledge can be hurtful. Some people would say, it would be better not to know. The brother and sister I mentioned, want the whole truth, and are doing everything they can to find it.

I chose the moniker NiCurious for a reason--I am curious and like to know the truth. But truth and knowledge come with responsibility and consequences. I realize that I haven't given you direct answers in this post, but you wanted to hear about experiences and outcomes, so here you go.

Forget about the wife..... if.you do a DNA test... the girl knows then... or later that you were in doubt... and the test shows that you are indeed the father.... do you really believe going forward you will have a strong relationship with her? I understand the resentment you have towards her.... but that will be child's play to the resentment she will have towards you for sidelining her. She will recall all the instances in which she was treated like a stepchild.... and will lose respect for you. Is DNA the only way to know if you are the father? Unless you suspect your brother or family member was involved with your wife.... look keenly at your daughter... she is an 11 year old and by now must show definite features of you or family..... the eyes..... ears.... how she walks..... how her feet/legs are set... her toes.... teeth..... her smile.... complexion... hair texture.... etc.... observe these and you will be able to convince yourself one way or the other and save your marriage and whatever relationship you have with her. Just saying.