Ariella25:
So this is going to be a long story but I have been dating this Nigerian man for awhile. At the beginning he was nice, attentive, communicative, giving etc and seemed like the ideal man. He’d always compliment me on how sweet and soft spoken I was too. The only thing that made me weary was his father was abusive towards his mother. I had recently been in an abusive relationship as well but he assured me he didn’t hit women bc of his mom. He was always praising her too. I was always told to look at how a man treats his mother so I felt like that attitude was good.

Not long after we had a very deep convo about abuse in relationships and he seemed to kind of take his fathers side saying it was her fault for staying and “some people are just weak while others are strong.” I told him I felt that was slightly insensitive and he just said “I wasn’t saying you’re weak, I’m just saying some people are.” So I just let it go. Sometimes he’d say how he hated women but shortly after he’d take it back.

But now he’s a completely different person. I don’t mind a little jealousy and control but everything has to be exactly how he wants it. Any time I interact with the opposite sex I feel like he punishes me. If I talk to his friends he calls them my “boyfriend” and says go be with them. He says how he can’t trust women because his father said women are the devil. If he flirts with another woman in my face and confront him he just tells me to stop speaking and says this is why he should go date a white girl bc they aren't hard headed (I’m mixed). When I don’t listen or he’s mad he’ll ignore me for a long time. And on top of that his mommas boy attitude changed. He will purposely ignore her calls. He’s let me listen to voicemails of her crying and he just laughs and deletes it. He flip flops between saying he loves her and calling her annoying/ a b*tch.

The thing is he is seemingly only like this with the females in the family and now me. Around other women he is charming and fun. When I brought this up in an argument he said it was because “he actually likes them but hates me.” Only to deny saying it a week later. I told him I’m tired and needed space but he grabbed my neck lightly and told me I’m not going anywhere. But now he’s back to ignoring me.

I hate to stereotype but my friend who is half Nigerian and also dated one for 7 years said it only gets worse and to watch out bc they can be abusive. But I feel like he's not like that he just gets annoyed with me. Is this typical Nigerian behavior? If I act better will he be nicer to me?

Ariella25:
So this is going to be a long story but I have been dating this Nigerian man for awhile. At the beginning he was nice, attentive, communicative, giving etc and seemed like the ideal man. He’d always compliment me on how sweet and soft spoken I was too. The only thing that made me weary was his father was abusive towards his mother. I had recently been in an abusive relationship as well but he assured me he didn’t hit women bc of his mom. He was always praising her too. I was always told to look at how a man treats his mother so I felt like that attitude was good.

Not long after we had a very deep convo about abuse in relationships and he seemed to kind of take his fathers side saying it was her fault for staying and “some people are just weak while others are strong.” I told him I felt that was slightly insensitive and he just said “I wasn’t saying you’re weak, I’m just saying some people are.” So I just let it go. Sometimes he’d say how he hated women but shortly after he’d take it back.

But now he’s a completely different person. I don’t mind a little jealousy and control but everything has to be exactly how he wants it. Any time I interact with the opposite sex I feel like he punishes me. If I talk to his friends he calls them my “boyfriend” and says go be with them. He says how he can’t trust women because his father said women are the devil. If he flirts with another woman in my face and confront him he just tells me to stop speaking and says this is why he should go date a white girl bc they aren't hard headed (I’m mixed). When I don’t listen or he’s mad he’ll ignore me for a long time. And on top of that his mommas boy attitude changed. He will purposely ignore her calls. He’s let me listen to voicemails of her crying and he just laughs and deletes it. He flip flops between saying he loves her and calling her annoying/ a b*tch.

The thing is he is seemingly only like this with the females in the family and now me. Around other women he is charming and fun. When I brought this up in an argument he said it was because “he actually likes them but hates me.” Only to deny saying it a week later. I told him I’m tired and needed space but he grabbed my neck lightly and told me I’m not going anywhere. But now he’s back to ignoring me.

I hate to stereotype but my friend who is half Nigerian and also dated one for 7 years said it only gets worse and to watch out bc they can be abusive. But I feel like he's not like that he just gets annoyed with me. Is this typical Nigerian behavior? If I act better will he be nicer to me?

Ariella25:
So this is going to be a long story but I have been dating this Nigerian man for awhile. At the beginning he was nice, attentive, communicative, giving etc and seemed like the ideal man. He’d always compliment me on how sweet and soft spoken I was too. The only thing that made me weary was his father was abusive towards his mother. I had recently been in an abusive relationship as well but he assured me he didn’t hit women bc of his mom. He was always praising her too. I was always told to look at how a man treats his mother so I felt like that attitude was good.

Not long after we had a very deep convo about abuse in relationships and he seemed to kind of take his fathers side saying it was her fault for staying and “some people are just weak while others are strong.” I told him I felt that was slightly insensitive and he just said “I wasn’t saying you’re weak, I’m just saying some people are.” So I just let it go. Sometimes he’d say how he hated women but shortly after he’d take it back.

But now he’s a completely different person. I don’t mind a little jealousy and control but everything has to be exactly how he wants it. Any time I interact with the opposite sex I feel like he punishes me. If I talk to his friends he calls them my “boyfriend” and says go be with them. He says how he can’t trust women because his father said women are the devil. If he flirts with another woman in my face and confront him he just tells me to stop speaking and says this is why he should go date a white girl bc they aren't hard headed (I’m mixed). When I don’t listen or he’s mad he’ll ignore me for a long time. And on top of that his mommas boy attitude changed. He will purposely ignore her calls. He’s let me listen to voicemails of her crying and he just laughs and deletes it. He flip flops between saying he loves her and calling her annoying/ a b*tch.

The thing is he is seemingly only like this with the females in the family and now me. Around other women he is charming and fun. When I brought this up in an argument he said it was because “he actually likes them but hates me.” Only to deny saying it a week later. I told him I’m tired and needed space but he grabbed my neck lightly and told me I’m not going anywhere. But now he’s back to ignoring me.

I hate to stereotype but my friend who is half Nigerian and also dated one for 7 years said it only gets worse and to watch out bc they can be abusive. But I feel like he's not like that he just gets annoyed with me. Is this typical Nigerian behavior? If I act better will he be nicer to me?

TonyeBarcanista:
Never judge a matter without hearing from the other party...

iRepNaija1:


First Bold: This way his way getting your guard done and making you vulnerable, attached him, and cloud your judgment.
Second Bold: This was the first red flag
Third Bold: This was the second red flag
Forth Bold: This was the third red flag (and a dámning one to boot)
Fifth Bold: This is the fourth red flag and the final one you need but just in case...
Sixth Bold: Fifth red flag. He's gaslighting you.
Seventh Bold: Sixth red flag. No one should EVER put their hands on you. He committed assault.

You know what's going on. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. It's difficult to date with a clear head but you need to keep your wits about you so you don't excuse, rationalize or explain away scary and problematic behavior. You need to leave this man. Block his number. Remove him from your life immediately and keep in contact with your friends/family so they know your whereabouts. It's only going to get worse from here. P.S. This has nothing to do with him being Nigerian.

ibkayee:
He's been modelled/influenced by his environment and has normalised his dad's behaviour. You should leave the relationship, he's exhibiting abusive and misogynistic tendencies, he also sounds unstable. Leave, leave and leave.

JupiterGeekVII:
OP, you better run now while you can. There are too many glaring red signs from your post for me to start quoting! This man is abusive towards you right now and if you marry him it will only escalate. Please take a long walk away from him and don't look back.

CaptJeffry:
No Nigerian born and bred man will call his mother b1tch. Your boyfriend is a black American man who has Nigerian parents. I bet he doesn't even have Nigerian passport and probably hasn't visited the country.

If you don't think the relationship is working, simply walk away. No matter the volume of advice you get here, the one you give yourself will suit you best.

jaksmillioniar:
u lack sence for sayin dat

CaptJeffry:
No Nigerian born and bred man will call his mother b1tch. Your boyfriend is a black American man who has Nigerian parents. I bet he doesn't even have Nigerian passport and probably hasn't visited the country.

If you don't think the relationship is working, simply walk away. No matter the volume of advice you get here, the one you give yourself will suit you best.

Ariella25:


I guess it’s just confusing bc on one hand he’ll reprimand what his father did and he’s only mean when I’m not listening or if I’m around the opposite sex. He is nice to other girls and other people in general. And when I listen to him he’s nice to me too.

N0favors:
You probably haven't come across a certain childofdoom here on nairaland. He's run out of derogatory adjectives to use for his mum

Bsuedu:


It was not too long ago that a poster admitted to putting his hands on his mother. So, a Nigerian man being disrespectful can and does hapoen.

Saviour22:
what the name of this movie

TonyeBarcanista:
Never judge a matter without hearing from the other party...

Bsuedu:


My dear, that is what abusers do. They make you feel like you are deficient and that their behavior is normal. And because they are usually charmers, friends and family wont believe you are being abused.

A man treating you this way is acceptable bc he's Nigerian?? I dont understand the questions you are asking.
Bluntly, based on what you are saying, you are being emotionally abused. I would also like to say kindly that you might be giving off some vibe that is attracting abusive men to you. I believe you are American. There are domestic violence support groups in your city. Please find yourself at one. If I knew where you lived, I would come get you myself

falcon01:
This is a smart move earn their trust and attack

hollandis:



[s]Come get you kwa
Instead of you to advise the lady ,you are wooing her
Typical Nigerian mentality
Taking advantage of vulnerable women[/s]

ndindiatu:


U no well

am I ? common we all know no Nigerian man will call his mum names, (except child of doom and we all know that he's mad,). I think the op is a trollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

khiaa:
My advice to you is to stay with him, he's a wonderful man who loves and adores you. He has fallen in love with you that is why he gets a little annoyed and grabs you by your neck, he's just showing you his affection. As his love gets stronger you can look forward to the wonderful beatings he'll be issuing out to you regularly, remember what's love without a good sound beating every once in a while? The same respect that he gives to his mother he will give to you. It sounds like you have found yourself a gem, marry him as soon as possible before another lucky lady snatches him from you.

Saviour22:
tell hollandis that the Bsuedu of a person is and African american lady. And PS. The op Is a troll