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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! (6058 Views)
American Lady Shuts Down Nigerian Women Advising Her Against Dating Nigerian Men / American Lady Reveals Why She Loves Dating Nigerian Men Over Her Countrymen(vid) / Dating Nigerian-American girls in the United States (2) (3) (4)
American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Ariella25(f): 9:02pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
So this is going to be a long story but I have been dating this Nigerian man for awhile. At the beginning he was nice, attentive, communicative, giving etc and seemed like the ideal man. He’d always compliment me on how sweet and soft spoken I was too. The only thing that made me weary was his father was abusive towards his mother. I had recently been in an abusive relationship as well but he assured me he didn’t hit women bc of his mom. He was always praising her too. I was always told to look at how a man treats his mother so I felt like that attitude was good. Not long after we had a very deep convo about abuse in relationships and he seemed to kind of take his fathers side saying it was her fault for staying and “some people are just weak while others are strong.” I told him I felt that was slightly insensitive and he just said “I wasn’t saying you’re weak, I’m just saying some people are.” So I just let it go. Sometimes he’d say how he hated women but shortly after he’d take it back. But now he’s a completely different person. I don’t mind a little jealousy and control but everything has to be exactly how he wants it. Any time I interact with the opposite sex I feel like he punishes me. If I talk to his friends he calls them my “boyfriend” and says go be with them. He says how he can’t trust women because his father said women are the devil. If he flirts with another woman in my face and confront him he just tells me to stop speaking and says this is why he should go date a white girl bc they aren't hard headed (I’m mixed). When I don’t listen or he’s mad he’ll ignore me for a long time. And on top of that his mommas boy attitude changed. He will purposely ignore her calls. He’s let me listen to voicemails of her crying and he just laughs and deletes it. He flip flops between saying he loves her and calling her annoying/ a b*tch. The thing is he is seemingly only like this with the females in the family and now me. Around other women he is charming and fun. When I brought this up in an argument he said it was because “he actually likes them but hates me.” Only to deny saying it a week later. I told him I’m tired and needed space but he grabbed my neck lightly and told me I’m not going anywhere. But now he’s back to ignoring me. I hate to stereotype but my friend who is half Nigerian and also dated one for 7 years said it only gets worse and to watch out bc they can be abusive. But I feel like he's not like that he just gets annoyed with me. Is this typical Nigerian behavior? If I act better will he be nicer to me? 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by youngest85(m): 9:03pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
Come to the oza room lemme advice you |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 9:09pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
Ariella25: Your man has abusive tendencies. Dump him before you it gets worse. You'll find a better man. And this is no Nigerian trait. It's just an individual trait and coincidented with your friend's. I repeat; dump him whilst you can. 20 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by ghettochild4u(m): 9:17pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
Ariella25: Better run for ur life.. you see the signs yet u asking questions here Better end it... stereotyping or not..... the narrative here shows his a potential yet to be abusive partner.. Inshort he already is.. cos hes been verbally abusing u n slightly holding ur neck roughly leave this boy alone cos d day he would beat u up.. don't go calling d police so he gets deported... Trump is vexing right now.. any lil crime by africans u re on d next plane back to this shitholes do him a favour please dear American girl, End the relationship oooo 10 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 9:22pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
what the name of this movie ![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by ibkayee(f): 9:31pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
He's been modelled/influenced by his environment and has normalised his dad's behaviour. You should leave the relationship, he's exhibiting abusive and misogynistic tendencies, he also sounds unstable. Leave, leave and leave. 8 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by iRepNaija1: 9:36pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
Ariella25: First Bold: This way his way getting your guard done and making you vulnerable, attached him, and cloud your judgment. Second Bold: This was the first red flag Third Bold: This was the second red flag Forth Bold: This was the third red flag (and a dámning one to boot) Fifth Bold: This is the fourth red flag and the final one you need but just in case... Sixth Bold: Fifth red flag. He's gaslighting you. Seventh Bold: Sixth red flag. No one should EVER put their hands on you. He committed assault. You know what's going on. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. It's difficult to date with a clear head but you need to keep your wits about you so you don't excuse, rationalize or explain away scary and problematic behavior. You need to leave this man. Block his number. Remove him from your life immediately and keep in contact with your friends/family so they know your whereabouts. It's only going to get worse from here. P.S. This has nothing to do with him being Nigerian. 4 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by TonyeBarcanista(m): 9:38pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
Never judge a matter without hearing from the other party... 6 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by iRepNaija1: 9:40pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Kneegrow, stfu. 10 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Ariella25(f): 10:18pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
iRepNaija1: Thank you for being so thorough. The only reason I posted on this site is because a lot of the times he will tell me that this is typical Nigerian/African/Caribbean behavior and that I need to date a white guy because that’s all that will want me. And that’s not what I want ![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Ariella25(f): 10:37pm On Jun 22, 2018 |
ibkayee: I guess it’s just confusing bc on one hand he’ll reprimand what his father did and he’s only mean when I’m not listening or if I’m around the opposite sex. He is nice to other girls and other people in general. And when I listen to him he’s nice to me too. 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 12:34am On Jun 23, 2018 |
OP, you better run now while you can. There are too many glaring red signs from your post for me to start quoting! This man is abusive towards you right now and if you marry him it will only escalate. Please take a long walk away from him and don't look back. 3 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by jaksmillioniar: 12:50am On Jun 23, 2018 |
JupiterGeekVII:u lack sence for sayin dat |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 1:07am On Jun 23, 2018 |
No Nigerian born and bred man will call his mother b1tch. Your boyfriend is a black American man who has Nigerian parents. I bet he doesn't even have Nigerian passport and probably hasn't visited the country. If you don't think the relationship is working, simply walk away. No matter the volume of advice you get here, the one you give yourself will suit you best. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by N0favors: 1:27am On Jun 23, 2018 |
CaptJeffry:You probably haven't come across a certain childofdoom here on nairaland. He's run out of derogatory adjectives to use for his mum 2 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 2:04am On Jun 23, 2018 |
jaksmillioniar: I lack 4 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 2:39am On Jun 23, 2018 |
CaptJeffry: It was not too long ago that a poster admitted to putting his hands on his mother. So, a Nigerian man being disrespectful can and does hapoen. 3 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 2:48am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Ariella25: My dear, that is what abusers do. They make you feel like you are deficient and that their behavior is normal. And because they are usually charmers, friends and family wont believe you are being abused. A man treating you this way is acceptable bc he's Nigerian?? I dont understand the questions you are asking. Bluntly, based on what you are saying, you are being emotionally abused. I would also like to say kindly that you might be giving off some vibe that is attracting abusive men to you. I believe you are American. There are domestic violence support groups in your city. Please find yourself at one. If I knew where you lived, I would come get you myself. 4 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 3:52am On Jun 23, 2018 |
N0favors:Are you waiting to hear that he has been admitted in a psychiatric hospital before you believe he's sick. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 3:57am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Bsuedu:That boy is sick. His threads litter Nairaland and if you go through all of them, you'll understand he needs a doctor. Every sane Nigerian man reveres his mother unlike an American who can insult him mom even without lighting a cigarette let alone smoking weed. 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by ndindiatu: 4:25am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by HeWrites(m): 4:30am On Jun 23, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: This is not a matter of hearing from other party.. Seems you don't read ![]() "He grabbed my neck slightly and told me I’m not going anywhere." He's an animal. 2 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by hollandis(f): 5:15am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Arielle ,He talks to other women harshly He tells you why he prefers white women He insults his mum And you are still with him ? Yes stay with him only if you are dumb or desperate And just so you know I don't like people who date others because of the colour of their skin .It is a big problem in America.This is why white should date white and black should date black .Well you are mixed you can either date white or black .But truth be told a white man will definitely act worse towards you Anyway in my humble opinion ,leave him now ,before he does something harmful to you .I don't trust men who are terrible towards their mum 3 Likes |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by hollandis(f): 5:17am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Bsuedu: Come get you kwa Instead of you to advise the lady ,you are wooing her Typical Nigerian mentality Taking advantage of vulnerable women 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by falcon01: 5:52am On Jun 23, 2018 |
This is a smart move earn their trust and attack ![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by hollandis(f): 6:19am On Jun 23, 2018 |
falcon01:You foolish? |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by ednut1(m): 6:34am On Jun 23, 2018 |
![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 6:40am On Jun 23, 2018 |
hollandis:that person u quote is not a Nigerian but an American guess what? It's a lady. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by khiaa(f): 6:43am On Jun 23, 2018 |
My advice to you is to stay with him, he's a wonderful man who loves and adores you. He has fallen in love with you that is why he gets a little annoyed and grabs you by your neck, he's just showing you his affection. As his love grows stronger you can look forward to the wonderfull beatings he'll be issuing out to you regularly, remember what's love without a good sound beating every once in a while from the man who loves you? The same respect that he gives to his mother he will give to you. It sounds like you have found yourself a gem, marry him before another lucky lady snatches him from you. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 6:45am On Jun 23, 2018 |
ndindiatu:am I ![]() ![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by Nobody: 6:48am On Jun 23, 2018 |
khiaa:tell hollandis that the Bsuedu of a person is and African american lady. And PS. The op Is a troll ![]() |
Re: American Woman Dating Nigerian Man! Please Help!! by khiaa(f): 6:57am On Jun 23, 2018 |
Saviour22: I know the op is a troll that is why I gave the stupid advice. ![]() |
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