alignacademy:


Thanks for the feedback

Interesting perspective you add there: the problem of the world! Aren't you stretching it a bit?

Like I noted earlier, I shared my opinion after watching a TV program that showcased kids with no families

It dawned on me that these kids didn't bring themselves to the world. Possibly by adults who weren't ready for the responsibilities of raising children.

Our traditional family values here in Africa are being eroded. You don't need a sermon to realize that.

Ignoring this sad situation because "it's not my portion" just won't cut it. The family is the basic unit of society. We are all in this together.

Conversations like this could help us share ideas on the importance of better choices in our personal lives, doing things that would be in the best interest of everyone

What do you think?

our traditional family values were never based on justice so they must eventually fail and give way to a fairer system !

Organism000:


Yes, the focus should be the kids, so living together as 'married' but loveless couple does not foster such love, because of usual acrimony prevalent in love-less marriages. But parents are not sacrificial lambs in the context of marriage, parents must enjoy love, so it is better to sit down amicably and draw up a plan of action on Child Support and then separate amicably and the kids will choose which parents to be with and there after rotate it every 6 months or agreed time-table. Such kids will grow up with better love and understanding than the ones raised in the atmosphere of chaos.

Let us note that if we truly love our partners, we must set them free, to enjoy their fantasies if we can not meet up with their expectation of fantasy. Tactically holding some one else hostage or self using the instrumentality of religions, customs and traditions or what the neighbours might say, is against natural design and causes stress on the body, mind and spirit as well as chaos in the society.

Love is Freedom to experience our world, marriage should not restrict freedom of fulfilling our fantasies.

I agree...too bad our society doesn't encourage such views.
I guess fvck society.One's happiness comes first
Lastly,pls can u recommend some books on self consciousness/inner peace/love.
Thanks

somehow:


Huge difference

the only difference is perception - in reality it’s exactly the same thing !

Pataricatering:
the only difference is perception - in reality it’s exactly the same thing !

Huge difference. A widow didnt give birth to remain unmarried or expected her husband not to be around. A widow wanted her husband around to share in the growth of the children and herself unlike a babymama

KanwuliaExtra:
Are they complaining?
What solutions are you proposing if YOU see problems.
I don’t, so good luck!

what other solution but woman- bashing ! You see how he already mentioned baby mama s

Kendrick80:

I agree...too bad our society doesn't encourage such views.
I guess fvck society.One's happiness comes first
Lastly,pls can u recommend some books on self consciousness/inner peace/love.
Thanks

There comes a time in the growth curve that one does not care about the views of society, angels and demons, and not even what the dictates of the Gods do not matter any more. Man has to free itself from the shackles of ignorance and live at liberty or suffer in its ignorance of what is, and what is to be.

The most important things in life, that anyone should focus on are:
1. Health.
2. Money
3. Happiness
4. Love

In that order, if one has taken care of the afore-mentioned and in that order, and strive to produce 90% of what one eats in order to continue to manage (good Health, even the wife will never leave him or cheat or except they decide to have some groupie. Most times we place love above money, that is bullshiit, and it is not even good to put money above health, that is silly. It is Health before money, and money and health brings happiness and Love, there should be happiness before love. Do not bring love into your life if you are not intrinsically happy because humans are frequency beings of resonance and will vibrate in chorus with the domestic vibrations, so get your house in order, be happy then find love and both party must agree on their fantasy, may be a blo-w job, may be groupie, may be hall-pass etc. At least fantasies that makes you loose and win the love back. It is this unpredictable scarcity that re-wires the circuitry of love and makes one radiate the pillars of light and brighten the darkness out of our lives.

Health>Money>happiness>Love>Freedom to practice all manners of fantasies and you wouldnt need Angels, demons and even the Gods.

That is the lesson we must learn the hard way or easy way.

My hobby is reading, so I can not really say which book. I think I read more than 50 books per year and I have a home library. You can develop the culture of reading everything. You will love it.

somehow:


Huge difference. A widow didnt give birth to remain unmarried or expected her husband not to be around. A widow wanted her husband around to share in the growth of the children and herself unlike a babymama

does it change the fact that there is no father figure present in both cases ? As I said your personal opinion is tainting the issue !

Organism000:


There comes a time in the growth curve that one does not care about the views of society, angels and demons, and not even what the dictates of the Gods do not matter any more. Man has to free itself from the shackles of ignorance and live at liberty or suffer in its ignorance of what is, and what is to be.

The most important things in life, that anyone should focus on are:
1. Health.
2. Money
3. Happiness
4. Love

In that order, if one has taken care of the afore-mentioned and in that order, and strive to produce 90% of what one eats in order to continue to manage (good Health, even the wife will never leave him or cheat or except they decide to have some groupie. Most times we place love above money, that is bullshiit, and it is not even good to put money above health, that is silly. It is Health before money, and money and health brings happiness and Love, there should be happiness before love. Do not bring love into your life if you are not intrinsically happy because humans are frequency beings of resonance and will vibrate in chorus with the domestic vibrations, so get your house in order, be happy then find love and both party must agree on their fantasy, may be a blo-w job, may be groupie, may be hall-pass etc. At least fantasies that makes you loose and win the love back. It is this unpredictable scarcity that re-wires the circuitry of love and makes one radiate the pillars of light and brighten the darkness out of our lives.

Health>Money>happiness>Love>Freedom to practice all manners of fantasies and you wouldnt need Angels, demons and even the Gods.

That is the lesson we must learn the hard way or easy way.

My hobby is reading, so I can not really say which book. I think I read more than 50 books per year and I have a home library. You can develop the culture of reading everything. You will love it.

To be honest I have gained a lot from ur comments and i appreciate u sharing your thoughts.I strongly believe once there's money love becomes irrelevant.Imo it's health-money-happiness-love(optional),
Pls how can I get some of the books.Thanks

sanpipita:


Black Americans have always had a long history of crime in US you can't totally blame it on single parenting, drugs and violence will happen anywhere youth get access to drugs and weapons, bet you know america got gun issues, now let me bring you down to Nigeria what's our single parenting rates isn't it low at least of this age,

What do you think is the common denominator?

Access to drugs and weapons is not enjoyed by just the black American community, so why are they the ones most affected?

Again, what do you think is the common denominator?

if I use your logic crimes we witness in Nigeria is caused by having a family unit cos you can't say single parenting rates are high here.

You fail to see what I'm doing here.
My reference to the statistics on black Americans was made to show you one of the effects of children being raised outside what is considered a family unit and I believe I touched on more subjects than just crimes.

In Nigeria, the issue is still in infancy. It's only just recently that birthing children out of wedlock became a fad, seen to be okay...and it will only get worse.
I did mention the importance of a family unit when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors in children which in turn reverberates in the larger society. Yes, the family unit is important. It is the most important foundation any human can have and to be honest, Nigerians by default don't know how to raise and build families.

A dysfunctional family isn't just a family with one parent present, I find this definition too basic. In my opinion, a dysfunctional family is one where either or both parents have no clue what they're doing when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors...and who can blame them? They themselves were not taught by their own parents.
If we take a survey here and ask people to tell us how many of them were sat down by a parent and taught extensively how to be a father/husband or a mother/wife, the results will astound you. What about finding out how many were taught financial management, relationship management, courtesy, social conduct, etc by one or both parents, the results will be around 1 in 30.

Most of the things Nigerians know about life and self, they learnt on their own, not from their parents - quote me anywhere. This in itself is an aberration.
It now requires a conscious effort and a fair amount of personal responsibility on the part of every single one of us to make sure we instill proper values and ideas on our wards for their own sake and for the sake of the larger society.
Things like baby mama, baby daddy, adultery, divorce, and so many other vices that are now being made to seem normal and celebrated, remain wrong at the end of the day...there's no two ways about it. I'm not saying there aren't situations where these things happen through no fault of the people involved, however, it is imperative that we make it a personal responsibility to make sure these things don't happen.

There is right and there is wrong, absolutely nothing in between.

Kendrick80:

To be honest I have gained a lot from ur comments and i appreciate u sharing your thoughts.I strongly believe once there's money love becomes irrelevant.Imo it's health-money-happiness-love(optional),
Pls how can I get some of the books.Thanks

I order books from online stores and its delivered through the mail. SOmetimes I buy from bookshops at malls or even at traffic. You will be guided on what to read. Just start with the first.

crackhaus:

What do you think is the common denominator?

Access to drugs and weapons is not enjoyed by just the black American community, so why are they the ones most affected?

Again, what do you think is the common denominator?


You fail to see what I'm doing here.
My reference to the statistics on black Americans was made to show you one of the effects of children being raised outside what is considered a family unit and I believe I touched on more subjects than just crimes.

In Nigeria, the issue is still in infancy. It's only just recently that birthing children out of wedlock became a fad, seen to be okay...and it will only get worse.
I did mention the importance of a family unit when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors in children which in turn reverberates in the larger society. Yes, the family unit is important. It is the most important foundation any human can have and to be honest, Nigerians by default don't know how to raise and build families.

A dysfunctional family isn't just a family with one parent present, I find this definition too basic. In my opinion, a dysfunctional family is one where either or both parents have no clue what they're doing when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors...and who can blame them? They themselves were not taught by their own parents.
If we take a survey here and ask people to tell us how many of them were sat down by a parent and taught extensively how to be a father/husband or a mother/wife, the results will astound you. What about finding out how many were taught financial management, relationship management, courtesy, social conduct, etc by one or both parents, the results will be around 1 in 30.

Most of the things Nigerians know about life and self, they learnt on their own, not from their parents - quote me anywhere. This in itself is an aberration.
It now requires a conscious effort and a fair amount of personal responsibility on the part of every single one of us to make sure we instill proper values and ideas on our wards for their own sake and for the sake of the larger society.
Things like baby mama, baby daddy, adultery, divorce, and so many other vices that are now being made to seem normal and celebrated, remain wrong at the end of the day...there's no two ways about it. I'm not saying there aren't situations where these things happen through no fault of the people involved, however, it is imperative that we make it a personal responsibility to make sure these things don't happen.

There is right and there is wrong, absolutely nothing in between.

Is this you or a twin?

@OP:

I am strongly of the opinion that things did not get worse drastically in our time;

They were always there however social media has exposed more.

I know a village where a girl of 20 without a child would be ridiculed..... no, they are not slay mamas and as at then, they didn't really have access to the internet.

Again, if we really want to define dysfunctional, the African set up has always been dysfunctional in different ways. A system that is unfair, encourages women to put up with shit to stay married, believe the people in authority or elderly can't be accountable to the younger ones etc. will breed dysfunctionality.

We complain how the rate of divorce, baby mamas (funny how we never mention the fathers) etc have increased and lament that our mothers were not so. A lot of people even cite how their mothers took shit from their fathers and stayed put bla bla.

We shouldn't forget that our parents' and grandparents' generation produced the thieving politicians we gave today; that generation birthed and trained this that seems to be 'dysfunctional' today.

We need to first define a 'functional' family and determine to be one.

Baby mamaism/papaism is just a symptom of the problem.

And you can't encourage men to cheat on one hand and expect the women in that same community to be chaste. You can't sow the wind and not reap the whirlwind.

The father who happens to be the husband died not out of his own will, the father took a vow to stay faithful, responsible, present and to always be there for the wife and the children, train them together and watch eachother's back. both became 1.

Not the same with a babydaddy who sleeps around, impregnate different women, mostly send money for the child's upkeep and most never in the children' life, not faith, not responsible to the series of women he sleeps with. some don't even partake in the growth of the chldren, the babymamas also sleep with multiple people, not loyal to any particular man, hardly understand what a family is suppose to look like.


No matter how some of you try to destroy the family unit with your personal idea of what a family should look like which is now affecting the world negatively, it can't replace what a true family unit should look like.

Every child needs the complete presence of both parents in their growth and development to understand what complete parenthood is all about.


So i repeat again, a babymama and a widow are never the same!

Pataricatering:
does it change the fact that there is no father figure present in both cases ? As I said your personal opinion is tainting the issue !

Saintmary:

Every family has it's own degree of dysfunction.

U might be right to some extent...there are close to none perfect families out there...each has its own flaws

solasoulmusic:
It’s easier to say but we do owe it to ourselves to make relationships work for the sake of our kids perfection is not the aim but we must learn from our mistakes ..sometimes it may not even be your physical kid Maybe a step child sef anyone your responsible for you owe it too to at least be civil and welcoming to your spouse

Cover their shame even when they expose yours you will learn what love is all about

Try and punctuate.

Organism000:


I order books from online stores and its delivered through the mail. SOmetimes I buy from bookshops at malls or even at traffic. You will be guided on what to read. Just start with the first.

I'll do that ASAP...Thank u

blazer2018:


U might be right to some extent...there are close to none perfect families out there...each has its own flaws

I am right

crackhaus:

What do you think is the common denominator?

Access to drugs and weapons is not enjoyed by just the black American community, so why are they the ones most affected?

Again, what do you think is the common denominator?


You fail to see what I'm doing here.
My reference to the statistics on black Americans was made to show you one of the effects of children being raised outside what is considered a family unit and I believe I touched on more subjects than just crimes.

In Nigeria, the issue is still in infancy. It's only just recently that birthing children out of wedlock became a fad, seen to be okay...and it will only get worse.
I did mention the importance of a family unit when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors in children which in turn reverberates in the larger society. Yes, the family unit is important. It is the most important foundation any human can have and to be honest, Nigerians by default don't know how to raise and build families.

A dysfunctional family isn't just a family with one parent present, I find this definition too basic. In my opinion, a dysfunctional family is one where either or both parents have no clue what they're doing when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors...and who can blame them? They themselves were not taught by their own parents.
If we take a survey here and ask people to tell us how many of them were sat down by a parent and taught extensively how to be a father/husband or a mother/wife, the results will astound you. What about finding out how many were taught financial management, relationship management, courtesy, social conduct, etc by one or both parents, the results will be around 1 in 30.

Most of the things Nigerians know about life and self, they learnt on their own, not from their parents - quote me anywhere. This in itself is an aberration.
It now requires a conscious effort and a fair amount of personal responsibility on the part of every single one of us to make sure we instill proper values and ideas on our wards for their own sake and for the sake of the larger society.
Things like baby mama, baby daddy, adultery, divorce, and so many other vices that are now being made to seem normal and celebrated, remain wrong at the end of the day...there's no two ways about it. I'm not saying there aren't situations where these things happen through no fault of the people involved, however, it is imperative that we make it a personal responsibility to make sure these things don't happen.

There is right and there is wrong, absolutely nothing in between.

Those bolded paragraph is all I have try to say here, parenting for me is how good it gets, luckily you stated most Nigerians despite living under a couple parenting still weren't raised properly that shows much dysfunctional an average Nigerian home is yet you target single parenting as bad? and really values can differ I have seen kids hold different values to my own views, it all boils down to who is responsible in parenting them, a couple parent can impact bad values, a single parent can too.

bukatyne:
@OP:

I am strongly of the opinion that things did not get worse drastically in our time;

They were always there however social media has exposed more.

I know a village where a girl of 20 without a child would be ridiculed..... no, they are not slay mamas and as at then, they didn't really have access to the internet.

Again, if we really want to define dysfunctional, the African set up has always been dysfunctional in different ways. A system that is unfair, encourages women to put up with shit to stay married, believe the people in authority or elderly can't be accountable to the younger ones etc. will breed dysfunctionality.

We complain how the rate of divorce, baby mamas (funny how we never mention the fathers) etc have increased and lament that our mothers were not so. A lot of people even cite how their mothers took shit from their fathers and stayed put bla bla.

We shouldn't forget that our parents' and grandparents' generation produced the thieving politicians we gave today; that generation birthed and trained this that seems to be 'dysfunctional' today.

We need to first define a 'functional' family and determine to be one.

Baby mamaism/papaism is just a symptom of the problem.

And you can't encourage men to cheat on one hand and expect the women in that same community to be chaste. You can't sow the wind and not reap the whirlwind.

Yet another brilliant post on this issue, many young men prefer being baby daddies why? cos its gives the freedom to play around especially since we have made it OK for a man to be promiscuous, and I like the way you used our leaders as example guess nobody will say its single parenting that the cause.

Saintmary:

I am right

Yes ma, u are so right...

alignacademy:


Thanks for the feedback

It's not clear whether you read through my first post or what you are actually proposing.

I posted that after watching a TV programme showing facilities in some foreign countries where they keep young people from no families.

These young people didn't bring themselves into the world.

They were born by people who felt they had a right to please themselves without considering the consequences of their actions.

By the way, most of the young people I saw on the TV programme were violent and some even suicidal. And it follows: they had no family to learn love and care from, so they naturally HATE themselves and society at large.

As I noted in the first post, personal responsibility and self discipline are key. We will build a better society when we weigh our actions and the impact they could have on other people.

That's one of the good things about platforms like this. We can have fruitful conversations and learn more on how to make better choices.

Thanks again

Like KanwuliaExtra said, the best thing to do is to start a NGO to create awareness and educate teens on the harm from a non religious perspective . if you are really serious about this NGO then I'm in too. Never underestimate the power of a ripple effect. We can put our ideas together, except KanwuliaExtra though, she has bills to pay

KanwuliaExtra:


Una nor get work o.
Lazy agbayas of NL!
Na baby mammas born Fulani Herdsmen?

So u no knw say na babymamas born dem... but the local ones

Blonchilli:

Like KanwuliaExtra said, the best thing to do is to start a NGO to create awareness and educate teens on the harm from a non religious perspective . if you are really serious about this NGO then I'm in too. Never underestimate the power of a ripple effect. We can put our ideas together, except KanwuliaExtra though, she has bills to pay

Gbam!

bukatyne:

Is this you or a twin?

Pataricatering:
what other solution but woman- bashing ! You see how he already mentioned baby mama s

Dem get work?

donb06:
So u no knw say na babymamas born dem... but the local ones

I asked a ?. . .
Poverty rules dysfunction.
Tinubu was born by a baby mama and so was OBAMA!

WinningSun:


in my own opinion. the generation that raised this generation emphasizes more on the female child.

they were trained to be better mother and how to keep a home why they neglected the male counterpart. he[b] feels he has no homely responsibilties[/b]. and fails to realize that he can't behave like his grandfather once did.

on the other hand. the social media and those using it to broadcast have little or nothing to offer. so it gives a quasi lifestyle to adopt.

nowadays if you have a girlfriend and you can't give her head you're in for trouble

Thanks for the feedback

And what a colourful thread!

Personally I love conversations like these where I can learn from sharper minds.

Your viewpoints are interesting, and even raise more thoughts to consider.

P. S. Good luck with your girlfriend!

Blonchilli:

Like KanwuliaExtra said, the best thing to do is to start a NGO to create awareness and educate teens on the harm from a non religious perspective . if you are really serious about this NGO then I'm in too. Never underestimate the power of a ripple effect. We can put our ideas together, except KanwuliaExtra though, she has bills to pay

Thanks for sharing

Yes, teen education is key

donb06:
most people think taken care is only money... One part of that child is missing ... at least i have heard several about several ladies being victim of men and the excuse they always give is my father was not there for me... and guys saying almost same things.

Good point

alignacademy:


Thanks for sharing

Yes, teen education is key

So about the NGO... You want to do anything about it?

Blonchilli:

So about the NGO... You want to do anything about it?

Isn't it possible to work with some who are already working along these lines?