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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? (13262 Views)
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Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Pataricatering(f): 9:41pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
alignacademy:our traditional family values were never based on justice so they must eventually fail and give way to a fairer system ! 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Kendrick80(m): 9:42pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
Organism000:I agree...too bad our society doesn't encourage such views. I guess fvck society.One's happiness comes first ![]() Lastly,pls can u recommend some books on self consciousness/inner peace/love. Thanks |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Pataricatering(f): 9:44pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
somehow:the only difference is perception - in reality it’s exactly the same thing ! |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by somehow: 9:46pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
Pataricatering: Huge difference. A widow didnt give birth to remain unmarried or expected her husband not to be around. A widow wanted her husband around to share in the growth of the children and herself unlike a babymama |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Pataricatering(f): 9:55pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
KanwuliaExtra:what other solution but woman- bashing ! You see how he already mentioned baby mama s 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 10:00pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
Kendrick80: There comes a time in the growth curve that one does not care about the views of society, angels and demons, and not even what the dictates of the Gods do not matter any more. Man has to free itself from the shackles of ignorance and live at liberty or suffer in its ignorance of what is, and what is to be. The most important things in life, that anyone should focus on are: 1. Health. 2. Money 3. Happiness 4. Love In that order, if one has taken care of the afore-mentioned and in that order, and strive to produce 90% of what one eats in order to continue to manage (good Health, even the wife will never leave him or cheat or except they decide to have some groupie. Most times we place love above money, that is bullshiit, and it is not even good to put money above health, that is silly. It is Health before money, and money and health brings happiness and Love, there should be happiness before love. Do not bring love into your life if you are not intrinsically happy because humans are frequency beings of resonance and will vibrate in chorus with the domestic vibrations, so get your house in order, be happy then find love and both party must agree on their fantasy, may be a blo-w job, may be groupie, may be hall-pass etc. At least fantasies that makes you loose and win the love back. It is this unpredictable scarcity that re-wires the circuitry of love and makes one radiate the pillars of light and brighten the darkness out of our lives. Health>Money>happiness>Love>Freedom to practice all manners of fantasies and you wouldnt need Angels, demons and even the Gods. That is the lesson we must learn the hard way or easy way. My hobby is reading, so I can not really say which book. I think I read more than 50 books per year and I have a home library. You can develop the culture of reading everything. You will love it. |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Pataricatering(f): 10:02pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
somehow:does it change the fact that there is no father figure present in both cases ? As I said your personal opinion is tainting the issue ! 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Kendrick80(m): 10:44pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
Organism000:To be honest I have gained a lot from ur comments and i appreciate u sharing your thoughts.I strongly believe once there's money love becomes irrelevant.Imo it's health-money-happiness-love(optional), Pls how can I get some of the books.Thanks 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Peachess(f): 10:52pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
So your definition of a dysfunctional family is the kind of family where a child grows up with a single parent? The last time I checked, according to Wikipedia, "a dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions." I've seen so many well behaved people who grew up with a single parent. 3 Likes |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by crackhaus: 10:52pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
sanpipita:What do you think is the common denominator? Access to drugs and weapons is not enjoyed by just the black American community, so why are they the ones most affected? Again, what do you think is the common denominator? if I use your logic crimes we witness in Nigeria is caused by having a family unit cos you can't say single parenting rates are high here.You fail to see what I'm doing here. My reference to the statistics on black Americans was made to show you one of the effects of children being raised outside what is considered a family unit and I believe I touched on more subjects than just crimes. In Nigeria, the issue is still in infancy. It's only just recently that birthing children out of wedlock became a fad, seen to be okay...and it will only get worse. I did mention the importance of a family unit when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors in children which in turn reverberates in the larger society. Yes, the family unit is important. It is the most important foundation any human can have and to be honest, Nigerians by default don't know how to raise and build families. A dysfunctional family isn't just a family with one parent present, I find this definition too basic. In my opinion, a dysfunctional family is one where either or both parents have no clue what they're doing when it comes to impacting ideas and positive behaviors...and who can blame them? They themselves were not taught by their own parents. If we take a survey here and ask people to tell us how many of them were sat down by a parent and taught extensively how to be a father/husband or a mother/wife, the results will astound you. What about finding out how many were taught financial management, relationship management, courtesy, social conduct, etc by one or both parents, the results will be around 1 in 30. Most of the things Nigerians know about life and self, they learnt on their own, not from their parents - quote me anywhere. This in itself is an aberration. It now requires a conscious effort and a fair amount of personal responsibility on the part of every single one of us to make sure we instill proper values and ideas on our wards for their own sake and for the sake of the larger society. Things like baby mama, baby daddy, adultery, divorce, and so many other vices that are now being made to seem normal and celebrated, remain wrong at the end of the day...there's no two ways about it. I'm not saying there aren't situations where these things happen through no fault of the people involved, however, it is imperative that we make it a personal responsibility to make sure these things don't happen. There is right and there is wrong, absolutely nothing in between. 2 Likes |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 11:17pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
Kendrick80: I order books from online stores and its delivered through the mail. SOmetimes I buy from bookshops at malls or even at traffic. You will be guided on what to read. Just start with the first. |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by bukatyne(f): 11:33pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
crackhaus: Is this you or a twin? |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by bukatyne(f): 11:49pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
@OP: I am strongly of the opinion that things did not get worse drastically in our time; They were always there however social media has exposed more. I know a village where a girl of 20 without a child would be ridiculed..... no, they are not slay mamas and as at then, they didn't really have access to the internet. Again, if we really want to define dysfunctional, the African set up has always been dysfunctional in different ways. A system that is unfair, encourages women to put up with shit to stay married, believe the people in authority or elderly can't be accountable to the younger ones etc. will breed dysfunctionality. We complain how the rate of divorce, baby mamas (funny how we never mention the fathers) etc have increased and lament that our mothers were not so. A lot of people even cite how their mothers took shit from their fathers and stayed put bla bla. We shouldn't forget that our parents' and grandparents' generation produced the thieving politicians we gave today; that generation birthed and trained this that seems to be 'dysfunctional' today. We need to first define a 'functional' family and determine to be one. Baby mamaism/papaism is just a symptom of the problem. And you can't encourage men to cheat on one hand and expect the women in that same community to be chaste. You can't sow the wind and not reap the whirlwind. 7 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by somehow: 11:59pm On Jun 26, 2018 |
The father who happens to be the husband died not out of his own will, the father took a vow to stay faithful, responsible, present and to always be there for the wife and the children, train them together and watch eachother's back. both became 1. Not the same with a babydaddy who sleeps around, impregnate different women, mostly send money for the child's upkeep and most never in the children' life, not faith, not responsible to the series of women he sleeps with. some don't even partake in the growth of the chldren, the babymamas also sleep with multiple people, not loyal to any particular man, hardly understand what a family is suppose to look like. No matter how some of you try to destroy the family unit with your personal idea of what a family should look like which is now affecting the world negatively, it can't replace what a true family unit should look like. Every child needs the complete presence of both parents in their growth and development to understand what complete parenthood is all about. So i repeat again, a babymama and a widow are never the same! Pataricatering: |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by blazer2018: 12:04am On Jun 27, 2018 |
Saintmary: U might be right to some extent...there are close to none perfect families out there...each has its own flaws 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by TMemos: 6:48am On Jun 27, 2018 |
solasoulmusic: Try and punctuate. |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Kendrick80(m): 6:59am On Jun 27, 2018 |
Organism000:I'll do that ASAP...Thank u |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Saintmary(f): 7:06am On Jun 27, 2018 |
blazer2018:I am right 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by sanpipita(m): 8:31am On Jun 27, 2018 |
crackhaus: Those bolded paragraph is all I have try to say here, parenting for me is how good it gets, luckily you stated most Nigerians despite living under a couple parenting still weren't raised properly that shows much dysfunctional an average Nigerian home is yet you target single parenting as bad? and really values can differ I have seen kids hold different values to my own views, it all boils down to who is responsible in parenting them, a couple parent can impact bad values, a single parent can too. 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by sanpipita(m): 8:39am On Jun 27, 2018 |
bukatyne: Yet another brilliant post on this issue, many young men prefer being baby daddies why? cos its gives the freedom to play around especially since we have made it OK for a man to be promiscuous, and I like the way you used our leaders as example guess nobody will say its single parenting that the cause. 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by blazer2018: 9:19am On Jun 27, 2018 |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Blonchilli(m): 1:05pm On Jun 27, 2018 |
alignacademy:Like KanwuliaExtra said, the best thing to do is to start a NGO to create awareness and educate teens on the harm from a non religious perspective . if you are really serious about this NGO then I'm in too. Never underestimate the power of a ripple effect. We can put our ideas together, except KanwuliaExtra though, she has bills to pay ![]() |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by donb06: 3:46pm On Jun 27, 2018 |
KanwuliaExtra:So u no knw say na babymamas born dem... but the local ones ![]() |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by KanwuliaExtra: 3:49pm On Jun 27, 2018 |
Blonchilli: Gbam! ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by crackhaus: 9:34pm On Jun 27, 2018 |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by KanwuliaExtra: 3:20am On Jun 28, 2018 |
Pataricatering: Dem get work? ![]() |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by KanwuliaExtra: 3:26am On Jun 28, 2018 |
donb06: I asked a ?. . . Poverty rules dysfunction. Tinubu was born by a baby mama and so was OBAMA! ![]() |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 6:57pm On Jun 29, 2018 |
WinningSun: Thanks for the feedback And what a colourful thread! Personally I love conversations like these where I can learn from sharper minds. Your viewpoints are interesting, and even raise more thoughts to consider. P. S. Good luck with your girlfriend! 1 Like |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Jun 29, 2018 |
Blonchilli: Thanks for sharing Yes, teen education is key |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 7:16pm On Jun 29, 2018 |
donb06: Good point |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Blonchilli(m): 7:16pm On Jun 29, 2018 |
alignacademy:So about the NGO... You want to do anything about it? |
Re: Should We Really Ignore Dysfunctional Families? by Nobody: 7:22pm On Jun 29, 2018 |
Blonchilli: Isn't it possible to work with some who are already working along these lines? |
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