I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),


Editor's note: her husband responds here
https://www.nairaland.com/4629255/husbands-pride-wants-ruin-home

How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a wicked selfish woman!!!

You both should settle this amicably but don't change the properties document to his name otherwise you will cry over it.

All i gat to say is dix


IT'S WELL

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.

he is not a gentleman. I just wonder what action he will take if it's in his name. In marriage what belongs to you also belongs to him. I feel your pain but don't change the name. At most let it be joint. He will regret his actions. Just stay cool and talk less. Silence is golden

Change it to Mr & Mrs ABC. It is allowed. That way, it is now for both of you.

Your issue requires you speak to very mature minds you and your husband hold in high esteem, but in the interim you can have your name and his name on the property.
So it's not a sole ownership

wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u

Look before you leap.

Just take a deep breath. Imagine what would have happened if you have used his name instead, and he had ordered you to park out of the house! Where would you have been? Where will your children have been?

Just stay calm. Things will normalize, but the two of you must be ready to shift ground. You may consider using Mr and Mrs on the land document.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.

All these lies just for traffic will not help you

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

I used my part of the money which is not wrong, i expected him to know that

nabegibeg:



All these lies just for traffic will not help you

I am not a blogger who wants traffic, you can choose not to believe if you want, i just need advice and other options,

I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

sholatech:
Change it to Mr & Mrs ABC. It is allowed. That way, it is now for both of you.

He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

@ HEseesall This is a hard one. A very hard one. Normally I am all for playing the fool in a marriage, doing your own part whether your spouse does their part or not. But this case has a precedent already ie he kicked you out of a house he should well know you built. This means he expected you to use your own share of the money to build a house in his name (making it his).

.....except he wasn't aware you built the house. Was he?

I'd like to say more but I would like some clarification on this point first.

HRHQueenPhil:
wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u

Thanks, i am thinking of telling our pastor, i dont want to tell my family cos they may antagonise him, thanks for your imput

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

You most definitely will not be splitting up because of property.

Can you please clarify if he was aware of your building the house in the first place?

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Do not make dat mistake. It's d product of ur own share of d biz. Find a way to settle it amicably but whatever you do, make sure d name on d property remains urs

LewsTherin:
@ HEseesall This is a hard one. A very hard one. Normally I am all for playing the fool in a marriage, doing your own part whether your spouse does their part or not. But this case has a precedent already ie he kicked you out of a house he should well know you built. This means he expected you to use your own share of the money to build a house in his name (making it his).

.....except he wasn't aware you built the house. Was he?

I'd like to say more but I would like some clarification on this point first.

When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

If he doesn't want Mr. & Mrs please go for divorce.

If they point gun on your head, never change the name to his name.

And you need to stop bordering yourself about his disappearance.

Just know that you change the name to his, then you just signed your own death outcast warrant

LewsTherin:


You most definitely will not be splitting up because of property.

Can you please clarify if he was aware of your building the house in the first place?

The property only is in my name but we built it together

Except you guys had a disagreement from the onset, where i fault you was using your name as the sole owner of the property from the onset.

Even if he used his own share of the money for the parents as you indicated, i see no reason why you shouldn't have used Mr & Mrs XYZ as the property owner since you never had any issue with him using his own funds for the parents.

Your husband is upset and i wouldn't advise changing the name at this time since he has refused joint names for the change as that would be dangerous. I suggest you involve families since he told you to pack out of the house which further triggered all these problems.

Finally, your husband's version of what happened might be different from this thread you created but my advise is based on what you have written here.

HEseesall:



The property only is in my name but we built it together

Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

Thank you. Imagine what would have happened if the house was in his name. I think you should keep calm and let things cool down. It takes two to have a relationship. But have it in mind that you might have to join him in a rented apartment when everything cools. At that time, you should rent the house out.

sacramento1212:

Finally, your husband's version of what happened might be different from this thread you created but my advise is based on what you have written here.

I forgot this bit. I second it.

My dear tell your family, what do you mean by they will antagonize him? What if he has succeeded in chasing you out? Won't your family know? Do you want to die in silent? Please before pastor, first tell your papa and mama. Meanwhile, if this narration is true, count your loses, you are a single mom. He feels betrayed, he knows he doesn't have upper hand to humiliate you that's why he took transfer. Move on, such men are chauvinist, they don't care!!!

Don't change it

sacramento1212:
Except you guys had a disagreement from the onset, where i fault you was using your name as the sole owner of the property from the onset.

Even if he used his own share of the money for the parents as you indicated, i see no reason why you shouldn't have used Mr & Mrs XYZ as the property owner since you never had any issue with him using his own funds for the parents.

I both agree and disagree with this at the same time. Wierd, huh?

From the onset, yes. She should have made it a joint filing. I believe all property bought in a marriage should be jointly owned. Heck from the start, I would mot have “shared” the money in the first place. We would have used it jointly. That's what I do in my marriage. There is no his and her money. There is only our money. May be easier for me as we run a business together but hey, that's just me.

But seeing what has come out of this decision howbeit only from her side of the story, imagine what would have happened if the property was jointly owned. From the little I know, a Nigerian man can still kick his wife out of a house they jointly own. Tradition being stronger than law here. It will be said that even though both names are on the deed, he is still the husband and head of the house and still owns the house. Lawyers would be needed to untangle the mess.

I may be wrong but that's what I understand.

LewsTherin:


I both agree and disagree with this at the same time. Wierd, huh?

From the onset, yes. She should have made it a joint filing. I believe all property bought in a marriage should be jointly owned. Heck from the start, I would mot have “shared” the money in the first place. We would have used it jointly. That's what I do in my marriage. There is no his and her money. There is only our money. May be easier for me as we run a business together but hey, that's just me.

But seeing what has come out of this decision howbeit only from her side of the story, imagine what would have happened if the property was jointly owned. From the little I know, a Nigerian man can still kick his wife out of a house they jointly own. Tradition being stronger than law here. It will be said that even though both names are on the deed, he is still the husband and head of the house and still owns the house. Lawyers would be needed to untangle the mess.

I may be wrong but that's what I understand.

I stand to be corrected, I don't think if the property was jointly owned, the husband, even without knowing won't be able to claim it out rightly. If she, from the onset knowing fully well that the husband diverted his own share to his parents had spelt it out that since he has collected his own share of the money, that she will purchase the property in her own name, then i won't fault her.

I am in no way saying that the husband's attitude is fine but just my opinion anyway.

U guys did a joint business and shared profit ,then ur husband decided that all his own money will be put back to his parent thinking he will fall back on urs,did u guys discuss ur own share will be for both of u and did u both agree the money should be use for his parents?
Your husband is selfish by using all his money which I doubt cos if the money was as much as using it to build a house then that is no small money and I doubt he gave everything to his parent except they were sick and he was treating them with d money,that aside.
What is the stance of his parents on this?
The highest compromise u can make is Mr a and Mrs b, let ur first name show also on d docs. Don't give him full access since he has already told u to pack out he will leave u cos he strongly believe u cheated him out. And I don't know why he went running to his parents as soon has u guys had issues.

Don't go to any pastor or imam,they will compound ur problems,go to God in prayers to change his heart . If he remains adamant then leave him be. Cos I don't know why he will pack out and seek for a transfer because of this issue, except u wronged him badly earlier. Stand ur ground and goodluck

HEseesall:



The property only is in my name but we built it together

By the way, do you guys work together? Run a joint business? Or it was only that one event?