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Saintmary:

Your properties, your future. Have you thought of what would have happened to your children if he had sent you out thinking he owned the house? why not change the ownership to all your children. That way none of you own the house. By this time, I suggest you get yourself a lawyer. your best interests and that of your innocent children is of little concern to your husband.

Thank you.

Saintmary:

Your properties, your future. Have you thought of what would have happened to your children if he had sent you out thinking he owned the house? why not change the ownership to all your children. That way none of you own the house. By this time, I suggest you get yourself a lawyer. your best interests and that of your innocent children is of little concern to your husband.

YorubaEmir:



My advise.
Peace is golden.
At this point, everyone is hurt and needs his/her ego massaged.

Your biggest mistake was building the house with your Name without his knowledge. How does it sound to your ear? It means you never trusted your man enough right from the onset.

Now the deed has been done. Why not change it to his name for peace to reign? From the way you sound, he is a good man and whatever prompted him to ask you to leave must have been grievous.

Please don't let pride take away your man. Do not listen to those asking you for divorce. They will break your home.

The husband built his own house in the name of his parents, how does that spell trust for the wife, are you saying one sided trust can sustain a marriage?

HRHQueenPhil:
wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u

Really kneel down
Wonders shall never end
Best she should do is either put it in the kid's name or let him go
Abi u no born for am
Let him go

We learned everyday

Seriously i really want to understand something. The house in question was it a collective effort from the both of you or from you alone?. In any case i'll advice you change the name to Mr and Mrs whatever cos if you ever change it to solely his name trust me u might be shocked.

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Ur husband is mad

I grew increasingly irritated the longer I read your message. You are married to a child. He wanted to kick you AND the kids out. Where did he think you would have gone? Now he is insisting you transfer the property solely to him?

We have a stupid culture here that suppresses women in marriages. I'm all for marital bloods and harmony but if you were my sis, I would come over and help him park his bags. A man that will kick his ENTIRELY family out is not worth breaking a nail over.

Please note my reaction is based solely on your side of the story.

There is your side. His side. The truth.

adubiay:


One major problem we have in Africa is that we don't pay attention to details before we start saying rubbish, @op said she bought the LAND with her money in her name, but they BOTH contributed to build the house. I guess the husband never knew the land is in the wife's name when he was pumping his money into the project, that might have formed basis for his anger, though he is over reacting, pls madam don't scatter your marriage based on some advise here from children who are not married, admit you are wrong by putting only your name, and bring your husband back home. You have ego too, so ur caption here that your husband has ego is wrong.

Finally!!! Someone with an iota of sense. We all know that most times in Nigeria that it is men that spend most on the family expenses. In fact let me paint a better scenario of what is happening here. Husband and wife have a joint savings(possibly and probably the husband is even putting down way more because he earns more). Let's say husbands puts down 6 million as the head of the family and wife puts down 2 million. Who brings up the business idea?Possibly the husband or maybe the wife. Now they do the business and then make 3 million naira in profit. Note that the husband is still the one primarily spending on the family. Now the husband runs into financial crises and he also needs to help his family. He has also been the one taking care of the wife's family and paying rent and children school fees. So, because of this many expenses he can't embark on buying the land right now. He does what he has to do and spends his own agreed part of the money on his parents and family expenses. The wife doesnt agree with him spending so much on his parents (though she has not mentioned how much he has been spending on her own parents as a good in law and also living expenses like rent etc) The wife uses her own "part" (agreed part) of the interest from the investment in buying the land. Husband does not mind. After all, it is one family and one love. Husband keeps investing in the building project till its complete. because he believes Shebi it is family property. But Mrs owns the land and bought it in her name. Sneaky woman. Now they have an argument and out of annoyance husband tells her to leave only to discover that Mrs has sneakily had the entire property in her name all along. Husband is furious and feels cheated and betrayed. Who wouldn't be? Now Mrs is here on Nairaland asking if what she did was fair. You yourself do you think it is?? That is why I'm a supporter of sharing everything in marriage both interests and expenses based on how much each person has put in to the extent possible. Madam you know what to do. The name on the property shouldn't have been only in your name in the first place because it's a joint investment. You only solely paid for the land.

don't make the mistake of changing the house to his name o. his recent actions just shows the extent he can go...

Exactly.
You aren't wrong at all.

LewsTherin:


I both agree and disagree with this at the same time. Wierd, huh?

From the onset, yes. She should have made it a joint filing. I believe all property bought in a marriage should be jointly owned. Heck from the start, I would mot have “shared” the money in the first place. We would have used it jointly. That's what I do in my marriage. There is no his and her money. There is only our money. May be easier for me as we run a business together but hey, that's just me.

But seeing what has come out of this decision howbeit only from her side of the story, imagine what would have happened if the property was jointly owned. From the little I know, a Nigerian man can still kick his wife out of a house they jointly own. Tradition being stronger than law here. It will be said that even though both names are on the deed, he is still the husband and head of the house and still owns the house. Lawyers would be needed to untangle the mess.

I may be wrong but that's what I understand.

Pataricatering:
but you said nothing about the husband telling her to pack out ? Your advice is so biased and one sided ! She already said he did not want joint ownership - he wants to own the property solely but you are here saying she did not suggest it ! When she said clearly that she did and he refused ! Someone who listens to advice like yours will be a slave n her own home ! You did not say a word about a husband who was ready to throw his wife out simply because he thought the house was his ? I don’t know why some men think women are not human and therefore should be treated like animals ! I’m married and if my husband dares asks me to pack out I will burn that house down !

That's just the heat of the moment.
She has not really appease the man for disappointing him. She came here purposely because the man is seeking a transfer. She's scared! She knows what to do.

And that man seriously needs wisdom!

CSTR1005:

Why can't you and I ever agree on a topic?

Fundamental differences. It will probably never happen.

Unless the post is about food. And that’s a maybe

HEseesall:



Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

They are manipulating you!!! Don't fall for it. They would sit by and watch you gamble with the future of your children so they can be happy. They sat by and watched their son chase you out of your own house. The ball is in your court, think of your children first!!!

How come the op's husband don't know about the document since

sassysure:

I have been following your cat and dog fight anytime I'm online and I knew u like her very much
Yea,she is married with a kid and another on the way.

But,u love independent and sassy women so get one like her offline. They are actually softies and fun to be with. No bone except their sassy mouth.

Another on the way?

12inches1:

Finally!!! Someone with an iota of sense. We all know that most times in Nigeria that it is men that spend most on the family expenses. In fact let me paint a better scenario of what is happening here. Husband and wife have a joint savings(possibly and probably the husband is even putting down way more because he earns more). Let's say husbands puts down 6 million as the head of the family and wife puts down 2 million. Who brings up the business idea?Possibly the husband or maybe the wife. Now they do the business and then make 3 million naira in profit. Note that the husband is still the one primarily spending on the family. Now the husband runs into financial crises and he also needs to help his family. He has also been the one taking care of the wife's family and paying rent and children school fees. So, because of this many expenses he can't embark on buying the land right now. He does what he has to do and spends his own agreed part of the money on his parents and family expenses. The wife doesnt agree with him spending so much on his parents (though she has not mentioned how much he has been spending on her own parents as a good in law and also living expenses like rent etc) The wife uses her own "part" (agreed part) of the interest from the investment in buying the land. Husband does not mind. After all, it is one family and one love. Husband keeps investing in the building project till its complete. because he believes Shebi it is family property. But Mrs owns the land and bought it in her name. Sneaky woman. Now they have an argument and out of annoyance husband tells her to leave only to discover that Mrs has sneakily had the entire property in her name all along. Husband is furious and feels cheated and betrayed. Who wouldn't be? Now Mrs is here on Nairaland asking if what she did was fair. You yourself do you think it is?? That is why I'm a supporter of sharing everything in marriage both interests and expenses based on how much each person has put in to the extent possible. Madam you know what to do. The name on the property shouldn't have been only in your name in the first place because it's a joint investment. You only solely paid for the land.

You have a vivid imagination.

LewsTherin:


I both agree and disagree with this at the same time. Wierd, huh?

From the onset, yes. She should have made it a joint filing. I believe all property bought in a marriage should be jointly owned. Heck from the start, I would mot have “shared” the money in the first place. We would have used it jointly. That's what I do in my marriage. There is no his and her money. There is only our money. May be easier for me as we run a business together but hey, that's just me.

But seeing what has come out of this decision howbeit only from her side of the story, imagine what would have happened if the property was jointly owned. From the little I know, a Nigerian man can still kick his wife out of a house they jointly own. Tradition being stronger than law here. It will be said that even though both names are on the deed, he is still the husband and head of the house and still owns the house. Lawyers would be needed to untangle the mess.

I may be wrong but that's what I understand.

The only reason I won't be blaming you is simply because----you chose to and are reacting based entirely on what she submitted.

Having handled numerous family law cases, I can see the flaws in her submission and it's not difficult when you listen more to what she is not saying than what she chose to say. With due respect to her, she hasn't told us exactly what transpired.

However, let me draw your attention to likely possibilities which may also be close to her husband's version----supposing we get that.

1. The business was done with both of them contributing money together not as partners (two different people coming together for the purposes of a business venture) but as a family unit with a specific target----building a house. So, the total money realized belongs to the family as husband and wife. Nobody therefore has a separate share.

2. What this woman is referring to 'his own share for his family' was money both of them agreed to spend the way it was spent. I am sure you noticed when she said ""I had no problems with that". So it was expended on mutual consent. They made "so much" money than expected such that they could build the house and attend to other needs. The money was never shared in reality.

3. This man believed all along as "they" (you must gave observed also when she said they built the house together) were building the house that the document was probably in his name as the man of the family.

4. This woman knew she was wrong to have used only her name for a family property and so, she shielded the document away from the man. There is a huge possibility that she was more available than her husband to supervise the project and she used the advantage to manipulate the process.

I understand the man's anger sufficiently and I can tell you that this man has trusted his family all along until he realized this shocking development.

The man is feeling betrayed and I can tell you that this family CAN'T be the same again.

The foregoing notwithstanding, my advice to this woman is to NEVER change the document to ONLY the man's name. In fact that is even wrong in the first place. The property belongs to both of them (the family) as long as it was built during the period the are legally husband and wife, irrespective of who brought the money.

Lastly, it's a painful fact that this marriage has ended. They may or may not go the way of divorce but truly there is no marriage between them aside the marriage certificate.

They are already divorced and are only still together solely because of their children. Notice when the woman said "we have kids together".

Although I am making my submission based on her story and my observations as I haven't heard from the man for a balanced view. But if this man truly told her to "pack out of HIS house" then he is absolutely irresponsible and dangerously ignorant, no matter the provocation. The house (in a marriage) belongs to both of them equally.

So, this woman should begin to prepare herself to be able to live without the man because that is an inevitable reality-----sooner or later but definitely.

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

@op if it was ur own parents that was sick and needed money to be flown abroad, it means you never took your husband parents has ur own, your husband mind and head was occupied with his parents sickness, he had an agreement with you to buy land so that you guys can build it together, yet you went ahead to buy it in ur own name alone, selfishness. He trusted you, that's why he never bother to ask for the documents , and u also hid it from him all tru the process of building because you want to owns the house alone yet you went ahead to buy it in ur own name alone, selfishness. You are already planning for divorce, that's why u did what u did, and the man is ready to grant you your wish, why coming here to make us think ur husband is wicked , no man in this circumstance will be happy with you. You messed up big time. Ask for forgiveness or you loose your man. If you like listen to all this single children talking trash here. In a year time, you will be tired leaving in the house alone

Go and sit down.

divinelove:


In Godly marriage that I believe in, the woman is under the man, infact she must submit to the man. Submission is more than respect it's only below the word worship. Marriage is not a partnership par say because the man has the final say on all issues in the union. He is the head of the union.

The word husband literally means "Master" most ppl don't know dt.

The maker of marriage also gave us the manual for it and it is called holy Bible.

The holy Bible is not there to please any one it is the eternal and timeless word of God.

If you don't wanna submit to a man then don't marry, marriage is a place of submission to the will of your husband.

When a lady says she is looking for a husband what she is saying without knowing it is that she is looking for a Master

12inches1:

Finally!!! Someone with an iota of sense. We all know that most times in Nigeria that it is men that spend most on the family expenses. In fact let me paint a better scenario of what is happening here. Husband and wife have a joint savings(possibly and probably the husband is even putting down way more because he earns more). Let's say husbands puts down 6 million as the head of the family and wife puts down 2 million. Who brings up the business idea?Possibly the husband or maybe the wife. Now they do the business and then make 3 million naira in profit. Note that the husband is still the one primarily spending on the family. Now the husband runs into financial crises and he also needs to help his family. He has also been the one taking care of the wife's family and paying rent and children school fees. So, because of this many expenses he can't embark on buying the land right now. He does what he has to do and spends his own agreed part of the money on his parents and family expenses. The wife doesnt agree with him spending so much on his parents (though she has not mentioned how much he has been spending on her own parents as a good in law and also living expenses like rent etc) The wife uses her own "part" (agreed part) of the interest from the investment in buying the land. Husband does not mind. After all, it is one family and one love. Husband keeps investing in the building project till its complete. because he believes Shebi it is family property. But Mrs owns the land and bought it in her name. Sneaky woman. Now they have an argument and out of annoyance husband tells her to leave only to discover that Mrs has sneakily had the entire property in her name all along. Husband is furious and feels cheated and betrayed. Who wouldn't be? Now Mrs is here on Nairaland asking if what she did was fair. You yourself do you think it is?? That is why I'm a supporter of sharing everything in marriage both interests and expenses based on how much each person has put in to the extent possible. Madam you know what to do. The name on the property shouldn't have been only in your name in the first place because it's a joint investment. You only solely paid for the land.

I agree with you totally.

adubiay:


@op if it was ur own parents that was sick and needed money to be flown abroad, it means you never took your husband parents has ur own, your husband mind and head was occupied with his parents sickness, he had an agreement with you to buy land so that you guys can build it together, yet you went ahead to buy it in ur own name alone, selfishness. He trusted you, that's why he never bother to ask for the documents , and u also hid it from him all tru the process of building because you want to owns the house alone yet you went ahead to buy it in ur own name alone, selfishness. You are already planning for divorce, that's why u did what u did, and the man is ready to grant you your wish, why coming here to make us think ur husband is wicked , no man in this circumstance will be happy with you. You messed up big time. Ask for forgiveness or you loose your man. If you like listen to all this single children talking trash here. In a year time, you will be tired leaving in the house alone

Don't mind her. Greed and selfishness is evident in what she has posted. You think it's everyone on Nairaland that is Indomie generation and doesn't understand the full scope of what is being posted? So if it was her own parents she wouldn't treat them abi?

.

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

Help me ask them. After they start shouting that men are trash but they are the main enablers of the men's atrocious behaviour.

HEseesall:



Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

Having gone through this thread this is what I can deduce:

1. You and Your husband did business.

(You failed to say many percent much each person contributed to the business and the sharing percentage.)

2. Your husband's dad had ailment and some family issues, he used his own "share" (according to you) to take care of his family's pressing needs, which you FULLY agreed with him.

(You failed to say that your husband has been also taking Care of your family. You also failed to say how much he gave your family from his alleged share)

3. You used your own "share" to buy a land property and your husband added his money to build it to a house.

4. You made the property in YOUR NAME without informing your husband, how much is a land? How much does it cost to build a house on a land?

(Without informing him? Isn't this treachery?)

5. On a heated argument he asked you to leave (which he might not have meant) only for you to tell him that the house is in your name not his.

Meanwhile, he's the one working hard to taking care of the family and his money built the house.

6. You expect him to be happy?


My Dear, if I were your husband I'll move out of the house and rent a smaller apartment without even asking you to change the name to mine. Keep the house to yourself.


I put it to you that you are concealing the truth

I am 600% certain that his own version will be different!

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

Madam, whether both of you continue to stay together or not, this union is badly damaged and almost irretrievably so.

So, in your best interest, start making plans on how to live without your husband.

And I must advise you to be careful with changing the document because you may regret it later. Don't even contemplate changing it "to restore peace in the family" because peace is extremely expensive in your marriage henceforth.

you better let that lazy man go, don't change sh*t. he wants a house in his name he's free to go out and acquire one.

7Alexander:
Reading through the comments here, I've come to the conclusion that most nairalanders are unintelligent, people who do not read, or read to criticise and not to understand.

The woman has said severally that what she bought was the land, while the house was a jointly built. Most of yall are already calling the man a thief who wants to reap where he didn't sow

very irritating. many people can't logically comprehend and analyze issues properly.. especially women on this thread.

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

WTF is wrong with you?

Why are dudes in Naija foolish like this?
When you think of women as subhuman, why will they not deal with you when they come to obodo oyinbo?

Women bend over for the men in their lives out of fear and men think it's out of respect and admiration.

Why are some men so obsessed with claiming the role of God?

Martinez19:
lol. The husband might have partly built the house but why is he looking for full ownership of the house? why try to reap where you didn't sow? Husband that can send his wife out of the house over a major disagreement is not the type that shares.

God.. in the same comment you said "might have partly built the house " and then you concluded by saying " reap where he did not sow "..

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

No sensible person will kick his KIDS out of his so called house because he wants to punish his wife.
You tolerate too much.

The way you are doing it's like your conscience is cutting you. Are those his kids?