This might sounds insane to many people but that's the pure truth,,my family life is at the brink(divorced but not yet legal)

as am typing this, i'm in deep confusion and pain.
It started some years back, my wife started going to this church (name withheld) that one of her friends invited her to join, at first i really don't care cause women(or girls)of nowadays can't be controlled cause of this equality bull.shit.

Now it's affecting me and i can't cope again,Monday to Sunday now it's one programme after anoder,,night vigil,special prayers and all.

Sometimes I eat late in the night,she would'nt return on time to prepare dinner,no time to have normal and enjoyable s€x with my spouse,she is always busy with church activities

I've complained several times and she will always promise to change,all to no avail,i even asked her never to attend dat church again,next ting i know their pastor was at mah door step begging me to retract my decision that evriting will change..(noting changes,it's even worse)

So,since i can't make her to desist from goin to the said church,i actually commot her from my house,since dat church is affecting her business also,she does'nt have time for shop again..

The main reason i wrote all dat sermon is dat,was i wrong in anyway? Cause i'm feeling guilty rite now and dats wots causing d pain in mah heart

ignore all typo and just try to get my point,,,PLEASE HELP A BRODER AM REALLY CONFUSED...tnx in advance

Your wife is not submissive. She doesn't read her bible ... Because the bible charges wives to be submissive to their husbands and not to deny them their bodies.




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It is supposed to have a positive effect. If it isn't, then leave and find a Church that fulfills your spiritual needs.

i hate women that cant respect her husband same way she respects her pastor, religion have caused more harm that good in the marriage institution. my brother don't feel guilty you did the right thing, there is always time for everything.
if she feels remorseful and is willing to change positively do take her back.

dingbang:
Your wife is not submissive. She doesn't read her bible ... Because the bible charges wives to be submissive to their husbands and not to deny them their bodies.

HajimeSaito:
It is supposed to have a positive effect. If it isn't, then leave and find a Church that fulfills your spiritual needs.

that is wot i tot,bt it's having a negative effect on me

SUPERPACK:
i hate women that cant respect her husband same way she respects her pastor, religion have caused more harm that good in the marriage institution. my brother don't feel guilty you did the right thing, there is always time for everything.
if she feels remorseful and is willing to change positively do take her back.

hmmm...did d rite tin,,guess i aint wrung after all,,,tnx

daveson07:
hmmm...did d rite tin,,guess i aint wrung after all,,,tnx

how old is the marriage?
do you have children already?.

Your wife needs to ask her self certain questions.

Then I'm surprised that as a couple, you don't attend the same church. The man is the head of the family altar, it is obvious your family didn't have one, so your wife is taking the bull by the horn and has become over zealous.

You are ti blame for it. But it is not enough to put your wife away, schedule an appointment with her pastor and explain how your wife's over zealousness is affecting your marriage, then talk to your wife. Make her understand her priority is her home, unless she's not ready to be married.

You two should look for a good church you both can attend and grow spiritually, cause it looks like you're lagging behind spiritually.

Truth is, your wife is disregarding her duty as a wife to submit, but make yourself a man that is worth submitting to. You have to be able to lead her in all aspect, including spiritually.

I wish you well.

First I will take this from a Christian's point of view.
Second I will assume what the OP posted is the whole story.

Your duties to God begin from those immediately around you. This means husband/wife and children first. IN THAT ORDER. Anyone doing “church“ or ministry work to the detriment or family and secular work is not working for God.

I remember a testimony from my youth. The lady was always at the church early in the morning everyday to clean up before she leaves for her paid employment. As a result she always got to work sometime after 9am. One morning while cleaning she heard a voice from God asking what time it was. It was well after 8am. God asked her what time her office was open and when she was to resume. She said 8 am. God asked what she was doing in church. He took no pleasure in her service.

It is very easy for people to make their churches into emotional crutches and fail to see the damage they are causing in their secular lives. Even the bible admits that we are IN this world and so should render to Ceaser what is his.

Also realise that there are church leaders who like to make a cult following for themselves, where everything about the lives of their members is tied to them. I fear your wife is in such a setting.

Breaking someone out of a cult is an extremely difficult thing. You can Google and see what steps can fit your situation. But know one thing. Agressive displays of anger will drive her further into that cult mentality and further away from you.

But how did your wife get to become a member of a church you are not a part of? Did you have a church you were both committed to when you got married?

SUPERPACK:
how old is the marriage? do you have children already?.

seven years and one lovely child(daughter)

daveson07:
seven years and one lovely child(daughter)

it might be the search for a male child that drove her to that church, is she under pressure from your family?. because it is common here in enugu, that a woman without a male child have nt started.

SUPERPACK:
it might be the search for a male child that drove her to that church, is she under pressure from your family?. because it is common here in enugu, that a woman without a male child have nt started.

no no no,not at all,,we agreed between ourselves dat we won't hav any child for now

daveson07:
no no no,not at all,,we agreed between ourselves dat we won't hav any child for now

ok, try to involve her family members, maybe she might listen to their advice.

LewsTherin:
First I will take this from a Christian's point of view.
Second I will assume what the OP posted is the whole story.

Your duties to God begin from those immediately around you. This means husband/wife and children first. IN THAT ORDER. Anyone doing “church“ or ministry work to the detriment or family and secular work is not working for God.

I remember a testimony from my youth. The lady was always at the church early in the morning everyday to clean up before she leaves for her paid employment. As a result she always got to work sometime after 9am. One morning while cleaning she heard a voice from God asking what time it was. It was well after 8am. God asked her what time her office was open and when she was to resume. She said 8 am. God asked what she was doing in church. He took no pleasure in her service.

It is very easy for people to make their churches into emotional crutches and fail to see the damage they are causing in their secular lives. Even the bible admits that we are IN this world and so should render to Ceaser what is his.

Also realise that there are church leaders who like to make a cult following for themselves, where everything about the lives of their members is tied to them. I fear your wife is in such a setting.

Breaking someone out of a cult is an extremely difficult thing. You can Google and see what steps can fit your situation. But know one thing. Agressive displays of anger will drive her further into that cult mentality and further away from you.

But how did your wife get to become a member of a church you are not a part of? Did you have a church you were both committed to when you got married?

we had a church we both attends, she was invited to dis one I cudn't possibly say no,,, dats how it started gradually

SUPERPACK:
ok, try to involve her family members, maybe she might listen to their advice.

she is not with me rite now and her family and i ain't dat close, am only close to his father nd he is a business man he isn't around

kennygee:
Your wife needs to ask her self certain questions.

Then I'm surprised that as a couple, you don't attend the same church. The man is the head of the family altar, it is obvious your family didn't have one, so your wife is taking the bull by the horn and has become over zealous.

You are ti blame for it. But it is not enough to put your wife away, schedule an appointment with her pastor and explain how your wife's over zealousness is affecting your marriage, then talk to your wife. Make her understand her priority is her home, unless she's not ready to be married.

You two should look for a good church you both can attend and grow spiritually, cause it looks like you're lagging behind spiritually.

Truth is, your wife is disregarding her duty as a wife to submit, but make yourself a man that is worth submitting to. You have to be able to lead her in all aspect, including spiritually.

I wish you well.

tnx a lot

There was a leak/absence in proper communication
Sit her down and ask her WHY , then you would know HOW to resolve the problem

Your wife is carrying the church on her head at the expense of her family.

Can't any family member call her to order?

Your wife may be sleeping with the supposed "Pastor" of the Church.

Its wrong of you to divorce her,after marriage lots of things comes up at different point to put a division between the two people involved,the difference between matured people and kids in marriage is ability to weather the storm. Take for example,in your journey of life we encounter so much problems,but we always maneuver and avoid quitting by committing suicide. Your wife wasn't sensible enough to manage her spiritual life and her home front which is the main thing,but you as a husband ought to have controlled the situation, you would have stood your grounds in keeping her away from the church,that church isn't Gods church because God respects the home front more than Every other thing. You should have thought of another means of controlling the situation and disciplining your wife. Divorce isn't the answer.

prettysassygirl:
Its wrong of you to divorce her,after marriage lots of things comes up at different point to put a division between the two people involved,the difference between matured people and kids in marriage is ability to weather the storm. Take for example,in your journey of life we encounter so much problems,but we always maneuver and avoid quitting by committing suicide. Your wife wasn't sensible enough to manage her spiritual life and her home front which is the main thing,but you as a husband ought to have controlled the situation, you would have stood your grounds in keeping her away from the church,that church isn't Gods church because God respects the home front more than Every other thing. You should have thought of another means of controlling the situation and disciplining your wife. Divorce isn't the answer.

the first paragraph states divorce bt nt Legal.

daveson07:
the first paragraph states divorce bt nt Legal.

Then don't make it legal,find alternatives in handling this issue. Man up and control your home.

prettysassygirl:
You should have thought of another means of controlling the situation and disciplining your wife.

wives(or women) are not meant to be controlled or disciplined,dey hav to submit on dere own free will,,datz how marriages can be enjoyed...

prettysassygirl:

Then don't make it legal,find alternatives in handling this issue. Man up and control your home.

it's not normal to be a controlling frea.k

daveson07:
it's not normal to be a controlling frea.k

Did I ask u to be a controlling freak? Making decisions now as the man of the house makes one a controlling freak?? Jeez,I guess you are weak and that's y she doesn't respect u,I won't if I were married to u, moderation is the best way to approach life,don't be a wife beater and a controlling freak and don't be a weakling.simple.

prettysassygirl:

Did I ask u to be a controlling freak? Making decisions now as the man of the house makes one a controlling freak?? Jeez,I guess you are weak and that's y she doesn't respect u,I won't if I were married to u, moderation is the best way to approach life,don't be a wife beater and a controlling freak and don't be a weakling.simple.

ok. Quick question,,if u ask someone several times to stop doing somtin u don't like,nd dat sum1 promise nt to do it again nd yet he/she never quits doin it,,wots d next line of action?,cause am really confused

daveson07:
ok. Quick question,,if u ask someone several times to stop doing somtin u don't like,nd dat sum1 promise nt to do it again nd yet he/she never quits doin it,,wots d next line of action?,cause am really confused

First of all,pray about the situation on ground,let God lead and direct you to the beat line of action. Am sure there is someone else your wife fears apart from her manipulative pastor,tell the person about it and ask the person to talk to your wife. From what u wrote above,u banned your wife from going to the church and the pastor came begging you,this time around I suggest you ban her again and if the pastor comes begging again,u tell him a piece of your mind and tell him there is no going back on your decisions. The most important thing is to pray,religion is a thing of the mind and it really has strong effects on people. If she is being manipulated spiritually, prayer comes in to break d bondage,and gives you wisdom on the best course of action to take. I really hope you don't want her to stop church permanently cos that won't work,I even forgot to ask u,what u should be after is taking her to the right church where Jesus is worshipped in spirit and in truth.

prettysassygirl:

First of all,pray about the situation on ground,let God lead and direct you to the beat line of action. Am sure there is someone else your wife fears apart from her manipulative pastor,tell the person about it and ask the person to talk to your wife. From what u wrote above,u banned your wife from going to the church and the pastor came begging you,this time around I suggest you ban her again and if the pastor comes begging again,u tell him a piece of your mind and tell him there is no going back on your decisions. The most important thing is to pray,religion is a thing of the mind and it really has strong effects on people. If she is being manipulated spiritually, prayer comes in to break d bondage,and gives you wisdom on the best course of action to take. I really hope you don't want her to stop church permanently cos that won't work,I even forgot to ask u,what u should be after is taking her to the right church where Jesus is worshipped in spirit and in truth.

tnx a lot

Hian!

You did the right thing. Which kind wahala be this? Even my pastor says everything in excess is actually nonsense. People tend to hide under the overzealous religious umbrella when they are tired of something. Your wife is definitely tired of being married to you. Whew!

divorce her

According to you "at first i really don't care cause women(or girls)of nowadays can't be controlled cause of this equality bull.poo." This simply means that you're not in charge of your home. You failed yourself. Egalitarianism doesn't negate leadership (I didn't say dictatorship), just as self-dominion (liberty) doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness - don't justify your act of cowardice. Literally, there's no family (healthy marriage) where there's no oneness and, of course, oneness can only be achieved where there's shared mutual ethical leanings by the household.

Don't divorce your wife (at least not yet), instead work towards achieving self-realization as a man and head of the family. When you achieve this feat you will automatically start living life on principle (both in words and actions) - since you seem to value goodness - rather than on expediency, then at this point call your wife to order to choose between either both of you walking on the same footsteps or separation/divorcement. Subjugation is bad but cowardice is worse, choose conscientiousness. Prove yourself as a leader and you will see how your wife will effortlessly and volitionally follow you - unless she's insane or does't believe in the marriage any more. However, if she proves to be insane, take her to a psychiatric hospital. And if she doesn't believe in the marriage any more divorce her.

I'm perplexed that you're seeking divorce because her church activities are interfering with your family life. Both of you should be able to work this out like two reasonable adults! There's probably more to this or there're other issues on the table.